0 


BERTRAND  SMITHS 
ACRES 

140  PACH'.'C  AVENUE 
CM.  CAUF- 


cC/A<x 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


Where  the  pines  began,  there  was  a  small  house  of  stone 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


With  Illustrations 
BY  LESTER  G.  HORNBY 


Boston  and  New  York 

Houghton  Mifflin  Company 

$&*  fiftrrsiDe  pnft  Cambridge 

1917 


COPYRIGHT,    1914,   BY  O.  r.   PUTNAM'S  SONS 
COPYRIGHT,  1917,  BY  HOUGHTON   M1FFLIN  COMPANY 

ALL  RIGHTS  RXSERVXD 


URL 
SRLF, 


5141641 


TO 

D.  J.   B. 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

PIERROT  AND  HIS  MOTHER  Half-title 

WHERE  THE  PINES  BEGAN,  THERE  WAS  A  SMALL 
HOUSE  OF  STONE  (p.  161)  Frontispiece 

BEAULIEU  i 

WE     LIVED    IN    THE    COTTAGE    OF    JfiAN    LACROIX, 

WHICH  IS  ON  THE  SHORE  OF  THE  SEA  2 

DOCTOR  JAMBEAU,  WHO  WAS  A  VERY  GREAT  DOCTOR  4 

THE  CORNER  NEAR  THE  BAKESHOP,  WHERE  LUCILLE 

CORBEAU  LIVED  12 

JEAN  LACROIX  22 

THE  ROAD  TO  VlLLEFRANCHE  32 

THE  SEA-SHORE  33 

WITH  THE  COMPLIMENTS  OF  J.  R.  M.  34 

MADAME  LACROIX  50 

MOST  OF  THEM  WERE  ONE-SOU  PIECES  53 

I  LOOKED  AT  THE  SUN  SHINING  UPON  THE  TREES 

AND  THE  HOUSES  AND  THE  WATER  68 

THE  FIRST  TIME  MY  PlERROT  EVER  RODE  IN  AN 

AUTOMOBILE  73 

MONSIEUR  JACK  MARTIN  80 

I  LIKED  TO  WALK  WITH  PlERROT  IN  THE  GARDEN  88 


viii  Illustrations 

IN  THE  GARDEN  OF  THE  VlLLA  CORNICE  $O 

PIERROT'S  MAIL  100 

SPORT  i 20 

HE  HAD  HUNG  COVERINGS  SO  THAT  NO  LIGHT  COULD 

ESCAPE  1 39 

G ASTON  BATTAILLE  140 

THE  TOWN  OF  EZE  152 

WE    CAME    TO    A    VILLAGE    ON     THE     TOP     OF     THE 

MOUNTAIN  l62 

WE  ATE  OUR  DINNER  TOGETHER  165 

GRANDMOTHER  BATTAILLE  176 

HERE  EVERYONE  LIVED  AS  THEY  LIVED  MANY  YEARS 
AGO  178 

H£    SANG  AGAIN   AND    LISTENED   WHILE  AGAIN   MY 

PIERROT  MOCKED  HIM  189 

WE  BOILED  COFFEE  1 90 

BORROWED  FROM  THE  BAKESHOP  197 

GASTON  WOUNDED  198 

THE  GREAT  CORNICE  ROAD  202 

"To  THE  MOTHER  OF  PlERROT  "  221 

SlX  MONTHS  OLD  228 

THE  BROAD  SKY  OVERHEAD  AND  THE  FLOWERS  AND 
THE  BIRDS  AND  THE  LONG  CORNICE  ROAD  288 

MONACO  292 


Illustrations  ix 

THE  HOLE  WHERE  THE  WOLVES  LIVE  IN  THE  MOUN- 
TAINS 306 

PIERROT  AND  I  AND  LUCILLE  AND  GASTON  SAT  ON 

THE  SHORE  OF  THE  SEA  323 

THE  SOUND  OF  THE  WAVES  CREEPING  UP  AND  CREEP- 
ING BACK  ALWAYS  MADE  ME  THINK  OF  PlERRE  324 

WHEN  THE  SUN  CAME  UP  THE  NEXT  MORNING,  MY 

PIERROT  WAS  GONE  35 1 

HlS  PLAYTHINGS  355 

PIERROT  WAS  GONE  358 

LITTLE  SHOES  361 

IN  APRIL  362 

A  ROSE  WHICH  GASTON  PLUCKS  FOR  ME  364 

From  drawings  by  Lester  G.  Hornby 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


CHAPTER  I 

WHEN  I  heard  the  first  cry  of  my  Pierrot,  my 
heart  stood  still.  I  remember  it  well,  for 
who  could  forget  so  wonderful  a  thing?  A  minute 
before  that,  I  was  alone  and  praying  the  good 
Christ  to  permit  me  to  die  and  join  Pierre.  It 
was  six  months  since  He  had  taken  Pierre  from 
me.  We  had  come  to  this  town  of  Beaulieu  so 
that  Pierre  could  work  in  the  big  rose  garden 
of  Monsieur  Angoul.  Pierre  knew  all  about  the 
growing  of  roses.  We  lived  in  the  cottage  of  Jean 
Lacroix,  which  is  on  the  shore  of  the  sea — the  big 
blue  Mediterranean,  and  on  a  clear  day  we  could 
look  across  the  water  to  the  island  of  Corsica. 
Our  room  was  upstairs  on  the  side  nearest  the  sea, 
so  that  we  heard  the  waves  on  the  shore  all  night 
long.  It  was  here  that  Pierre  died  after  we  had 
been  married  only  four  months.  He  died  in  the 
night,  and  he  held  my  hand,  and  we  listened  to  the 
waves.  It  was  just  like  this  that  we  slept  always 
and  it  was  just  like  this  that  he  died,  holding  my 


2  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

hand  as  tight  as  he  could.  We  had  been  married 
only  four  months.  In  Paris  in  the  month  of  April 
we  were  married,  and  he  died  in  the  month  of 
August  holding  my  hand  tight.  After  that  it  was 
very  hard  for  me  to  live. 

I  was  a  stranger  and  there  was  not  much  work 
for  me  to  do.  Some  people  did  not  like  it  because 
they  thought  Pierre  had  caused  Monsieur  Angoul 
to  discharge  two  men  of  the  town  who  worked  for 
him,  but  Pierre  really  had  nothing  to  do  about 
that.  He  told  me  this  before  he  died.  But  even 
if  I  had  no  friends,  it  was  necessary  to  remain, 
because  I  had  no  money  and  because  I  had  no- 
where else  to  go.  There  was  the  father  of  Pierre, 
but  he  was  poor  and  my  own  father  and  mother 
were  dead.  I  do  not  know  what  I  should  have 
done  if  I  had  not  found  work  with  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  the  American  artist,  who  permitted  me  to 
scrub  the  floors  and  clean  the  windows  in  his  villa. 
He  was  a  very  sad  man  and  a  very  rich  man  and 
he  paid  me  ten  francs  a  week.  But  I  had  many 
things  to  buy  and  much  sewing  to  do,  and  the  rent 
of  the  room  where  Pierre  and  I  lived  was  four 
francs  a  week.  Madame  Lacroix  said  I  should 
give  up  my  room  and  go  to  the  hospital,  but  I 
thought  if  I  did  that,  I  should  lose  my  mind. 
Madame  Lacroix  said  I  was  a  little  fool  and  de- 
serving pity  of  no  one  and  so  did  everyone  else 
except  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  He  never  scolded 
me  though  I  do  not  understand  it,  for  he  scolded 
everyone  else.  I  told  him  nothing,  but  the  day 


We  lived  in  the  cottage  of  'Jean  Lacroix,  which  is  on  the 
shore  of  the  sea 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  3 

before  Pierrot  was  born  he  came  to  the  house  to 
find  me,  and  when  Madame  Lacroix  told  him  how 
it  was  with  me,  he  sent  to  me  Doctor  Jambeau, 
who  was  a  very  great  doctor. 

At  the  beginning  I  did  not  like  Doctor  Jambeau 
because  he  tried  to  make  me  live  and  I  did  not 
wish  to  live.  Until  I  heard  that  little  cry  in  the 
dark,  I  prayed  as  hard  as  I  could  for  the  good 
Christ  to  permit  me  to  die.  It  was  in  the  night  and 
I  heard  the  waves  crawling  up  the  shore  as  if  they 
were  sobbing  and  then  crawling  back  again  as  if 
they  were  sighing,  and  I  thought  of  Pierre  and 
did  not  wish  to  be  alone.  It  is  terrible  to  be  alone. 
Then  I  heard  the  cry  of  Pierrot  and  I  was  not 
alone  any  more. 

Mon  Dieu — how  can  I  tell  all  I  felt?  There 
was  so  much  and  it  came  so  quickly  that  it  makes 
me  hold  my  breath  even  now  to  think  of  it.  One 
minute  I  was  trying  as  hard  as  I  could  to  die  and 
the  next  minute  I  was  trying  as  hard  as  I  could  to 
live.  One  minute  I  was  beating  the  good  Doctor 
Jambeau  with  my  hands  and  the  next  minute  I 
was  holding  him  by  the  sleeve  because  I  was 
afraid  he  would  go  away.  I  hear  his  big,  deep 
voice  now. 

"Quiet,  Madame." 

Then  it  was  just  a  few  minutes  later  that  I 
heard  him  say : 

"It  is  a  boy,  Madame." 

That  very  second  the  call  of  Pierrot  to  me  cut 
into  my  sick  heart  like  a  knife  and  let  out  all  the 


4  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

bitterness,  and  I  was  laughing  and  crying  all  at 
once.  I  remember  how  I  laughed  and  how  I 
cried,  and  it  was  the  same  thing.  On  the  shore 
in  the  dark  under  my  windows  the  waves  were 
laughing  too  and  crying  too,  and  it  was  the  same 
thing.  I  remember  how  I  thought  it  was  not 
Pierrot  who  was  being  born  but  myself.  I  felt 
new  all  over — so  new  that  I  ached.  I  thought 
Pierre  was  in  the  room  with  me.  He  kissed  my 
lips.  I  thought  the  good  Christ  was  in  the  room 
with  me  and  placed  His  hand  upon  my  head.  I 
looked  to  see  if  Doctor  Jambeau  saw  Him  too, 
but  he  was  looking  at  my  Pierrot.  So  I  said: 

"  If  you  please,  may  I  not  see  my  baby  ?  " 

"Have  patience,"  he  said. 

A  little  later  he  sat  in  the  corner  of  the  room  with 
my  baby  in  his  lap.  I  tried  to  rise  to  my  elbow  and 
see,  but  I  could  not. 

11  Have  a  care  not  to  drop  him, "  I  said. 

"I  will  do  what  I  can, "  he  said.  "But  I  never 
saw  such  a  man  of  a  baby. " 

Then  for  the  second  time  Pierrot  cried.  He 
cried  for  me,  knowing  my  voice  even  then. 

"He  wishes  his  mother,"  I  said.  "Give  him 
to  me. " 

"Patience,"  he  answered.  "If  I  mistake  not, 
you  will  have  all  you  wish  of  him  after  I  have 
finished. " 

He  said  that.  Doctor  Jambeau,  who  should 
know  better,  said  that.  I  fell  back  on  the  pillow 
and  held  one  hand  with  the  other  trying  hard  to 


Dr.  Jambeau,  who  was  a  very  great  doctor 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  5 

be  patient.  You  understand  I  had  never  seen 
my  baby.  And  for  almost  a  half -hour  I  did  not 
see  my  baby.  I  do  not  know  even  to-day  what 
kept  me  in  my  bed.  It  was  only  because  I  was 
so  dizzy,  I  think.  After  being  born  into  a  new 
world,  a  little  time  is  necessary  in  which  to  become 
steady.  But  when  Pierrot  cried  for  me  again,  I 
said  to  Doctor  Jambeau: 

"I  am  going  to  rise.  You  do  not  know  how  to 
put  on  his  little  clothes." 

"It  is  not  possible  in  a  minute  to  put  clothes 
upon  an  eel, "  he  said. 

"You  must  not  call  my  baby  by  such  names, "  I 
said.  He  laughed  at  this.  I  remember  how  he 
laughed,  and  I  see  now  myself  that  I  was  very 
silly.  But  I  am  telling  things  just  as  they  hap- 
pened— every  little  thing  from  the  minute  Pierrot 
came.  .1  wish  to  remember  the  silly  things  and 
the  wise  things,  the  little  things  and  the  big  things. 
I  do  not  always  know  which  are  which,  so  I  put 
down  everything. 

When  I  heard  Doctor  Jambeau  rise  from  his 
chair  to  bring  my  baby  to  me,  my  heart  stood  still 
once  again.  I  closed  my  eyes.  I  heard  the  doctor 
come  nearer  and  nearer  and  then  he  was  by  my 
side. 

"Helas!  "  he  cried.  "How  do  you  expect  to 
see  your  baby  with  your  eyes  tight  closed?" 

I  tried  to  catch  my  breath,  which  had  left  me. 
I  could  not  speak.  All  that  it  was  possible  for  me 
to  do  was  to  hold  out  my  arms.  Then  he  placed 


6  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Pierrot  on  my  breast  and  I  folded  my  arms  around 
my  baby.  I  remember  how  all  the  ache  went  out 
of  me.  Until  then  my  chest  had  felt  hollow  but 
the  moment  the  blankets  around  Pierrot  touched 
me,  the  hollowness  went.  It  was  as  if  Doctor 
Jambeau  had  been  holding  my  heart  in  his  hands 
and  had  now  put  it  back. 

Oh,  I  shall  never  forget  the  fulness  of  my  heart 
and  my  soul  as  I  felt  Pierrot  in  my  arms  for  the 
first  time!  It  was  as  if  I  held  the  whole  of  the 
blue  sea — the  whole  of  the  blue  sea  and  the  whole 
of  the  blue  sky  and  the  whole  of  the  sunshiny 
shore  as  far  as  one  can  see  or  think.  All  I  saw  of 
Pierrot  was  the  top  of  his  downy  head,  which  was 
so  tender  I  could  watch  his  heart  beat  there.  I 
kissed  that  place  as  lightly  as  I  could,  just  touching 
it  with  my  lips,  for  it  was  very  soft.  His  heart 
kissed  me  back.  It  was  the  first  time  I  had  been 
kissed  since  Pierre  died.  It  was  so  wonderful  it 
made  my  throat  ache.  His  head  smelled  like  a  rose- 
leaf.  From  the  very  beginning  my  Pierrot  was  won- 
derful and  beautiful — like  a  rosebud  with  a  heart. 
He  slept  without  moving  and  I  felt  him  through 
the  blankets.  I  heard  him  breathe — quick,  short 
breaths,  as  though  he  had  been  long  running  to 
reach  me.  He  breathed  four  breaths  to  my  one. 

Before  Doctor  Jambeau  left  he  stood  before  me 
with  a  frown  above  his  beard  and  his  ringer  held 
out  stiff. 

"  He  is  to  sleep  and  you  are  to  sleep — that  is  all." 
he  told  me. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  7 

"My  son  shall  sleep, "  I  said.  "As  for  me,  I 
must  watch.  Perhaps  he  will  be  hungry. " 

"Bah!"  he  told  me  in  a  voice  that  frightened 
me.  "You  mothers  are  little  fools — all  of  you. 
That  baby  will  not  need  anything  to  eat  for  twenty- 
four  hours.  He  would  not  starve  if  he  did  not 
have  anything  to  eat  for  two  days.  You  are  the 
one  to  eat.  Monsieur  Martin  has  given  orders  to 
Madame  Lacroix  here  to  serve  you  and  give  you 
what  is  necessary.  I  will  tell  her  what  to  do. " 

" Monsieur  Jack  Martin  has  done  that?"  I  said. 

1 '  Yes, ' '  Doctor  Jambeau  told  me.  ' '  Now  mind ; 
no  talking,  no  thinking." 

"You  will  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  how 
much " 

But  he  would  not  listen  and  went  out  and  left 
me  alone  with  Pierrot. 

He  left  me  alone  with  Pierrot,  and  the  moment 
the  door  closed  behind  him  it  was  as  if  he  had  left 
me  alone  to  guard  the  world.  My  Pierrot  was  so 
gentle,  so  small,  so  newly-come  that  I  was  afraid 
to  move.  I  put  my  ear  close  down  beside  him  so 
that  I  could  hear  every  breath.  I  wondered  if  he 
had  air  enough  and  if  he  had  too  much  air.  Every 
time  the  salt  breeze  from  the  sea  moved  the  cur- 
tains, I  put  up  my  hand  to  warn  it  away  from 
Pierrot.  I  remember  how  quiet  it  was.  I  thought 
the  whole  world  had  stopped  so  that  Pierrot  might 
sleep.  That  hour  before  the  dawn  was  like  a 
great  prayer  and  I  prayed  too,  but  never  as  I 
prayed  before.  I  did  not  pray  for  myself;  I 


8  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

prayed  for  Pierrot.  I  prayed  for  the  year  to  come 
and  the  year  after  that,  and  the  year  after  that, 
until  before  I  was  done  he  had  grown  into  a  big 
man.  And  always  the  waves  rolled  up  and  rolled 
back  again  as  though  singing  to  Pierrot.  Outside 
it  was  like  a  big  church  and  inside  it  was  like  a 
shrine.  Only  sometimes  it  made  me  ache  to 
think  that  I  was  all  alone  here  guarding  the  world. 
It  was  always  so  when  Pierrot  slept. 

Then  I  fell  asleep  myself.  When  I  woke  up, 
it  was  broad  daylight  and  Madame  Lacroix  was 
in  the  room.  At  first  I  did  not  understand  why 
she  was  there,  and  then  I  pulled  off  the  blanket 
to  see  if  Pierrot  still  breathed.  God  be  praised,  he 
still  breathed!  He  moved  and  gave  a  little  cry, 
and  I  held  up  my  finger  to  Madame  Lacroix  and 
patted  the  blankets.  But  she  said  I  must  drink 
some  broth  and  she  would  take  the  baby.  I  put 
my  arms  around  Pierrot  when  she  said  that.  I 
must  be  honest  and  tell  that  I  did  not  like  Madame 
Lacroix.  I  was  afraid  she  would  do  harm  to 
Pierrot.  She  was  a  big  woman,  as  strong  as  a  man, 
and  she  had  a  hard  face.  I  remember  people  said 
her  face  was  hard  because  she  bore  no  children, 
but  I  do  not  know  about  that.  Her  husband  Jean 
was  like  a  servant  in  her  house,  but  I  liked  Jean. 
If  a  beggar  came  to  the  door  it  was  well  if  he  saw 
Jean  before  he  saw  Madame.  And  Jean  had  a  dog 
who  licked  his  heels  but  who  always  barked  at 
Madame. 

"  You  shall  not  touch  my  baby, "  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  9 

"Eh  bien,"  she  told  me,  her  face  growing  red. 
'Then  you  are  a  little  fool. " 

"But  this  is  my  baby, "  I  said. 

"It  is  the  little  fools  like  you  who  have  babies," 
she  told  me.  "And  you  have  not  a  sou  with  which 
to  care  for  him. " 

I  do  not  know  what  I  said  then.  Perhaps  I 
cried,  for  though  the  rent  of  the  room  was  paid, 
I  knew  I  did  not  have  much  left  after  that. 

"Tut,  tut,"  she  said.  "Be  a  good  girl  now. 
It  is  what  Doctor  Jambeau  said. " 

"I  wish  he  had  sent  me  someone  else,"  I  said. 
"You  do  not  know  about  little  babies. " 

"Eh?  I  do  not  know  about  babies?"  she  said 
to  me.  "I  with  a  sister  who  has  two  and  a  cousin 
who  has  four  and  a  third  cousin  who  has  seven? 
I  suppose  it  is  you  who  know  about  babies — you 
with  one  brat  not  yet  born  four  hours!" 

She  reached  over  and  took  Pierrot  from  me,  and 
I — what  could  I  do?  Besides  I  knew  it  was  the 
wish  of  Doctor  Jambeau  and  so  I  put  my  lips 
together  and  said  nothing.  But  I  made  ready  to 
leap  from  the  bed  if  I  heard  Pierrot  cry.  She  gave 
Pierrot  water  from  a  spoon  and  put  fresh  clothes 
upon  him  and  all  the  time  she  said,  "La,  la,  la," 
to  him  and  he  said  not  a  word.  Then  she  brought 
me  my  broth  and  while  I  tried  to  eat,  she  walked 
up  and  down  the  room  with  my  Pierrot  in  her 
arms.  He  was  very  good  with  her  and  very  brave. 
From  the  first  Pierrot  was  afraid  of  nothing.  No 
man  and  no  woman,  no  beast  and  no  bird  ever 


io  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

frightened  him.  He  was  like  a  soldier.  I  have 
seen  him  pull  the  beard  of  a  noble  count  and  only 
laugh;  I  have  seen  him  pull  the  beard  of  big 
Gaston  Battaille,  who,  as  everyone  thought,  was 
a  very  wicked  man  and  to  be  feared,  and  yet 
Pierrot  feared  not.  I  have  seen  him  scratch  the 
face  of  a  wild  dog  of  the  village  called  L'Ogre  and 
only  cry  when  he  was  snatched  away  by  a  gen- 
darme with  a  pistol,  who  said  it  was  only  by  a 
miracle  he  was  saved  alive  though  George  Debaux 
said  the  ogre  kissed  Pierrot  even  while  Pierrot 
scratched  his  eyes.  But  Pierrot  was  older  then — 
almost  five  months.  I  do  not  think  those  things 
were  as  brave  as  walking  with  Madame  Lacroix 
when  he  had  been  born  only  four  hours. 

Madame  Lacroix  would  not  give  me  back  my 
baby  until  I  had  eaten  all  my  broth,  even  the  last 
spoonful,  so  I  ate  it  all.  Then  she  laid  Pierrot  in 
my  arms  and  I  was  glad.  It  was  as  if  he  had  been 
gone  a  year. 

"You  see  it  is  I  and  not  you  who  know  about 
babies,"  said  Madame  Lacroix. 

That  may  be  true,  but  Pierrot  did  not  lie  against 
her  breast  as  he  lay  against  mine.  He  was  glad 
to  be  home  again,  I  can  tell  you.  As  for  me,  I 
was  so  glad  to  have  him  safe  once  more,  I  fell 
asleep. 


CHAPTER  II 

EJVERYONE,  even  at  the  first,  was  so  good  to 
d  Pierrot.  It  was  as  if  a  Pierrot  had  been 
born  to  everyone  in  Beaulieu.  That  was  because 
he  was  such  a  wonderful  baby.  There  were  other 
babies  in  the  village — many  of  them — but  there 
was  only  one  Pierrot.  He  was  altogether  different 
from  them  all.  That  was  quite  clear  when  people 
began  to  be  good  to  him  even  before  they  saw  him. 
On  the  day  that  Pierrot  was  two  days  old 
Doctor  Jambeau  would  permit  no  one  to  see  him 
except  Madame  Lacroix  and  yet  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  sent,  in  the  morning,  a  basket  of  roses 
from  his  own  garden.  And  when  Madame  was 
not  looking,  Jean  poked  through  the  door  a  doll 
for  Pierrot.  It  was  a  beautiful  doll  which  Jean 
made  with  his  knife  from  a  stick.  I  was  very 
much  afraid  Madame  might  see  it  and  take  it 
away,  so  when  Doctor  Jambeau  came,  I  asked 
him  to  give  it  to  me  and  I  hid  it  in  the  bed.  Then 
Jules  Demar,  who  had  worked  with  Pierre  in  the 
garden  of  Monsieur  Angoul — a  young  man  from 
Switzerland — sent  my  Pierrot  a  bag  of  sweets. 
Doctor  Jambeau  would  permit  him  to  have  none 
of  them,  but  I  kept  them  where  he  could  see  them. 

ill 


12  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Then  Lucille  Corbeau,  the  little  lame  girl  on  the 
corner  near  the  bakeshop,  sent  him  a  tin  box  full  of 
shells  which  she  had  picked  up  on  the  beach.  So 
you  see. 

But  all  that  first  morning,  all  that  first  after- 
noon, all  that  night  Doctor  Jambeau  would  permit 
Pierrot  to  have  nothing  to  eat.  It  was  terrible. 
My  heart  ached  for  my  little  man.  Twice  Pierrot 
felt  around  with  his  lips.  If  he  had  cried  then,  I 
think  I  should  have  disobeyed  Doctor  Jambeau. 
But  Pierrot  was  brave.  He  was  braver  than  his 
mother.  He  fell  asleep  while  I  remained  awake 
and  prayed  to  have  strength  to  wait. 

What  these  doctors  do  not  understand  is  how 
very  little  a  very  little  baby  is.  It  is  one  thing 
to  give  an  order  to  a  man,  "You  shall  not  eat," 
and  another  to  give  such  an  order  to  a  baby  as 
small  as  Pierrot.  What  did  Pierrot  know  of 
Doctor  Jambeau  and  his  orders?  He  knew  only 
that  he  was  hungry  and  that  very  near  to  him 
there  was  food  and  that  the  one  in  all  the  world 
he  trusted  most  heeded  not  his  needs.  That 
was  what  I  did  not  like.  I  feared  Pierrot  would 
not  understand  and  would  think  his  mother 
willingly  caused  him  pain.  It  is  not  right  to 
blame  Pierrot  if  towards  the  end  he  cried  a  little. 
Ma  foi,  if  I  were  hungry  and  food  were  before  me 
and  my  Pierre  had  told  me  without  explaining 
that  I  must  not  eat,  I  should  have  cried  more  than 
Pierrot.  He  did  very  well. 

When  on  the  second  morning  Doctpr  Jambeau 


<- /  ~^- 
>  -  -  "i« 


The  corner  near  the  bake 'shop ,  where  Lucille  Cor  beau  lived 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  13 

came  in,  I  told  him  at  once  I  could  not  eat  another 
mouthful  myself  until  my  baby  had  broken  his 
fast. 

"He  is  very  good  but  he  cannot  live  upon  air," 
I  said. 

I  think  he  saw  at  last  that  I  must  have  my  way 
in  this,  for  he  only  nodded. 

"Very  well,"  he  said.  "But  understand — for 
to-day  only  twenty  minutes  by  the  clock.  Then 
in  six  hours  another  twenty  minutes  by  the  clock. 
So — only  four  dinners  may  that  starving  rascal 
have." 

That  morning  I  nursed  my  Pierrot  for  the  first 
time.  It  was  as  wonderful  as  when  I  held  my 
baby  for  the  first  time.  Each  thing  I  did  for 
Pierrot  made  him  more  and  more  part  of  me,  but 
this  made  him  of  my  very  self.  His  eyes  not  yet 
open,  he  pressed  his  warm  lips  against  my  breast 
and  I  felt  them  and  closed  my  own  eyes  for  joy. 
He  nursed  as  though  famished  and  then  slept  a 
little  and  then  nursed  once  more.  I  knew  I  was 
giving  of  my  strength  to  him,  and  it  was  so  good 
to  share  that  with  Pierrot.  It  is  possible  to  share 
many  things  with  those  we  love  but  it  is  only 
possible  to  share  like  this  with  one's  baby.  It  was 
as  if  he  drank  with  his  food  also  my  love  and  my 
prayers.  From  the  moment  I  first  heard  his  cry 
I  had  loved  my  Pierrot,  but  it  was  not  until  now 
that  I  felt  myself  to  be  really  and  truly  the  mother 
of  Pierrot.  Until  now  Pierrot  had  been  like  some 
great  gift  of  God  at  which  I  could  only  marvel  as 


14  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

if  I  had  no  part  in  it,  but  it  was  never  like  that 
again  after  Pierrot  had  lain  at  my  breast.  He  was 
still  of  God,  for  only  God  could  give  so  wonderful 
a  gift,  but  he  was  of  me  too.  And  though  to  some 
it  may  not  seem  gracious  to  the  good  God  to  feel 
as  I  did,  I  must  be  honest  and  tell  that  it  made  me 
glad  to  have  him  of  me  too. 

After  this,  when  Madame  Lacroix  took  my 
baby  to  care  for,  I  did  not  mind  so  much  as  at 
first.  I  knew  that  even  if  Pierrot  suffered  Madame 
to  walk  with  him,  it  was  to  me  he  must  always 
return  for  his  strength.  Now  I  could  drink  my 
broth  and  watch  her  carry  him  back  and  forth 
singing,  "La,  la,  la,"  to  him  without  any  great 
desire  to  leap  from  my  bed.  I  am  glad  to  tell  this 
because  I  do  not  like  anyone  to  think  I  bore  ill- 
will  towards  Madame  or  that  I  was  altogether  a 
little  fool  even  if  she  said  I  was.  But  sometimes 
I  thought  she  came  to  my  room  and  took  my 
Pierrot  more  often  than  was  necessary.  Once 
that  day,  when  he  was  sleeping,  she  seized  him 
from  my  arms  and  he  cried.  So  I  said : 

"I  see  no  reason  why  you  should  trouble  him 
now. " 

"Bah!  what  do  you  know  about  it?"  she  said  to 
me. 

"  I  know  when  he  rests, "  I  said. 

"You  know  nothing — nothing  at  all,"  she  told 
me.  "The  good  God  should  give  babies  to  those 
who  know  about  babies. "  She  said  this  in  such  a 
terrible  voice  I  was  frightened. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  15 

"How  is  one  to  know  about  babies  unless  one 
has  a  baby?"  I  asked  of  her. 

I  did  not  mean  any  more  than  I  said,  but  she 
grew  very  red  in  the  face  and  looked  at  me  in  such 
a  way  that  I  would  have  hidden  beneath  the 
blanket  had  I  not  been  afraid  she  would  do  harm 
to  Pierrot. 

"You  say  that  to  me,"  she  said  in  a  voice  so 
loud  it  made  my  Pierrot  start.  "You  who  have 
not  yet  been  born  eighteen  years  say  that  to  me 
who  saw  babies  before  your  mother  was  born. 
That  is  enough  to  show  how  much  you  know!" 

And  all  the  time  that  she  was  putting  fresh 
clothes  upon  Pierrot  she  talked  to  herself,  and 
whenever  she  saw  my  eyes,  she  said,  "Bah." 

I  think  her  man  Jean  must  have  heard  her,  for 
after  she  had  gone,  the  door  to  my  room  opened  a 
little  way — not  more  than  the  thickness  of  a  card — 
and  Jean  spoke  to  me  in  a  whisper. 

"It  goes  well? "  he  said. 

"Oh,  yes,  Monsieur  Jean,"  I  said.  "And  with 
you?" 

"As  always,"  he  said.  "Do  not  heed  what 
Madame  says  to  you.  It  is  her  way. " 

"I  know,"  I  said.  "After  a  little  I  will  not 
heed." 

"And  the  baby  is  well?"  he  said. 

"Oh,  he  is  wonderful,  Monsieur  Jean!"  I  said. 
"  Would  you  like  to  see  my  baby?  " 

For  a  moment  he  did  not  speak,  and  then  the 
door  opened  wider. 


16  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"  Can  I  see  from  here?  "  he  said. 

"Of  course  you  cannot,"  I  said.  "But  if  you 
come  here  by  my  side,  I  will  show  you  the  top  of 
his  head." 

"  If  Madame  ever  learned, "  he  said,  "Mon  Dieu, 
she  would  kill  me!  But  I  should  love  to  see  him." 

He  was  so  very  much  frightened  that  I  could 
not  help  laughing  and  that  gave  him  courage.  So 
looking  back  over  his  shoulder,  he  came  in  and  I 
raised  the  blanket  just  a  little.  He  leaned  over 
and  saw.  Then  he  said  to  me : 

"  Mon  Dieu — what  a  wonderful  baby ! " 

"You  think  so?"  I  said. 

"I  never  saw  such  a  wonderful  baby,"  he  told 
me. 

"And  you  have  met  many  other  babies  so  that 
you  know?"  I  said,  because  I  wished  to  make 
sure  he  understood  about  babies. 

"Thousands  of  babies  but  never  another  like 
this  one,"  he  said. 

I  always  liked  Monsieur  Jean.  He  was  a  very 
fine  man  and  it  is  a  great  pity  that  he  was  un- 
happily married.  He  put  his  hand  in  his  pocket 
and  found  there  a  bag  containing  ten  marbles. 

"  He  would  like  these?  "  he  said. 

' '  Thank  you, ' '  I  said.  ' '  I  will  keep  them  till  he 
wakes."  He  went  out  then  on  the  tip  of  his  toes 
as  he  had  come  in  and  closed  the  door  behind  him 
softly  so  that  Pierrot  should  not  hear.  But  a 
moment  later  my  heart  stood  still,  for  I  knew  by 
the  loud  talk  below  that  Madame  had  discovered 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  17 

him.  She  was  scolding  in  her  most  terrible 
voice. 

"You  good-for-nothing,"  she  said  to  Jean. 
"You  dared  go  into  that  room  when  I  commanded 
you  not  to  go  even  upon  the  stairs?" 

I  trembled  for  fear  Jean  would  tell  that  I  had 
asked  him  to  enter  and  that  then  Madame  would 
come  to  me.  But  Jean  said  nothing.  Then  I  was 
sorry  that  he  said  nothing,  for  I  heard  the  sound 
of  blows  and  knew  that  Jean  was  receiving  them 
for  me.  I  tried  to  call  out  the  truth  to  Madame, 
but  Pierrot  moved  in  his  blankets  so  that  I  did 
not  dare  call  again.  It  was  necessary  for  me  to  lie 
there  and  hear  those  blows  until  I  felt  sick  at 
heart  and  faint.  It  was  so  cruelly  done  that  I 
thought  I  could  never  permit  Madame  to  touch 
Pierrot  again,  and  I  put  my  arms  tight  around 
him  and  tried  not  to  hear.  But  it  was  necessary 
to  listen  in  order  to  know  when  the  blows  stopped 
and  then  I  heard  her  say  this : 

"You  beggar  of  the  street,  it  is  well  possible  you 
have  killed  them  both.  That  would  serve  you 
well — eh?  To  be  hung  upon  a  gibbet  for  all  the 
world  to  point  at  and  say, '  There  hangs  the  worth- 
less husband  of  Madame  Lacroix.'  That  would 
give  me  a  fine  name — eh?  " 

Those  were  terrible  words  and  I  heard  Jean  say 
something  but  I  know  not  what.  Then  I  heard 
her  say: 

"It  matters  nothing  if  you  remained  but  the 
half  of  a  second.  Doctor  Jambeau  said  no  one 


1 8  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

was  to  open  that  door.  If  both  die  in  the  night 
of  a  cold,  then  it  is  you  who  are  the  cause.  Out  of 
the  house  with  you." 

I  heard  the  door  close  and  knew  that  Jean 
had  gone  to  think  over  all  she  said.  I  myself 
grew  afraid,  not  for  myself  but  for  Pierrot.  I  had 
lifted  the  blanket  for  only  a  moment  and  had  put 
it  back  quickly  and  the  door  had  not  been  open 
very  wide,  but  Pierrot  was  so  small  and  had  been 
here  such  a  little  while  that  sometimes  I  felt  that 
if  I  missed  as  much  as  one  breath  myself,  then  he 
too  would  stop  breathing.  He  was  so  very  near  to 
Heaven  from  which  he  had  just  come  that  it 
seemed  as  if  the  lightest  wind  might  blow  him  back 
again.  So  I  did  not  dare  sleep  until  after  Doctor 
Jambeau  came.  I  said  nothing  to  him,  but  I 
watched  him  sharply  as  he  took  Pierrot  and  looked 
at  him  and  then  I  said: 

"He  is  quite  well?" 

"I  know  a  Countess  who  would  give  ten  thou- 
sand francs  if  her  baby  were  as  well  as  this  rascal," 
he  told  me.  "  But  he  must  have  his  bath.  I  will 
call  Madame  Lacroix. " 

So  I  breathed  better  after  that,  and  when 
Madame  came  in  I  told  her  what  the  doctor  said, 
in  hope  she  would  tell  Jean,  but  she  answered 
nothing.  Then  Doctor  Jambeau  said  to  Madame : 

"  Do  you  know  how  to  bathe  an  infant?" 

"But,  yes,  certainly,"  said  Madame. 

"Then, "  he  said,  "make  a  fire  in  that  stove  and 
I  will  watch  and  see. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  19 

When  Madame  went  out  to  find  wood,  I  said 
to  Doctor  Jambeau : 

"Is  it  not  possible  forme  myself  to  bathe  my 
Pierrot?" 

"Bah!"  he  said.  "Do  you  play  the  Countess 
while  you  can." 

"  But  I  do  not  like  to  play  the  Countess  if  so  it 
is  played, "  I  said. 

He  threw  back  his  head  when  I  said  that  and 
laughed  until  the  tears  came  into  his  eyes,  and 
then  he  stopped  and  came  to  my  side  and  put  his 
hand  upon  my  head  and  said  so  gently  that  it  was 
as  if  some  other  man  were  speaking: 

"My  child,  it  is  the  Countess  who  should  play 
the  mother  of  Pierrot  for  a  little.  But  helas! — 
it  would  be  easier  for  you  to  play  the  Countess 
than  for  the  Countess  to  play  you.  So  it  goes  in 
this  world." 

"Who  is  this  Countess  you  tell  me  of?"  I 
said. 

Then  he  told  me  of  the  Countess  de  Beauchamp, 
who  too  had  a  little  baby  born  one  week  before 
my  Pierrot,  and  the  baby  was  very  ill  indeed,  and 
would  not  eat.  This  little  baby,  who  some  day 
would  be  a  noble  Count  if  he  lived,  found  nothing 
at  his  mother's  breast  and  turned  from  all  other 
breasts  and  from  all  other  food.  The  good  Doctor 
Jambeau  shook  his  head  sadly  and,  as  for  me,  my 
heart  bled  for  the  Countess. 

"  But  why  is  it  the  Countess  has  nothing  for  her 
baby?  "  I  said  to  Doctor  Jambeau. 


20  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"She  has  not  lived  as  you  have  lived,"  he  said 
to  me. 

"  But  she  has  had  everything  with  which  to  live, 
and  I  have  had  nothing, "  I  said. 

"So.  It  is  better  to  have  too  little  than  too 
much,"  he  said  with  a  sad  smile.  "She  has  had 
too  much. " 

I  did  not  understand  and  do  not  yet  understand, 
for  with  money  it  is  possible  to  buy  many  things, 
but  after  this,  if  ever  I  wished  myself  a  great  lady, 
I  thought  of  this  noble  Countess  and  her  little 
baby. 

"I  will  pray  for  her, "  I  said. 

"She  needs  your  prayers,"  he  said  to  me.  "I 
will  tell  her  that  you  pray  for  her. " 

Madame  Lacroix  came  back  with  her  apron  full 
of  wood  and  made  a  great  fire  in  the  white  porcelain 
stove,  and  soon  the  room  was  very  warm.  Then 
near  the  stove  she  placed  a  basin  of  water,  and 
Doctor  Jambeau  gave  to  her  a  cloth  and  some  soap, 
and  some  oil  which  he  had  brought  with  him. 
He  sat  back  in  his  chair  after  that  and  said  nothing 
and  looked  at  her  as  she  took  Pierrot  from  his 
blanket  and  his  bands.  It  was  then  for  the  first 
time  I  saw  all  of  my  Pierrot.  He  was  very  red 
but  he  was  so  fat  I  laughed.  He  was  beautiful 
from  his  head  to  his  little  toes,  which  were  curled 
up.  There  were  creases  all  over  him,  he  was  so 
fat.  But  when  Madame  stooped  and  raised  my 
Pierrot,  Doctor  Jambeau  called  to  her. 

"Attention,"  he  said.    "He  is  not  a  sausage, 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  21 

that  baby,  to  be  seized  like  that.  Hold  him 
beneath  the  arms. " 

"I  know,"  said  Madame  Lacroix.  "I  was 
preparing  to  do  that." 

I  was  so  fearful  she  might  drop  my  Pierrot  that 
I  rose  to  my  elbow  and  then  Doctor  Jambeau 
called  out  to  me.  He  was  terrible,  and  with  a 
glance  of  his  eye  made  both  men  and  women  obey 
him.  I  fell  back  again  but  I  could  see.  For  all 
Madame  pretended  to  know,  she  knew  nothing. 
It  was  necessary  for  him  to  show  her  everything. 
Mafoi,  she  would  bathe  my  Pierrot  as  if  he  were  a 
soiled  rag,  and  he  with  his  eyes  but  scarcely  opened. 
And  yet  every  time  Doctor  Jambeau  told  her  to  do 
this  or  to  do  that  she  said  to  him,  "I  know.  I  was 
preparing  to  do  that. " 

Her  hands  were  very  large  and  she  was  not  so 
gentle  as  I  liked,  but  after  her  fashion  she  made  him 
clean  and  rubbed  him  with  oil  and  put  him  back 
in  his  clothes  without  mishap.  I  was  glad  enough 
when  he  came  home.  After  this  I  gave  him  his 
dinner,  and  while  he  nursed  hungrily,  I  prayed  for 
the  Countess  and  the  little  Count. 


CHAPTER  III 

Fwas  in  the  night  when  I  was  nursing  my 
Pierrot  for  the  fourth  time  that  I  heard  a 
noise  outside  my  door.  I  thought  it  was  a  mouse 
and  said  nothing.  All  was  quiet  for  a  minute  and 
then  the  noise  came  again,  and  it  was  not  like  a 
mouse  that  time.  So  I  called  as  low  as  I  could: 

"Who  goes  there?" 

I  received  no  answer,  and  then  I  became  afraid 
and  called  louder: 

"Who  goes  there?" 

Then  I  heard  the  voice  of  Monsieur  Jean. 

"In  the  name  of  God,"  he  said  in  a  whisper, 
"do  not  call." 

"What  do  you  wish,  Jean?" 

"You  still  live?  "he  said. 

"  Have  you  gone  foolish?  "  I  said  to  him. 

"And  the  baby — he  still  lives?"  he  said  in  a 
voice  that  shook.  Then  I  remembered  what 
Madame  had  told  him  and  I  almost  laughed  and 
almost  cried.  It  was  the  middle  of  the  night,  and 
there  was  poor  Jean  out  there  in  the  cold  come  to 
see  if  we  both  lived.  It  was  a  very  brave  thing  I 
can  tell  you,  and  yet  people  about  the  village 
laughed  at  him  as  a  coward.  If  Madame  had 

22 


'Jean  Lacroix 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  23 

found  him,  I  do  not  like  to  think  of  what  she  would 
have  done.  There  was  a  man  in  that  Jean. 

"Enter  and  see  if  we  both  live,"  I  said  to 
him. 

"Mon  Dieu,  I  dare  not, "  he  said  to  me.  "  It  is 
enough — to  hear  your  voice. " 

But  I  could  not  let  him  go  after  he  had  dared  so 
much  without  telling  him  how  brave  I  thought  he 
was,  so  I  said  to  him : 

"Enter,  I  wish  a  glass  of  water." 

Then  he  opened  the  door  and  closed  it  softly 
behind  him  and  stood  in  the  dark. 

"  Have  you  a  match?  "  I  said. 

"It  is  better  if  I  do  not  strike  a  match,"  he 
said. 

"The  water  is  on  the  table,"  I  said.  "But 
take  care.  And  Jean — it  was  gallant  of  you  not  to 
tell  Madame  it  was  I  who  asked  you  to  enter." 

"Would  a  man  do  anything  else,  Madame?"  he 
said. 

"Not  you,  Jean." 

"And  the  little  one — he  is  well?" 

"You  should  see  him  eat, "  I  said.  "  He  is  like  a 
famished  soldier. " 

"  God  be  praised, "  he  said. 

"Madame  wished  only  to  make  you  afraid,"  I 
told  him. 

"I  went  to  the  church  and  prayed  all  the  day. 
It  is  that  which  saved  you  both. " 

"Thank  you,  Jean." 

41 1  will  bring  you  the  water, "  he  said. 


24  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Then  he  moved  slowly  towards  the  table  and  the 
next  thing  I  heard  was  when  he  fell  over  a  chair 
and  came  to  the  floor  with  a  noise  like  a  cannon. 
I  held  my  breath  and  for  a  moment  he  did  not 
move,  and  then  he  rose. 

"Run!"  I  said.     "Run  as  fast  as  you  can!" 

But  that  Jean — what  do  you  think  he  did?  He 
went  on  and  brought  me  the  glass  of  water  before 
he  would  run  to  save  himself. 

It  is  one  thing  to  tell  about  such  matters  after 
they  have  passed,  but  it  is  another  thing  to  live 
through  them.  I  shook  all  over  so  that  I  could  not 
hold  the  glass,  while  he  ran  out  as  quick  as  he 
could.  And  then  I  did  not  dare  move  for  the 
matter  of  an  hour.  And  yet  nothing  came  of  this. 
Madame  did  not  wake  and  never  knew. 

On  the  day  that  my  Pierrot  was  three  days  old 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  sent  me  a  letter  by  the  post 
which  I  have  saved.  He  wrote  like  this: 

"Villa  Cornice. 
"  DEAR  MADAME: 

"  Doctor  Jambeau  informs  me  that  you  have  a 
very  fine  son.  Please  accept  my  congratulations. 
I  trust  that  when  you  are  sufficiently  recovered, 
you  will  do  me  the  favour  of  entering  my  service 
as  housekeeper.  I  will  pay  you  thirty  francs  per 
week  and  furnish  room  and  board  for  you  and  your 
son.  There  is  no  haste,  but  I  thought  you  might 
like  to  keep  this  in  mind  in  case  you  have  no  other 
plans. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  25 

"  With  best  wishes  for  yourself  and  your  son,  I 
remain, 


Sincerely   yours, 

"  J.  R.  MARTIN.' 


It  made  me  cry — that  letter.  And  it  made  me 
very  proud,  too,  that  he  called  little  Pierrot  my 
"  son. "  To  see  it  written  down  like  that,  it  was  as 
if  Pierrot  were  already  a  big  man. 

Until  I  received  that  letter  from  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin,  I  knew  not  where  I  should  go  with 
Pierrot  when  I  had  the  strength  to  leave  my  bed, 
nor  what  I  should  do.  It  had  been  very  difficult 
to  earn  enough  for  rent  and  for  food  when  I  was 
alone,  and  I  knew  that  with  my  baby  it  would  be 
even  more  difficult.  I  had  seen  that  people  do 
not  like  to  have  about  their  houses  babies  that  are 
not  their  own.  Every  time  Madame  came  into 
the  room  I  thought  of  this  and  had  fear. 

But  now  here  was  this  Monsieur  Jack  Martin, 
who  was  a  single  man  and  difficult  to  please  and 
very  sad,  who  asked  me  to  come  to  his  villa  with 
Pierrot.  He  would  give  me  thirty  francs  a  week! 
It  was  like  a  miracle  performed  by  the  good  God. 
I  hid  the  letter  beneath  my  pillow,  and  when 
Madame  came  in  I  told  her  nothing  about  it, 
but  I  cared  not  after  that  what  she  said  to  me,  and 
nothing  about  her  "Bahs"  either.  She  might 
"  Bah  "  at  me  all  day  long  and  I  cared  nothing. 

But  when  Doctor  Jambeau  came  in,  I  showed 
the  letter  to  him  and  he  read  it. 


26  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"That  is  good, "  he  said. 

"You  think  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  will  love  my 
Pierrot?"  I  said. 

"  It  is  possible, "  he  told  me. 

"But  if  Pierrot  should  cry!"  I  said. 

"Babies  so  fat  as  he  do  not  cry,"  said  Doctor 
Jambeau. 

"Good, "  I  said.  "Then  will  you  tell  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  that  I  will  come  and  that  he  has  made 
me  very  happy?" 

"  I  will  do  that, "  said  Doctor  Jambeau.  "And  I 
think  it  will  be  well  for  that  villa  to  have  a  baby  in 
it." 

"I  do  not  know,"  I  said.  "But  if  my  Pierrot 
cries  at  night,  then  I  will  take  him  away.  But  it 
is  true  that  in  all  his  life  he  has  never  cried  a  long 
time. " 

"I  will  tell  Monsieur  Martin  that.  I  will  tell 
him  that  the  mother — who,  ma  foi,  should  know — 
gives  testimony  of  her  son's  good  character. " 

"And  will  you  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  also 
that  I  wish  no  money  until  I  have  returned  to  him 
all  he  has  done  for  me, "  I  said. 

"As  you  will,"  said  Doctor  Jambeau. 

So  that  was  all  arranged  and  I  felt  very  much  at 
peace. 

"I  have  another  message  for  you,"  said  Doctor 
Jambeau.  "  It  is  from  the  Countess. " 

"Her  baby  is  better?" 

"A  little  better,  and  she  thanks  you  for  your 
prayers. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  27 

"She  need  not  thank  me  for  those,"  I  said. 
"They  are  but  the  prayers  of  one  mother  for 
another  mother. " 

"Eh?"  said  Doctor  Jambeau. 

He  looked  at  me  in  a  very  funny  way  for  a 
moment,  and  I  have  always  thought  it  strange. 

"The  prayers  of  one  mother  for  another  mother," 
he  said  over  again.  "  That  is  true.  Nothing  is  of 
importance  between  you  but  that.  It  is  well. " 

It  was  on  this  day  that  Madame  Lacroix  had  a 
great  honour,  for  she  took  my  Pierrot  to  the  church 
to  be  christened.  Though  I  gave  him  then  the 
name  of  his  father,  Pierre,  I  always  called  him 
Pierrot  because  he  was  so  small. 


CHAPTER  IV 

•r- 

AS  long  as  I  was  in  my  bed,  Pierrot  was  like  a 
beautiful  doll — the  most  beautiful  doll  that 
was  ever  presented  to  a  young  girl  at  Christmas. 
I  had  nothing  to  do  but  hold  him  in  my  arms. 
Even  when  he  lay  at  my  breast,  I  had  nothing  to 
do  but  watch  him  and  smooth  his  hair  and  perhaps 
moisten  my  finger  and  remove  a  speck  from  the 
corner  of  his  eye.  You  would  have  laughed  if  you 
could  have  seen  the  face  he  made  up  when  I  did 
that.  He  drew  back  his  head  and  squinted  his 
eyes  and  pulled  at  me  ferociously.  Sometimes 
he  ceased  nursing  and  opened  his  eyes — they  were 
big  brown  eyes — and  for  a  minute  looked  at  me 
as  if  about  to  speak,  and  then  closed  them  again 
as  if  it  were  not  worth  the  trouble.  Perhaps  twice 
in  a  nursing  he  would  do  that.  At  these  times 
I  feared  as  if  a  king  were  looking  at  me.  I  feared 
Pierrot  would  not  find  me  as  beautiful  as  he  hoped. 
He  knew  many  things  even  then — my  Pierrot.  He 
was  thinking — all  the  time  he  was  thinking — and 
not  knowing  of  what  he  thought,  it  was  possible 
to  imagine  anything.  He  thought  and  said 
nothing,  which  does  not  make  one  at  ease. 

As  soon  as  I  was  strong  enough  to  be  about  my 
28 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  29 

room,  all  was  changed.  Then  I  saw  a  thousand 
things  to  do  for  Pierrot.  You  would  have  thought 
Madame  would  have  been  glad  of  this,  for  it  left 
her  less  to  do,  but  on  the  contrary,  she  became 
angrier  than  ever.  She  did  not  wish  me  to  leave 
my  bed,  and  the  first  day  I  rose  scolded  me  until 
I  was  back  again. 

"You  had  better  leave  the  care  of  that  baby  to 
those  who  know, "  she  said  to  me.  "You  see  how 
fat  and  strong  he  is.  Well — who  has  made  him  fat 
and  strong?  It  is  I.  You  had  better  keep  your 
fingers  out  of  this  cake.  He  is  not  a  doll  for  young 
girls  to  play  with. " 

You  would  have  thought  I  had  nothing  at  all 
to  do  with  Pierrot  to  hear  her  talk. 

With  the  letter  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  under 
my  pillow  I  grew  strong  very  quick,  but  Madame 
would  not  permit  me  to  bathe  my  Pierrot. 

"  It  is  necessary  to  know  how  to  do  a  thing  like 
that,"  she  told  me.  "It  is  possible  you  might 
drop  him  in  the  basin,  and  then  he  would  drown 
before  your  eyes.  How  would  you  like  that — 
eh?" 

Another  time  she  told  me: 

"It  is  possible  you  might  drop  soap  into  his 
eyes,  and  then  he  would  be  blind  forever.  How 
would  you  like  that — eh?  " 

Yet  another  time  she  told  me: 

"It  is  possible  he  might  fall  from  your  knees, 
and  then  he  would  be  always  like  Lucille  Corbeau, 
who  is  lame.  How  would  you  like  that — eh?" 


30  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

All  the  time  she  bathed  my  Pierrot  she  told  me 
of  one  terrible  thing  and  then  another  that  hap- 
pened to  an  infant  in  the  north  of  France  and  to 
an  infant  in  the  west  of  France  and  to  an 
infant  in  the  east  of  France,  until  it  was  as  if 
Madame  Lacroix  were  the  only  woman  in  all 
the  world  who  has  never  done  harm  to  an  infant. 
At  first  such  things  made  me  tremble,  but  after 
a  little  she  told  me  of  so  many  I  felt  more  like 
laughing. 

And  what  do  you  think — she  would  not  permit 
me  even  to  wash  the  clothes  of  my  Pierrot.  She 
removed  them  from  the  room.  But  once,  when 
she  brought  them  back  all  fresh  and  clean,  I  took 
his  little  shirt  and  washed  it  again.  I  did  that 
just  to  show  who  was  the  mother  of  Pierrot,  and 
I  hid  it  outside  the  window  to  dry  and  did  not 
let  Madame  know. 

When  I  was  dressed  and  about  my  room,  Doctor 
Jambeau  said  that  Lucille  might  come  in  to  see 
me,  so  I  told  Jean  who  came  to  the  door  one  day 
when  Madame  was  out  of  the  house.  Jean  told 
Lucille  and  Lucille  came  as  I  heard  afterwards,  but 
Madame  would  not  permit  her  to  enter  to  see  my 
Pierrot.  Jean  told  me  this  and  I  was  very  angry. 
The  next  day  I  watched  from  the  window,  and 
when  I  saw  Lucille  come  down  the  street  with  her 
poor  lame  leg,  I  called  from  the  window  and  told 
her  to  come  up  the  stairs  very  softly,  and  she  did. 
She  put  her  arms  around  my  neck  and  cried  upon 
my  shoulder. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  31 

"La,"  I  said  to  her,  "there  is  nothing  to  cry 
about.  Why  do  you  cry?" 

"You  were  so  near  to  death, "  she  said. 

"What  do  you  mean?"  I  said.  "I  have  not 
been  near  to  death." 

"But  Madame — even  yesterday— told  me  she 
did  not  know  if  you  would  live. " 

"She  is  marvellous,  that  Madame,"  I  said  to 
Lucille.  "She  is  the  most  marvellous  liar  in  all 
France.  Come  and  see  my  Pierrot.  He  sleeps 
upon  the  bed." 

So  I  took  her  by  the  arm  and  helped  her  to  the 
side  of  Pierrot.  I  drew  back  the  blanket  a  little 
and  she  looked.  Then  she  put  her  hands  together 
beneath  her  chin. 

"He  is  so  beautiful,"  she  said.  "He  is  so 
beautiful  I  think  that  I  should  pray." 

"There  is  no  harm,"  I  said.  "He  is  but  lately 
come  from  Heaven." 

So  she  prayed  a  little  and  I  prayed  with  her. 
She  prayed,  as  she  had  often  prayed  at  the  shrines, 
for  the  good  Christ  to  help  her  of  her  lameness. 
Now,  though  I  would  not  speak  of  this  to  Father 
Joseph,  I  saw  no  reason  why  Lucille  should  not  pray 
for  help  to  a  baby  lately  come  from  God  as  well  as 
to  the  image  of  a  baby.  And  a  marvellous  thing 
came  of  this,  as  I  shall  tell  at  the  proper  time. 

When  it  was  the  hour  for  me  to  nurse  my  Pierrot, 
I  permitted  Lucille  to  hold  him  for  a  moment,  and 
I  laughed  because  she  held  him  as  if  he  might 
break  like  the  shell  of  an  egg. 


32  One  Year  of  Pierrot 


"  Have  no  fear, "  I  said.  "  My  Pierrot  is  a  man 
baby." 

"He  is  an  angel  baby, "  said  Lucille  in  a  whisper. 
She  was  a  fine  girl — that  Lucille  Corbeau.  Her 
father,  who  was  a  shoemaker,  had  married  again, 
and  this  second  woman  did  not  like  Lucille  and 
called  her  good-for-nothing.  Lucille  made  beauti- 
ful pieces  of  lace  for  the  joy  of  making  them 
beautiful.  But  no  more  did  she  finish  a  piece 
than  this  woman  snatched  it  away  and  sold  it, 
keeping  every  sou.  Lucille  showed  me  what  she 
had  begun  for  my  Pierrot — working  upon  it  in 
the  dark  after  she  was  in  bed.  It  was  a  collar  to 
wear  upon  his  coat. 

Then  Lucille  and  I  talked,  with  Pierrot  lying 
at  my  breast,  of  how  some  day  we  would  take  him 
to  the  sea-shore  and  watch  him  play  with  the  shells. 
Lucille  told  of  a  place  upon  the  hillside  where  she 
went  often  to  knit  beneath  the  olive  trees,  and  we 
said  we  would  take  Pierrot  there  when  he  was 
able  to  walk.  Then  we  spoke  of  a  place  along  the 
road  to  Villefranche  where  many  wild  flowers 
grew,  and  we  said  we  would  take  Pierrot  there. 
We  spoke  of  many  other  places  to  which  we  would 
go  together  when  Pierrot  was  a  young  man. 

"Pierrot  will  walk  between  us,"  I  said.  "He 
will  hold  your  arm  and  hold  my  arm. " 

"Yes,  yes,"  said  Lucille.  "And  if  the  boys 
call  to  me  'Old  Lame  Foot,'  then  Pierrot  will 
frighten  them  away. " 

"He  will  do  more  than  that,"  I  said.    "They 


The  road  to  Villefranche 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


33 


had  better  have  a  care,  those  boys  who  shout 
such  things,  when  my  Pierrot  is  with  you." 

"  I  believe  you, "  said  Lucille  with  her  cheeks  like 
red  roses. 

"I  suppose  all  the  girls  of  Villefranche  will 
throw  eyes  at  him, "  I  said. 

"But  he  will  not  look  at  them,"  said  Lucille. 
"I  think  he  will  marry  some  noble  woman." 

"One  can  never  tell,"  I  said. 

Lucille  and  I  liked  to  talk  like  that,  and  there 
was  no  harm  done.  It  is  as  if  it  were  yesterday. 


CHAPTER  V 

THE  next  person  to  see  my  Pierrot  was  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin.  Every  day  he  sent  me 
something — roses  from  his  garden,  a  glass  of 
orange  sweets,  a  bottle  of  wine,  a  basket  of  fruit, 
a  chicken,  and  I  do  not  know  what.  Every 
morning  a  boy  came  bearing  a  little  package  with 
a  note  pinned  upon  it  which  said: 

"With  the  compliments  of  J.  R.  M." 

Yet  all  in  the  village  said  he  was  like  a  bear  and 
to  be  feared.  Once  I  heard  Louis  Dametti,  who 
sells  tobacco,  say  to  his  boy,  when  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  had  sent  to  him  for  some  cigars: 

"Make  haste  with  those.  Remember  if  you 
are  late  by  so  much  as  one  minute,  he  will  cleave 
off  the  top  of  your  head.  He  is  what  they  call 
in  the  Americas  an  Indian." 

You  should  have  seen  that  boy  run  all  the 
way. 

Monsieur  Farierre,  who  sells  wine,  told  me, 
when  I  went  there  to  wash  the  floors  before  Pierrot 
came,  of  this.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  bought  of 
him  some  wine — a  dozen  bottles.  The  next  day 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  called  him  to  the  house  and 
he  went. 

34 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  35 

"'This  wine  is  sour,'"  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
told  him. 

"'It  is  not  possible,'"  said  Monsieur  Farierre. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  brought  forth  the  dozen 
bottles,  one  of  which  he  had  tasted.  Then  he 
poured  some  into  a  big  glass  and  gave  it  to  Mon- 
sieur Farierre  and  bade  him  drink.  Monsieur 
Farierre  drank  a  little  and  put  down  the  glass. 

" 'To  my  tongue  it  is  sweet, ' "  he  said. 

'"Then,"'  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  "'do 
me  the  favour  to  drink  the  rest  of  the  bottle. ' ' 

Monsieur  Farierre  began  to  talk,  but  he  did  not 
speak  four  words  before  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
seized  a  bottle  and  broke  it  at  his  feet.  Then  he 
seized  another  and  broke  that  at  his  feet.  Mon- 
sieur Farierre,  thinking  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
had  lost  his  wits,  began  to  run,  and  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  seized  as  many  bottles  as  he  could 
carry  and  ran  after  him.  All  the  way  to  the  store 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  followed  and  broke  at  the 
feet  of  Monsieur  Farierre  a  bottle  every  time 
Monsieur  Farierre  turned  to  look  over  his  shoulder. 
And  when  Monsieur  Farierre  was  upon  the  point 
of  calling  a  gendarme,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
laughed  and  laughed  and  paid  for  every  bottle, 
saying  he  regretted  nothing  save  that  he  had  not 
bought  two  dozen  bottles. 

I  tell  of  these  things  to  show  how  strange  it  was 
that  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  such  a 
reputation  in  the  village,  he  should  be  so  kind  to 
my  Pierrot.  But  I  found  many  times  that  it  is 


36  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

not  possible  to  know  people  by  what  is  said  of 
them  in  the  village. 

It  was  on  a  Wednesday  and  the  day  my  Pierrot 
was  seventeen  days  old.  His  weight  upon  that 
day  was  eight  whole  pounds  and  nine  ounces  over, 
which  Doctor  Jambeau  said  was  a  very  fine  weight. 

"  It  is  neither  too  much  nor  too  little, "  he  said. 

"And  the  baby  of  the  Countess — how  much  is 
his  weight?"  I  asked. 

"The  baby  of  the  Countess  does  not  yet  weigh 
four  pounds,"  he  said  with  a  slow  shake  of  his 
head. 

"Sometimes,"  I  said,  "it  does  not  seem  right 
that  my  Pierrot  should  thrive  better  than  a  noble 
Count." 

"Would  you  exchange  your  baby  for  the  noble 
Count?"  he  said  to  me. 

My  faith,  he  made  me  fear  that  moment — that 
Doctor  Jambeau.  I  held  my  Pierrot  as  tight  as 
I  could  and  stood  ready  near  the  door. 

"There,  there,"  he  said  with  a  smile.  "It 
is  beyond  understanding,  but  I  do  not  think  the 
Countess  would  exchange  that  poor  little  four 
pounds  for  your  great,  healthy  eight  pounds  of 
boy." 

"My  Pierrot  weighs  eight  pounds  and  nine 
ounces, "  I  told  him. 

"Well,"  he  said  with  a  laugh,  "it  would  do  no 
good  even  to  add  for  good  measure  that  nine 
ounces." 

"But  I  should  not  care  if  my  Pierrot  weighed 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  37 

only  four  pounds,  I  would  not  exchange  him  for  a 
noble  Count  weighing  ten  pounds,"  I  told  him. 

"You  see,"  he  said,  "such  matters  are  very 
poorly  arranged.  But  I  have  two  things  which  I 
forgot." 

He  put  his  hand  into  a  great  bag  which  he  always 
carried  with  him,  and  brought  out  a  package. 

"With  the  compliments  of  the  Countess  de 
Beauchamp, "  he  said,  giving  it  to  me. 

"From  the  Countess  to  me?"  I  said,  not  believ- 
ing the  Countess  could  remember  me. 

"She  passed  it  to  me  with  her  own  hands,"  he 
said.  "I  am  certain  it  is  not  for  me  because  it  is 
too  small. " 

I  unfolded  the  paper,  and  there  I  found  a  beauti- 
ful dress  for  Pierrot.  It  was  of  fine  linen  with 
lace  upon  it  like  the  web  of  a  spider.  It  was 
such  a  dress  as  the  noble  Count  himself  might  wear. 
It  was  such  a  gracious  thing  for  this  beautiful 
Countess  to  do — to  remember  my  Pierrot  when  her 
heart  was  near  to  breaking  over  her  own  poor  baby 
— that  it  made  my  throat  ache.  For  a  minute, 
as  I  held  it,  I  could  not  speak.  Then  I  said,  trying 
hard  not  to  cry  because  I  know  to  cry  is  very  silly : 

"You  will  extend  to  her  my  respectful  thanks?" 

"Truly,"  said  Doctor  Jambeau. 

I  desired  very  much  to  return  the  compliment 
but  could  think  of  nothing  to  give  but  one  of  the 
shells  Lucille  had  presented  to  Pierrot.  So  I 
chose  one  of  these — a  pretty  pink  one  and  handed 
it  to  Doctor  Jambeau. 


38  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"For  the  baby,"  I  said,  "from  Pierrot." 

He  took  it  and  put  it  in  his  purse  and  said  that 
he  would  present  it  that  afternoon. 

It  was  not  until  then  that  Doctor  Jambeau 
remembered  another  thing.  It  was  as  he  was 
leaving,  and  he  turned  back  at  the  door. 

"My  faith,"  he  said,  "you  would  think  I  was 
the  government  post  the  way  people  send  pack- 
ages and  messages  by  me.  It  was  Monsieur 
Martin  who  asked  me  to  learn  if  you  and  your 
son  would  receive  him  at  three  o'clock  to-day. " 

It  was  so  great  an  honour  that  for  the  second  time 
this  morning  I  found  myself  upon  the  point  of 
crying. 

"  He  is  so  very  good, "  I  said  to  Doctor  Jambeau. 

"  Take  him  how  you  will,  he  is  very  interesting, " 
said  Doctor  Jambeau.  "You  will  receive  him 
then?" 

"I — receive  Monsieur  Jack  Martin?"  I  said. 
"It  is  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  who  receives  me. 
If  you  will  have  the  goodness  to  tell  Madame 
Lacroix  so  that  she  will  not  receive  him  first,  I 
will  thank  you. " 

"That  Madame  Lacroix,"  he  said  with  a  laugh. 
*'  Sometimes  I  myself  fear  to  enter.  But  you  may 
trust  Monsieur  Martin  to  go  where  he  will. 
Ah — those  Americans!  They  are  superior  to 
kings. " 

And  truly,  I  have  thought  sometimes  that 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  must  be  a  king  in  his  own 
country.  He  spoke  with  such  an  air  and  walked 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  39 

with  such  an  air,  fearing  no  man.  He  would  talk 
with  a  prince  or  a  beggar  of  the  streets,  and  cared 
not  which,  if  so  the  man  pleased  him.  It  was  the 
same  with  women.  He  asked  only  that  a  woman 
should  not  tire  him  with  her  talk. 

I  began  at  once  to  make  ready  for  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin,  putting  all  things  in  order  about  the 
room.  I  swept  the  floor  and  dusted  the  chairs 
and  tried  to  wash  the  windows  a  little.  Madame 
came  up  when  I  was  doing  that  and  stood  with  her 
hands  upon  her  hips.  She  said  nothing  for  a 
minute  and  watched  me.  Then  she  said: 

"You  are  preparing  for  that  American — eh?" 

"Yes,  Madame,"  I  said. 

Then  she  said: 

"  Have  a  care  he  does  not  steal  that  infant. " 

"What  do  you  mean?"  I  said. 

"I  mean  what  I  say,"  she  told  me.  "Once 
in  the  town  of  Mentone  there  was  a  woman  had 
an  infant.  My  cousin  told  me  about  it.  It  was  a 
fine  infant  and  my  cousin  knows  a  woman  who 
knew  a  woman  who  saw  it.  One  day  one  of 
these  Americans  passed  by  and  spoke  to  it. 
Another  day  this  American  passed  by  and  gave  it 
money.  Well,  it  was  not  a  week  after  thjs  that 
the  infant  was  seen  no  more  nor  the  American 
either. " 

"But  is  it  known  that  this  American  stole  that 
baby?"  I  said. 

"It  is  never  possible  to  know  such  thtngs  ab- 
solutely," said  Madame.  "But  they  say  this 


40  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

infant  was  taken  into  the  forests  of  America  and 
grew  up  there  like  an  animal  and  became  a  wild 
man.  They  tell  stories  to-day  in  Mentone  about 
that  infant." 

"Well,"  I  said,  "it  was  not  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  who  stole  that  infant,  was  it?" 

"  It  was  an  American  and  they  are  all  the  same, " 
she  said. 

I  tell  this  not  because  it  is  true,  but  because  for 
a  long  time  I  was  sorry  she  told  it  to  me.  It  is 
not  possible  to  forget  such  things  in  a  minute,  and 
sometimes,  when  I  awoke  at  night,  I  thought  of 
that  baby  in  the  forests. 

At  two  o'clock  I  dressed  myself,  and  then  I  put 
upon  Pierrot  the  gown  that  Madame  the  Countess 
had  given  to  me.  You  should  have  seen  him.  He 
looked  like  a  young  noble.  It  was  as  if  he  were 
made  for  fine  dresses.  And  he  wore  it  like  a  noble 
too.  It  was  always  so  with  my  Pierrot — what- 
ever you  put  upon  him,  he  carried  it  like  a  prince. 
I  remember  once  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
placed  upon  the  thumb  of  my  Pierrot  a  ring  of  the 
value  of  a  fortune,  and  Pierrot  wore  it  as  if  it  were 
a  piece  of  string.  It  became  his  hand  well,  but 
as  for,  him,  he  cared  nothing  about  it.  It  was  as 
if  where  he  came  from  he  had  so  many  things  of 
that  kind  to  play  with  that  they  were  no  longer 
of  interest  to  him.  I  remember  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  said  something  strange  about  this. 

"  It  is  possible  that  before  he  came  here  he  was  a 
prince,"  he  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  41 

I  do  not  know.  But  that  is  what  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  said. 

It  was  as  the  clocks  in  the  church  were  striking 
three  that  Madame  Lacroix  came  up  with  a  card 
in  her  hand,  which  she  held  on  the  edge  between 
her  two  fingers.  Her  face  was  like  the  sky  before 
a  shower. 

"Bah,"  she  said  as  she  threw  it  in  my  lap,  "we 
are  getting  to  be  a  very  fine  lady — eh?" 

"It  is  not  my  fault,"  I  said.  "I  did  not  give 
you  the  card. " 

"He  is  below,"  she  said. 

"Shall  I  go  below  to  see  him?"  I  said. 

"  Bah.  I  do  not  care  if  you  go  below  or  above, " 
she  said.  "  But  have  a  care  of  that  infant. " 

Then  I  looked  up  and  saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
at  my  door,  and  I  could  not  move  and  I  knew  my 
cheeks  were  very  red.  He  entered  with  his  hat 
in  one  hand  and  with  roses  in  the  other. 

"Well,"  he  said,  "may  I  come  in?" 

"Please,  "I  said. 

Madame  made  him  a  curtsey  and  hastened  to 
leave,  while  I  myself  was  unable  to  move. 

He  approached  me  and  gave  me  the  roses. 

I  held  the  baby  towards  him. 

"This  is  Pierrot,"  I  said. 


CHAPTER  VI 

NOW  this  was  the  first  time  my  Pierrot  ever 
saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  and  yet  he  was 
not  afraid.  He  opened  his  eyes  a  moment  and 
looked  at  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  then  closed 
them  again.  And  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  looked 
at  him  a  moment  and  then  reached  down  and  took 
him.  If  ever  I  had  thought  my  Pierrot  was 
already  grown  into  a  man,  I  did  not  think  so  when 
I  saw  him  in  the  arms  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
There  he  did  not  look  as  big  as  a  kitten.  He  was 
so  high  in  the  air  I  feared  for  him.  But  Pierrot 
feared  nothing  and  continued  with  his  nap.  I 
waited  to  hear  what  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  would 
say,  but  he  said  nothing  but  this: 

"The  little  devil  sleeps." 

Yes,  that  was  all  he  said  and  from  anyone 
else  I  should  not  have  liked  to  hear  my  Pierrot 
called  a  little  devil.  Yet  from  the  lips  of  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin  I  did  not  care.  It  was  like  a 
compliment. 

Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  with  Pierrot  in  his 
strong  arms  walked  from  the  window  to  the  door 
and  then  back  again  to  the  window  and  then  to 
the  door  again — walking  slowly  and  saying  nothing. 

42 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  43 

I  said  nothing  and  watched  his  face.  He  was  like 
a  giant — tall  and  broad  across  the  shoulders.  His 
hair  was  as  light  as  that  of  my  Pierrot  and  he  had 
a  great  beard  which  was  almost  red.  His  eyes 
were  blue  like  the  sky  over  the  ocean  and 
he  had  marvellous  white  teeth,  which  you  saw 
when  he  laughed.  But  when  I  knew  him 
first,  he  did  not  laugh  much.  He  wore  a  suit  of 
white  flannel,  which  was  loose  all  over  him,  and  a 
shirt  of  white,  which  was  loose,  and  a  cravat  of 
dark  blue,  which  was  loose.  Everything  he  wore 
was  loose  and  this  became  him.  I  felt  always, 
when  I  saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  that  he  was  a 
man  who  needed  much  room. 

So  he  walked  with  my  Pierrot  for  the  matter  of 
ten  minutes  saying  nothing,  and  I  did  not  have  the 
heart  to  stop  him,  though  Doctor  Jambeau  told 
me  it  was  not  well  to  walk  with  Pierrot.  I  think 
he  would  have  walked  like  that  until  dark  if  my 
courage  had  not  returned.  Twice  I  tried  to  tell 
him  before  the  words  came  from  my  lips.  Then  I 
said,  hardly  hearing  myself: 

"  Monsieur. " 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  answered  nothing.  Then 
I  said  louder; 

"Monsieur." 

Still  he  said  nothing. 

Then  I  rose  from  my  chair  and  spoke  again. 
I  did  not  like  to  do  this,  but  I  knew  it  was  very 
necessary. 

"Pardon,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 


44  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

He  'looked  down  at  me  with  three  deep  lines 
between  his  eyes. 

"Well?"  he  said  in  a  whisper. 

"Pardon,  Monsieur,"  I  said,  "but  Doctor 
Jambeau  has  told  me  it  is  not  well  to  walk  with 
Pierrot." 

"What  does  Jambeau  know  about  it?"  he 
said. 

"  I  do  not  know, "  I  said. 

"As  for  the  boy — he  sleeps,  so  what  does  he 
know  about  it?" 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  put  his  finger  to  his  lips 
and  said  in  a  whisper: 

"We  will  keep  this  a  secret.  We  will  not  tell 
either  of  them. " 

So  he  began  to  walk  again.  I  permitted  it  for 
another  five  minutes  and  then  I  gained  further 
courage.  Once  again  I  approached  him. 

"Pardon,  Monsieur,"  I  said.  "But  Pierrot 
must  return  to  his  bed  now." 

"Eh?  "he  said. 

"Truly.     He  must  return  to  his  bed. " 

I  held  out  my  arms  for  Pierrot,  but  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  said: 

"Where  is  his  bed?" 

I  pointed  to  the  place  in  my  own  bed  where 
Pierrot  always  slept,  and  he  went  there  and  put 
him  down  very  gently.  When  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  removed  his  arms,  Pierrot  opened  his  eyes 
and  then  closed  them  again,  squinting  them  up 
and  turning  down  the  corners  of  his  mouth.  Then 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  45 

he  opened  that  mouth  and  gave  a  cry  louder  than 
I  had  ever  heard. 

"You  see, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  making 
as  if  to  take  him  again.  "He  would  walk  some 
more." 

"That  is  the  very  reason  he  must  not  walk  any 
more,"  I  said. 

I  put  the  blankets  over  Pierrot  and  patted  him 
a  moment,  singing  to  him  while  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  stood  ready  to  seize  my  Pierrot  if  he  did 
not  stop  his  crying. 

"It  is  too  bad  not  to  give  him  what  he  wishes," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "He  is  not  bigger 
than  a  minute." 

"He  is  bigger  twice  over  than  the  baby  of  the 
Countess, "  I  told  him. 

"Then  that  Countess  must  carry  her  baby 
about  in  a  locket,"  he  said.  "But  this  Pierrot 
here — he  is  very  wise.  He  knows  already  what 
he  desires. " 

"But  he  does  not  know  already  what  is  good  for 
him, "  I  said. 

"Nobody  ever  learns  that,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "Never  until  it  is  too  late. " 

Pierrot  ceased  his  crying  and  slept  again,  but 
I  could  not  move  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  from  the 
side  of  the  bed.  He  stood  there  for  a  long  while 
saying  nothing  and  then,  as  if  awaking  from  a 
dream,  he  said: 

"When  will  you  be  ready  to  come?" 

"It  is  very  good  of  you,  Monsieur " 


46  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

He  stopped  me  there.     I  shall  never  forget. 

"Do  not  ever  say  that  to  me,"  he  said.  "I 
do  nothing  because  it  is  good.  I  do  what  I  damn 
please. " 

I  have  written  it  just  as  he  spoke  it.  I  am  sure 
he  meant  no  harm  with  his  oath.  I  have  learned 
through  Pierrot  many  things  and  one  is  this: 
it  is  possible  to  know  more  of  a  man  by  his  manner 
towards  a  little  baby  than  by  his  manner  towards 
anyone  already  full-grown.  Many  people  have 
told  lies  to  me,  but  in  all  my  life  I  never  knew  any- 
one to  tell  a  lie  to  Pierrot. 

"When  will  you  be  ready  to  come?"  he  said. 

"Within  a  week." 

"Good,"  he  said.  "Come  sooner  if  you  can. 
I  shall  have  someone  else  there  to  help  you. " 

"To  help  me?"  I  said.     "'But  I  thought " 

"  Do  not  think, "  he  said.  "All  you  have  to  do  is 
come. " 

That  was  his  way.  I  learned  after  a  long  time 
not  to  talk  so  much,  but  I  did  not  know  then. 
He  took  his  hat  after  this  and  went  out,  and  as  he 
opened  the  door,  I  thought  I  heard  the  rustling 
of  the  skirts  of  Madame.  I  was  sure  of  this  when 
she  came,  as  soon  as  the  door  below  closed  behind 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  She  looked  at  the  bed  to 
see  if  Pierrot  was  still  there.  Then  she  came  and 
stood  before  me. 

"I  have  something  to  say  to  you, "  she  told  me. 

"Well,"  I  said,  not  liking  her  air,  "I  am  listen- 
ing." 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  47 

"It  is  this;  rest  here  and  you  need  not  worry 
about  the  rent.  Help  me  with  the  house  and  it 
will  not  cost  you  a  sou. " 

I  could  not  understand.  This  was  not  like 
Madame  Lacroix,  who,  it  was  said,  had  never 
in  her  life  given  as  much  as  a  bowl  of  soup  to  a 
beggar.  Such  an  offer  as  this  from  her  was  like 
the  offer  of  a  fortune  from  another.  It  made  the 
tears  come  to  my  eyes. 

"That  is  very  kind  of  you, "  I  said. 

"It  is  something  not  everyone  would  do,"  she 
said  with  a  nod. 

"Truly,"  I  said,  "and  I  thank  you  from  the 
bottom  of  my  heart.  But  it  is  necessary  for  me 
to  take  service.  I  must  earn  money." 

"For  what?"  she  said. 

"There  is  Pierrot.     He  must  have  clothes." 

"Bah,"  said  Madame.  "We  shall  find  clothes 
enough  for  him. " 

"And  I  must  have  clothes  for  myself." 

"And  for  you  also." 

"Then  also  I  must  save  for  Pierrot." 

I  tried  to  make  it  seem  as  difficult  as  possible, 
though  what  I  said  was  all  true,  in  the  hope  that 
she  would  take  back  her  offer. 

"Pierrot  shall  not  want  while  he  lives  here," 
said  Madame. 

Now  would  anyone  believe  such  a  thing?  But 
that  is  what  she  told  me.  As  for  me,  it  was  all 
I  could  do  not  to  cry  because  it  was  like  a 
miracle. 


48  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"What  can  I  say?"  I  told  her,  "except  that  you 
are  too  generous. " 

"There  are  not  many  who  would  do  such  a 
thing,"  she  said  with  a  nod.  "And  what  is  your 
answer?" 

When  one  makes  an  effort  to  be  good  and  kind,  it 
makes  one  ashamed  to  cause  that  goodness  to  come 
to  nothing.  Yet  there  was  nothing  to  do  but  to 
tell  her  of  what  I  had  promised  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

"I  said  that  I  would  come  to  him  next  week," 
I  told  her. 

Then  it  was  another  woman  who  stood  before 
me.  I  cannot  write  down  all  she  said  to  me.  It 
was  too  terrible.  She  told  me  I  was  a  fool  and 
wicked  and  ungrateful.  Then  she  said  things 
about  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  that  cannot  be 
repeated.  She  said  that  nothing  but  evil  would 
come  of  this  and  told  me  such  things  that  I 
covered  my  ears.  And  in  the  end  she  bade  me 
leave  her  house. 

"I  will  have  none  of  you,"  she  said.  "Not 
another  hour  shall  you  rest  under  my  roof." 

She  went  out,  and  I  rocked  back  and  forth  not 
knowing  what  to  do. 


CHAPTER  VII 

FOR  a  long  time  I  could  not  think,  and  then  I 
rose  and  began  to  gather  my  things.  I 
packed  my  baby's  clothes  in  the  same  trunk  which 
Pierre  had  bought  when  we  came  here,  and  the 
memory  of  those  days  made  me  cry  again.  I  did 
not  know  where  I  was  going,  for  I  was  not  yet 
strong  enough  to  begin  work  for  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  and  I  did  not  wish  to  go  there  until  then. 
I  had  enough  money  for  one  night  and  perhaps  two 
at  the  hotel,  but  I  did  not  know  if  I  was  able  to 
walk  there  with  Pierrot  in  my  arms.  I  knew  only 
one  thing,  that  I  must  leave  this  house  within 
an  hour  or  Madame  Lacroix  would  do  something 
terrible.  It  was  even  possible,  I  thought,  that 
she  might  have  me  and  my  Pierrot  taken  to  the 
prison.  Then  I  looked  at  the  bed  and  I  saw  my 
Pierrot  sleeping  as  peacefully  as  a  little  angel. 
That  gave  me  strength. 

It  was  a  wonderful  thing — this  trust  of  my 
Pierrot  in  me.  It  was  like  the  trust  of  a  good  priest 
in  God.  It  mattered  not  what  trouble  was  all 
around  him,  he  had  faith  that  I  should  find  a  way 
out  of  it  for  him.  It  mattered  not  the  danger, 
my  Pierrot  felt  safe  in  my  arms.  I  have  seen  him 

4  49 


50  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

in  a  storm,  when  all  the  people  stood  around  think- 
ing the  end  of  the  world  had  come,  look  up  and 
smile  at  me  as  if  he  thought  I  had  the  power  to 
save  him  even  if  the  whole  universe  perished.  At 
such  moments  I  have  felt  as  if,  in  truth,  I  had  such 
power.  Something  came  into  me  which  made 
me  feel  that  I  could  walk  for  him  a  thousand  miles 
and  never  tire ;  that  I  could  find  food  for  him  even 
by  the  roadside;  that  other  shelter  he  did  not 
need  but  me.  With  Pierrot  hungry  in  my  arms 
there  was  nothing  either  right  or  wrong  I  could 
not  do  to  find  him  food.  With  Pierrot  in  my  arms 
there  was  no  danger  I  could  not  face  and  beat 
back.  Sometimes  I  feared,  feeling  like  a  savage. 
This  was  because  he  trusted  and  had  no  strength 
of  his  own. 

So  with  my  eyes  upon  Pierrot  I  began  yet  again 
to  gather  my  things.  It  was  then  that  the  door 
opened  softly  and  Jean  came  in.  I  had  forgotten 
about  Jean,  which  was  what  all  the  world  did 
about  Jean.  But  now  I  was  very  glad  to  see  him. 
He  came  across  the  room  on  the  tip  of  his  toes 
looking  back  often  over  his  shoulder.  He  drew 
from  his  pocket  a  leather  bag. 

"See, "  he  said,  " I  have  here  forty  francs.  For 
ten  years  I  have  been  saving  this,  sou  by  sou." 

"Well,  Jean?"  I  said,  not  understanding. 

"  It  is  mine, "  he  said.  "  I  heard  what  Madame 
said  to  you  and  now,  by  the  good  God,  I  go  with 
you." 

"With  me?  "I  said. 


Madame  Lacroix 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  51 

"We  will  go  away,"  he  said.  "We  will  go 
down  the  road  as  far  as  we  can  go,  and  I  will  carry 
Pierrot  for  you." 

"Jean!  Jean!"  I  said,  not  knowing  whether 
to  laugh  or  to  cry.  "That  is  impossible. " 

"We  will  go  to  Nice  and  beyond  that  to  Cannes 
and  even  beyond  that.  Here  is  money  enough, 
and  when  that  is  gone,  I  will  work.  We  will  go 
along  the  road  and  live  in  the  sunshine.  You 
shall  be  my  daughter  and  Pierrot,  my  grandson. 
That  will  be  fine— eh?" 

Now  who  would  have  thought  this  Jean  would 
think  of  such  a  thing  as  that?  No  one  in  the 
village  of  Beaulieu,  I  can  tell  you.  They  thought 
he  had  no  dreams  at  all — this  husband  of  Madame 
Lacroix.  As  I  said  nothing,  he  said  more. 

"We  will  pluck  flowers  for  Pierrot  and  he  shall 
listen  to  the  songs  of  birds,"  he  said.  "I  will 
carry  blankets,  and  if  we  find  no  roof,  then  I  will 
build  a  fire  and  we  will  sleep  beneath  the  stars. 
And  there  will  be  no  one  to  scold  us  and  no  one  to 
strike  us." 

As  he  told  me  this,  he  looked  young  again.  The 
colour  came  to  his  cheeks,  and  his  eyes,  which  had 
always  been  dull,  became  bright.  For  a  moment 
he  made  me  believe  this  was  a  possible  thing  to  do. 

"Yes,"  I  said,  "that  would  be  fine." 

"It  would  make  a  man  of  Pierrot,"  he  said. 
"The  sun  would  brown  his  cheeks,  and  the  air  by 
the  road  would  bring  colour.  You  shall  see  how 
he  eats — that  Pierrot!" 


52  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"As  it  is,  he  eats  enough,"  I  said  with  a  laugh. 
It  was  this  laugh  that  made  me  see  that  the  plan 
of  Jean  was  only  a  dream.  One  cannot  play  the 
gypsy  with  an  infant.  And  what  would  all  the 
world  say?  So  I  gave  my  hand  to  Jean  and  shook 
my  head. 

"I  am  sony,"  I  said,  "but  it  is  not  possible." 

"You  will  not  come  with  me?"  he  said. 

When  he  said  that,  half  the  light  went  from  his 
eyes. 

"Ah,  Jean,"  I  said.  "You  are  so  good  to  me 
and  Pierrot.  I  would  go  like  that  with  you  sooner 
that  I  would  go  with  anyone  in  the  world.  But 
Pierrot  is  so  small.  If  one  is  born  by  the  side  of 
the  road,  then  it  is  possible  to  live  by  the  side 
of  the  road.  But  if  one  is  born  in  a  house,  then 
one  must  live  in  a  house  if  that  is  possible.  I 
fear  it  would  be  too  cold  and  damp  at  night  for  my 
Pierrot." 

"Then  you  will  not  come,"  he  said  to  himself, 
and  with  that  all  the  rest  of  the  light  went  from 
his  eyes  and  he  was  just  Jean  again — just  the 
husband  of  Madame  Lacroix.  It  made  me  ache 
to  see  it. 

"I  do  not  know  yet  where  I  shall  go,  Jean," 
I  hastened  to  tell  him.  "  I  must  find  a  place,  but 
wherever  it  is,  I  wish  you  to  come  and  see  me. 
Will  you  promise  that?" 

"Yes,"  Jean  said. 

"And  when  we  are  around  the  corner,  you  may 
carry  my  Pierrot.  Would  you  like  that?" 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  53 

Yes,  Madame,"  he  said.  "I  will  wait  around 
the  corner  for  you. " 

Then  he  thrust  towards  me  his  bag  of  money — 
the  forty  francs  he  had  been  ten  years  in  saving. 

"For  you  and  Pierrot,"  he  said. 

Before  I  could  find  my  voice  he  was  gone.  I 
sat  down  on  my  trunk  and  looked  at  that  bag. 
I  opened  it  and  brought  forth  many  coins  and 
most  of  them  were  one-sou  pieces.  And  I  thought 
that  if  I  were  able  to  return  a  louis  d'or  for  every 
sou  in  that  bag,  I  could  never  pay  Jean  for  the 
goodness  of  his  heart.  So  I  pressed  a  kiss  upon  the 
bag  and  placed  it  in  my  trunk  to  return  to  him 
when  I  was  able.  As  I  did  this,  the  door  opened 
and  Madame  Lacroix  entered. 

"What  are  you  about?"  she  said. 

"I  am  preparing  to  leave,"  I  said. 

"Do  not  be  a  little  fool,"  she  said.  "Unpack 
that  trunk  and  make  ready  for  your  lunch." 


CHAPTER  VIII 

MONSIEUR  Jack  Martin  came  again  the  next 
day  and  I  was  very  glad  to  see  him.  It 
was  strange,  but  even  at  the  beginning  he  made  me 
feel  towards  him  as  my  Pierrot  felt  towards  me, 
that  with  him  about  no  harm  could  come.  This 
was  not  because  he  regarded  me  more  than  another 
but  because  he  was  such  a  big  giant.  Never  have 
I  seen  any  man  who  looked  so  much  like  a  man,  as 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  All  women  thought  like 
that  of  him.  In  the  company  that  gathered  for 
dinners  at  the  villa  where  there  were  men  from 
many  countries,  he  was  as  strong  as  any  six. 
Even  the  men  of  the  village  who  laughed  at  the 
weakness  of  the  aristocrats,  as  they  called  them, 
did  not  laugh  at  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  There 
was  a  big  man  of  Villefranche  who  boasted  much 
of  his  skill  at  fighting  and  boasted  most  when  he 
had  drunk  much  wine.  On  one  F£te  Day  he 
boasted  like  that  as  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  passed, 
and  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  heard  him.  That 
man  boasts  no  more  without  first  looking  over  his 
shoulder  to  see  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  is 
not  about. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  brought  with  him  this 
54 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  55 

afternoon  two  things  which  made  me  laugh. 
One  was  a  huge  stick  for  Pierrot  which  he  called 
a  baseball  bat.  He  said  he  wished  Pierrot  to  look 
at  this  even  if  he  was  not  big  enough  to  play  with 
it,  so  that  he  would  become  accustomed  to  it. 

"We  will  make  a  ball  player  of  this  Pierrot, "  he 
said.  "He  has  a  good  eye." 

I  do  not  know  what  he  meant,  but  that  stick 
was  as  tall  as  Pierrot  four  times  over. 

The  other  thing  he  brought  was  a  letter  from 
Doctor  Jambeau. 

"You  can  read?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to 
me. 

"Yes,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"Then  read  that,"  he  said. 

I  have  preserved  that  letter  and  I  copy  it  here 
as  it  was  written: 

"To  whom  it  may  concern: 

"  This  is  to  say  that  I,  Jacques  Jambeau,  being 
the  physician  in  charge  of  an  infant  commonly 
known  as  Pierrot  and  therefore  responsible  for 
his  good  health,  do  hereby  authorise  Monsieur 
J.  R.  Martin  of  the  Villa  Cornice,  situate  in  the 
town  of  Beaulieu,  to  walk  with  the  aforesaid  infant 
in  his  arms — providing  only  that  he  obtain  the 
consent  and  authority  of  the  mother  of  said  infant 
— for  a  period  hereby  specified;  namely  ten  min- 
utes daily.  It  is  further  understood  that  this 
privilege  is  revocable  at  the  will  either  of  the 
aforesaid  Dr.  Jacques  Jambeau  or  the  aforesaid 


56  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

mother  or  the  aforesaid  infant.    To  which  on  this 
eighteenth  day  of  April  I  attach  my  signature. 
"  DR.  JACQUES  JAMBEAU, 

"Attending  physician." 

I  read  this  two  times,  but  I  was  no  wiser  than 
before  I  read  it. 

"Well,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  "you  give 
your  consent?" 

"Yes,"  I  said.  "But  I  do  not  know  what  is 
said  there." 

"It  means  only  that  for  all  Jambeau  cares,  I 
may  walk  with  the  boy  for  ten  minutes  every 
day." 

"Very  well,"  I  said. 

"I  have  a  friend  who  is  a  lawyer,  and  he  pre- 
pared that  for  me.  I  could  have  said  the  same 
thing  in  ten  words  but  it  would  not  have  sounded 
as  well. " 

So  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  sat  down  and  waited 
for  Pierrot  to  wake  and  asked  me  many  things 
about  myself.  He  had  a  way  that  made  one  willing 
to  tell  about  one's  self,  and  before  I  was  done  I 
told  him  about  my  mother  and  father  and  where 
I  went  to  school,  and  how  they  both  died  when  I 
was  fourteen,  and  how  then  I  went  to  live  with  a 
cousin  and  cooked  for  her,  and  then  how  I  met 
Pierre  and  about  his  father  and  mother,  and  how 
I  came  here  and  how  Pierre  died.  For  an  hour  I 
talked  only  of  myself  and  did  not  think  it  strange, 
because  he  listened  with  such  interest  and  if  I 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  57 

stopped,  asked  me  yet  another  question.  Some- 
times he  smiled  and  sometimes  he  nodded  his 
head  and  sometimes  he  said : 

"Tough  luck." 

Now  I  had  never  spoken  of  these  matters  before 
to  anyone  in  Beaulieu,  and  yet  to  him  I  spoke  as 
if  at  confession.  And  though  I  had  nothing  to 
hide,  I  felt  very  glad  that  this  was  so  because  one 
could  not  have  a  secret  from  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
He  might  not  ask  with  his  lips,  but  his  blue  eyes 
looking  at  you  would  make  you  speak.  He 
learned  many  secrets  from  many  women  as  I 
have  reason  to  know,  but  I  do  not  believe  that 
any  woman  was  ever  sorry  for  telling  him  her 
secret.  I  have  known  a  very  old  woman  with  white 
hair  to  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  of  matters 
that  happened  in  her  youth  and  lay  buried  in  her 
heart  many  years  and  then  cry  and  be  glad  after 
this. 

Pierrot  slept  until  twenty  minutes  before  it  was 
time  for  me  to  nurse  him,  and  then  he  awoke  and 
looked  about  the  room.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
was  for  taking  him  at  once,  but  it  was  necessary 
for  me  to  take  him  first.  While  I  put  fresh  clothes 
upon  my  Pierrot,  Monseiur  Jack  Martin  stood  with 
his  watch  in  his  hand,  and  Pierrot  looked  at  him 
in  a  way  he  had.  My  Pierrot  was  like  a  judge. 
Every  man  and  every  woman  he  had  never  seen 
before  was  obliged  to  stand  before  him.  Then 
my  Pierrot  would  observe  him  with  his  big,  clear 
eyes  as  if  reading  his  heart.  "He  would  say 


58  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

nothing,  but  observe  his  hair  and  his  forehead  and 
his  eyes  and  his  nose  and  his  mouth  and  his  chin 
and  then,  if  my  Pierrot  was  satisfied,  he  would 
smile,  but  if  he  was  not  satisfied,  he  would  turn 
down  the  corners  of  his  mouth  and  shut  his  eyes 
and  cry.  He  would  not  cry  in  fear,  you  under- 
stand, but  in  this  way  he  would  show  that  he  did 
not  like  that  man  or  that  woman.  This  led  to 
many  things  that  no  one  understood.  Pierrot 
laughed  when  he  saw  for  the  first  time  Gaston 
Battaille,  who  was  called  a  thief  and  a  very  bad 
man,  and  he  cried  when  he  saw  for  the  first  time 
the  noble  Russian  who  was  a  judge  in  his  own 
country.  And  my  Pierrot  never  forgot.  If  he 
saw  a  man  twenty  times,  it  was  always  the  same. 
The  first  time  in  his  life  that  my  Pierrot  ever 
laughed  aloud  it  was  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

When  I  had  finished,  I  gave  my  Pierrot  to  him 
and  he  placed  his  watch  upon  the  table. 

"You  cannot  count  until  he  is  in  my  arms,"  he 
said.  "It  is  now  seventeen  minutes  of  three." 

Then  he  began  his  walk  to  the  door  and  back 
again  to  the  window  and  then  to  the  door,  saying 
nothing,  with  his  eyes  far  away.  I  wondered  of 
what  he  thought  and  why  it  was  that  at  such  times 
he  was  so  sad.  Now  though  my  Pierrot  was  awake 
and  hungry  he  said  nothing  either,  but  allowed 
himself  to  be  carried  like  this.  I  think  the  arms  of 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  were  so  strong  that  my 
Pierrot  felt  their  strength. 

I  also  felt  their  strength  and  was  very  happy  and 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  59 

very  proud.  I  thought  of  how  Pierrot  had  not 
been  with  me  yet  a  month  but  how  in  that  time 
he  had  made  over  the  whole  world  for  me.  There 
were  only  a  few  weeks  since  I  was  alone  and  with- 
out friends  in  a  strange  village  and  did  not  know 
what  I  should  do  to  live  and  did  not  care.  Now 
because  of  Pierrot  I  was  no  longer  alone  and 
could  never  be  alone  again  if  I  had  only  him  for 
company. 

But  Pierrot  had  made  for  me  many  other  friends 
who,  until  he  came,  regarded  me  no  more  than 
a  stone  by  the  sea-shore.  As  for  this  being  now  a 
strange  village,  it  was  as  if  I  myself  had  been  born 
here  because  Pierrot  had  been  born  here.  Also 
through  Pierrot  I  had  found  work  to  do,  so  I  wished 
to  live  as  never  I  had  wished  to  live  before.  My 
Pierrot,  not  a  month  old,  was  to  me  like  a  father 
and  a  husband  and  a  son  all  in  one. 

Thinking  of  these  things,  my  arms  trembled 
to  have  my  Pierrot  back  in  them  and  I  looked 
at  the  watch  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  He  saw 
me  do  this  and  came  over  and  looked  also.  Then 
he  said: 

"That  watch  goes  too  fast." 

But  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  honest  in  all 
things.  If  he  made  a  promise  even  with  himself, 
he  never  forgot.  It  was  said  that  a  promise  from 
him  was  better  than  a  paper  from  a  justice.  So 
precisely  to  the  minute  he  brought  Pierrot  to  me 
and  placed  him  in  my  arms.  Once  again  my 
Pierr9t  cried,  even  when  coming  to  me,  and  I 


60  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

think  this  gave  great  pleasure  to  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

This  same  afternoon  Lucille  Corbeau  came  to 
see  me  and  she  said  that  Jean  had  stood  for  many 
hours  around  the  corner  and  would  not  tell  her 
for  what  he  waited.  I,  like  all  the  world,  had 
forgotten  Jean  even  when  he  had  been  so  good  to 
me.  I  sent  her  out  at  once  to  tell  him  that  I  would 
not  go  to-day,  and  bade  her  tell  him  also  that  both 
myself  and  Pierrot  sent  our  love.  When  she 
came  back,  she  said  that  Jean  said  nothing  and 
looked  very  sad. 

"Poor  Jean,"  I  said  to  Lucille.  "There  is  a 
fine  man  there. " 

"Jean — a  fine  man?"  said  Lucille  with  a  laugh. 

"Do  not  ever  laugh  again  at  Jean,"  I  said  to 
her. 

Then  I  told  her  just  what  happened  and  what 
Jean  did  and  showed  her  the  bag  of  money  in  my 
trunk.  And  Lucille  cried  and  prayed  God  to  for- 
give her  for  laughing  at  Jean. 


CHAPTER  IX 

ON  the  next  day  I  learned  of  a  terrible  thing 
which  was  that  during  the  night  the  little 
baby  of  the  Countess  had  died.  Oh,  it  was  too 
horrible!  It  makes  me  cold  when  I  think  of  it. 
It  was  Madame  Lacroix  who  told  me.  She  came 
up  in  the  morning  with  my  rolls  and  chocolate 
and  said  to  me: 

"Have  you  heard?" 

"I  have  heard  nothing,"  I  said. 

"The  baby  of  the  Countess  is  dead,"  said 
Madame. 

I  remember  how  all  the  blood  went  from  my  head 
and  all  the  strength  from  my  knees. 

"That  is  not  possible,"  I  said. 

"Perhaps  not,"  said  Madame,  "but  it  is  true. 
Antonin,  the  postman,  told  me. " 

"  Dead?  But  how  can  a  little  baby  die  when  he 
has  just  begun  to  live?"  I  said. 

Madame  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"That  is  what  comes  of  not  knowing  how  to 
care  for  an  infant,"  she  said. 

I  seized  my  Pierrot,  who  was  sleeping.  I  held 
him  tight  in  my  arms  and  sat  down  in  a  chair.  It 
did  not  seem  to  me  possible  that  ever  again  could 

61 


62  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

I  permit  Pierrot  to  leave  my  arms.  I  hugged  him 
to  my  breast  until  he  cried  out.  I  kissed  his  warm 
hair  and  his  eyes  and  held  his  warm  feet  in  my 
hand.  I  kept  my  lips  upon  his  temple  where  I 
could  feel  the  beat  of  his  heart. 

" Do  not  be  a  little  fool, "  said  Madame.  "Eat 
your  breakfast. " 

"I  can  eat  nothing,"  I  said.  "Please  take  it 
away.  Please  go. " 

I  wished  to  be  alone  with  Pierrot.  At  that 
moment  I  wished  to  share  him  with  no  one  because 
there  was  not  enough  of  him  even  for  me. 

"  Bah, "  said  Madame.  "  Perhaps  this  will  teach 
you  to  leave  your  infant  with  those  who  know. " 

"I  will  leave  him  with  no  one,"  I  told  her. 
"After  this  he  must  sleep  always  in  my  arms." 

So  Madame  went  out,  and  I  rocked  my  Pierrot 
with  my  lips  on  his  temple.  I  had  heard  before 
of  babies  who  died,  but  it  had  meant  little  to  me. 
But  now  I  became  first  hot  and  then  cold.  My 
lips  were  dry,  and  I  started  at  a  noise  upon  the 
street.  I  feared  I  do  not  know  what — as  if  some 
terrible  murderer  were  running  wild  about  the 
village.  I  remember  that  once  I  rose  and  placed 
a  chair  against  the  door.  I  tried  to  sing  to  Pierrot 
and  could  not.  I  ached  to  have  him  open  his  eyes 
so  that  I  could  look  into  them.  My  throat  was 
as  if  some  one  had  choked  me. 

It  does  not  seem  right  that  ever  a  baby  should 
die.  They  are  pure  and  so  sinless  and  so  trusting. 
It  must  be  that  when  they  die,  God  is  not  looking. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  63 

After  a  little  I  was  able  to  think  of  the 
Countess  and  how  dark  the  world  must  be  to 
her.  I  thought  it  must  always  be  night  to  her 
after  this,  and  that  the  sun  would  never  rise 
again  for  her  or  the  birds  sing  again  for  her. 
Always  she  must  live  in  the  night.  But  in  the 
night  she  would  wake  and  reach  for  her  baby  and 
not  find  him.  So  it  was  not  possible  for  her  to 
live  at  all.  I  did  not  see  how  that  was  possible. 
I  did  not  see  why  she  did  not  die  when  her  baby 
died. 

It  was  not  until  Pierrot  awoke  and  searched  for 
my  breast  with  his  little  nose  that  I  recovered 
from  my  fear.  Then,  with  him  suckling  there, 
the  shadow  lifted  a  little  from  the  world.  His 
hand  rested  upon  my  neck  and  sometimes  he 
opened  his  eyes  and  looked  at  me.  Oh,  my  Pierrot 
was  alive  and  what  else  could  I  think  of?  But 
I  held  him  and  would  not  permit  him  to  go  even 
for  his  bath  until  Doctor  Jambeau  came  in.  He 
entered  with  a  great  scowl  between  his  eyes. 
His  voice  was  angry.  I  think  he  must  have  read 
my  eyes  for  he  said : 

"  Some  fool  has  told  you?  " 

"Yes,"  I  said.     " And  is  it  true?" 

"Yes,"  he  said.  "In  the  name  of  God  why 
do  not  such  mothers  come  to  us  as  soon  as  they 
are  out  of  school?  It  is  then  they  should  prepare 
for  their  babies. " 

I  did  not  understand  and  so  said  nothing. 

"They  come  to  us  when  it  is  time  for  their 


64  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

babies  to  be  born  and  bid  us  undo  their  whole  lives. 
It  is  not  possible — that. " 

He  said  a  great  deal  more  and  I  listened.  Then 
he  took  my  Pierrot. 

"And  the  Countess?"  I  said. 

"Pitiful,  pitiful,"  he  said.  "The  heart  of  a 
mother  and  the  body  of  a  grandmother. " 

"I  am  very  sorry  for  her, "  I  said. 

"  So  am  I, "  he  said,  "but  that  does  her  no  good." 

"Would  it  be  possible  for  me  to  write  her  a  little 
note?" 

"Eh?" 

"You  think  it  would  do  no  good?" 

He  looked  up  at  me  a  moment.     Then  he  said: 

"  Try  it.  You  may  be  the  only  one  in  the  world 
who  can  help  her. " 

So  he  gave  to  me  a  pencil  and  a  piece  of  paper 
and  I  wrote  this: 

"DEAR  MADAME: 

"  My  heart  bleeds  for  you  and  I  am  praying 
for  you.  I  know  how  empty  you  are  and  if  it 
would  help,  you  may  hold 'my  Pierrot.  In  the 
day  or  in  the  night  you  may  come  and  hold  my 
Pierrot." 

I  gave  it  to  Doctor  Jambeau  and  he  read  it. 

"I  do  not  know  very  well  what  to  say,"  I  told 
him. 

"Your  heart  has  told  you.  That  is  enough," 
he  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  65 

"I  thought  if  she  could  hold  a  baby — any 
baby " 

"I  do  not  know  about  that, "  he  said. 

"I  do  not  know  either,"  I  said.  "But  if  she 
wishes,  she  may  come  when  she  wishes." 

The  next  day  I  received  from  the  Countess  a 
letter  expressing  her  thanks.  But  it  was  four 
days  later,  after  dark,  that  Madame  Lacroix 
came  in  and  said  to  me: 

"A  woman  below  wished  to  see  you,  but  I  told 
her  you  could  see  no  one. " 

I  do  not  understand  what  made  me  know  but  I 
knew  that  this  woman  must  be  the  Countess. 
I  ran  out  of  the  door  and  down  the  stairs  and  into 
the  street.  In  the  dark  I  could  not  see,  but  Jean 
was  there  and  he  ran  for  me  in  the  direction  he 
had  seen  the  woman  go.  In  a  minute  he  came 
back  with  her.  She  was  in  black  and  covered 
with  a  veil  so  that  it  was  not  possible  to  see 
her  face.  It  made  me  shake  so  that  I  could 
not  speak. 

"I  did  not  wish  to  trouble  you, "  she  said. 

I  do  not  think  I  said  anything,  but  she  followed 
me  into  the  house  and  to  my  room.  Madame 
Lacroix  was  there,  but  she  left  when  we  entered. 
Then  I  closed  the  door  and  did  not  light  the  candle. 
Madame,  the  Countess,  began  to  weep,  and  I  went 
to  the  bed  and  took  Pierrot  and  placed  him  in  her 
arms.  He  did  not  wake,  and  she  seated  herself  in 
a  chair  and  began  to  rock  him  back  and  forth. 
As  for  me,  I  seated  myself  on  the  floor  at  her  feet 


66  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

and  placed  my  hands  over  my  face  and  prayed. 

Madame,  the  Countess,  did  not  weep  any  more 
but  every  little  while  I  heard  in  the  dark  a  moan 
like  the  wind  at  night.  That  went  to  my  heart 
like  the  thrust  of  a  knife.  Once  I  reached  my 
hand  for  her  hand,  and  she  held  it  so  hard  that  it 
hurt,  but  I  did  not  care. 

So  we  sat  for  the  matter  of  an  hour,  and  I  think 
Madame,  the  Countess,  found  rest. 


CHAPTER  X 

1 

IT  was  on  April  the  twenty-fifth  that  I  left  the 
house  of  Madame  Lacroix  to  take  service  with 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  I  rose  early  that  morning 
and  opened  my  window  and  saw  that  the  sky  was 
blue  and  the  ocean  bluer  than  the  sky.  I  heard  the 
birds  sing  and  I  looked  at  the  sun  shining  upon  the 
trees  and  the  houses  and  the  water  and  was  very 
glad.  I  was  not  even  sad  because  of  Pierre,  for  I 
thought  he  must  be  glad  too  that  Pierrot,  his  son, 
was  living  in  such  a  beautiful  world.  When  I 
watched  the  little  waves  creeping  over  the  rocks 
towards  me,  I  laughed  and  said  they  were  trying 
to  come  near  enough  to  play  with  Pierrot,  who 
slept  upon  the  bed.  In  those  days  my  Pierrot  was 
sleeping  when  he  was  not  eating  and  eating  when 
he  was  not  sleeping,  but  even  when  he  slept,  he 
was  to  me  awake.  When  I  looked  at  the  blue  sky, 
it  was  as  if  he  stood  by  my  side  also  looking,  and 
when  I  laughed  at  the  waves,  it  was  as  if  he  laughed 
also.  As  long  as  he  himself  could  not  see  or  speak, 
his  soul  was  still  part  of  my  soul  though  his  body 
was  separate  from  mine.  That  is  why  I  was  not 
lonely  when  he  slept,  for  it  was  only  his  body  which 
slept.  The  soul  of  Pierrot  never  slept  except 

67 


68  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

when  I  slept.  I  do  not  know  if  I  make  myself 
understood  or  if  I  will  be  thought  foolish,  but  I 
put  down  everything  just  as  I  felt. 

I  do  not  know  why  it  was  that  Pierrot  and  I 
were  so  happy  this  morning.  Perhaps  it  was  be- 
cause we  were  going  out  into  the  world  together 
for  the  first  time.  Here  in  this  room  where  Pierrot 
was  born,  it  was  as  if  we  were  in  a  world  by  our- 
selves. It  had  its  beginning  here  and  no  one  but 
Pierrot  and  I  had  any  part  in  it.  Others  came  in 
and  went  out,  in  the  end  leaving  us  once  more  alone 
together.  That  was  very  pleasant  and  I  thought 
nothing  could  be  better.  But  now  as  we  were 
about  to  go,  I  thought  that  being  together  outside 
would  make  us  even  closer  comrades  than  before. 

So  I  opened  the  window  wide  and  permitted 
the  sunshine  and  the  salt  air  from  the  sea  to  enter, 
and  breathed  deep  of  it.  As  I  made  my  toilet,  I 
sang  to  myself  this  morning.  I  felt  strong,  and 
though  my  Pierrot  was  making  plenty  of  work  for 
me,  I  was  glad  I  was  soon  to  have  other  work  also. 
I  do  not  understand  why  it  is  that  women,  even 
if  they  are  rich  and  even  if  they  are  noble,  care  to 
do  nothing  at  all.  At  the  beginning,  when  I  did 
not  have  strength,  it  was  pleasant  enough,  but 
after  this  it  made  me  ashamed  to  lie  in  bed  and  see 
Madame  serve  me.  I  had  heard  in  Paris  of  a 
girl  who  was  not  noble  at  all,  and  whose  riches 
brought  her  only  shame,  who  did  like  this,  so  that 
it  is  not  the  grand  ladies  alone  who  live  lazily. 

I  had  not  told  Madame  that  I  was  to  leave  this 


I  looked  at  the  sun  shining  upon  the  trees  and  the  houses 
and  the  water 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  69 

day.  I  did  not  wish  to  give  her  much  time  in 
which  to  talk.  But  I  had  told  Jean,  and  he  was  to 
carry  my  trunk  for  me.  I  gave  Pierrot  his  bath 
early  and  put  upon  him  the  dress  given  to  him  by 
the  Countess.  He  was  very  good  and  very  sweet, 
and  I  found  on  the  back  of  his  neck  a  curl.  There 
was  just  one  and  it  was  beautiful.  I  was  glad 
because  I  had  hoped  his  hair  might  curl  a  little. 
After  this  I  gave  him  his  breakfast  and  then  put 
him  in  his  bed  to  sleep  for  the  last  time  there.  I 
had  not  put  into  my  trunk  all  my  things,  but  when 
Madame  came  up  with  bread  and  chocolate  for 
me,  she  saw  that  something  was  in  preparation. 
She  looked  about  the  room  and  into  the  trunk  and 
then  at  Pierrot  in  his  dress  which  he  never  wore 
until  afternoon. 
.  "Well?"  she  said. 

"To-day  I  begin  service  with  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,"  I  told  her,  trying  to  make  it  seem  as 
small  an  affair  as  possible. 

Her  face  turned  red  and  she  placed  her  hands 
upon  her  hips. 

"You  little  fool,"  she  said.  "I  thought  some- 
thing like  that  was  in  your  head. " 

"  I  don't  see  why  I  am  to  be  called  a  little  fool 
because  it  is  necessary  for  me  to  work, "  I  said. 

"Did  I  not  say  you  could  remain  here?"  she 
said. 

"Yes,  Madame,"  I  said.  "But  already  I  had 
given  my  promise  to  Monsieur. " 

"You  had  better  have  a  care  what  promises  you 


70  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

make  to  that  American,"  she  said.  "Has  not 
Pierrot  had  here  the  best  of  care?" 

"Yes,  Madame." 

41  Has  he  not  grown  fat  and  strong?" 

"Yes,  Madame." 

"And  the  infant  of  the  Countess  on  the  con- 
trary  " 

"  Oh ! "  I  said.    "  Please  do  not  talk  of  that. " 

"  If  that  infant  had  been  with  me,  it  would  be 
alive  to-day." 

"  But  Doctor  Jambeau  said " 

"I  do  not  care  what  Doctor  Jambeau  says.  I 
tell  you  things  as  they  are,  and  the  proof  is  that 
things  are  as  they  are. " 

I  said  nothing  then  and  Madame  lost  much  of 
her  anger.  She  went  to  the  bed  and  looked  at 
Pierrot  and  then  she  came  back  to  me,  her  face 
looking  older  and  her  shoulders  bent. 

"  Remain  with  me, "  she  said  in  a  voice  which  was 
like  that  when  she  sang,  "La,  la,  la,"  to  Pierrot. 
"Remain  with  me.  You  shall  have  everything 
like  a  daughter.  I  am  growing  old.  I  shall  not 
be  here  long  to  scold,  and  when  I  go  Pierrot  shall 
have  all.  I  will  make  a  testament. " 

None  in  all  Beaulieu  had  ever  heard  Madame 
talk  like  this.  I  was  not  able  to  reply. 

"He  has  crept  into  my  heart — that  Pierrot," 
said  Madame.  "He  was  born  here  in  my  house, 
and  no  other  child  was  ever  born  here.  I  have 
bathed  him  and  dressed  him.  Do  not  take  him 
away. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  71 

Now  a  moment  before  I  would  not  have  thought 
it  possible,  but  I  rose  and  went  to  Madame  Lacroix 
and  kissed  her  upon  the  cheek.  Her  cheek  was 
hot  and  wrinkled,  and  she  bent  her  head  lower 
when  I  did  that. 

"You  have  been  very  good  to  my  Pierrot,"  I 
said.  "You  have  been  like  a  Godmother  to  him. " 

"  No  other  was  ever  born  here, "  she  said. 

"I  will  never  forget  what  you  have  done,  and 
when  Pierrot  is  old  enough,  I  will  tell  him  and  he 
will  come  here  and  play  with  you.  Until  then  you 
must  come  often  and  play  with  him. " 

"Let  him  remain.  Pierrot  shall  have  all,"  she 
said. 

"There,  there,"  I  said.  "He  is  not  going  far. 
It  is  only  down  the  road  a  little  way. " 

Then  quickly  she  straightened  herself  again  with 
anger  in  her  eyes,  and  I  do  not  know  what  she 
would  have  said  if  at  this  moment  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  had  not  come  to  the  door. 

"Ready?"  he  said  like  a  military  captain 
giving  an  order. 

I  did  not  know  he  was  coming  for  me. 

"The  machine  is  waiting,"  he  said.  "Throw 
your  things  into  the  trunk  and  I  will  carry  it 
down. " 

While  I  hurried  as  fast  as  I  could,  he  picked  up 
one  thing  and  then  another  as  he  found  it — 
Pierrot's  clothes  and  my  clothes  and  many  things 
which  were  not  mine  at  all — and  each  time  he 
said: 


72  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"This  yours?" 

If  I  said  "yes,"  he  threw  it  into  the  trunk,  and 
if  I  said  "no,"  he  threw  it  across  the  room.  I 
have  never  seen  such  a  man.  If  he  had  gone  out, 
I  would  have  been  ready  in  half  the  time.  Madame 
Lacroix  watched  with  a  terrible  face.  When  at 
last  all  things  were  in  the  trunk,  he  closed  it  with 
a  great  noise  and  lifted  it  to  his  shoulder  as  easily 
as  if  it  were  a  handbag  and  went  jlown  the  stairs 
with  it. 

"Sacre/"  said  Madame  Lacroix.  "He  is  a 
devil — that  man ! ' ' 

Then  she  went  to  the  bed  and  seized  Pierrot  in 
her  arms. 

"  But  he  shall  not  take  Pierrot, "  she  said.  "  In 
the  name  of  God  do  not  permit  him  to  take 
Pierrot." 

She  began  to  walk  with  my  Pierrot  saying,  "  La, 
la,  la,"  sometimes  in  tears  and  sometimes  as  if 
she  spoke  an  oath.  I  had  fear  as  to  what  she 
would  do  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  returned. 
But  when  he  came  into  the  room,  he  took  Pierrot 
and  she  said  nothing,  and  I  had  time  only  to 
put  a  shawl  about  my  baby  before  he  was 
going  down  the  stairs.  I  followed  at  once  and 
Madame  followed  me.  At  the  door  I  turned  and 
said  to  her: 

"  You  will  come  and  play  with  Pierrot? " 

"Go,"  she  said.  "But  have  a  care  of  that 
devil." 

Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  commanded  me  to 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


73 


step  into  the  automobile  and  he  held  Pierrot  in  his 
arms.  So  we  went  through  the  village  to  the  Villa 
Cornice,  which  was  the  first  time  my  Pierrot  ever 
rode  in  an  automobile,  and  the  first  time  also  that 
I  myself  ever  rode  in  an  automobile. 


CHAPTER  XI 

WE  went  very  fast — so  fast  I  held  my  breath. 
It  did  not  seem  to  me  one  minute  before 
we  reached  the  Villa  and  I  was  glad  it  was  no 
longer.  I  thought  it  would  make  Pierrot  cry  but 
he  did  not  cry,  and  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  laughed 
at  me  and  gave  praise  to  Pierrot.  When  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  stepped  out,  he  said  to  the  man  he 
called  Jimmee,  who  was  the  engineer : 

"  It  is  necessary  to  let  her  out  more  than  that  to 
frighten  this  sport,  Jimmee. " 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  spoke  very  well  in  French, 
but  he  used  many  words  which  I  had  never  heard 
before.  At  the  beginning  they  were  strange  and  I 
did  not  always  know  their  meaning,  but  after  a 
little  I  came  to  know  them.  "To  let  her  out," 
that  is  to  say  to  go  as  fast  as  possible.  And 
"sport, "  that  is  a  word  to  express  a  fine  man  who 
is  not  afraid. 

This  Jimmee  touched  his  hat  when  he  heard 
that  and  smiled. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  carried  Pierrot  into  the 
villa  and  showed  me  the  room  he  had  prepared. 
It  was  under  the  roof,  but  it  faced  the  south  and 
contained  two  windows. 

74 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  75 

"Plenty  of  air  and  sunlight  is  what  makes  them 
grow,"  he  said  to  me. 

Now  I  had  never  seen  anything  so  beautiful  as 
this  room.  It  was  as  white  and  fresh  as  the  cham- 
ber of  a  nun.  In  it  there  was  a  big  bed  painted 
white  and  all  the  other  things  were  white  and  as 
though  newly  bought.  The  walls  were  the  blue 
of  the  sky  and  there  were  many  beautiful  pictures 
upon  them.  These  pictures  were  of  the  sunlight 
in  the  olive  trees  and  of  the  sunlight  on  the  sea 
and  of  the  sunlight  on  the  road,  and  so  well  painted 
that  to  look  at  them  was  like  looking  from  a 
window.  I  had  never  seen  anything  so  beautiful 
and  did  not  know  at  this  time  that  it  was  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  who  painted  them.  The  bed  was 
covered  with  fine  linen  and  in  a  corner  there  was  a 
little  tin  tub  for  Pierrot. 

"  If  there  is  anything  more  you  wish,  ask  for  it," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

He  went  out  and  left  me  there  with  Pierrot. 
I  sat  upon  the  bed  and  tried  to  think  where  I  was. 
It  was  so  strange  that  I  should  be  in  this  room  with 
my  Pierrot  when  only  two  months  before  I  was 
alone  and  not  knowing  if  on  the  next  day  I  should 
have  even  a  bed  of  hay.  It  was  like  the  fable 
of  Cinderella,  for  if,  in  truth,  I  had  been  a  real 
princess,  I  could  ask  for  no  more  than  I  had  here. 
I  looked  from  the  windows  into  a  beautiful  garden, 
and  though  I  could  not  watch  the  sea,  I  could 
watch  the  flowers.  Often  the  sound  of  the  wind 
through  the  palms,  of  which  there  were  many, 


76  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

sounded  like  the  waves  crawling  over  the  rocks. 
For  the  rest  of  the  time  it  was  very  quiet  as  if  all 
the  world  were  praying.  I  knelt  by  the  bed  and 
thanked  the  good  God  for  all  he  had  brought  to 
me. 

Then  I  drew  back  the  fine  linen,  which  was  as 
white  as  the  clouds  or  the  foam  of  the  sea,  and 
placed  my  Pierrot  there  in  the  middle  of  that  big 
bed.  I  was  very  glad  for  my  Pierrot  to  have  such 
beautiful  linen  upon  which  to  sleep.  His  skin  was 
very  tender  and  it  was  fitting  for  him.  But  as  for 
me  myself  I  hardly  dared  to  move  about.  And  I 
felt  also  that  to  repay  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  for 
his  goodness  I  must  begin  to  work  at  once.  So  I 
dressed  myself  in  a  new  white  apron  which  I  had 
made  and  went  down  to  the  kitchen,  leaving  the 
door  open  so  that  I  could  hear  Pierrot  if  he  awoke. 

I  did  not  know  what  to  do  because  it  was  still 
too  early  to  make  preparations  for  lunch  and 
everything  about  the  kitchen  was  as  new  and  clean 
as  about  my  room.  Nevertheless,  it  was  necessary 
for  me  to  do  something  to  make  me  feel  at  ease,  so 
I  took  all  the  kettles  and  placed  them  in  the  sink 
and  began  to  scour  thejn.  I  had  finished  no  more 
than  two  kettles  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
came  to  the  door. 

"For  the  love  of  Moses  what  are  you  about?" 
he  said. 

That  was  an  oath  he  used  much  and  it  is  to  me 
much  better  than  "  the  love  of  God, "  which  many 
people  use. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  77 

"I  am  cleaning  the  kettles,  Monsieur,"  I  told 
him,  although  I  thought  it  was  possible  for  him 
to  see  what  I  was  doing. 

"Where  is  the  boy?"  he  demanded. 

"He  sleeps  on  the  bed." 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  left  me  then  and  I  heard 
him  run  up  the  stairs  and  I  feared  and  ran  after 
him.  He  looked  in  and  then  he  commanded  me  to 
come  down  again  with  him.  At  the  foot  of  the 
stairs  he  said  to  me: 

"Do  you  not  know  that  boy  might  fall  from 
the  bed  and  break  his  neck?  " 

"  He  cannot  yet  walk, "  I  told  him. 

"  But  he  can  roll,  can  he  not?  "  he  said. 

"No,  Monsieur,"  I  said,  "not  yet." 

"  Well,  you  can  never  tell  when  he  will  learn.  He 
might  awake  in  a  minute  and  find  he  was  able  to 
do  that.  They  keep  secret  what  they  can  do  until 
they  do  it — these  little  boys. " 

"But  Pierrot  is  not  yet  two  months  old,"  I 
told  him. 

"That  is  very  well, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"But  for  two  months  now  he  has  been  thinking — 
planning.  It  would  not  surprise  me  to  see  him  try 
to  come  down  those  stairs  at  any  time. " 

I  looked  up  the  stairs  to  see  if  Pierrot  was  coming. 
Then  I  could  not  help  but  smile  at  myself. 

"Now  listen,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"The  first  duty  of  a  mother  is  to  watch  her  child. 
While  Pierrot  is  in  my  house,  I  desire  you  to  keep 
your  eyes  upon  him." 


78  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"But,  Monsieur " 

"Do  you  intend  to  do  what  I  command  you  or 
not?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"Then  do  not  ever  leave  that  boy  alone  upon  the 
bed." 

"But  the  work " 

"  That  is  not  for  you  to  worry  about  until  I  do, " 
he  said. 

I  did  not  know  what  to  say  for  a  moment. 
There  were  many  things  he  understood,  but  there 
were  many  things  also  which  it  was  difficult  to 
make  him  understand. 

"You  have  been  very  good  to  me,"  I  said. 
"And  thirty  francs  is  too  much  for  me  to  take. 
But  if  I  have  not  work  to  do  here,  I  cannot 
remain. " 

"Eh? "  he  said.     " Is  not  this  my  house? " 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"Then  what  the  devil  are  you  talking  about?" 

"Only  that  if  I  do  nothing,  I  cannot  remain," 
I  said. 

"Why  not?" 

"  Because  that  would  be  impossible, "  I  said. 

"But  if  I  ask  you  to  remain  and  pay  you  to 
remain,  what  affair  is  it  of  yours?  "  he  said. 

Now  what  could  one  do  with  such  a  man? 

"  It  would  make  me  very  unhappy, "  I  said. 

I  tried  not  to  let  him  see  that  I  was  upon  the 
point  of  crying  and  turned  my  head  away,  but  I 
think  he  saw,  for  he  said  quickly : 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  79 

f  "  Do  as  you  please  then.  Scrub  all  those  kettles, 
and  when  you  are  finished,  I  will  buy  some  more  for 
you  to  scrub." 

So  I  went  back  into  the  kitchen  and  worked  as 
hard  as  I  could  for  the  matter  of  an  hour,  stopping 
only  to  go  to  the  foot  of  the  stairs  and  listen  for 
Pierrot.  I  did  not  see  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
again,  and  I  feared  I  had  made  him  angry.  When 
I  had  made  clean  everything  in  the  kitchen,  I  went 
upstairs,  and  then  what  do  you  think  I  found? 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  in  a  chair  near  the  door, 
smoking  a  big  pipe  and  watching  my  Pierrot. 

"It  was  not  necessary  for  you  to  do  this,"  I 
said. 

"Not  if  you  had  a  little  sense, "  he  said. 

"But  I  listened  at  the  foot  of  the  stairs." 

"Were  you  curious  to  hear  what  sort  of  a  noise 
he  made  when  he  fell  out?"  he  said. 

He  made  me  laugh  when  he  said  that,  and  I  did 
not  wish  to  laugh. 

"He  has  not  moved, "  I  said. 

1 '  That  is  true, ' '  he  said.  ' '  But  in  order  to  prove 
that  it  has  been  necessary  for  me  to  sit  here  one 
hour.  But  I  hope  you  have  enjoyed  yourself  with 
the  kettles. " 

"I  shall  not  leave  him  again  upon  the  bed,"  I 
told  him. 

"I  would  not  leave  a  puppy  of  that  age  alone," 
he  said.  "  It  is  not  right  because,  when  these  little 
things  go  to  sleep  like  that,  they  trust  us  big  things 
to  watch  over  them.  And  when  anyone  trusts  me 


8o 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


— big  or  little, — I  do  not  give  him  cause  to  regret 
that  trust." 

It  was  so  he  spoke  with  three  lines  between  his 
eyes.  It  was  very  strange  to  me  that  he  was  so 
serious  about  this,  but  soon  I  learned  that  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  was  a  man  who  often  was  more 
serious  about  little  affairs  than  about  big  affairs. 
After  this,  when  I  had  work  to  do  in  the  kitchen, 
I  made  a  bed  for  my  Pierrot  in  a  big  basket  and 
permitted  him  to  sleep  in  the  next  room. 


CHAPTER  XII 

PIERROT  was  very  happy  here  in  the  Villa  of 
I  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  I  do  not  know  if  it 
is  as  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said  that  in  the  world 
from  which  Pierrot  came  he  was  a  prince,  but  it  is 
certain  that  he  liked  beautiful  things  about  him. 
In  that  bed  of  fine  linen  he  slept  better  than  he  did 
in  the  bed  of  Madame  Lacroix.  I  know  because 
often  I  myself  did  not  wake  except  the  one  time 
it  was  necessary  to  feed  him,  and  then  not  again 
until  the  birds  sang.  Before  this  I  often  woke 
three  and  four  times,  not  sleeping  again  for  an 
hour,  thinking  of  many  horrible  things.  But  here 
there  was  nothing  either  for  Pierrot  or  for  me  to 
think  about  except  that  which  brought  rest. 

Then,  also,  I  found  that  Pierrot  liked  the  per- 
fume of  the  roses  better  than  the  salt  of  the  sea. 
It  was  clear  when  at  once  his  cheeks  began  to  grow 
as  red  as  the  roses  themselves.  All  night  long  the 
perfume  came  in  at  the  open  windows  for  Pierrot 
to  breathe. 

Also  Pierrot  gained  in  weight.  On  the  day  he 
was  three  months  old  he  weighed  twelve  pounds 
and  a  half  pound  over.  Doctor  Jambeau  and 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  were  present  when  he  was 

6  Pi 


82  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

weighed,  and  can  tell  as  to  this.  This  was  without 
any  clothes  upon  him.  And  this  was  not  just  fat. 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  felt  of  his  legs  and  his  arms 
and  said: 

' '  He  is  getting  firm.   He  is  going  to  have  muscle. ' ' 

Until  I  knew  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  I  had  not 
thought  that  it  was  well  for  a  man  to  have  muscle 
if  only  he  had  good  health,  but  now  I  thought  I 
would  like  my  Pierrot  to  be  big  and  strong  like 
him.  A  weak  man  is  at  the  mercy  of  other  men, 
but  a  man  who  has  such  power  as  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  had  is  like  a  general.  Yet  I  saw  that  it  was 
seldom  necessary  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to 
use  that  strength.  It  was  enough  that  he  had  it. 
He  was  as  gentle  as  Pierrot,  but  all  men  and  es- 
pecially all  women  thought  better  of  him  because 
they  knew  he  could  extend  his  right  arm,  as  I  have 
seen  him  do,  and  permit  a  man  to  swing  upon  it. 

My  Pierrot  began  to  move  his  arms  and  legs 
about  as  though  taking  exercise  and  this  pleased 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"What  he  needs  is  dumb-bells,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  one  day  as  he  watched  him.  "I  will 
buy  him  some  as  soon  as  he  is  old  enough  to  grasp 
them." 

But  even  now  my  Pierrot  was  able  to  grasp  the 
thumb  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  In  the  morning 
after  Pierrot  had  his  breakfast  and  his  nap  and 
was  dressed,  I  would  bring  him  downstairs  and 
place  him  in  the  basket.  Then  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  would  come  in  and  extend  his  two  thumbs, 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  83 

and  Pierrot  would  seize  them  and  hold  on  until 
almost  lifted  from  the  pillow.  I  saw  that  when 
Pierrot  was  not  yet  four  months  old.  At  that  time 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said: 

"He  must  go  to  Yale — that  boy.  They  will 
need  him  there." 

I  had  never  heard  of  that  country  and  I  asked 
him  where  it  was. 

II  It  is  the  biggest  country  in  America, "  he  said. 
"  It  is  where  all  the  strong  men  go. " 

I  remembered  what  Madame  Lacroix  had  told 
me  and  I  did  not  like  this  talk,  not  understanding 
at  that  time. 

It  must  not  be  thought  I  did  nothing  about  this 
Villa  except  to  care  for  Pierrot.  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  would  not  permit  me  to  scrub  the  floors 
or  wash  the  windows,  but  there  were  many  other 
matters.  For  example,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
did  not  live  as  other  men  live.  He  rose  as  soon  as 
it  was  light,  instead  of  sleeping  late,  and  at  once 
went  upon  a  long  walk.  When  he  returned,  he 
must  have  his  breakfast  and  I  have  never  seen  such 
a  breakfast  as  he  wished.  He  ate  first  fruit — as 
many  as  three  oranges.  After  this  he  must  have 
beefsteak  and  potatoes — almost  a  full  dinner. 
With  this  he  drank  coffee  and  ate  much  toasted 
bread.  If  he  desired  eggs,  he  desired  three  eggs 
fried,  and  with  it  many  slices  of  bacon,  which  was 
sent  to  him  from  America.  Then  he  gave  me  a 
book  telling  how  to  make  many  American  dishes, 
and  out  of  this  I  learned  how  to  make  what  are 


84  '  One  Year  of  Pierrot  ' 

called  biscuits  of  cream  of  tartar,  and  of  these  he 
ate  four  or  five  at  breakfast  while  they  were  hot. 
Also  I  tried  to  make  what  are  called  doughnuts, 
but  it  was  long  before  I  had  success  with  these. 
They  are  cakes  which  are  fried,  and  he  liked  these 
also  for  breakfast. 

After  this  he  smoked  a  big  pipe  and  played  with 
Pierrot  for  perhaps  an  hour.  Then  when  it  was 
time  for  Pierrot  to  have  his  bath  and  his  nap, 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  took  his  paints  and  went 
out.  He  did  not  care  for  lunch  and  often  did  not 
return  until  the  middle  of  the  afternoon. 

When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  did  not  have  guests, 
dinner  was  at  six,  after  the  American  fashion. 
While  I  was  preparing  to  serve  this,  he  played  with 
Pierrot  again.  For  this  dinner  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  again  desired  much — a  roast  of  beef  or 
lamb  or  perhaps  a  chicken.  For  soups  he  did  not 
care.  But  he  liked  cakes  of  all  kinds — especially 
those  of  chocolate.  And  he  liked  those  with 
beaten  cream  upon  them.  Also  he  liked  what  are 
called  pies,  and  I  learned  to  make  those  also. 

When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  alone  at  dinner 
it  gave  him  pleasure  to  have  me  bring  the  basket 
containing  Pierrot  into  the  room.  While  he 
dined,  the  two  would  watch  each  other.  Sometimes 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  would  laugh  aloud  and 
sometimes  Pierrot  would  smile.  It  was  as  if  they 
told  droll  stories  to  each  other  which  I  could  not 
hear.  If  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  saw  that  my 
eyes  looked  curious,  he  said: 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  85 

"This  is  between  Pierrot  and  me." 

Sometimes,  to  frighten  me  he  called  me  from  the 
kitchen : 

"Here,  Little  Mother,"  for  that  is  what  he  called 
me,  "the  boy  wishes  to  know  if  he  may  have  a 
portion  of  this  beef." 

If  I  came  running  into  the  room,  as  often  I  did, 
he  said  without  laughing,  holding  some  upon  his 
fork: 

"Just  this  much?" 

"But  no,"  I  said.  "Doctor  Jambeau  says  he 
is  to  have  nothing." 

"As  you  wish,"  he  said.  "But  it  is  the  roast 
beef  that  makes  them  strong." 

Another  time  he  desired  to  give  him  pie,  saying: 

"He  will  not  be  a  man  until  he  has  learned  to 
eat  pie." 

It  is  necessary  to  understand  that  this  was  only  a 
jest.  If  at  first  I  did  not  know  this,  it  was  because 
it  was  very  difficult  to  know  when  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  was  having  his  joke  and  when  he  was 
serious.  It  was  not  possible  to  be  sure  by  his 
laughing,  for  often  he  laughed  over  matters  that 
were  very  serious  and  did  not  laugh  at  all  when  he 
was  playing.  That  was  not  like  Pierrot. 

But  it  is  true  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
understood  my  Pierrot  better  than  anyone — better 
sometimes  than  I  myself.  Perhaps  this  was 
because  they  were  two  men  together.  Pierrot 
laughed  with  him  before  he  laughed  with  anyone 
else.  And  if  Pierrot  cried,  it  was  only  necessary 


86  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  take  him  in  his  arms 
and  he  ceased.  At  such  times  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  talked  to  him  as  one  man  to  another.  In 
his  seventeenth  week  Pierrot  fell  back  in  his  basket 
and  hurt  his  little  head  when  Monsieur  Jack  Mar- 
tin was  at  play  with  him,  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  lifted  him  as  he  cried  and  said  this: 

"Steady,  old  sport.  We  must  learn  to  endure 
such  knocks — we  men.  Just  say  to  yourself, 
'That  was  a  man  from  Harvard  who  tackled 
me,'  and  laugh  in  his  face.  It  is  so  we  do  at 
Yale." 

He  lifted  him  high  in  the  air  and  that  was  the 
first  time  Pierrot  laughed  aloud.  He  was  in  his 
fifth  month  when  Pierrot  did  that.  I  was  there 
and  I  heard.  I  shall  never  forget,  for  it  was  as  if 
at  that  moment  my  Pierrot  became  a  man.  So 
it  was,  when  he  did  anything  for  the  first  time, 
but  now  it  was  different.  All  these  weeks  my 
Pierrot  had  looked  about  him  and  said  nothing. 
Even  when  he  smiled,  it  was  as  if  to  himself  and 
not  at  anyone.  What  he  thought,  he  thought 
all  alone,  and  if  he  was  amused,  it  was  at  his  own 
thoughts.  But  when  he  laughed  aloud,  it  was  to 
share  the  jest  with  others.  It  was  as  if  he  had 
studied  the  matter  all  these  weeks  and  decided  at 
last  to  make  friends. 

When  I  heard,  I  stood  where  I  was,  not  able  to 
move.  As  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  he  placed 
Pierrot  upon  his  lap  and  then  looked  at  me. 

"Did  you  hear  that?"  he  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  87 

"Yes,  yes.    He  laughed!    Did  he  not  laugh?"  , 

"I  would  take  an  oath  he  laughed." 

"But  that  was  wonderful!" 

"You  listen  to  me, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"That  Pierrot  will  talk  before  he  is  one  year 
old." 


CHAPTER  XIII 

WHEN  I  finished  my  work  in  the  afternoon,  I 
liked  to  walk  with  Pierrot  in  the  garden. 
There  were  many  roses  and  palms  here,  and  in 
one  corner  a  piece  of  land  with  which  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  amused  himself.  He  called  this 
corner  "New  England,"  which  is  a  country  in 
America.  Here  he  planted  seeds  sent  to  him  from 
his  home — strange  plants  called  sunflowers  and 
corn  and  squashes  and  many  other  things.  Most 
of  them  were  alike  because  they  did  not  grow 
very  well,  but  he  said  it  gave  him  comfort  to 
put  the  seeds  in  the  ground.  He  said  he  thought 
those  seeds  did  not  grow  because  they  were 
homesick. 

Pierrot  liked  very  much  to  walk  in  this  garden. 
He  watched  the  flowers  and  the  birds  and  was  very 
happy.  You  would  not  believe  how  much  he  saw. 
It  was  here  Lucille  and  Jean  and  Madame  Lacroix 
came  to  see  my  Pierrot  while  Monsieur  Jack  Mar- 
tin was  out  upon  the  road  painting  pictures.  One 
day  when  I  walked  there,  I  heard  a  voice  calling 
Pierrot  and  then  over  the  top  of  the  wall  I  saw  the 
head  of  Madame  Lacroix. 

"  Is  that  devil  about?  "  she  said. 

88 


1  liked  to  walk  with  Pierrot  in  the  garden 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  89 

"Monsieur  Jack  Martin  is  not  here  if  that  is 
whom  you  mean, "  I  said. 

Then  she  came  in  at  the  gate  and  stood  at  my 
side,  looking  hard  at  Pierrot.  Pierrot  looked  at 
her,  but  he  did  not  know  her. 

"  Does  he  not  look  well,  my  Pierrot? "  I  said. 

"He  is  thin, "  said  Madame  Lacroix. 

"  But  he  has  gained  a  pound, "  I  said. 

"I  care  not  how  much  he  has  gained;  he  is  thin. 
And  he  lacks  colour." 

I  looked  at  Pierrot  and  his  cheeks  were  as  red 
as  roses. 

"  He  needs  the  air  of  the  sea, "  she  said. 

"You  see  those  cheeks  and  tell  me  he  lacks 
colour?" 

"Have  I  not  eyes  in  my  head?"  she  said  to  me. 
"See  how  sad  the  poor  infant  looks." 

She  took  him  from  my  arms  and  I  thought 
Pierrot  would  cry,  but  he  did  not  cry.  There 
was  no  baby  in  all  France  so  brave  as  my  Pierrot. 
She  began  to  walk  with  him  singing  her  "  La,  la, 
la, "  and  as  I  heard,  I  thought  I  was  back  again  in 
her  home.  It  was  then  I  felt  as  at  the  first  how 
good  the  good  God  had  been  to  my  Pierrot.  Here 
he  was  in  this  beautiful  garden,  living  like  a  prince 
and  Madame  Lacroix  coming  to  see  him  as  if  she 
were  one  of  his  servants.  Though  I  do  not  like 
to  be  proud  and  though  I  remembered  then  and 
always  shall  remember  how  kind  Madame  Lacroix 
was  to  my  Pierrot,  it  gave  me  pleasure  to  have 
affairs  like  this.  My  Pierrot  was  like  Monsieur 


90  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Jack  Martin,  who  was  able  to  walk  either  with 
those  of  noble  blood,  or  with  a  beggar  of  the 
streets,  but  who,  as  everyone  understood,  was  him- 
self one  with  those  of  noble  blood.  I  do  not  wish 
anyone  to  think  my  Pierrot  was  proud,  for  that 
is  not  true.  With  Lucille  Corbeau  he  was  as  if 
he  were  her  son,  but  with  Madame  Lacroix,  though 
he  suffered  himself  to  be  carried,  he  had  an  air  of 
I  do  not  know  what.  To  see  him  with  Madame, 
no  one  would  have  thought  he  was  her  son. 

After  Madame  had  walked  the  length  of  the 
garden  with  Pierrot  almost  twenty  times,  she  said 
tome: 

"Madame,  the  Countess,  came  yesterday  to 
see  this  boy. " 

"  Oh !    Did  you  tell  her  where  I  was?  " 

"I  suppose  that  makes  you  very  proud,  eh?" 

Now  this  did  not  make  me  so  proud  as  having 
Madame  Lacroix  come  here  to  see  my  Pierrot,  but 
I  did  not  tell  her  that.  It  was  always  difficult 
for  me  to  remember  that  Madame,  the  Countess, 
was  a  countess. 

"Did  you  tell  her  where  I  had  gone?"  I  said 
again. 

"I  told  her  that  this  devil  of  an  American  had 
taken  you  away. " 

"You  should  not  have  said  that.  I  will  write 
to  her." 

"Bah!"  said  Madame.  "Now  if  you  had  gone 
with  her,  you  would  have  shown  some  sense." 

"But  she  did  not  wish  me  to  go. " 


7w  /^^  garden  of  the  Villa  Cornice 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  91 

"  No?    You  had  better  talk  with  her." 

"If  she  wishes  to  see  my  Pierrot,  I  will  talk 
with  her, "  I  said. 

"Then  do  not  forget." 

I  do  not  know  why  it  was,  but  it  was  the 
way  she  said  this  which  made  me  glad  when 
Madame  went.  She  was  in  one  of  her  bad  moods 
that  day  and  yet  at  the  gate  she  turned  and 
said: 

" Have  you  not  had  enough  of  this?" 

11 1  am  very  happy  here, "  I  said. 

"  That  room  is  empty, "  she  said. 

"I  hope  you  will  soon  find  someone  to  occupy 
it, "  I  said. 

"I  shall  keep  that  room  for  Pierrot,"  she  said. 
1 '  He  will  not  remain  here  long.  You  will  see. ' ' 

She  left  me  feeling  so  uneasy  that  when  a 
moment  later  Lucille,  who  had  been  watching 
over  the  wall  for  her  to  go,  came  to  my  side,  I  was 
very  glad.  As  Lucille  came  up  the  path,  I  thought 
she  walked  better  than  I  had  ever  seen  her.  I  was 
sitting  upon  a  stone,  and  Lucille  without  speaking 
came  to  the  side  of  Pierrot  and  knelt  upon  the 
ground  and  kissed  his  fingers.  When  she  looked 
up  at  me,  I  have  never  seen  such  a  look  as  there 
was  upon  her  face.  It  was  like  the  face  of  a  saint. 
It  drove  from  my  head  all  thought  of  Madame 
Lacroix.  I  do  not  know  how  it  was,  but  I  felt 
a  new  kind  of  pride— a  pride  that  was  almost 
holy.  Then  Lucille  said  to  me  in  a  voice  that  was 
like  a  prayer: 


92  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Dear  mother  of  Pierrot — my  back  is  becoming 
well." 

"Then  it  is  true  you  walked  more  easily  coming 
up  the  path?" 

"You  saw?"  she  said. 

"  And  could  not  believe  my  eyes. " 

"It  is  true.  I  have  prayed  to  Pierrot,  and 
Pierrot  has  told  God." 

I  sat  very  quiet,  saying  nothing.  Lucille  still 
knelt  upon  the  ground,  and  she  put  her  face  in  my 
lap.  At  that  moment  Pierrot  smiled  and  made 
as  though  to  place  his  hand  upon  Lucille's  head 

"It  is  marvellous,"  I  said. 
'  "I  knew.    I  knew,"  said  Lucille. 
''  I  did  not  know  if  it  was  right  even  to  speak  of 
such  a  thing  as  this.     It  was  like  a  secret  between 
Pierrot  and  God.    I  said  to  Lucille: 

"It  is  better  to  say  nothing  to  anyone  of  this 
miracle.  Let  us  wait. " 

"But  I  may  come  here  every  day?" 

"Every  day,  "I  said. 


CHAPTER  XIV 

ALL  the  world  loved  my  Pierrot.  It  mattered 
not  who  came  to  the  Villa  Cornice,  whether 
it  was  the  boy  with  vegetables  or  a  friend  to  visit 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  if  they  saw  my  Pierrot 
they  stopped  to  talk  with  him.  All  of  them  said 
he  was  the  most  wonderful  boy  they  had  ever 
seen.  After  they  went,  sometimes  I  took  Pierrot 
in  my  lap  and  tried  to  see  how  it  was  he  differed 
from  other  children.  It  was  true  that  he  was  very 
beautiful  and  became  more  beautiful  every  day. 
There  were  many  curls  now  in  his  hair,  and  he 
smiled  and  laughed  all  the  time  he  was  awake. 
Also  he  was  fat  and  had  a  beautiful  colour.  Also 
his  eyes  were  beautiful.  As  yet  he  had  no  teeth, 
and  though  an  old  man  without  teeth  is  not 
beautiful,  my  Pierrot  was  beautiful  without 
them.  Pierrot  could  not  speak  a  word,  but  he 
had  an  air  that  made  everyone  think  he  was 
able  to  speak  if  he  wished  but  that  he  did  not 
desire  it. 

There  was  Antonin,  the  postman.  He  came 
twice  every  day  with  letters  for  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  and  always  he  stopped  to  play  with 
Pierrot.  He  was  a  man  with  many  children  of  his 

93 


94  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

own  and  so  he  knew  a  baby  when  he  saw  one.  But 
always,  from  the  first  time,  he  said  Pierrot  was  as 
fine  a  baby  as  he  had  ever  seen. 

"He  has  a  name — that  boy,"  he  told  me.  "I 
hear  much  of  him  in  the  village. " 

One  day  when  he  was  playing  with  Pierrot, 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  in. 

"Any  mail  for  Pierrot?"  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
said. 

Then  Antonin  looked  through  his  letters  and 
shook  his  head. 

"Nothing  this  morning,  Monsieur,"  he  said. 

"Well,  in  another  month  the  ladies  will  be 
writing  to  him, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  threw  into  the  basket 
an  envelope  from  one  of  his  letters,  and  Pierrot 
reached  out  as  if  to  take  it.  Then  both  men 
watched  him.  Pierrot  moved  his  fingers  towards 
it  and  touched  it  and  then  looked  up  and  laughed. 
Both  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  Antonin  and  I 
myself  laughed  to  see  him  laugh,  and  Pierrot 
laughed  still  more.  Once  again  he  moved  his 
fingers  towards  the  envelope  and  tried  to  grasp 
it.  He  had  not  yet  learned  how  to  seize  things 
and  was  not  able  to  tell  whether  they  were  near 
or  far.  Sometimes,  when  he  tried  to  close  over 
it,  he  seized  the  blanket  and  sometimes  the  basket, 
and  each  time  he  looked  up  at  us  and  laughed. 
When  Pierrot  laughed,  everyone  who  saw  him 
laughed  also.  It  was  not  possible  to  do  anything 
else.  Once  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said  to  a 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  95 

V 

famous  Englishman  who  acted  upon  the  stage 
and  who  was  visiting  him: 

"If  you  could  laugh  like  that  boy  Pierrot,  you 
would  have  the  whole  world  laughing  with  you." 

"  I  know, "  said  that  man.     "What  is  it?  " 

"Just  friendliness,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
to  him.  "  It  comes  from  within — that  laugh. " 

I  remembered  this  and  when  after  this  I  tried 
to  look  on  the  outside  and  understand  something 
which  my  Pierrot  did  that  was  marvellous  and 
could  not,  I  said  to  myself,  "That  also  is  from 
within." 

It  was  the  same  way  when  Pierrot  cried  with 
pain,  as  sometimes  he  did,  with  his  teeth.  He  did 
not  cry  loud  and  no  one  was  angry  with  him,  as 
often  strangers  are  with  children  who  cry,  but 
listened  to  him  with  tears  in  their  eyes. 

So  now  three  of  us  stood  about  that  basket  and 
laughed  when  Pierrot  laughed.  He  tried  a  dozen 
times  to  seize  that  envelope,  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  said  to  him: 

"Do  not  give  up.  You  have  the  Yale  spirit 
all  right." 

And  when  at  the  end  Pierrot  placed  his  fingers 
upon  the  envelope  and  raised  it  a  little  way, 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  gave  a  strange  shout,  which 
ended  with  pronouncing  as  loud  as  he  could  the 
word  "Yale"  three  times. 

It  was  the  next  day  that,  when  Antonin  came, 
he  drew  from  his  bag  many  letters  for  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin,  and  after  placing  them  upon  the 


96  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

table,  drew  out  another.  He  looked  long  at  this 
and  then  read: 

41  For  Pierrot." 

I  could  not  believe,  but  when  he  gave  the  letter 
to  me,  I  myself  read  the  words: 

41  To  Pierrot." 

When  I  opened  it,  I  was  more  surprised  than 
before.  I  copy  the  letter  as  it  read: 

"Beaulieu,  France, 

''August  3.  ' 
14 MY  DEAR  PIERROT: 

44  As  I  was  passing  the  Villa  Cornice,  I  saw  you 
over  the  wall,  but  you  did  not  see  me.  I  am 
writing  this  to  extend  to  your  mother  my  con- 
gratulations and  to  tell  her  that  I  have  never  seen 
in  all  my  life  so  fine  a  boy  as  you.  With  best 
wishes  for  a  long  and  happy  life,  I  beg  to  remain, 
my  dear  Pierrot, 

4 'Your  sincere  admirer, 
14  DUCHESS  MAGDALEN  DE  ROCHECHAMBEAU." 

s 

Now  that  was  very  strange,  was  it  not?  Because 
of  the  beating  of  my  heart  I  did  not  hear  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  when  he  entered. 

"What  is  the  trouble?"  he  said  to  me. 

I  gave  the  letter  to  him  and  he  read  it. 

"#e/<w/"  he  said.  "I  do  not  like  this.  The 
Duchess  is  a  married  lady. " 

"But  Pierrot  is  only  a  little  boy,"  I  said  to 
him. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  97 

"Just  so,  but  he  is  a  boy,  do  not  forget  that. 
Some  day  he  is  going  to  be  a  man.  You  cannot 
tell  how  far  this  affair  may  go. " 

Of  course  I  saw  later  this  was  only  his  jest.  I 
knew  that  Antonin  was  also  curious  and  so  I 
showed  the  letter  to  him. 

"To  think  of  that!"  he  said.  "And  she  saw 
him  only  over  the  wall." 

"  It  will  be  necessary  to  add  three  feet  to  the  top 
of  that  wall, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"  I  do  not  understand  how  it  was  possible  for  her 
to  see  him,"  I  said. 

"Those  ladies — those  noble  ladies,  they  can 
see  far.  Eh,  Antonin?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur, "  said  Antonin. 

" Is  it  necessary  for  me  to  reply?"  I  said. 

"This  is  Pierrot's  affair — not  yours,"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "If  I  were  in  his  place, 
I  would  give  no  attention  to  it. "  . 

They  talked  much  more  about  it,  these  two, 
until  my  head  was  in  confusion,  and  I  almost 
believed  that  Pierrot  had  grown  to  be  a  man. 
When  thinking  of  it  in  that  fashion,  I  did  not  like 
it.  I  saw  how  it  must  be  with  mothers  when  their 
sons  begin  to  receive  letters  from  other  women. 
I  understand  now  that  I  was  very  foolish,  but  I 
try  to  remember  how  I  felt  when  these  things 
happened. 

The  next  week,  when  I  had  almost  forgotten 
about  this,  Antonin  brought  yet  another  letter  to 
Pierrot.  I  copy  this  one  also. 

9 


98  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"  Beaulieu,  France,     % 
"August  10." 
"MY  DEAR  PIERROT: 

11 1  trust  you  will  not  think  I  am  taking  a  great 
liberty  in  writing  to  you.  In  passing  the  garden 
gate  I  saw  you  in  the  arms  of  your  mother  and  I 
have  been  enraptured  ever  since.  What  a  beauti- 
ful boy  you  are  and  what  a  wonderful  man  you 
will  make!  I  am  from  England  and  think  it  is  a 
great  pity  you  were  not  born  an  Englishman.  But 
I  do  not  suppose  you  are  at  fault.  I  love  you, 
Pierrot,  and  send  you  my  blessing.  From  your 
heart-broken  friend, 

"  LADY  ANGELA  BUCKINGHAM." 

I  would  not  have  given  that  letter  to  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  if  he  had  not  come  in  while  I  was 
reading  it.  He  said: 

"Another?" 

When  he  read  it,  he  gave  a  whistle. 

"I  never  heard  of  anything  like  this  in  my  life,*' 
he  said. 

"These  ladies  are  very  nice,"  I  said.  "But  I 
wish  they  would  not  write  like  that. " 

"My  dear  Little  Mother,"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  "you  cannot  prevent  it.  I  do  not  know 
even  if  it  is  your  right  to  open  such  confidential 
letters. " 

"But  Pierrot  cannot  read." 

"It  is  well  that  he  cannot.  He  would  become 
too  proud. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  99 

He  was  very  serious  and  then  he  began  to  laugh. 

1 '  A  Don  Juan  at  four  months, ' '  he  said.  ' '  What 
will  he  be  at  four  years!" 

The  next  week  Pierrot  received  a  letter  which 
read  like  this: 

"Beaulieu,  France, 

"August  17. 
"Mv  DEAR  PIERROT: 

"When  you  were  in  the  village  yesterday,  I  saw 
you.  My  heart  is  lost.  Your  eyes  are  wonderful, 
and  I  am  drowned  in  those  eyes.  Why  were  you 
not  born  in  Russia?  I  adore  you.  I  shall  wait 
in  Moscow  until  you  are  twenty  and  then  shall 
return.  Your  adoring  comrade, 

"  PRINCESS  TROUBETOWSKI." 

I  cannot  tell  any  more  except  to  say  that  almost 
every  week  my  Pierrot  received  letters  like  these. 
One  he  received  from  a  countess  in  Germany; 
another  from  a  noble  lady  in  Florence;  still 
another  from  a  princess  of  Spain.  Every  week 
some  grand  lady  saw  my  Pierrot  in  the  village  or 
looked  over  the  garden  wall  and  saw  my  Pierrot 
there  and  wrote  to  him. 

Yes,  I  believed  them  all.  It  was  not  until  I 
had  fear  to  go  upon  the  street  with  my  Pierrot 
or  to  walk  in  the  garden  with  him  that  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  told  me  this  was  only  a  jest  and  that 
he  himself  had  written  those  letters  and  given 
them  to  Antonin. 


100 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


At  first  I  was  sad  about  this  because  I  did  not 
like  to  think  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  would  make 
me  believe  a  thing  which  was  not  true.  I  think 
he  saw  how  I  felt.  When  Antonin  came  the  next 
morning  with  the  mail,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said 
to  me: 

"Not  so  serious,  Little  Mother.  That  was  all 
a  little  joke  for  Pierrot.  Truly,  if  these  noble 
women  should  see  Pierrot,  it  is  even  so  they  would 
write.  Then  you  would  have  real  cause  to  be 
serious." 

I  saw  that  this  was  true  and  became  glad  it  was 
all  a  jest,  for  it  was  not  well  for  Pierrot  at  that  age 
to  receive  such  letters. 


CHAPTER  XV  ,. 

IT  was  the  week  my  Pierrot  was  one  week  over 
five  months  old  that  I  awoke  in  the  nigiw 
hearing  him  cry.  I  thought  he  had  hunger  and 
placed  him  at  my  breast,  but  he  turned  away. 

I  shall  never  forget  that.  It  was  the  first  time 
he  had  ever  done  such  a  thing  and  my  neart 
stopped  beating.  If  I  had  been  pierced  with  a 
knife,  I  could  have  felt  no  sharper  pain,  All  I 
remembered  was  the  baby  of  the  Countess.  It 
was  so  he  had  done.  It  was  horrible  because  here 
was  the  one  thing  that  gave  Pierrot  life,  and  he 
turned  from  it.  It  was  as  if  he  refused  to  breathe. 

I  tried  again,  and  again  he  turned  away  his 
head  with  a  little  moan.  I  felt  his  cheeks  and 
they  were  hot.  My  head  sank  back  upon  the 
pillow  and  for  a  moment  I  was  so  faint  I  could 
not  move.  Then,  because  I  knew  my  Pierrot  must 
receive  from  me  help  of  some  kind,  my  strength 
returned.  I  could  not  permit  even  my  fear  to 
hold  me  when  my  Pierrot  stood  in  need.  I 
leaped  from  the  bed  and  lighted  a  candle.  Then 
I  saw  that  his  cheeks  were  red  with  fever  and 
that  his  face  was  troubled.  His  eyes  were  closed, 
but  he  moved  as  if  not  knowing  what  he  was 

101 


102  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

about  and  he  cried.     This  was  a  different  cry 
from  any  I  had  heard.     It  was  not  loud  or  long 
but  short  and  more  like  a  moan.     It  was  as  if  he 
did  not  wish  to  cry — like  one  who  shuts  his  teeth ' 
together  and  cries  through  them. 

I  took  him  in  my  arms,  covering  him  well  with 
blankets,  and  began  to  walk  with  him.  At  all 
other  times  this  had  brought  him  comfort,  but 
now  it  did  not.  He  would  be  quiet  for  a  few 
minutes  and  then  he  would  cry  out.  Each  time 
he  did  this,  it  was  as  if  a  knife  had  been  thrust 
into  my  heart.  Because  it  was  night,  it  was  yet 
more  terrible.  My  Pierrot  and  I  were  as  much 
alone  as  if  everyone  else  in  the  world  had  gone  and 
left  us.  Every  cry  he  made  was  to  me  like  the 
shriek  for  help  of  one  drowning.  Yet  no  one 
came.  My  Pierrot  and  I  were  alone. 

I  thought  of  calling  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  but 
I  knew  that  he  could  do  nothing.  I  thought  of 
Doctor  Jambeau,  but  I  feared  what  he  might  tell 
me.  I  feared  everything.  I  feared  to  be  alone 
and  I  feared  to  have  anyone  come.  I  feared  the 
dark  outside  and  I  feared  the  shadows  inside. 
I  could  not  think  from  one  second  to  another.  I 
held  my  Pierrot  as  tight  as  I  could  and  walked 
back  and  forth.  Sometimes  I  sang  to  Pierrot  and 
sometimes  I  cried,  and  sometimes  I  prayed.  I 
prayed  to  the  Father  and  to  the  Virgin  Mary  and 
to  Pierre  and  even  to  the  little  Count  who  was 
now  with  the  Father.  I  prayed  for  the  light  and 
prayed  that  Pierrot  might  sleep  and  prayed  that 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  103 

Doctor  Jambeau  might  come  and  that  he  might 
not  come. 

For  a  few  minutes  Pierrot  was  quiet  and  then 
he  awoke  with  a  start  as  if  frightened.  Twenty 
times  I  put  him  to  my  breast  and  twenty  times 
he  turned  away  his  head,  and  twenty  times  I 
suffered  such  pain  as  I  did  not  know  it  was  possible 
for  anyone  to  suffer.  Even  now  I  catch  my  breath 
when  I  remember  it. 

But  the  thing  that  hurt  me  worse  even  than 
that,  though  it  did  not  seem  possible  that  anything 
could,  was  when  he  reached  up  his  little  hand  for 
my  neck  as  if  asking  me  to  drive  away  his  pain, 
and  I  knew  I  was  able  to  do  nothing.  Once  he 
opened  his  eyes  and  looked  at  me  as  if  not  under- 
standing. Those  eyes  were  hot  and  had  a  film 
upon  them.  Then  I  could  not  longer  hold  my 
Pierrot  but  placed  him  on  the  bed  and  sank  upon 
my  knees.  I  had  no  strength  in  me  and  could  not 
see.  Pierrot  moaned  upon  the  bed.  I  could  not 
make  him  understand  that  if  it  were  possible,  I 
would  draw  from  him  with  my  kisses  all  the  pain 
and  all  the  fever.  To  give  him  comfort  for  a 
minute  I  would  have  taken  his  pain  for  all  my  life. 
He  knew  only  that  he  suffered  and  that  I  knelt 
by  his  side  not  helping  him. 

Then  I  cursed  myself  for  a  coward  and  took  him 
again  in  my  arms  and  walked  with  him.  First 
my  strength  went  and  then  it  came,  and  then  it 
went  again  and  then  it  came  again.  I  lived  a 
hundred  years  that  hour.  It  was  not  as  if  Pierrot 


104  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

alone  was  sick  but  as  if  all  the  world  were  sick 
with  him.  It  was  as  if  the  end  of  the  world  were 
about  to  come.  If  the  skies  had  burst  and  rained 
fire,  it  would  not  have  been  any  more  horrible. 
I  saw  nothing  but  the  dry  cheeks  of  my  Pierrot, 
and  heard  nothing  but  his  moaning. 

Then  I  saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  at  the  door. 
I  heard  him  say : 

"What  the  devil  is  this?" 

"Pierrot  is  sick,"  I  said. 

"  Sick?  "  he  said.    "  Let  me  see  him. " 

He  held  out  his  arms,  but  I  would  not  let  him 
take  Pierrot.  He  gave  one  look  at  his  cheeks 
and  heard  one  cry,  and  I  saw  his  face  turn  white. 

"Why  did  you  not  tell  me?  "  he  said. 

I  remember  that  I  would  not  have  been  surprised 
greatly  if  he  had  raised  his  hand  and  struck  me. 

"I'll  have  Jambeau  here  in  ten  minutes,"  he 
said. 

Then  he  ran  from  the  room.  If  he  stopped  to 
dress,  I  do  not  know,  but  I  heard  the  door  below 
close  and  knew  he  had  gone.  I  had  thought 
myself  alone  before,  but  I  was  now  still  more  alone. 
From  that  moment  I  did  nothing  but  listen.  I 
listened  until  I  thought  my  ears  would  break. 
At  every  noise  I  started  and  broke  into  perspira- 
tion. Once  I  thought  I  must  run  out  of  this  house 
and  find  Lucille  Corbeau.  Of  all  people  in  the 
world  I  wished  most  to  see  her.  I  thought  she  was 
closer  to  God — closer  even  to  Pierrot  than  I  was. 
I  cursed  myself  for  not  telling  Monsieur  Jack 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  105 

Martin  to  bring  her  to  me.  And  as  I  did  this,  I 
looked  at  the  door  and  there  stood  Lucille.  At 
first  I  thought  I  had  died  and  this  was  a  vision. 
She  was  half  dressed  and  had  a  shawl  over  her 
head.  Her  face  was  white. 

Then  Lucille  said  to  me  like  this: 

"Pierrot  called.     Give  him  to  me." 

I  placed  Pierrot  in  her  arms  and  fell  upon  the 
floor.  I  knew  nothing  after  this  until  I  heard  in 
the  room  the  voice  of  Doctor  Jambeau.  Then  I 
sprang  to  my  feet  and  demanded  my  Pierrot. 
It  came  back  to  me  that  he  was  sick  and  I  did  not 
know  if  he  lived.  I  saw  Lucille  sitting  in  a  chair 
with  my  Pierrot  in  her  arms.  She  raised  her  hand 
and  said: 

"  Be  silent.    He  is  sleeping. " 

But  Doctor  Jambeau  seized  me  by  the  arm  and 
said: 

"Into  that  bed." 

I  saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  standing  by  the 
side  of  Lucille. 

"  Right, "  he  said.     "  In  with  you. " 

"But  Pierrot " 

"  In  the  name  of  God, "  said  Doctor  Jambeau  in 
his  most  terrible  voice,  "can  not  a  healthy  boy 
cut  a  tooth  without  having  the  whole  world  turned 
on  end?" 

I  heard  that  and  if  it  had  been  a  pardon  from  a 
king  to  a  man  about  to  die,  it  could  not  have 
sounded  better.  I  climbed  into  bed  and  I  heard 
the  voices  of  those  two  men  as  if  they  came  from  a 


io6  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

long  distance.  To  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  Doctor 
Jambeau  said: 

11  If  you  call  me  from  bed  again  for  such  a  thing 
as  this,  I  will  employ  a  boy  to  wake  you  every 
night  for  a  month." 

And  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said:  "How  was  I 
to  know  he  was  cutting  a  tooth?" 

"Then  you  had  better  learn,"  said  Doctor 
Jambeau.  "  Because  in  the  next  two  years  and  a 
half  he  will  cut  nineteen  more. " 

"Well,  you  do  not  expect  me  to  remember 
thirty  years  back,  do  you?" 

"  It  is  a  blessing  of  God  that  we  do  not  remember 
what  we  all  of  us  suffered  the  first  three  years  of 
our  lives  or  we  should  go  mad,"  said  Doctor 
Jambeau. 

Then  suddenly  Doctor  Jambeau  turned  upon 
Lucille. 

"How  did  you  come  here?"  he  said. 

"I  do  not  know,"  said  Lucille. 

"Where  is  your  crutch?" 

"I  do  not  know,"  said  Lucille. 

Doctor  Jambeau  put  his  hand  to  his  beard.  I 
rose  upon  my  elbow  to  see.  For  a  minute  he 
spoke  not  a  word.  Then  he  said : 

"Walk  across  this  room." 

Lucille  rose  and  walked  easily  with  no  pain  and 
only  a  little  lameness.  Then  Doctor  Jambeau 
said: 

"You  knew  Pierrot  was  sick?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  107 

"And  no  one  sent  for  you?" 

"No,  Monsieur." 

Then  Doctor  Jambeau  said  to  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin: 

"That  is  worth  getting  up  in  the  night  to  see. 
Come  with  me." 

So  the  two  men  went  out.  I  looked  at  Lucille 
and  Lucille  looked  at  me.  But  we  said  nothing 
and  I  find  nothing  to  say  even  now.  I  have 
written  this  just  as  it  was. 


CHAPTER  XVI 

WHEN  my  Pierrot  awoke,  the  fever  had  gone. 
But  all  that  week  it  came  and  went, 
remaining  sometimes  four  or  five  hours  and  some- 
times only  an  hour.  Even  when  I  knew  it  was  not 
dangerous,  it  was  terrible.  Every  time  it  came, 
my  Pierrot  looked  at  me,  or  at  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  if  he  was  near,  and  said  as  plain  as  if  he 
talked,  like  this : 

"I  am  only  a  little  boy  and  I  trust  myself  with 
you  people  who  are  so  big,  and  you  do  nothing. 
You  permit  me  to  suffer  pain  and  do  nothing.  I 
do  not  understand  this.  I  do  not  know  if  you  are 
safe  to  trust." 

He  said  that  with  his  eyes  until  I  was  not  able  to 
look  him  in  the  eyes  because  what  he  said  was  true. 
As  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  when  he  saw  that 
look,  he  became  angry  and  shook  his  fist  at  the  air. 

"You  are  right,"  he  said  to  Pierrot.  "It  is  a 
shame  for  a  little  fellow  like  you  to  be  bullied. 
We  are  nothing  but  helpless  idiots — we  men  and 
women.  We  can  do  nothing.  But  you  endure 
like  a  man — like  a  man  from  Yale.  If  we  had  a 
needle  pricking  through  our  gums'  like  that,  we 
would  be  howling  like  whipped  dogs. " 

100 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  109 

Then  he  would  say  to  me : 

"Little  Mother,  I  feel  as  if  I  must  go  out  and 
fight  someone.  Why  does  not  the  good  Lord  wait 
until  a  man  is  full  grown  before  picking  on  him 
like  this?  It  is  not  right. " 

To  me  it  was  not  as  if  I  had  cut  my  own  teeth  in 
this  same  way  or  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  or  all 
the  world  had,  but  as  if  this  pain  were  put  upon 
my  Pierrot  alone.  It  was  no  comfort  to  be  told 
that  every  baby  must  cut  teeth.  That  did  not 
concern  me.  It  was  my  Pierrot  who  suffered,  and 
it  was  as  if  he  were  the  first  one  and  the  only  one 
in  all  the  world  made  to  suffer  like  this. 

Now  that  was  very  strange  and  very  selfish  also, 
but  it  was  like  this  with  everything  concerning 
Pierrot.  To  me  he  was  the  first  baby  ever  born. 
When  I  heard  of  other  babies,  it  was  as  if  they 
were  some  other  kind  of  babies.  They  were  not 
like  Pierrot.  They  were  like  dolls  which  suffer 
nothing  and  never  grow.  If  they  were  sick,  I 
had  pity  not  so  much  for  them  as  for  their  mothers, 
but  when  Pierrot  was  sick,  I  had  no  pity  for  myself 
but  only  for  him.  I  do  not  know  if  it  is  like  this 
with  all  mothers,  but  it  was  so  I  myself  felt. 

Lucille  came  every  day  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  liked  Lucille.  She  came  without  her  stick, 
and  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  watched  her  with 
Pierrot  and  was  very  kind  to  her.  He  was  to  her 
always  as  if  she  were  a  woman  of  noble  blood.  I 
do  not  know  how  he  made  me  feel  this  because  he 
was  the  same  in  speech  and  manner  to  all  women, 


1 10  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

but  he  had  with  her  an  air  as  if  she  were  not  like 
other  women.  He  was  very  gentle  with  her  and 
liked  to  talk  with  her. 

As  for  Lucille,  she  told  me  she  thought  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin  was  the  best  man  in  all  the 
world.  And  she  said  a  strange  thing  one  day. 

"Little  Mother,"  she  said.  "He  is  the  only 
man  I  have  ever  seen  who  never  gives  me  fear." 

She  said  that  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  when  it 
was  fear  and  nothing  else  that  most  people  of  the 
village  had  of  him.  I  myself  had  no  fear  of 
him  but  that  was  because  he  was  so  good  to  my 
Pierrot,  but  it  was  not  this  same  reason  that  made 
Lucille  feel  like  that.  It  was  something  different. 

At  the  end  of  a  week  Pierrot  was  like  himself 
again  and  when  I  placed  my  finger  in  his  mouth, 
I  felt  the  little  point  of  his  first  tooth.  I  called 
to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  showed  it  to  him, 
though  my  Pierrot  was  not  proud  and  did  not  wish 
to  show  it. 

"Wonderful,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"Now  that  is  what  I  call  good  work.  I  will  bet 
that  you  yourself  could  not  grow  a  tooth  in  one 
week. " 

"I  would  not  have  the  heart  to  try,  Monsieur," 
I  said. 

"That  is  it,"  he  said.  "We  call  these  little 
fellows  infants  when  we  are  the  real  infants. 
Think  of  all  they  have  to  worry  about.  They  are 
growing  arms  and  legs  and  muscle  and  bone  and 
hair  and  teeth — and  yet  most  of  the  time  they 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  in 

smile  about  this.  They  are  learning  to  see  and 
hear  and  speak  a  new  language  in  addition.  They 
are  doing  this  without  help  and  without  experience, 
and  yet  we  think  we  are  the  busy  ones.  Why, 
if  we  had  half  as  much  to  do  in  a  day  without  help, 
we  would  curse  and  become  Socialists.  Bah! — 
we  are  the  infants." 

I  remember  this  because  I  thought  it  was  true 
and  that  for  this  reason  older  people  should  never 
lose  patience  with  children.  Babies  have  so  many 
things  to  do  of  which  we  do  not  know.  But  you 
would  have  thought  that  tooth  of  Pierrot's  was  a 
wonderful  jewel,  to  see  how  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
delighted  to  show  it.  When  Antonin  the  post- 
man came,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  took  him  by  the 
sleeve  and  said: 

"  Do  you  wish  to  see  something?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur, "  said  Antonin  as  if  he  expected 
to  see  something  no  one  before  had  ever  seen. 

"I  will  ask  Little  Mother." 

So  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  brought  Antonin  to 
me  and  I  tried  to  make  Pierrot  open  his  mouth, 
which  he  did  because  he  smiled,  and  then  Antonin 
stooped  low  and  looked. 

"A  tooth!  "he  said. 

"The  best  tooth  a  boy  ever  grew, "  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

11 1  believe  you,  Monsieur, "  said  Antonin. 

I  knew  that  with  all  his  children  Antonin  must 
have  seen  such  things  before,  but  I  said  nothing. 
Even  if  I  knew  this,  I  was  very  proud  because 


1 12  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

after  all  he  had  never  seen  before  a  tooth  of 
Pierrot's. 

"  I  will  tell  this  to  Marie  and  Marie  will  tell  this 
to  Juliette  and  Juliette  will  tell  it  to  the  Countess 
de  Beauchamp,"  he  said. 

It  was  like  this  the  news  of  my  Pierrot's  first 
tooth  spread  about  the  village.  That  afternoon, 
when  I  walked  in  the  garden  for  a  few  minutes 
with  my  Pierrot,  Jean  came.  He  looked  over  the 
wall  and  waved  his  hand  to  us  and  was  about  to 
go  when  I  called  to  him.  He  came  with  one  eye 
over  his  shoulder  as  always. 

"  I  have  heard, "  he  said. 

"Would  you  like  to  see  it?"  I  said. 

"Yes,  "he  said. 

"  Then  if  you  will  make  him  smile  and  look  very 
quickly,  you  can  see. " 

So  Jean  took  his  cap  and  threw  it  in  the  air  and 
Pierrot  smiled  at  that. 

"Did  you  see?"  I  said. 

"  I  saw  nothing  but  his  smile, "  said  Jean. 

So  Jean  threw  his  cap  again  and  again  Pierrot 
smiled,  but  if  you  will  believe,  Jean  did  not  see 
that  tooth. 

"You  tell  me  it  is  there.  Very  well,  I  believe 
you,"  said  Jean.  "Permit  him  to  rest  with  it." 

I  asked  Jean  how  it  went  with  Madame  and  he 
said,  "as  always." 

"  But  she  tells  many  lies  about  Pierrot, "  he  said. 
"  I  know  because  Lucille  tells  me  they  are  lies. " 
'    " What  does  she  tell?"  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  113 

"  She  tells  that  Pierrot  does  not  have  enough  to 
eat  and  that  he  lacks  colour  and  is  very  sad  here," 
said  Jean. 

"Now  that  is  not  right, "  I  said. 

"What  can  you  do  with  Madame?"  he  said. 

Then  he  came  closer  to  me. 

"  Do  not  forget.  If  this  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
is  not  good  to  you  and  Pierrot,  we  will  go  away. 
I  have  that  money  you  gave  back  to  me  and  I 
am  hiding  it.  We  will  go  along  the  road  and  be 
happy." 

"Ah,  Jean,  do  you  still  remember  that?"  I  said. 

"I  dream  sometimes  that  we  have  gone,"  he 
said. 

"Do  not  even  dream  it,"  I  said.  "No  one  in 
the  world  is  so  fortunate  as  I  am.  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  could  do  no  more  if  he  were  my  father. " 

"One  can  never  tell  what  will  happen,"  said 
Jean. 

It  was  soon  after  this  that  Jean  left  and  no  more 
was  he  hidden  from  sight  than  Madame  herself 
came.  I  showed  her  Pierrot's  tooth  and  permitted 
her  to  walk  a  minute  with  him,  but  this  day  I  did 
not  like  her  and  made  an  excuse  for  returning  to 
the  house  as  soon  as  possible. 

8 


CHAPTER  XVII 

NOW  you  would  think  that  with  a  little  boy 
who  could  not  speak  and  could  not  walk  and 
could  not  hold  up  his  head  except  for  a  few  minutes 
at  one  time,  one  day  would  be  like  another  day. 
But  when  I  look  back,  I  find  so  many  things 
happened  that  if  I  live  to  be  a  hundred  years 
old,  I  could  never  tell  about  them  all.  And 
everything  is  of  importance.  Once  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  said  to  a  man  who  came  often  to 
the  Villa  and  who  was  a  great  actor  in  England, 
this: 

"Here  is  something  for  you  to  tell  those  fellows 
who  write  plays;  let  them  put  upon  the  stage,  a 
baby.  Let  them  choose  him  anywhere,  and  place 
upon  the  stage  that  baby — a  plain,  ordinary  baby. 
Then  let  him  grow  before  their  eyes.  There  is 
your  drama  all  written  for  you.  You  will  have  a 
new  drama  every  day  and  a  new  kind  every  day. 
That  baby  will  make  them  laugh,  make  them 
weep,  make  them  fear,  make  them  pray.  He  will 
reach  the  heart  of  any  audience  in  the  world,  I 
care  not  what  language  it  speaks." 

That  actor  laughed  and  said : 

"But  it  would  be  necessary  to  have  there  the 
114 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  115 

<d 

particular  baby  of  every  man  and  woman  in  the 
audience. " 

"Wrong,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "You 
could  even  please  an  audience  of  old  bachelors — 
like  me. " 

"Yes,"  said  that  actor,  "if  it  were  possible  to 
find  an  audience  of  old  bachelors — like  you. " 

I  do  not  know,  but  I  wrote  down  what  they 
said  as  I  wrote  down  many  things  which  seemed  to 
me  true.  I  do  know  well,  however,  that  with 
Pierrot  I  had  no  hunger  for  more  excitement  than 
he  gave  me.  Before  he  came  I  remember  only  a 
few  things  which  moved  me  deeply.  When  my 
father  died  was  one ;  when  Pierre  told  me  he  loved 
me,  was  another;  when  I  was  married  to  Pierre 
was  another;  and  when  Pierre  died  was  another. 
Those  were  big  things,  which  one  does  not 
forget.  But  after  Pierrot  came,  every  day  was 
like  those  few  days.  In  the  morning  to  watch 
him  play  and  laugh  was  like  watching  the  fun- 
niest man  who  ever  tried  to  make  people  laugh 
in  a  theatre,  and  was  to  make  one  happy  as 
on  a  marriage  day.  I  have  seen  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  laugh  until  the  tears  came  into  his  eyes. 
And  if  Pierrot  wished  to  make  you  weep,  ma 
foi,  he  could  do  that.  And  if  anyone  in  the 
theatre  can  make  me  fear  more  than  Pierrot 
has  done,  I  do  not  wish  to  see  that.  All  day 
long  I  lived  and  dreamed  as  I  had  never  lived 
or  dreamed  before.  When  night  came,  I  desired 
nothing  but  to  close  my  eyes,  and  even  when  I  did 


1 1 6  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

that,  it  was  with  wonder  of  what  might  happen 
before  I  opened  them  again. 

One  day  everything  was  quiet  and  my  Pierrot 
was  very  calm.  In  the  afternoon  I  learned  that 
we  had  no  coffee  and  so  I  placed  Pierrot  in  the 
little  carriage  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  bought 
for  him  and  went  to  the  village.  It  was  a  very 
beautiful  day  and  very  warm,  and  Pierrot  liked 
very  much  to  ride.  Pierrot  had  in  his  hand  the 
doll  which  Jean  made  for  him  from  a  stick  and 
he  beat  the  side  of  the  carriage  with  it,  laughing 
aloud. 

On  so  beautiful  a  day  as  this,  I  did  not  think  it 
was  possible  for  anything  to  happen  which  was  not 
also  beautiful.  Yet  it  was  on  this  day  that  some- 
thing did  happen,  which  proves  that  with  a  boy 
like  Pierrot  it  is  not  possible  to  tell  anything  in 
advance.  At  the  store  of  Monsieur  Jordaine  I  left 
Pierrot  in  his  carriage  by  the  door  because  it  was  so 
fine  in  the  sun.  I  saw  no  one  on  the  street  and 
went  in  to  buy  my  coffee  and  thought  no  more 
about  him.  Monsieur  Jordaine  asked  me  many 
things  about  how  it  went  at  the  Villa  and  I  was 
there  perhaps  five  minutes.  Then  I  heard  a  great 
shout  and  ran  to  the  door.  By  the  side  of  my 
Pierrot  stood  George  Debaux,  and  running  away 
down  the  street  with  a  pistol  in  his  hand  was  Jules 
Tupin,  the  gendarme,  and  running  before  him 
barking  and  showing  his  teeth  was  that  wild  dog 
of  the  village  called  L'Ogre.  I  did  not  know  what 
had  happened  but  I  seized  my  Pierrot.  He  was 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  117 

whole  and  was  laughing,  thinking  Jules  Tupin  and 
the  dog  were  making  sport  for  him  as  Jean  did 
when  he  threw  his  cap  in  the  air. 

"What  is  it?"  I  said  to  George  Debaux  when  I 
was  able  to  breathe. 

"That  wild  beast  was  at  the  carriage,"  said 
George. 

Many  people  gathered,  and  then  Jules  Tupin 
came  back  with  the  pistol  in  his  hand.  He  was  a 
little  man  but  he  carried  himself  like  a  general. 
Now  with  his  arm  he  moved  the  people  away  and 
stood  in  front  of  me  with  his  head  far  back. 

"I  guess  that  will  teach  you  something,"  he 
said. 

"I  do  not  understand, "  I  said. 

Jules  Tupin  put  his  pistol  in  his  pocket,  taking  a 
long  time  about  it  so  that  all  could  see.  Then  he 
said: 

"But  for  me  your  baby  would  be  no  more. " 

All  the  women  pressed  about  him  and,  as  for 
me,  the  strength  went  from  me. 

"I  can  never  thank  you  for  this,"  I  said  to 
him. 

"I  do  not  care  for  thanks,"  he  said.  "This  is 
my  business.  But  never  again  leave  that  baby 
alone  in  the  street. " 

"  I  will  never  do  it  again, "  I  said. 

Marie,  the  wife  of  the  cobbler,  came  near.'' 

"Did  the  beast  not  eat  that  baby  at  all?"  she 
said,  as  if  sorry. 

"No,"  said  Jules  Tupin.     "I  was  too  quick  for 


n8  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

him.  But  as  I  followed  the  beast  down  the  street, 
I  did  not  know  when  he  would  turn  and  eat  me. 
I  will  shoot  him  some  day. " 

"  I  saw  the  beast  at  the  carriage, "  said  Madame 
Dupont.  "My  heart  stood  still  and  I  could  not 
move." 

"  My  own  heart  stood  still, "  said  Jules.  "  But  I 
dashed  upon  him  and  when  he  saw  me,  he  ran. " 

"What  a  brave  man!"  said  Marie,  who,  it  was 
said,  had  her  eyes  upon  Jules  Tupin. 

"I  shall  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about  how 
brave  you  were, "  I  said. 

"That  American  should  give  Jules  a  pension 
for  that,"  said  Marie. 

By  now  my  strength  had  returned  and  I  wished 
to  get  back  to  the  Villa.  I  thought  I  should  never 
have  courage  to  take  Pierrot  anywhere  after  this. 
But  all  this  time  he  was  laughing  at  first  one  and 
then  the  other. 

I  placed  Pierrot  in  his  carriage  and  as  I  went 
down  the  street,  all  the  women  looked  after  me, 
and  Jules  stood  in  their  midst  telling  them  again 
how  it  happened.  As  I  turned  the  corner,  George 
Debaux  came  up  with  me. 

"I  will  go  with  you  to  the  Villa,"  he  said. 

"Thank  you  very  much,"  I  said.  "And  I 
think  you  were  almost  as  brave  as  Jules  Tupin." 

"Do  you  know  what  that  wild  beast  was  doing 
at  the  carriage?"  he  said. 

"No.     Please  do  not  tell. " 

"I  did  not  wish  to  tell  before  Tupin  and  the 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  119 

women,"  said  George.  "But  he  was  licking  the 
hand  of  Pierrot  and  Pierrot  was  pulling  his  nose." 

"The  beast  was  preparing  to  eat  him?" 

"No, "  said  George.  " I  do  not  understand,  but 
Pierrot  had  no  fear  of  the  beast  and  the  beast  had 
no  fear  of  Pierrot.  It  was  as  if  the  beast  were 
trying  to  make  friends. " 

"But  that  is  not  possible, "  I  said. 

"I  do  not  know  about  that, "  said  George,  "but 
it  is  true.  I  saw.  I  do  not  think  he  would  have 
hurt  Pierrot  at  all.  It  was  when  the  beast  saw 
Tupin  that  he  showed  his  teeth  and  growled. " 

"But  they  say  that  beast  is  very  dangerous." 

"That  is  possible.  But  Jean  Lacroix,  who  is  the 
husband  of  Madame  Lacroix,  says  it  is  not  true. 
I  do  not  know,  but  he  says  if  people  would  only 
give  the  dog  peace,  he  would  be  like  a  lamb. " 

"That  is  very  well,"  I  said.  "But  I  shall  not 
leave  my  Pierrot  before  the  store  again. " 

"Pierrot  only  laughed,"  said  George.  "He  is 
a  wonderful  boy.  Some  day  he  will  lead  an  army." 

When  I  told  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  he  was  at 
first  very  serious. 

"  If  ever  I  see  that  dog,  I  will  put  him  where  he 
will  do  no  more  harm, "  he  said. 

But  when  I  told  him  how  the  women  pressed 
about  Tupin  and  what  George  Debaux  said,  he 
began  to  smile  and  then  to  laugh. 

"And  Pierrot  here  pulled  his  nose?"  he  said. 
* '  Fine !  Fine !  And  the  women  said  Tupin  should 
have  a  pension?  I  know  that  Tupin.  It  is  a 


I2O 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


pity  Pierrot  did  not  pull  his  nose  also.  Debaux 
is  right  and  Jean  is  right.  The  poor  dog  is  bullied 
out  of  his  wits  here.  If  I  ever  see  that  dog,  I'll 
bring  him  home. " 

It  was  not  long  after  this  that  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  came  home  with  that  dog.  For  a  week 
he  kept  him  tied  back  of  the  house  and  fed  him 
well  and  washed  him  and  made  much  of  him. 
Then  he  freed  that  dog  and  if  he  had  been  a  kitten, 
he  could  not  have  been  more  gentle.  After  this 
the  dog  would  not  leave,  and  Monsieur  bought  a 
collar  for  him  and  called  him  "Sport."  This  dog 
sat  by  the  side  of  Pierrot's  carriage  and  if  anyone 
came  near,  they  had  better  have  a  care.  But  as 
for  Pierrot  himself,  he  treated  that  dog  shamefully 
and  that  dog  said  nothing. 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

I  HAD  not  seen  the  Countess  de  Beauchamp 
since  that  day  she  came  to  visit  Pierrot  soon 
after  her  own  little  baby  died.  Doctor  Jambeau 
told  her  that  it  was  necessary  for  her  to  travel 
much  so  that  she  would  forget.  I  did  not  know 
about  the  Countess,  but  I  knew  that  as  for  me,  I 
would  not  wish  to  forget  but  to  remember.  I 
would  wish  to  remain  where  my  baby  had 
been  and  lose  nothing  of  every  minute  he  had 
been  with  me.  I  would  wish  all  his  things 
around  me  and  go  every  day  where  we  had  been 
together.  I  would  not  think  him  altogether 
dead  as  long  as  I  was  able  to  remember.  To 
me  it  was  worse  to  forget  a  baby  than  to  bury 
him.  I  said  nothing,  but  often  I  thought  of  the 
Countess  and  wondered  if  it  was  true  she  was  able 
to  forget. 

Then  on  the  week  before  Pierrot  was  six  months 
old  Madame  Lacroix  came  into  the  garden  and  told 
me  the  Countess  was  back  again. 

"She  came  to  the  house  and  said  she  would  like 
to  see  Pierrot, "  said  Madame  Lacroix. 

"  She  may  see  my  Pierrot  any  time  she  wishes, " 
I  said. 

121 


122  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"She  is  a  fine  woman,"  said  Madame  Lacroix, 
looking  at  me. 

"  I  have  a  great  pity  for  her, "  I  said. 

"She  has  a  fine  house  and  a  great  fortune.  If 
she  liked  your  Pierrot,  she  might  do  great  things 
for  him." 

"I  do  not  know  what  more  my  Pierrot  could 
have  than  he  has  now, "  I  said. 

"It  is  necessary  to  look  ahead,"  said  Madame 
Lacroix.  "Some  day  this  devil  of  an  American 
will  go.  Poof! — like  that.  Then  where  will  you 
be?" 

"  I  have  too  much  to  do  every  day  to  look  ahead," 
I  told  her. 

"Because  you  are  a  little  fool.  Bah!  You 
think  only  of  yourself. " 

"  I  do  not  know  why  you  say  that, "  I  said. 

"Because  it  is  true.  But  I  know  some  things 
you  do  not  know.  And  I  say  to  you  that  if 
Madame,  the  Countess,  does  you  the  honour  to 
come  and  see  your  Pierrot,  it  is  well  if  you  are  very 
polite  to  her." 

"  I  try  to  be  polite  to  everyone, "  I  said. 

"And  remember  that  you  must  think  not  of 
yourself  always  but  of  Pierrot." 

I  did  not  know  at  this  time  all  that  Madame 
Lacroix  had  in  her  mind,  but  I  did  not  like  what 
she  said.  From  morning  until  night  I  thought  of 
nothing  but  Pierrot.  I  thought  nothing  of  myself 
and  was  willing  to  die  for  Pierrot  if  it  were  necessary. 
Such  talk  sounded  strange  to  me. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  123 

"The  Countess  can  do  nothing  either  for  me  or 
my  Pierrot,"  I  said.  "But  if  she  desires  to  see 
my  Pierrot,  she  may  come  to-morrow. " 

"She  does  not  desire  to  see  that  devil  of  an 
American. " 

"Monsieur  Jack  Martin  would  do  her  no  harm. 
But  if  she  desires  to  see  no  one  but  Pierrot,  I 
will  be  here  in  the  garden  with  him  to-morrow 
afternoon. " 

"  I  will  tell  her  that, "  said  Madame  Lacroix. 

I  said  nothing  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  but 
the  next  day  after  luncheon  I  dressed  Pierrot  in  his 
finest  clothes  and  made  ready  to  see  the  Countess. 
It  was  a  little  time  after  the  clocks  in  the  village 
struck  three  that  I  heard  an  automobile  stop  by  the 
gate.  Then  I  saw  Madame,  the  Countess,  stop 
there  and  I  went  to  meet  her  with  Pierrot  in  my 
arms.  She  was  not  dressed  in  black  now,  but  she 
was  very  thin  and  her  face  was  very  white.  She 
came  a  few  steps  towards  me  and  then  stopped  and 
placed  her  hand  to  her  heart.  I  shall  never  forget 
the  expression  in  her  face.  It  was  terrible.  First 
it  was  like  pain  and  then  like  anger  and  then  like 
such  a  sorrow  as  would  never  go. 

"You  are  sick,  Madame?"  I  said. 

"No,  no,"  she  said.     "It  will  go  in  a  minute." 

She  sat  upon  a  stone  bench  and  turned  away  her 
head  as  if  she  did  not  wish  to  look  at  either  Pierrot 
or  at  me.  Then  I  knew  that  Madame,  the  Coun- 
tess, even  if  she  had  travelled  far  and  had  been 
given  everything  a  fortune  could  buy,  had  not  for- 


124  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

gotten.  It  is  little  these  great  doctors  know 
about  a  mother  when  they  command  her  to 
forget. 

From  my  arms  Pierrot  looked  at  her  and  smiled. 
Madame,  the  Countess,  had  in  her  hat  a  great 
feather,  and  Pierrot  looked  at  that  and  smiled  and 
reached  for  it.  Then  he  laughed  aloud  and  the 
Countess  turned  suddenly  towards  me. 

"Your  baby  is  well?"  she  said. 

"Yes,  Madame." 

Her  lips  grew  thin  as  I  said  that.  I  pressed  my 
Pierrot  closer  to  me. 

"My  baby  would  have  been  six  months  old 
to-day  if— if " 

She  could  not  finish — that  poor  woman. 

"Would  you  like  to  take  Pierrot  in  your  arms?" 
I  said. 

"Yes,  yes,"  she  said.     "Give  him  to  me." 

So  I  placed  Pierrot  in  her  arms  and  then  for  the 
first  time  she  saw  him.  She  looked  at  him  as  if 
with  hunger,  and  he  smiled  at  her.  Then  she 
looked  at  me  and  then  back  again  at  Pierrot. 

" He  has  never  been  sick  at  all?"  she  said. 

"He  had  pain  with  his  tooth  but  that  was 
nothing,"  I  said. 

" He  still  nurses?" 

"Yes,  Madame." 

"Ah,  that  is  wonderful,"  she  said.  "His 
cheeks  are  red  and  his  eyes  are  bright.  And  his 
flesh  is  warm — warm, "  she  said. 

"He  is  able  to  hold  up  his  head  also,"  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  125 

"He  smiles  and  has  life.  He  has  life!  Mon 
Dieu! — what  a  wonderful  thing  that  is!" 

Then  she  stopped  and  kissed  my  Pierrot  upon 
the  cheek.  He  smiled  and  hid  his  head  in  her 
bosom,  thinking  he  was  being  tickled.  When 
he  did  like  that,  she  drew  him  to  her  so  hard  that 
it  made  me  fear.  It  was  as  if  she  would  never 
permit  him  to  go  again.  Pierrot  did  not  struggle 
but  lay  there,  and  then  she  began  to  sing  softly 
to  him — the  same  song  that  Madame  Lacroix 
sang.  She  rocked  back  and  forth  singing,  "La, 
la,  la."  If  I  had  closed  my  eyes,  I  should  have 
thought  it  was  Madame  Lacroix  and  not  the 
Countess  de  Beauchamp  sitting  there  singing  to 
my  Pierrot.  Her  face  grew  tender  and  the  anger 
and  the  pain  left  her  mouth.  Once  she  looked  up 
at  me. 

"He  has  no  fear, "  she  said. 

"No,  Madame." 

"I  think  he  likes  me." 

"He  likes  all  the  world,"  I  said. 

My  Pierrot  was  playing  with  some  jewels  at 
her  throat. 

"He  does  not  know  if  he  is  with  me  or  with 
you, "  she  said. 

My  face  grew  hot  when  she  said  that. 

"My  Pierrot  knows  well,"  I  said. 

"I  wonder,"  she  said.  "If  I  close  my  eyes,  I 
am  almost  able  to  make  myself  believe  this  is  my 
baby,"  she  said.  "Why  then  should  he  know 
any  difference?" 


126  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

It  was  necessary  for  me  to  shut  my  hands  tight 
not  to  seize  my  Pierrot  at  once  when  she  said  that. 

"My  Pierrot  knows  his  mother, "  I  said. 

"Every  woman  may  be  the  mother  of  any  baby 
if  she  will,"  said  the  Countess.  "They  know  us 
only  as  women. " 

"  I  think  it  is  time  now  for  my  Pierrot  to  return 
to  the  house, "  I  said. 

"  See  how  he  lies  here, "  she  said. 

She  began  to  smooth  his  hair  and  pat  his  back, 
and  he  looked  up  and  smiled  at  her. 

"  It  is  time  for  him  to  go, "  I  said  again. 

"He  does  not  wish  to  go, "  said  the  Countess. 

I  held  out  my  arms  for  my  Pierrot  but  he  did 
not  see.  The  Countess  laughed  at  this  and  rose 
with  him  at  her  breast.  Then  I  thought  of  some- 
thing and  laughed  myself,  for  I  knew  that  breast 
was  empty. 

"  You  do  not  think  he  would  go  with  me?    See. " 

With  Pierrot  in  her  arms  she  walked  towards  the 
gate  and  as  for  me,  I  stood  where  I  was,  not  able 
to  move.  The  blood  went  from  my  cheeks  and  I 
was  like  one  in  an  evil  dream.  I  wished  to  cry 
out  and  could  not,  and  saw  her  continue  towards 
the  gate.  My  Pierrot  lay  in  her  arms  and  said 
nothing.  And  the  Countess  turned  back  her  head 
and  laughed  at  me  where  I  stood. 

"You  see,"  she  said.     "I  am  his  mother." 

In  another  second  I  would  have  screamed.  In 
another  second  I  would  have  rushed  forward  and 
clutched  at  the  throat  of  this  woman,  not  caring 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  127 

if  she  was  a  Countess.  I  could  have  killed  her 
where  she  stood.  But  when  she  spoke,  my  Pierrot 
raised  his  head  and  seeing  me,  gave  a  little  cry. 
I  waited  for  no  more.  I  seized  my  Pierrot  from 
her  arms  and  covered  him  with  kisses. 

"Now  you  see, "  I  said.     "He  called  for  me. " 

Then  the  Countess  said,  "Yes,  he  called  that 
time.  But  in  a  little  while  he  would  not  call. " 

"  I  do  not  know  what  you  think  my  Pierrot  is, " 
I  said  in  anger. 

"Just  a  baby,"  said  the  Countess.  "Just  a 
dear  little  baby.  They  are  all  like  that. " 

That  is  what  she  said.  It  shows  what  kind  of  a 
mother  she  was.  If  I  had  pity  for  her  before,  I 
had  no  pity  for  her  that  minute. 

"  I  must  go  into  the  house  now, "  I  said. 

"You  have  fear?" 

"No,  "I  said. 

"Then  you  will  permit  me  to  come  again — to- 
morrow?" 

Now  I  did  not  wish  her  to  come  again  to-morrow, 
but  it  was  not  for  me  to  say  that  to  a  noble 
Countess. 

"  If  you  wish, "  I  said. 

"I  wish  it  very  much,"  said  the  Countess. 
"And  I  thank  Pierrot  and  you  for  an  afternoon  of 
rest." 

It  was  possible  that  she  had  an  afternoon  of 
rest,  but  I  myself  did  not  have  such  an  afternoon. 
I  was  glad  when  she  went  and  left  me  alone  with 
my  Pierrot. 


CHAPTER  XIX 

NOW  I  said  nothing  of  this  to  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  I  do  not  know  why  except  that 
this  was  a  matter  between  Pierrot  and  myself 
and  no  one  else.  I  was  much  troubled  all  night. 
Never  before  had  I  wished  my  Pierrot  could  talk, 
but  when  I  awoke  in  the  dark  this  night,  it  would 
have  been  a  great  comfort  if  he  had  been  able 
to  speak  to  me.  He  himself  awoke  once  and  I 
lighted  a  candle,  not  liking  the  dark,  and  while  he 
nursed,  I  looked  into  his  eyes,  which  were  wide 
open.  I  remember  what  I  said  to  him.  I  said 
this: 

"Is  it  true,  Pierrot,  that  to  you  one  woman  is 
like  another  woman?" 

He  smiled  at  me  when  I  said  this. 

"Is  it  true,"  I  said,  "that  you  have  no  more 
love  for  me  than  for  the  Countess?" 

Again  he  smiled  and  one  could  not  tell  at  what. 

"I  gave  you  life  and  all  these  months  I  have 
preserved  that  life,"  I  said.  "You  are  part  of 
me — your  body,  your  heart,  your  soul.  Yet  the 
Countess  says  this  makes  for  nothing.  That  is 
not  true,  Pierrot?" 

If  only  my  Pierrot  could  have  said  that  one  word, 

Ml 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  129 

"No!"  If  only  he  could  have  shaken  his  head 
even!  But  he  would  do  nothing  except  eat  and 
smile. 

"Would  you  go  away  and  live  in  content  with 
the  Countess?"  I  said. 

But  he  made  me  answer  every  question  myself 
and  though  I  did,  it  was  not  as  if  he  had  answered. 
I  knew  that  apart  from  me  my  Pierrot  would  grow 
sick  and  die.  I  knew  he  would  be  very  unhappy 
away  from  me  for  even  one  day.  I  knew  he  knew 
that  no  one  else  in  all  the  world  could  care  for  him 
as  I  did.  I  saw  it  in  his  eyes.  But  if  only  he 
could  have  told  me  that  with  his  lips! 

At  first  I  thought  I  would  make  some  excuse  not 
to  see  the  Countess  that  next  day  but  as  I  thought 
of  this,  I  had  fear  she  might  think  I  did  not  trust 
my  Pierrot.  So  in  the  afternoon  I  went  out  in 
the  garden  to  meet  Madame,  the  Countess  de 
Beauchamp.  But  this  time  when  she  came,  I 
did  not  give  her  Pierrot  to  hold  in  her  arms.  She 
saw  this  and  said: 

"Is  it  that  you  do  not  trust  me  with  Pierrot  or 
do  not  trust  Pierrot  with  me?" 

I  said  nothing. 

"My  arms  are  so  empty,"  she  said  with  a  sad 
smile. 

At  this  moment  my  Pierrot  reached  for  the 
jewels  at  her  throat  and  I  could  do  nothing  after 
that.  Madame,  the  Countess,  looked  this  day 
as  if  she  had  not  slept  at  all  during  the  night. 
Even  Pierrot  could  not  make  her  smile  very  much. 

9 


130  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

She  talked  in  a  low  voice  of  many  things  as  she 
played  with  Pierrot,  but  I  remember  she  talked 
most  of  how  to  have  a  boy  like  Pierrot  was  a  great 
responsibility  as  well  as  a  great  joy. 

" Such  a  boy, "  she  said,  "should  have  fine  train- 
ing. He  should  have  a  tutor  until  he  is  strong 
enough  to  go  to  school  in  Paris.  There  he  should 
remain  many  years  and  then  he  should  travel. 
There  is  nothing  to  make  a  man  big  like  travel. 
Have  you  thought  of  that?" 

41  No,  Madame,"  I  said. 

"You  should  think  of  that  at  once, "  she  said. 

"But  it  is  necessary  to  have  a  great  fortune  to  do 
such  things, "  I  said. 

"Yes,"  she  said,  looking  at  me. 

Then  she  told  me  of  what  this  school  cost  and 
that  school  cost  and  of  how  much  it  was  necessary 
for  me  to  spend  to  dress  my  boy  like  a  gentleman 
and  of  how  much  it  cost  to  travel.  She  talked  like 
that  until  my  head  was  in  confusion. 

"But  such  things  are  not  for  Pierrot,"  I  said 
at  last. 

"Not  for  Pierrot?"  She  said  this  in  such  a 
way  that  I  felt  ashamed. 

"Not  because  I  do  not  wish  him  to  have  them 
but  because  it  is  not  possible, "  I  said. 

"But  if  it  should  be  made  possible?"  she  said, 
looking  at  me. 
.  "Then  he  should  have  them,"  I  said. 

"You  would  make  any  sacrifice?" 

"Yes,  Madame." 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  131 

"You  would  not  consider  too  great  any  pain  you 
yourself  might  suffer  if  only  your  son  had  what  he 
should  have?" 

"Certainly  I  would  not,"  I  said. 

"That  is  right,"  she  said.  "If  you  thought  of 
yourself  at  all  in  such  a  matter,  you  would  not  be 
a  good  mother." 

She  was  silent  a  moment  and  then  she  said  as  if 
to  herself: 

"I  am  sure  I  myself  would  feel  as  you  do.  I 
know  that  if  my  boy  had  lived,  I  would  have  been 
willing  to  toil  with  my  hands  until  I  died,  had  that 
been  necessary,  to  give  him  what  he  should  have. 
There  is  nothing  I  would  not  have  done.  I  would 
have  begged  in  the  streets  for  him;  I  would  have 
stolen  for  him  if  there  had  been  no  other  way. 
I  can  think  of  no  sacrifice  I  would  not  have 
made  for  him.  If  only  he  would  come  back  to 
me!  Mon  Dieu! — why  cannot  he  come  back  to 
me?" 

She  was  crying  and  spoke  as  if  not  knowing  what 
she  said.  I  shall  never  forget  what  she  said  after 
this. 

"Permit  me  to  take  your  place,"  she  said. 
"Permit  me  to  come  here  and  toil  and  serve  and 
take  your  baby.  You  may  have  all  that  I  have 
now  if  you  shall  do  that.  Let  me  come  and  serve 
for  Pierrot. " 

"Of  what  do  you  talk,  Madame?"  I  said. 

"I  do  not  know,"  she  said.     "I  do  not  know." 

She  said  nothing  more  of  this  but  cried  and  hid 


132  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

her  face  in  Pierrot's  hair.    And  as  she  did  that, 
my  heart  ached  for  her  and  I  came  closer. 

"Madame,"  I  said.  "It  is  not  possible  to 
undo  what  God  does." 

Then  she  raised  her  head. 

"You  must  not  make  me  believe  God  does  such 
things,"  she  said.  "Do  not  try  to  make  me  be- 
lieve that. " 

Her  eyes  were  so  wild  I  had  fear. 
,    "I  do  not  know,  Madame,"  I  said. 

"If  it  is  not  possible  to  do  anything  further 
with  those  who  are  taken,  it  is  possible  to  do  much 
with  those  who  are  left, "  she  said. 

"Yes,  Madame." 

"From  the  beginning  to  the  end  we  mothers 
must  sacrifice.  That  is  the  law. " 

She  spoke  of  this  as  a  sad  law  but  as  for  me,  I 
saw  only  happiness  in  it.  A  woman  is  only  a 
woman  until  she  becomes  a  mother,  and  then  she 
is  twenty  women.  I  look  back  and  wonder  how 
without  Pierrot  I  lived  as  long  as  I  did. 

Madame,  the  Countess,  rose.  She  kissed 
Pierrot  and  gave  him  back  to  me. 

"I  have  spoken  of  this  boy  to  my  husband  and 
he  wishes  to  see  him.  May  I  bring  him  with  me 
to-morrow?"  she  said. 

"Yes,  Madame." 

"Then  au  revoir,"  she  said. 

Pierrot  looked  up  at  me  and  smiled,  and  I 
walked  in  the  garden  with  him  until  he  slept, 
which  is  something  I  seldom  did. 


CHAPTER  XX 

WHEN  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  home  that 
day,  he  was  not  in  a  very  good  humour. 

"It  is  necessary  for  me  to  go  to  Paris  for  a  few 
days,"  he  said.  "I  must  leave  to-night." 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"  Can  you  not  have  Lucille  come  and  remain  with 
you  while  I  am  gone?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"Are  you  afraid?" 

"No,  Monsieur." 

He  called  Sport  to  his  side  and  stooped  over 
him  with  one  finger  stretched  out. 

" Listen,  Sport, "  he  said.  "I  wish  you  to  guard 
these  two  women  and  that  boy  while  I  am  gone. 
Understand?" 

Sport  looked  up  at  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and 
wagged  his  tail. 

"If  anyone  comes  here  at  night  after  the  doors 
are  locked,  eat  him  up.  Understand?" 

Sport  put  back  his  lips  from  over  his  teeth  and 
growled. 

"That  is  the  idea,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"And  I  will  bring  you  home  a  piece  of  beefsteak." 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  packed  his  bag  at  once, 
'33 


134  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

and  the  manner  in  which  he  packed  it  was  to  throw 
into  it  whatever  he  saw  at  the  moment  and  then 
to  strap  it  together.  Then  he  stood  over  Pierrot. 

"Do  not  grow  any  more  teeth  until  I  return," 
he  commanded. 

Pierrot  smiled  and  held  out  his  arms  to  be 
carried  and  though  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had 
little  time  to  waste,  he  picked  him  up  and  carried 
him  across  the  room  twice. 

"If  you  were  three  months  older,  I  would  take 
you  with  me, "  he  said. 

He  returned  Pierrot  to  the  basket  and  before 
I  knew  it  he  had  gone.  It  was  like  this  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  did  things.  If  he  had  been  going  to 
America,  he  would  have  gone  just  like  that.  It 
was  to  leave  one  without  any  breath. 

Now  at  first  I  thought  I  would  go  at  once  and 
find  Lucille  but  as  I  moved  about  the  house  with 
Sport  at  my  heels,  it  seemed  to  me  good  to  be 
alone  once  again  with  Pierrot.  I  thought  I  would 
go  after  dinner,  but  it  was  late  when  I  finished 
and  Pierrot  made  me  laugh  so  much  that  I  did 
not  realise  how  the  time  went.  By  then  I  was  so 
tired  that  I  locked  the  doors  and  with  Sport  near 
me  was  content  to  sit  and  think.  I  had  no  fear 
and  Sport  was  very  good  company.  He  lay  with 
his  nose  on  the  floor  and  if  so  much  as  a  bird 
flew  by  the  house,  he  raised  his  ears  and  looked 
about  as  if  to  say:  "Have  a  care.  I  am  on 
guard. " 

Sitting  there  alone?  I  said  over  again  to  myself 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  135 

all  that  the  Countess  had  told  me.  I  heard  her 
cry  again:  "Why  can  he  not  come  back  to  me?" 
Noble  blood  she  had  and  a  husband  and  fine  dresses 
and  jewels  and  many  friends,  and  yet  none  of  these 
things  served  to  bring  back  her  baby.  Without 
that  baby  she  was  not  as  rich  as  I.  She  had  said 
she  would  change  her  place  for  mine  and  toil  with 
her  hands  not  only  for  her  own  baby  but  for  my 
baby.  Now  that  did  not  seem  to  me  so  very 
strange,  but  it  made  me  feel  very  big  and  grand. 
Here  was  I  with  only  my  Pierrot,  and  yet  I  had 
more  than  a  noble  Countess.  It  made  me  sing 
to  myself.  I  began  to  sew  on  a  little  dress  I  was 
making  for  Pierrot  and  I  sang  to  myself  feeling 
that  no  woman  in  the  world  was  so  fortunate 
as  I. 

Then  I  began  to  think  of  what  she  said  about 
what  Pierrot  should  have  and  I  stopped  my  singing. 
It  was  true  that  while  my  Pierrot  was  a  very  little 
baby,  he  needed  no  more  than  I  was  able  to  give 
him,  but  when  he  became  a  big  boy,  then  he  would 
expect  me  to  give  him  everything  as  I  now  did. 
Those  schools  in  Paris  required  a  fortune  and 
though  now  it  was  very  easy  to  make  what  he  wore 
how  would  it  be  when  he  wore  the  clothes  of  a 
man?  I  could  not  sew  such  things  for  him.  As 
for  travel,  I  did  not  know  how  that  was  possible 
by  any  means.  Then  my  Pierrot  might  turn 
upon  me  and  demand  why  he  did  not  have  what 
other  boys  had.  It  was  then  that  the  fortune  of 
the  Countess,  which  now  counted  for  nothing, 


136  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

would  count  for  everything.  Such  thoughts  as 
these  made  me  fear.  I  took  a  pencil  and  paper 
and  began  to  add  how  much  thirty  francs  a  week 
would  be  in  ten  years  if  I  saved  every  sou.  It 
did  not  add  up  to  very  much  and,  as  Madame 
Lacroix  said,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  might  go  away 
at  any  time  as  he  had  gone  away  this  day.  So 
from  singing  I  fell  to  sighing  and  in  order  not  to 
do  this,  went  to  my  room  and  made  ready  for  bed. 
With  Pierrot  near  me  I  could  never  be  sad  for  long. 

Sport  came  with  me  and  took  his  place  outside 
my  door.  It  was  when  I  blew  out  my  candle  that 
he  growled  a  little  and  walked  back  and  forth 
smelling  of  the  air.  I  did  not  like  this  and  again 
lighted  the  candle.  He  went  down-stairs  and 
then  came  back  again  and  with  his  nose  on  the 
floor  slept  once  more.  So  once  again  I  blew  out 
the  candle  and  soon  after  this  was  asleep  myself. 

I  do  not  know  what  time  it  was  when  I  awoke 
and  heard  Sport.  I  sprang  from  bed  and  lighted 
the  candle.  The  dog  was  at  the  top  of  the  stairs 
with  all  his  teeth  showing  and  was  growling  fiercely. 
I  called  to  him  bat  he  did  not  move.  I  listened 
hard  and  thought  I  heard  a  noise  below.  I  partly 
dressed  myself  and  then  took  my  Pierrot  in  my 
arms.  The  next  thing  I  heard  was  when  Sport 
rushed  down  the  stairs  with  a  great  barking  and 
growling.  Then  I  heard  a  voice  command  him. 
It  said: 

"Quiet,  old  friend.    Quiet." 

He  was  quiet  after  this  except  for  a  little  whine 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  137 

which  he  was  in  the  habit  of  making  when 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  returnecl.  I  thought  it 
was  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  come  home  again. 
With  Pierrot  in  my  arms  I  took  the  candle  and 
went  to  the  stairs. 

"Is  that  you,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin?"  I  said. 

Then  up  the  stairs,  two  at  a  time,  came  a  big 
man,  wearing  a  cap  over  his  eyes,  and  Sport  was 
at  his  heels  as  if  playing  with  him.  I  knew  who  it 
was.  It  was  Gaston  Battaille,  a  thief  and  a  very 
bad  man.  In  his  hand  he  had  a  heavy  stick.  He 
wore  a  beard  and  his  eyes  shone  like  those  of  a 
demon.  For  a  second  he  looked  at  me.  Then  he 
blew  out  the  candle,  leaving  us  all  in  darkness. 
My  knees  shook  and  I  said: 

"  Do  not  harm  my  baby.  I  am  here  alone  with 
Mm." 

"  If  you  are  silent,  I  will  do  neither  of  you  harm," 
he  said.     His  voice  was  like  a  growl, 
i  "I  will  be  quiet  but  if  you  do  not  have  a  care, 
you  will  wake  my  Pierrot." 

"The  devil!"  he  said.  "I  would  rather  have 
twenty  dogs  in  a  house  than  one  baby. " 

For  a  moment  he  stood  in  the  dark  as  if  listen- 
ing and  making  a  plan.  Then  he  said: 

"I  have  hunger." 

"If  you  will  be  very  quiet,  I  will  prepare  you 
something  to  eat, "  I  said. 

"But  the  light.  Here  you — go  into  that  room 
and  remain  until  I  call  you. " 

"Yes,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 


138  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

I  went  into  my  room  and  sat  upon  the  bed. 
Now  the  thing  I  could  not  understand  was  why 
Sport  did  not  drive  him  from  the  house.  It  was 
not  because  the  dog  was  afraid  because  he  was 
afraid  of  nothing.  It  was  as  if  Sport  was  a  friend 
of  his.  I  knew  that  if  ever  Monsieur  heard  of 
this,  he  would  kill  that  dog. 

All  this  time  Pierrot  slept  as  if  nothing  at  all 
were  happening.  He  slept  in  my  arms,  caring 
nothing  that  a  thief  was  in  the  house.  I  held  him 
tight  but  I  thought  of  all  the  horrible  stories  that 
were  told  of  this  Gaston  Battaille.  It  was  said 
there  was  nothing  he  would  hesitate  to  do.  When 
mothers  wished  to  frighten  the  older  children  to 
remain  quiet  in  their  beds,  they  said:  "You  have 
a  care  that  Gaston  Battaille  does  not  hear  you. " 
That  was  enough  because  it  was  said  he  had  car- 
ried many  bad  boys  away  into  the  mountains. 
And  here  was  Gaston  Battaille  himself  in  the 
house  and  my  Pierrot  asleep. 

When  I  heard  him  coming  again,  making  no 
more  noise  than  a  cat,  I  held  my  breath. 

"Where  are  you?"  he  said  in  a  whisper. 

"Here,  "I  said. 

"Come  down-stairs.  Make  no  noise  and  bring 
that  little  devil  with  you. " 

I  hurried  as  fast  as  I  could  in  the  dark  and  fol- 
lowed his  steps  into  the  dining-room.  Then  he 
shut  the  door  and  lighted  a  match.  I  saw  that 
over  the  windows  he  had  hung  coverings  so  that 
no  light  could  escape.  He  had  done  this  also 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  139 

over  the  single  window  in  the  kitchen.  He  looked 
at  me  for  a  full  minute  as  if  to  see  if  I  meant  to 
betray  him.  Then  he  said: 

"I  have  a  desire  for  one  good  dinner,  if  I  never 
have  another." 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"Then  put  that  little  devil  on  the  floor  and 
prepare  it." 

"I  will  place  my  Pierrot  in  his  basket." 

"  I  care  not  where  you  place  him  if  only  he  does 
not  cry. " 

"If  you  do  not  talk  so  loud,  he  will  not  cry," 
I  said.  "  My  Pierrot  fears  nothing. " 

"He  had  better  fear  me, "  said  Gaston  Battaille. 

He  made  the  blood  leave  my  cheeks. 

I  said:  "There  is  that  dog " 

When  I  said  that,  he  threw  back  his  head  and 
laughed. 

"We  know  each  other — that  dog  and  I,"  he 
said. 


CHAPTER  XXI 

I  PLACED  Pierrot  in  his  basket  and  was  about 
to  carry  him  into  the  kitchen  with  me  when 
Gaston  Battaille  said: 

"  Leave  him  here  and  then  I  will  know  you  will 
not  jump  from  that  window." 

44 1  will  promise, "  I  said. 

"This  infant  is  better  than  a  promise,"  he  said. 

I  could  do  nothing  except  obey,  but  I  was  very 
glad  when  Sport  crossed  the  room  and  lay  down 
at  the  foot  of  the  basket  as  he  did  always  when 
Pierrot  was  in  the  garden.  Then,  while  I  prepared 
food  for  this  man,  I  saw  him  open  one  drawer  and 
another,  taking  out  the  silver  and  placing  it  to- 
gether in  one  pile.  I  was  angry  because  I  thought 
this  was  a  poor  way  to  pay  for  a  dinner  in  the 
middle  of  the  night.  When  he  finished,  he  said: 

"How  long  before  this  dinner  is  ready?" 

"Ten  minutes,"  I  said. 

When  I  said  that,  he  lifted  my  Pierrot,  basket 
and  all,  and  started  from  the  door,  and  I  ran  into 
the  room. 

"You  must  not  take  my  baby, "  I  said. 

" Rest  easy, "  he  said.  "I  will  do  him  no  harm 
if  you  do  me  no  harm. " 

149 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  141 

"Put  him  back  upon  the  floor, "  I  said. 

"Listen,"  he  said.  "I  have  business  in  the 
other  rooms.  I  shall  take  him  with  me  to  make 
sure  you  give  no  alarm. " 

"I  promise  I  will  not.     I  swear  it,"  I  said. 

"What  do  I  care  for  the  oath  of  a  woman," 
he  said.  "  No  more  talk  and  make  haste. " 

"Everything  is  ready,"  I  said.  "I  will  have 
it  upon  the  table  in  one  minute  if  only  you  will 
not  take  Pierrot." 

"So  you  lied  about  the  ten  minutes.  Very  well, 
if  you  lied  once,  you  will  lie  again.  Talk  no  more." 

He  went  out  of  the  room  with  the  basket  under 
his  arm  and  with  Sport  following  behind.  I  ran 
back  into  the  kitchen  and  gathered  everything 
I  could  find  and  placed  it  upon  the  table.  As 
soon  as  I  had  done  that,  I  followed  after  him.  I 
found  him  in  the  room  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
He  had  placed  Pierrot  upon  the  floor  and  was 
searching  the  room  for  what  he  could  find.  It 
made  me  wish  that  Tupin,  the  gendarme,  might 
come  in.  I  gathered  courage  to  say  in  a  whisper: 

"Supper  is  ready,  Monsieur." 

He  rose  and  turned  towards  me. 

"Go,  "he  said. 

I  returned  to  the  dining-room,  but  I  stood  near 
the  door  listening  as  hard  as  I  could.  So  I  stood 
for  perhaps  five  minutes,  hearing  the  beat  of  my 
own  heart  and  nothing  else.  Then  I  heard 
Pierrot  and  knew  that  he  had  awakened.  I  did 
two  things  when  I  heard  that;  I  rushed  into  the 


142  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

kitchen  and  seized  a  big  knife  and  then  I  went  as 
softly  as  I  could  to  the  door  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin's  room.  I  had  no  fear  now.  I  knew  for 
certain  what  I  would  do  if  this  thief  harmed  my 
Pierrot.  I  felt  that  minute  as  strong  as  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  I  made  no  noise  as  I  went  and 
held  the  handle  of  that  knife  so  tight  the  blood 
left  my  fingers.  I  knew  that  I  must  not  be  seen — 
that  I  must  creep  upon  that  man  from  behind, 
before  he  had  time  to  strike  at  me.  When  I  looked 
in  at  the  door,  Gaston  Battaille  was  leaning  over 
the  basket  as  if  uncertain  what  to  do.  Then  I 
made  ready  to  spring  upon  him  but  before  I  was 
able  to  move,  Pierrot  laughed.  He  laughed  and 
held  up  his  two  arms  to  Gaston  Battaille  as  if  it 
were  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Silence,"  said  Gaston  Battaille  to  Pierrot. 

Once  again  Pierrot  laughed  aloud  and  held  out 
his  hands  trying  to  raise  his  head.  As  for  me,  I 
watched  my  Pierrot  with  such  wonder  that  I 
forgot  what  I  was  here  to  do.  There  was  that 
infant  not  six  months  old  making  sport  of  this  great 
wicked  man.  And  Gaston  Battaille  knew  not 
what  to  do.  It  was  clear  he  had  fear  that  if  he 
left  the  basket,  Pierrot  would  cry,  and  as  for  doing 
harm  to  him,  that  was  impossible  when  Pierrot 
laughed.  Sport  came  beside  him  and  whined  and 
wagged  his  tail  for  Pierrot.  Then  Gaston  Bat- 
taille stooped  and  lifted  my  Pierrot  into  the  air. 
I  stood  ready,  but  I  knew  from  the  way  Gaston 
Battaille  placed  his  hands  below  the  arms  of  my 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  143 

Pierrot  that  he  meant  no  harm.  He  lifted  Pierrot 
into  the  air  and  Pierrot  laughed.  Then  as  he 
came  near,  Pierrot  seized  the  beard  of  Gaston 
Battaille  and  pulled  it. 

"The  devil,"  said  Gaston  Battaille.  "Well, 
if  you  will  not  sleep,  you  must  help. " 

So  he  placed  Pierrot  upon  his  knee  and  with  one 
hand  continued  his  wicked  work.  I  did  not  like 
this.  It  made  me  feel  as  if  my  Pierrot  were  also 
a  thief,  but  now  I  did  not  have  the  strength  to  do 
anything.  If  Gaston  Battaille  had  harmed  my 
Pierrot  he  would  be  now  a  dead  man,  but  when  he 
was  kind  to  him  I  had  no  courage, — no,  not  even 
when  he  made  a  thief  of  Pierrot.  I  stood  and 
watched.  I  saw  Pierrot  pull  his  beard  again  and 
saw  Gaston  Battaille  do  nothing  but  shake  his  head 
gently  to  free  himself.  I  saw  Pierrot  reach  for 
his  hair  and  saw  Gaston  Battaille  do  nothing  but 
move  out  of  reach  of  those  small  fingers.  I  saw 
Pierrot  beat  his  nose  and  laugh  aloud  as  Gaston 
Battaille  made  a  face.  Then  Gaston  found  a 
ring  and  gave  it  to  Pierrot  and  for  a  minute 
Pierrot  played  with  that. 

This  continued  for  a  long  time  until  Gaston 
Battaille,  the  thief,  had  robbed  the  room  of  every- 
thing of  value,  filling  both  his  pockets.  Then 
he  stooped  to  place  Pierrot  in  his  basket  once 
more,  but  Pierrot  would  not  permit  this. 

"Your  mother  will  run  a  knife  into  me  if  she 
sees  you  in  my  arms,"  said  Gaston  Battaille 
aloud. 


144  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

The  man  spoke  in  jest,  I  think,  but  he  did  not 
know  how  near  he  had  been  to  having  that  come 
true.  I  hid  the  knife  behind  my  back.  But, 
ma  foi,  Pierrot  did  not  care  if  it  were  at  the  cost 
of  a  man's  life,  he  must  have  his  own  way.  He 
made  up  a  face  and  cried  a  little. 

"Silence,"  said  Gaston  Battaille.  "Have  it  as 
you  will. " 

As  he  came  towards  the  door,  I  ran  back  into 
the  dining-room  without  making  any  noise  and 
placed  the  knife  out  of  sight  but  within  reach. 
When  Gaston  Battaille  saw  me,  he  said,  looking 
ashamed: 

"Here,  take  this  devil  of  an  infant.  He  would 
not  remain  in  his  basket. " 

I  did  not  wait  to  hear  more  but  took  Pierrot  in 
my  arms. 

Gaston  Battaille  sat  at  the  table  and  ate  with 
great  mouthfuls  and  tossed  upon  the  floor  pieces 
of  meat  for  Sport.  All  the  while  my  Pierrot  kept 
his  big  brown  eyes  upon  the  man  and  laughed  at 
him  when  he  did  those  strange  things.  No  one 
said  anything  except  Pierrot,  but  I  did  not  like 
my  boy  to  see  such  manners.  When  Gaston 
Battaille  had  eaten  almost  everything  I  brought 
to  him,  he  rose. 

"I  am  going,"  he  said.  "Perhaps  I  shall  be 
outside  the  house  here  one  hour,  perhaps  two  hours. 
If  you  know  what  is  well  for  you  and  that  little 
devil,  you  will  remain  here  until  morning." 

"I  will  remain,"  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  145 

But  once  again  Pierrot  laughed  at  him  and  I 
think  when  Gaston  Battaille  heard  that,  he  was 
again  ashamed.  When  a  man  tries  to  be  very 
ferocious,  he  feels  only  foolish  if  he  is  able  to  do 
nothing  but  make  a  laugh.  He  came  to  Pierrot 
and  made  a  face  at  him,  and  before  I  could  help  it 
Pierrot  had  struck  him  on  the  nose. 
}  "You  are  a  brave  boy,  little  one,"  he  said. 
"You  should  live  in  the  mountains." 

Then  Gaston  Battaille  went  out.  I  did  not 
know  what  to  do  but  I  knew  my  Pierrot  must 
sleep.  So  I  returned  to  my  room  and  placed  him 
upon  the  bed  and  in  a  few  minutes  he  closed  his 
eyes  as  if  what  had  happened  was  nothing  at  all 
worth  remembering.  As  for  me,  I  sat  there  until 
morning,  jumping  at  every  sound. 

IO 


CHAPTER  XXII 

WITH  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  in  Paris  I  felt 
very  much  alone.  I  did  not  know  what  to 
do  about  this  Gaston  Battaille.  In  the  morning 
Lucille  came  and  I  told  her  what  had  happened, 
and  she  listened  with  her  eyes  very  big  with  fear. 

"It  is  another  miracle  that  you  both  were  not 
killed,"  said  Lucille.  It  was  so  Lucille  thought 
about  everything  of  good  that  came  into  her  life 
or  the  lives  of  her  friends. 

"  I  do  not  know, "  I  said.  "And  now  I  suppose 
I  must  tell  Monsieur  Tupin  about  this  affair. " 

"That  is  a  great  pity,"  said  Lucille. 

"But  is  not  this  Gaston  Battaille  a  thief?" 

"Yes,"  said  Lucille. 

" Is  he  not  a  very  wicked  man?" 

"  It  is  very  wicked  of  him  to  steal, "  said  Lucille. 

"Then  what  will  you?  He  stole  from  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. " 

' '  Yes.  But  is  it  not  strange  that  Pierrot  laughed 
with  Gaston  Battaille  and  that  Sport  played  with 
him?" 

"I  do  not  understand  that,"  I  said. 

"He  was  very  hungry?" 

"Yes." 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  147 

Lucille  was  silent  a  moment  and  then  she  said: 

"That  Gaston  Battaille  is  very  wicked,  but  I 
have  great  pity  for  him." 

"But  he  stole  from  Monsieur  Jack  Martin." 

"Yes,"  said  Lucille.  "So  I  would  permit 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  do  what  he  wishes  when 
he  returns.  If  Pierrot  had  no  fear  of  him,  then 
that  Gaston  Battaille  must  have  a  good  heart. " 

"Ah,  Lucille,"  I  said.  "You  think  all  the 
world  has  a  good  heart. " 

"Even  that  is  possible,"  said  Lucille.  "It  is 
so  Pierrot  thinks  and  you  see." 

Now  that  was  true.  I  remember  only  once 
when  Pierrot  was  not  able  to  make  a  man  laugh 
with  him,  and  to  laugh  with  Pierrot  was  to  show  a 
good  heart. 

"But  do  you  think  a  man  with  a  good  heart  can 
also  be  wicked?"  I  said  to  Lucille. 

"If  he  is  hungry,"  said  Lucille. 

"I  do  not  know, "  I  said.  "But  I  do  know  that 
if  everyone  were  like  you,  Lucille,  there  would  be 
no  need  of  Monsieur  Tupin  in  the  village." 

Then  I  thought  of  how  I  myself  had  said  that 
if  my  Pierrot  was  hungry,  I  would  steal  for  him  if 
necessary.  Also  the  Countess  had  said  the  same 
thing.  So  if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  desired  to 
have  Gaston  Battaille  hanged  when  he  came  back, 
he  must  do  that  himself.  As  for  the  things  Gaston 
had  taken,  it  would  be  as  easy  to  recover  them  a 
week  from  now  as  to-day,  I  thought.  I  was  very 
angry  with  him  for  taking  those  things  from  Mon- 


148  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

sieur  Jack  Martin,  but  I  did  not  think  that 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  would  feel  any  better  about 
not  having  them  even  if  Gaston  Battaille  was 
hanged. 

Lucille  remained  with  me  the  rest  of  the  day 
until  it  was  the  hour  for  the  Count  de  Beauchamp 
to  arrive  and  then  she  said  she  would  go  home  and 
come  back  in  the  evening.  If  I  had  not  promised 
yesterday,  I  would  not  have  seen  the  Count.  I 
was  very  tired  and  did  not  wish  to  talk.  I  thought 
I  would  permit  this  Count  to  see  Pierrot  for  a 
moment  and  with  that  done  return  to  the  house 
at  once. 

I  have  heard  people  say  that  when  they  were  in 
danger,  they  had  warning.  Sometimes  they  were 
told  by  an  evil  dream;  sometimes  by  signs; 
sometimes  by  a  sinking  of  the  heart.  Now  as  for 
me,  that  was  never  true.  All  my  misfortunes  have 
come  to  me  in  as  ordinary  a  way  as  the  little  things 
of  every  day.  I  would  awake  in  the  morning  with 
the  sky  blue  and  the  sun  shining  and  go  about  my 
affairs  with  a  light  heart  and  then  step  into  some 
great  trouble  as  one  stumbles  and  falls.  To-day 
I  was  tired  and  sleepy,  but  I  saw  nothing  before 
me  except  a  wearisome  hour. 

The  Count  came  into  the  garden  without  the 
Countess.  He  was  a  very  tall  man  and  very  sharp 
in  his  speech  and  manners.  He  wore  a  mustache 
which  turned  up  and,  when  I  saw  him,  I  did  not 
feel  that  here  was  a  man  who  had  lost  his  baby, 
as  with  the  Countess  I  felt  here  was  a  woman  who 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  149 

had  borne  and  lost.  I  felt  only  that  he  was  a  count 
from  the  top  of  his  fine  hat  to  the  toes  of  his  fine 
shoes.  Neither  did  I  feel  with  him,  as  I  did  with 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  that  here  was  a  man  who 
looked  upon  my  Pierrot  first  and  upon  me  after- 
wards. My  Pierrot  liked  him  well  enough  and 
held  out  his  arms  to  him,  liking  well  to  be  carried 
by  men,  but  the  Count,  after  looking  at  him  as  he 
might  look  at  a  dog  he  was  about  to  purchase, 
gave  all  his  attention  to  me.  When  he  did  take 
Pierrot  in  his  arms,  it  was  as  if  to  feel  his  weight. 
As  for  Pierrot,  he  pulled  at  the  Count's  mustache 
as  he  had  pulled  at  the  beard  of  Gaston  Battaille. 

"Tut,  tut, "  said  the  Count.  "Where  are  your 
manners?" 

"It  is  his  way  of  playing, "  I  said. 

"Well, "  said  the  Count,  "one  does  not  like  even 
in  play  to  lose  one's  eyes. " 

This  was  as  Pierrot  reached  for  his  nose. 

"Give  him  back  to  me,  Monsieur, "  I  said. 

He  placed  Pierrot  in  my  arms  and  then  leaning 
upon  his  stick,  said  this: 

"The  child  has  never  been  sick?" 

"No,  Monsieur." 

"The  father  was  always  in  good  health?" 

"Pierre  you  mean?" 

"If  Pierre  was  the  father's  name,"  he  said. 

"He  was  in  good  health  until  he  died,"  I  said, 
not  understanding. 

"And  you?" 

"Very  weH,  thank  you,  Monsieur." 


150  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"  Good.  You  know,  of  course,  that  the  Countess 
has  become  very  much  attached  to  this  infant?" 

"I  know  only  that  because  of  her  grief  I  have 
permitted  her  to  hold  Pierrot  in  her  arms, "  I  said. 

"That  has  been  enough,"  said  the  Count. 
"That  has  undone  six  months  of  travel." 

"I  have  great  pity  for  Madame, "  I  said. 

"I  am  sure  the  Countess  appreciates  that,"  he 
said,  with  an  air  that  made  me  feel  he  was  smiling 
although  he  did  not  smile.  "But  that  is  not 
enough. " 

"  It  is  all  I  can  do,  Monsieur, "  I  said. 

"Let  us  see.  Has  the  Countess  not  told  you 
what  she  desires?" 

"No,  Monsieur." 

"Then  I  will  tell  you.  She  wishes  to  take  this 
infant  here  and  make  him  like  her  own  child. " 

When  I  heard  that,  I  almost  fell. 

"Take  my  Pierrot?"  I  said. 

"Exactly.  She  plans  to  give  him  everything 
she  would  have  given  her  own  child.  You  know 
what  that  is — education,  travel,  name.  In  fact, 
she  will  make  a  gentleman  of  him. " 

"Take  my  Pierrot?"  I  said. 

"As  for  you,  we  will  give  you  a  pension  for  life, " 
he  said. 

If  only  he  had  not  said  that !  It  sent  the  blood 
to  my  cheeks.  It  was  as  if  he  were  paying  me  to 
sell  my  Pierrot.  I  held  my  baby  so  close  to  me 
he  cried.  Then  I  looked  about  in  terror  and  in 
'hope  I  might  see  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  151 

" Do  not  be  a  little  fool,"  he  said.  "  If  you  care 
about  that  child,  you  must  understand  what  a 
great  thing  we  propose  to  do  for  him.  You 
yourself  are  able  at  best  to  make  of  him  a  peasant 
and  leave  him  to  make  other  peasants.  We  will 
take  him  and  make  a  gentleman  of  him.  You 
must  consider  this  not  for  yourself  but  for  him. 
If  you  refuse  this  offer,  you  refuse  for  him  a 
fortune." 

That  was  true.  There  was  nothing  now  that 
I  could  say  with  words.  All  I  desired  was  to  get 
as  far  away  from  this  man  as  possible.  I  began 
to  move  towards  the  house  and  he  followed. 

"Listen,"  he  said.  "The  Countess  has  set  her 
heart  upon  this  or  I  would  not  waste  ten  words  with 
you.  This  Monsieur  Martin  is  away,  I  understand. 
Well,  I  will  bring  a  notary,  and  we  will  have  the 
papers  drawn  before  he  returns." 

"No;  no;  no,"  I  said. 

"Think  it  over  to-night.  A  fortune  for  your 
child;  a  pension  for  yourself.  I  will  come  again 
to-morrow. " 

"No,  "I  said. 

"You  do  not  understand  the  Countess,"  he 
said.  "What  she  puts  her  heart  upon,  that  she 
has.  Consider  it  well  for  your  child,  not  yourself. ' ' 

When  he  left  me,  I  do  not  know.  I  sat  upon 
the  ground  and  rocked  my  Pierrot  back  and  forth, 
holding  him  to  my  breast,  j 


CHAPTER  XXIII 

I  KNOW  that  in  what  I  did  after  this  I  used  no 
reason.  I  had  no  reason  left  to  me.  I  know 
this  because  in  looking  back  upon  those  next  few 
hours,  I  remember  nothing  except  the  great  fear 
which  possessed  me.  It  is  as  when  one  awakes 
at  night  in  terror  with  the  evil  dream  fresh  but  the 
details  of  it  gone.  I  wished  to  take  my  Pierrot 
as  far  away  from  this  place  as  possible.  I  did 
not  think  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  or  of  Lucille 
or  of  Jean  or  of  anyone.  When  every  minute 
connected  with  my  Pierrot  is  as  clear  to-day  as 
when  it  happened,  I  remember  about  this  only, 
that  when  night  came,  I  found  myself  with  Pierrot 
upon  a  steep  road  leading  into  the  mountains. 
I  must  have  gone  into  the  house  again  for  I  had 
a  warm  shawl  for  Pierrot,  but  that  was  all  I  had. 
It  was  not  until  it  began  to  grow  dark  that  I 
returned  to  my  senses.  I  was  very  tired  and  I 
think  I  must  have  run  a  great  part  of  the  way. 
I  sat  down  beneath  a  pine-tree.  My  Pierrot  cried 
for  his  supper,  and  I  put  him  to  my  breast.  This 
brought  me  such  peace  of  mind  that  I  was  able 
to  think  once  more. 

I  had  no  fear  now — nothing  of  fear.    I  was  in 
15* 


The  town  of  Eze 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  153 

the  mountains  alone  with  my  Pierrot  with  the 
dark  coming  and  nowhere  to  go,  and  yet  I  feared 
nothing.  I  had  heard  there  were  wolves  in  these 
mountains,  but  I  did  not  think  of  them.  I  wrapped 
my  Pierrot  well  in  his  shawl  and  drew  him  close 
to  me  while  he  nursed,  and  feared  nothing.  Far 
below  where  I  sat  I  saw  the  waters  of  the  sea 
turned  green  and  gold  by  the  green  and  gold  of 
the  sky.  I  saw  the  rocky  shore  for  a  long  way 
with  the  towns  of  Villefranche  and  St.  Jean  at  my 
feet.  All  about  me  there  were  a  thousand  trees. 
Above  my  head  was  the  town  of  Eze.  Without 
knowing  where  I  went  or  caring,  I  had  taken  the 
road  to  Eze,  but  now  I  sat  a  little  way  back  from 
the  road  where  I  could  not  be  seen. 

As  the  sun  sank  lower  and  lower,  I  sang  to  my 
Pierrot.  Then  I  felt  again  as  I  had  felt  when  my 
Pierrot  was  first  born.  He  and  I  were  alone  with 
God.  With  all  the  gold  in  the  sky  and  with  the 
cuckoos  singing  sleepily  and  no  other  sound  except 
the  breathing  of  my  Pierrot  and  the  breathing  of 
the  wind  in  the  pines,  it  was  almost  as  if  we  two 
were  alone  in  Heaven.  It  was  not  yet  cold  and 
it  was  not  possible  for  me  to  feel  cold  anyway  with 
Pierrot  safe  at  my  breast.  I  did  not  think  what 
I  was  to  do  and  did  not  care.  I  cared  about 
nothing  except  that  we  two  were  together  here. 
Never  in  all  my  life  have  I  felt  as  peaceful  as  I 
felt  then.  I  shall  never  forget  that. 

When  my  Pierrot  finished,  he  looked  at  me 
and  I  kissed  him  a  hundred  times.  Then  he  fell 


154  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

asleep  in  my  arms.  I  watched  the  colours  fade 
from  the  sky  until  there  was  nothing  left  but  the 
dark  purple  and  the  stars.  I  did  not  feel  that  I 
was  out  of  doors.  It  was  as  if  I  were  in  some  big 
church.  I  did  not  remember  at  that  time  any- 
thing the  Count  de  Beauchamp  said;  I  did  not 
remember  even  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  or  Lucille. 
I  remembered  nothing.  It  was  as  if  Pierrot 
had  just  been  born  to  me  and  we  sat  here 
possessing  the  whole  world.  Neither  noble  titles 
nor  fine  clothes  were  of  any  matter  out  here. 
There  was  nothing  to  worry  about.  We  were  here, 
my  Pierrot  and  I,  and  that  was  enough.  I  wish 
my  Pierrot  and  I  could  have  lived  like  that  always. 

It  was  the  sound  of  some  animal  approaching 
along  the  road  that  first  disturbed  us.  I  heard 
the  rattle  of  loose  stones  and  heard  his  breath. 
It  had  grown  very  dark  now.  I  did  not  move, 
hoping  the  beast  would  pass,  but  he  left  the  road 
where  I  left  it,  and  came  straight  towards  us. 
I  saw  only  a  shadow  and  heard  a  great  sniffing, 
and  then  he  was  upon  us.  He  leaped  at  me  and 
I  kicked  out  with  my  foot.  I  heard  a  cry  like  the 
frightened  cry  of  a  child  who  has  been  struck,  and 
I  knew  this  was  Sport.  He  had  come  to  find  me 
and  I  had  struck  him  as  he  sprang  to  lick  my  hand. 
The  cruelty  of  this  went  to  my  heart. 

1 '  Forgive  me, "  I  said  quickly.  ' '  I  did  not  know 
who  it  was." 

These  beasts  are  so  quick  to  forgive!  I  sat 
down  and  he  came  crawling  along  the  ground  to- 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  155 

wards  me,  whining  in  his  joy  and  covering  my  hand 
with  kisses  as  if  it  were  he  who  should  be  forgiven. 
It  made  me  wish  to  cry.  I  patted  his  head  and 
permitted  him  to  sniff  at  the  shawl  of  my  Pierrot 
so  that  he  would  know  my  son  also  was  safe.  This 
gave  him  comfort  and  he  lay  down  at  my  side,  for 
he  was  breathing  heavily  as  though  he  had  run 
a  great  way.  Now  of  all  the  world  he  was  the 
first  to  seek  my  Pierrot  and  share  with  me  the 
night.  He  was  only  a  beast  and  he  had  done  this. 
I  was  very  glad  to  see  him  but  it  was  a  long  time 
before  I  could  forget  that  when  he  had  come,  it  was 
I  who  had  struck  him. 

So  the  three  of  us  sat  in  the  dark  on  the  mountain- 
side, but  Sport,  after  he  rested  a  moment,  became 
uneasy.  He  rose  and  walked  about  smelling  at 
everything  as  if  he  did  not  understand.  When 
I  called  to  him  he  returned,  but  rested  only  a 
moment  by  my  side  and  then  went  again.  Some- 
times he  came  back  whining  as  if  he  desired  me  to 
go  with  him. 

"  Rest  easy, "  I  said  to  him.    "  We  are  safe  here. " 

Then  he  would  lick  my  hand.  He  did  this  for 
the  matter  of  an  hour,  exploring  the  forest  farther 
and  farther  each  time  he  went.  Then  once  he  did 
not  return  again. 

I  did  not  understand  this.  I  blamed  him  and 
was  hurt  to  think  he  had  deserted  us.  I  called  to 
him  but  he  would  not  return.  So  I  said  to  myself 
that  he  was  only  a  beast  after  all.  If  it  was  not 
possible  to  trust  men  and  women,  then,  mafoi,  one 


156  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

must  not  expect  to  have  dogs  remain  faithful. 
I  tell  these  things  in  shame  to  show  how  I  myself 
often  did  not  judge  fairly. 

As  the  night  went  on,  it  became  cold.  My 
Pierrot  was  not  cold,  but  now  that  I  was  calmer 
I  felt  the  night  air  more  than  I  did  at  first.  I  was 
not  cold  on  the  outside  but  I  became  cold  inside. 
I  took  the  corner  of  the  shawl  from  my  shoulders 
and  wrapped  my  Pierrot  warmer.  And  that  boy 
slept  as  if  in  his  own  bed.  That  was  wonderful. 
It  was  this  which  made  me  think  of  him  again  as  a 
great  general.  On  the  field  of  battle  he  would 
wrap  his  cloak  about  him  and  lie  down  on  the 
ground  and  sleep.  He  was  able  to  put  out  of  his 
head  all  thoughts  of  danger.  Even  now  there 
might  be  wolves  about,  but  he  did  not  care.  Like 
a  brave  soldier  he  said  only:  "Come  what  will,  I 
must  have  my  sleep."  I  have  known  men  full 
grown  who  could  not  do  that.  I  could  not  do  that 
myself.  And  it  was  not  because  he  thought  I 
guarded  him,  because  he  knew  I  was  only  a  woman 
and  could  do  little  if  a  pack  of  wolves  came  upon 
us.  It  was  only  because  he  was  without  fear 
absolutely  that  he  could  do  that.  He  was  like 
Napoleon,  of  whom  I  heard  at  school. 

As  for  me,  as  the  night  went  on  I  wished  that 
Sport  were  with  me.  A  dog  is  very  good  company 
because  he  seems  always  awake, — always  on  guard. 
As  they  say  of  some  men,  he  sleeps  with  one  eye 
open.  But  Sport  did  not  often  come  into  the 
mountains  I  thought,  and  I  supposed  there  was 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  157 

much  for  him  to  see.  And  while  I  was  thinking 
this,  he  came  back.  He  came  to  me  running  and 
whining  and  wagging  his  tail  as  if  in  great  joy. 
Then  he  ran  off  again  and  then  returned  once 
more  until  I  had  fear  he  would  wake  Pierrot. 

"Be  silent,"  I  said. 

But  he  would  not  be  silent,  and  ran  off  into  the 
trees  once  more.  When  he  returned  this  time, 
there  was  a  man  following.  I  could  see  nothing 
but  a  form,  and  rose  to  my  feet.  The  man  said 
nothing,  but  stood  beside  a  tree  looking  at  me.  As 
I  thought  it  might  be  the  Count  de  Beauchamp, 
my  heart  stopped. 

"Who  goes  there?"  I  said,  as  soon  as  I  was  able 
to  find  my  voice. 

Then  he  strode  forward. 

"What  the  devil  are  you  doing  here?"  he  said. 

Then  I  saw  that  it  was  not  the  Count  de  Beau- 
champ.  It  was  that  very  wicked  man,  Gaston 
Battaille. 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

G ASTON  BATTAILLE  came  nearer  me  and 
sat  down  with  his  arms  folded  across  his 
knees. 

"Well,"  he  said.  "What  the  devil  are  you 
doing  here?" 

"I  do  not  know,"  I  said. 

"Well,"  he  said,  "how  the  devil  did  you  come 
here?" 

"I  ran  here,"  I  said. 

"Why?" 

All  this  time  Sport  was  running  from  me  to 
Gaston  Battaille  and  from  Gaston  Battaille  to  me, 
whining  and  wagging  his  tail  as  if  he  was  trying 
to  make  us  good  friends.  It  was  as  if  he  said  to 
each  of  us:  "You  two  are  alone  here.  Do  not 
quarrel,  but  help  each  other. "  And  truly  out  here 
beneath  the  stars  it  was  difficult  to  think  of  Gaston 
Battaille  as  a  very  wicked  man.  It  was  not  as 
when  he  came  to  the  house  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  to  steal.  I  thought  of  him  only  as  a  strong 
man  who  meant  no  harm  either  to  me  or  to  Pierrot. 
It  was  because  of  this  I  found  myself  telling  him 
things  just  as  they  were. 

"He  wished  to  take  my  Pierrot, "  I  said. 
158 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  159 

Gaston  Battaille  looked  up  quickly. 

"Who?  "he  said. 

"The  Count  de  Beauchamp,"  I  said.  "He 
came  while  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  away  to 
take  my  Pierrot. " 

"He  tried  to  steal  him?" 

"He  was  coming  to-morrow  with  a  notary " 

"I  know,"  said  Gaston  Battaille,  rising  to  his 
feet.  "They  do  not  steal  with  a  stick — those 
noblemen;  they  steal  with  a  notary.  They  steal 
according  to  law.  The  devil  take  their  souls — 
they  run  no  danger. " 

"I  do  not  know  if  he  meant  to  steal,"  I  said. 

"  He  made  you  fear,  eh?  He  said  you  should  be 
glad  to  give  your  infant  to  a  noble  count — eh?" 

"Yes;  yes.     It  was  like  that, "  I  said. 

"He  waited  until  you  were  alone  before  he  told 
you  that— eh?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"He  would  rob  a  mother  of  her  child — the 
beast.  Bah,  I  have  stolen  many  things,  and  with 
luck  will  steal  many  more,  but  I  have  never  yet 
stolen  infants.  When  I  try  that,  may  I  not  have 
in  my  arms  the  strength  of  an  infant  so  that  even 
Tupin  can  hold  me. " 

"I  do  not  know  if  the  Count  meant  harm,  only 
I  ran,"  I  said. 

"Where  are  you  going  now?" 

"I  do  not  know, "  I  said. 

He  thought  a  moment,  and  then  he  said: 

11 1  have  heard  no  news  from  the  village. " 


160  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Of  what?" 

"Of  what  happened  last  night.  Ordinarily 
the  excuses  of  that  fool  Tupin  reach  to  the  moun- 
tain tops  here." 

"He  knows  nothing,"  I  said. 

"  You  did  not  teU  him?" 

"No,  Monsieur." 

"Why  not?" 

"Because — because  Lucille  said  she  thought 
you  had  a  good  heart." 

"Lucille  Corbeau  told  you  that?"  he  said  with 
a  laugh.  Then  he  said  without  a  laugh:  "The 
poor  little  devil. " 

He  stood  for  a  moment  looking  down  upon  the 
sea  and  the  lights  of  the  village  below.  Then  he 
turned  quickly. 

"Follow  me,"  he  said. 

He  moved  into  the  trees  and  I  followed.  It  did 
not  seem  to  me  strange  that  I  should  follow  him 
without  questions.  He  was  no  longer  Gaston 
Battaille,  the  thief;  he  was  only  Gaston  Battaille, 
a  strong  man.  It  was  not  the  Gaston  Battaille 
of  Tupin  I  followed;  it  was  the  Gaston  Bat- 
taille of  Lucille.  So  I  followed,  not  knowing 
where,  as  I  would  have  followed  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

The  road  was  rough  and  steep,  and  I  had  not 
eaten  for  many  hours.  With  Pierrot  in  my  arms 
it  was  difficult.  At  the  end  of  ten  minutes  it  was 
necessary  for  me  to  stop. 

"I  must  rest,"  I  said  to  Gaston. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  -161 

He  stopped  when  I  said  that.  When  I  rose 
to  go  again,  he  held  out  his  hands  to  take  my 
Pierrot. 

"I  will  cany  him,"  he  said. 

I  did  not  like  to  give  my  Pierrot  to  him  and  he 
saw  this. 

"Have  no  fear,"  he  said.  "I  am  not  a  noble 
count. " 

It  was  because  I  had  fear  I  might  fall  that  I 
placed  Pierrot  in  his  arms.  After  this  it  was  easier 
for  me  to  follow  him.  We  went  a  long  distance 
and  always  up  the  side  of  the  mountain,  which  was 
as  steep  as  a  flight  of  stairs.  We  were  not  in  the 
road  or  even  a  path,  and  yet  Gaston  knew  every 
rock.  His  feet  were  so  steady  that  he  did  not  slip 
as  much  as  Sport,  who  often  fell  upon  a  rolling 
stone.  As  for  me,  toward  the  end  I  was  as  much 
upon  my  hands  and  knees  as  upon  my  feet.  I  was 
thirsty  and  hungry,  but  I  felt  as  happy  as  if  I 
were  going  home.  The  farther  we  went  from  the 
village  below  us,  the  more  content  I  became. 

At  the  end  of  an  hour  we  came  to  a  village  on 
the  top  of  the  mountain.  I  turned  around  once 
and  saw  the  sea  so  far  below  that  it  looked  like  a 
pool.  We  went  down  one  street  after  another 
and  they  were  all  very  narrow  and  rough.  There 
were  no  lights  in  the  houses  and  we  met  no  one. 
On  the  very  edge  of  this  village  where  the  pines 
began  again,  there  was  a  small  house  of  stone  and 
here  Gaston  stopped.  Before  going  in  he  said  to 
me: 


1 62  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Say  nothing  to  anyone  here  of  who  you  are  or 
from  where  you  came." 

"Very  well,  Monsieur." 

11  Say  nothing  to  anyone  of  what  you  know  about 
me." 

"Very  well,  Monsieur." 

Even  now  I  had  no  fear  though  I  was  going 
into  a  strange  house  and  among  strangers. 
For  one  thing  I  was  now  too  hungry  and  too 
tired  to  think  about  anything.  And  then  there 
was  nothing  else  to  do.  It  mattered  little  how 
I  felt.  It  was  necessary  for  me  to  go  some- 
where with  my  Pierrot,  and  one  place  was  like 
another. 

Gaston  Battaille  opened  the  door  and  went  in. 
I  heard  the  voice  of  a  very  old  woman. 

"Is  that  you,  Gaston?" 

"Yes,  grandmother,"  said  Gaston. 

Just  to  hear  him  say  "Grandmother"  gave  me 
comfort.  Here  was  another  woman  and  an  old 
woman. 

"I  will  light  a  candle,"  said  Grandmother 
Battaille.  In  a  moment  she  came  to  meet  us 
with  the  candle  over  her  head.  But  when  she 
saw  what  Gaston  had  in  his  arms  and  saw  me  be- 
hind him,  she  stopped. 

"What  is  this?"  she  said. 

"Just  a  stranger  and  an  infant,"  said  Gaston. 
"They  were  lost  upon  the  mountain." 

"Lost?  Then  they  must  be  cold  and  hungry, 
eh?" 


IVe  came  to  a  village  on  the  top  of  the  mountain 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  163 

"  I  have  no  doubt  the  woman  is,  but  this  little 
devil  here  is  warm  and  fast  asleep." 

"  Tut,  tut.     I  will  stir  the  fire. " 

We  went  into  a  room  which  contained  a  stove, 
and  Grandmother  Battaille  put  in  wood,  and  soon 
the  fire  was  blazing.  I  took  my  Pierrot  in  my 
arms  and  sat  down.  Just  to  sit  down  in  this  warm 
room  with  my  Pierrot  in  my  arms  again  was  all  the 
happiness  I  desired.  Gaston  bent  over  the  stove 
warming  his  hands,  and  the  little  old  woman  patted 
him  upon  the  back  as  she  passed. 

"You  are  early  to-night,  my  grandson,"  she  said. 

"Yes,"  he  said,  looking  at  me  as  if  to  give 
warning  not  to  speak. 

"You  said  you  would  be  on  guard  until  morn- 
ing." 

"Tupin  relieved  me,"  he  said. 

"That  is  good,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille. 
"  You  have  been  working  too  late  this  last  month. " 

Now  I  understood  nothing  of  this,  but  this  is 
what  I  found  out  later;  this  Grandmother  Battaille 
was  very  proud  of  her  grandson  and  she  thought 
he  was  a  gendarme  in  the  village  of  Beaulieu. 
Yes,  that  is  what  she  thought.  When  he  came 
home  with  strange  things  like  watches  and  jewels, 
she  thought  these  were  presents  given  to  him  for 
his  bravery.  There  were  those  in  the  village  who 
knew  better,  but  they  never  told  Grandmother 
Battaille,  and  even  those  who  knew  had  an  affec- 
tion for  Gaston.  That  is  the  truth  and  whenever 
there  was  a  robbery  Gaston  came  back  with 


164  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

presents  for  his  bravery.  There  were  people  who 
laughed  about  this,  but  as  for  me,  it  made  me  wish 
to  cry  more  than  laugh. 

Grandmother  Battaille  placed  some  soup  upon 
the  stove  and  then  came  to  where  I  sat. 

"This  is  your  infant"?  she  said. 

"Yes,  Madame." 

She  looked  at  me  sharply  and  then  at  Pierrot. 
Then  she  said: 

"He  should  be  in  bed.     Come  with  me. " 

She  took  the  candle  and  led  me  into  another 
room,  and  there  was  a  clean  bed. 

"Place  him  in  there  and  then  come  back,"  she 
said. 

When  she  went  out,  I  heard  her  talking  in  a 
low  voice  to  Gaston  but  the  thing  at  which  I 
marvelled  was  that  here  were  Pierrot  and  I  alone 
again,  as  if  by  magic,  in  this  strange  room  and  that 
it  was  like  home.  I  placed  Pierrot  in  the  bed  and 
looked  at  him.  His  eyes  were  closed  and  he  was 
very  beautiful.  He  was  so  calm  and  so  untroubled 
that  in  a  minute  this  was  like  my  room  at  the 
Villa  Cornice,  or  like  my  room  at  the  house  of 
Madame  Lacroix.  It  was  all  one  where  we  were — 
my  Pierrot  and  I — if  only  we  were  together  and  he 
was  untroubled.  It  did  not  matter  greatly  whether 
the  house  was  that  of  an  honest  man  or  a  thief. 
I  did  not  think  at  all  of  the  Count  de  Beauchamp 
but  I  did  miss  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  even  if  I 
did  not  miss  the  Villa  Cornice.  He  would  like  to 
see  my  Pierrot  sleeping  here  so  calmly,  I  thought. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


165 


I  could  hear  his  voice  even  then  saying:  "Here  is 
a  man  from  Yale."  Whenever  my  Pierrot  was 
calm  in  the  midst  of  danger,  that  was  what  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin  always  said.  Of  course  there 
really  was  no  danger,  but  Monsieur  Jack  Martin, 
not  knowing  Gaston  Battaille  as  I  did,  would  have 
thought  there  was  danger. 

I  bent  over  my  Pierrot  and  kissed  him  and  then 
returned  with  the  candle  to  the  other  room. 
Grandmother  Battaille  had  ready  two  bowls  of 
hot  soup  and  I  sat  down  facing  Gaston  Battaille 
and  we  ate  our  dinner  together. 


CHAPTER  XXV 

I  SLEPT  late  that  morning  because  no  one  woke 
me  until  Pierrot  himself  woke  me.  He  was 
lying  by  my  side,  singing  to  himself  and  playing 
with  his  toes.  The  songs  of  birds  came  in  at  the 
window,  and  the  sun  made  a  golden  path  across 
the  bed.  My  first  thought  was  that  I  was  late  in 
preparing  breakfast  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin, 
and  then  I  remembered  all  that  had  happened 
since  he  had  gone  to  Paris.  It  was  very  strange 
that  I  had  been  able  to  close  my  eyes  and  forget  all 
those  things  for  so  long.  When  I  first  thought 
of  them  that  morning,  it  was  as  if  I  picked  up  a 
book  and  began  again  to  read  a  romance  where  I 
had  stopped  the  night  before.  With  Pierrot  at 
my  side,  singing  and  playing  with  his  toes,  as  if 
nothing  at  all  had  happened,  it  was  difficult  to 
believe  that  anything  at  all  had  happened.  When 
he  saw  that  my  eyes  were  open,  he  laughed  aloud 
and  held  out  his  arms  to  me. 

I  do  not  know  anything  so  fine  as  to  wake  to  such 
a  greeting  as  this.  I  kissed  his  hair  and  his  little 
nose  and  his  mouth  and  his  neck.  My  Pierrot 
was  so  warm  and  soft  all  over!  Then  I  placed 
him  to  my  breast  and  lay  back  with  all  my  muscles 

166- 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  167 

aching  with  the  joy  of  lying  here.  I  tried  to 
think,  but  I  was  too  happy.  All  the  days  of  my 
Pierrot  came  back  to  me  as  if  crowded  into  those 
few  minutes.  It  was  again  as  if  the  world  had 
been  made  for  him  and  he  had  no  interest  in 
anything  else.  It  was  no  affair  of  his  what  went 
on  so  long  as  the  sky  remained  overhead  and  I  was 
near  him.  The  sun  shone  and  the  birds  sang  as 
well  for  him  up  here  in  the  mountains  as  below  by 
the  sea-shore. 

After  he  ate  his  breakfast,  I  arose  and  made  my 
toilet.  It  was  then  I  realised  I  had  fresh  clothes 
neither  for  him  nor  for  myself.  What  was  worse, 
I  had  no  money  with  which  to  buy  them.  It  was 
then  I  saw  that  I  was  not  as  free  as  I  dreamed. 
When  my  thoughts  were  upon  Pierrot,  I  was 
never  able  to  consider  anything  else.  Pierrot 
always  made  me  feel  as  free  as  the  birds  of  the 
air.  It  was  so  simple  a  matter  for  him  to  live! 
He  slept  wherever  he  happened  to  be;  he  found 
his  dinners  by  opening  his  little  mouth;  he 
found  warmth  by  creeping  close  to  his  mother. 
To  be  with  him  was  to  think  it  was  as  simple  an 
affair  for  everyone. 

When  I  was  dressed,  I  went  into  the  next 
room  to  see  Grandmother  Battaille  and  I  asked 
her  if  she  had  anything  I  could  use  for  my 
Pierrot. 

"You  have  been  so  good  to  me  already,  I  do 
not  like  to  ask  you  for  more,"  I  said. 

"It  would  be  a  pity  if  a  child  must  go  naked  in 


168  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

my  house,"  she  said.  "Come  here.  Gaston  still 
sleeps." 

She  took  me  to  a  chest  of  drawers  and 
showed  me  what  she  had.  In  those  drawers 
there  was  everything  which  a  baby  might 
need.  The  things  were  carefully  folded  and 
there  were  dried  rose  leaves  sprinkled  among 
them. 

"I  have  saved  them  all.  They  are  the  clothes 
my  Gaston  wore  when  he  was  a  baby,"  she  said. 

Now  it  was  almost  impossible  to  think  of  Gaston 
Battaille  as  ever  having  been  a  baby  like  my 
Pierrot.  But  as  Grandmother  Battaille  took  out 
those  clothes,  smiling  as  she  did  that,  she  talked 
as  if  Gaston  were  a  baby  even  now. 

"See,"  she  said.  "It  was  in  this  dress  he  was 
christened. " 

Then  she  took  out  other  things — little  skirts 
and  shoes  and  caps.  As  she  did  that,  she  said: 
"  It  was  this  he  wore  when  he  was  six  months  old, " 
and  "These  were  his  first  pair  of  shoes,"  and  "He 
wore  this  when  we  went  to  see  his  cousin  Louise, " 
and  "He  was  dress'ed  in  this  at  the  funeral  of  his 
mother. " 

To  see  those  things  so  very  small  and  then  to 
think  of  Gaston  as  big  as  now,  was  like  a  story  of 
fairies  and  giants. 

Even  Pierrot,  looking  at  them  from  my  arms, 
began  to  laugh. 

"Yes,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille,  patting  the 
hand  of  my  Pierrot.  "  Yes,  if  you  are  a  good  boy 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  169 

and  grow,  then  you  will  become  some  day  a  fine 
big  man  like  my  Gaston. " 

It  made  me  hold  my  breath  when  she  said  that. 
It  might  be  that  I  wished  my  Pierrot  to  be  as  big 
a  man  as  Gaston  but  I  did  not  like  to  think  that 
he  would  become  the  same  kind  of  a  man.  Yet 
Grandmother  Battaille  had  seen  Gaston  as  an 
infant  like  my  Pierrot  and,  for  that  matter,  saw 
him  even  now  as  an  infant.  To  her  he  was 
the  best  man  who  ever  lived.  That  was  very 
strange. 

She  bade  me  take  what  I  needed  and  I  did, 
because  there  was  nothing  else  I  could  do,  but 
it  made  me  sad  as  I  put  those  clothes  upon  Pierrot. 
I  thought  of  many  things  of  which  I  had  never 
thought  before.  That  was  because  for  the  moment 
I  considered  only  the  fact  that  these  two  were  alike 
in  being  babies.  But  that  was  all  in  which  they 
were  the  same.  Pierrot  was  a  baby  of  course  and 
Gaston  had  been  a  baby  of  course,  but  after  that 
Pierrot  was  Pierrot  and  Gaston  was  Gaston. 
Also  I  remembered  that  once  Napoleon  had  been 
a  baby  like  my  Pierrot.  But  if  one  stops  to  think 
about  it,  it  is  very  strange  how  much  alike  all 
babies  are  when  they  are  babies.  Gaston  and 
Napoleon  and  my  Pierrot  could  wear  the  same 
clothes  when  they  were  six  months  old,  and  a 
stranger  could  not  choose  one  from  the  other. 

When  I  dressed  my  Pierrot  and  returned  to  the 
kitchen,  I  found  breakfast  prepared. 

"Gaston   sleeps  late  in   the  morning,"   said 


170  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Grandmother  Battaille.  "Mafoi,  it  is  hard  work 
being  a  gendarme  in  the  city." 

"Gaston  is  a  gendarme?"  I  said,  not  knowing 
at  this  time  what  he  told  his  grandmother. 

"Do  not  tell  me  you  have  not  heard  of  my 
Gaston!"  she  said,  not  liking  what  I  asked  her. 

"  Of  course  I  have  heard  of  him, "  I  said. 

"  Perhaps  you  have  heard  more  of  that  Tupin, " 
said  Grandmother  Battaille.  "Bah!  He  is  jeal- 
ous of  my  Gaston  and  to  hear  him  talk,  you  would 
think  he  was  a  regiment.  My  Gaston  says  little, 
but  it  is  Gaston  and  not  Tupin  who  receives  the 
presents  for  bravery. " 

Pierrot  was  seated  in  my  lap  and  he  reached  for 
a  spoon  and  laughed,  so  that  it  was  not  necessary 
for  me  to  say  anything  because  Grandmother 
Battaille  began  to  play  with  him. 

"He  is  strong — that  boy,"  said  Grandmother 
Battaille.  "It  was  so  Gaston  played  at  his  age. 
At  nine  months  he  was  able  to  walk  alone. " 

"Pierrot  is  not  yet  able  to  stand  upon  his  feet, " 

I  said. 

"Have  patience,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille. 

II  He  will  be  a  man  like  Gaston  if  you  have  patience. 
How  would  you  like  to  be  a  fine  gendarme — eh?" 

Pierrot  waved  the  spoon  in  the  air  as  if  it  were 
a  stick. 

"Yes,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille,  "some 
day  you  will  do  that  and  frighten  away  the 
thieves." 

When  she  said  that  word,  it  made  me  tremble. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  171 

I  was  glad  when  Gaston  himself  came  out.  She 
rose  from  the  table  and  went  to  him  to  be  kissed. 
Then  she  made  a  place  for  him  opposite  me  and 
we  all  three  began  our  breakfast.  I  will  never 
forget.  Pierrot  desired  to  sit  with  Gaston  as  soon 
as  he  entered,  and  I  could  do  nothing  but  permit 
it.  Then  Grandmother  Battaille  continued  to 
talk  though  Gaston  tried  many  times  to  stop  her. 
I  had  pity  for  that  man.  As  she  said  one  thing 
and  then  another  about  his  bravery  and  his  good- 
ness, he  looked  at  me  and  turned  red  and  then 
white  and  then  red  again.  If  never  Gaston  was 
punished  for  his  sins  before  or  after,  he  was 
punished  then.  And  it  was  not  so  much  by  me  as 
by  Pierrot,  who  understood  nothing. 

"See  how  that  baby  grasps  your  thumb,"  said 
Grandmother  Battaille.  "It  was  so  you  grasped 
the  thumb  of  your  grandfather.  Do  you  remem- 
ber— my  Gaston?" 

"No,"  said  Gaston.  "Do  you  think  it  will 
rain  today?" 

"Your  grandfather  sat  here  and  he  was  very 
proud  of  you,  my  Gaston.  Every  morning  after 
breakfast  he  took  you  in  his  arms  and  walked 
over  the  whole  village  with  you.  If  he  could  see 
you  now!" 

Then  Gaston  asked  me  if  I  had  been  warm 
enough  and  if  I  had  been  too  warm,  while  Pierrot 
pulled  at  his  beard.  Then  Grandmother  Battaille 
said: 

"That  baby  wishes  to  be  a  great  gendarme  like 


172  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

you,  Gaston.    After  breakfast  you  must  show  him 
your  pistol." 

Then  poor  Gaston  rose  from  the  table  and  placed 
Pierrot  upon  his  shoulder.  He  had  eaten  nothing. 
He  walked  back  and  forth,  showing  Pierrot  every- 
thing in  the  room,  anxious  only  to  stop  Grand- 
mother Battaille  from  talking.  My  Pierrot  clung 
to  his  hair  and  was  very  happy. 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

AFTER  my  Pierrot  returned  to  bed  for  his 
morning  nap,  I  found  a  moment  when  Gaston 
was  alone  on  the  steps  outside  the  house,  and  spoke 
to  him. 

"  I  do  not  know  what  I  shall  do, "  I  said. 

"That  is  simple,"  he  said.  "Rest  where  you 
are.  That  noble  gentleman,  the  Count,  cannot 
find  you  here. " 

"You  are  very  good,"  I  said  to  him.  "If 
you  will  permit  me  to  remain  here  until  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  returns,  I  will  pay  you  thirty  francs 
a  week,  which  is  what  he  pays  me. " 

"You  will  pay  me  nothing,  "said  Gaston. 

"I  am  a  stranger.  It  is  right  that  I  should 
pay, "  I  said. 

"I  have  enough,"  said  Gaston. 

It  was  when  he  said  that,  I  remembered  for  the 
first  time  this  morning  what  Gaston  Battaille 
had  done  in  the  house  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
It  made  my  cheeks  turn  red  when  I  thought  how 
it  was  he  had  enough.  And  even  if  I  knew  how 
good  he  had  been  to  my  Pierrot  and  how  good 
he  wished  to  be,  I  could  not  permit  him  to  be  good 
to  my  son  with  what  he  had  taken  from  Monsieur 

173 


174  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Jack  Martin.     That  would  be  as  if  Pierrot  had 
helped  him  in  his  wickedness.     So  I  said: 

"  Unless  you  permit  me  to  pay,  I  cannot  remain." 

"Why  not?"  he  asked  quickly. 

"Please  do  not  ask  me,"  I  said. 

I  saw  by  the  way  he  turned  from  me  that  he 
understood  and  that  I  had  hurt  him.  I  did  not 
wish  to  hurt  him. 

"Gaston,"  I  said,  "Lucille  says  that  you  have 
a  good  heart  and  I  believe  that.  I  do  not  know 
why  you  do  as  you  do,  and  I  do  not  wish  to  speak 
of  it.  Perhaps  you  do  not  understand  that  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin  is  my  friend  and  has  done  much 
for  Pierrot  and  me.  I  would  starve  before  I 
took  from  him  anything  he  did  not  give. " 
'  "He  is  rich.  He  has  enough,"  said  Gaston. 

"I  do  not  know  about  that  and  I  do  not  care," 
I  said. 

"He  is  an  American, "  said  Gaston. 

"And  a  gentleman,"  I  said.  "Please  do  not 
make  me  talk  about  this  any  more.  I  leave  at 
once  if  you  do  not  take  my  thirty  francs. " 

Gaston  looked  at  me  a  moment,  and  then  he 
said: 

"I  will  not  take  your  money,"  he  said.  "But 
I  will  promise  you  something.  Everything  I 
took  from  the  house  of  that  American  is  here.  If 
you  remain,  I  will  give  it  to  you  to  return  when 
you  go  back. " 

"Do  you  mean  that?"  I  said. 

"I  have  promised,"  he  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  175 

"But,  Gaston,"  I  said,  not  understanding  even 
though  I  was  very  glad  to  hear  him  talk  like  this. 
"What  makes  you  do  this?" 

"What  makes  me?"  he  said.  "I  do  not  know. 
Perhaps  it  is  that  devil  of  a  Pierrot  who  looks  at 
me." 

"My  Pierrot?" 

"He  has  the  eyes  of  a  judge, "  said  Gaston. 

"You  make  me  very  proud,  Gaston, "  I  said. 

This  was  just  as  it  happened.  I  said  no  more 
than  I  have  written  and  Gaston  said  no  more. 
My  Pierrot  did  everything  without  speaking  even 
one  word.  At  six  months  he  was  like  a  noble 
judge.  He  was  better  than  a  noble  judge  'because 
he  did  not  make  of  Gaston  a  worse  man  by  sending 
him  to  prison.  He  made  Gaston  confess  to  himself 
his  own  wickedness,  as  a  good  priest  does,  and  then 
led  him  to  return  what  he  had  so  wickedly  taken. 
That  is  what  my  Pierrot  did  in  a  few  hours  without 
asking  advice  of  anyone.  I  left  Gaston  at  once 
because  I  was  not  able  to  wait  before  looking  again 
upon  my  Pierrot.  I  went  into  the  room  where  he 
slept,  and  stood  by  his  bed.  His  eyes  were  closed 
and  he  slept  with  his  two  arms  over  his  head. 
Then  I  saw  that  truly  he  did  have  the  features 
of  a  judge.  His  forehead  was  broad  and  high,  and 
his  mouth  firm  though  not  hard.  He  had  a  chin 
which  was  round  but  also  firm.  It  was  possible, 
I  thought,  that  after  all  he  might  not  be  a  great 
general  but  a  great  judge  in  a  scarlet  robe.  With 
his  light  hair  my  Pierrot  would  look  very  handsome 


176  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

in  a  scarlet  robe.  So  I  sat  upon  the  edge  of  the  bed 
and  saw  the  many  people  who  might  be  brought 
before  him,  and  thought  of  how  kind  and  just 
my  Pierrot  would  be  to  them.  Pierrot  would  not 
be  like  Jules  Tupin,  who  wished  either  to  shoot 
everyone  or  send  them  off  to  prison,  but  he  would 
look  at  them  as  he  had  looked  at  Gaston,  and  then, 
ma  foi,  they  must  tell  the  truth  not  only  to  him 
but  to  themselves.  I  have  seen  that  when  a 
man  tells  the  truth  to  himself,  then  he  becomes  a 
better  man. 

Gaston  remained  near  the  house  until  my  Pierrot 
awoke.  I  think  it  was  because  he  wished  to  know 
what  Pierrot  would  say  of  what  he  had  done. 
Grandmother  Battaille  saw  that  something  was 
the  matter  because  she  said  to  Gaston  after  he 
came  into  the  house  for  the  twentieth  time : 

"You  have  not  had  enough  sleep,  my  boy." 

"Yes,  yes.     I  have  slept  enough,"  he  said. 

"But  you  wander  about  like  that  dog,"  said 
Grandmother  Battaille.  It  was  Sport  she  meant, 
who  was  first  in  the  house  sniffing  for  Pierrot  and 
then  out  again  and  then  back  to  find  Pierrot. 

"  Do  not  talk  any  more, "  said  Gaston. 

"Very  well,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille. 

She  was  like  a  child,  that  old  woman,  and  when 
Gaston  spoke  like  that  she  obeyed  him  without 
reply.  But  she  sat  in  a  corner  and  watched  him 
so  anxiously  that  I  took  a  chair  near  her  so  that 
she  could  talk  to  me.  She  spoke  in  a  low  voice 
and  always  about  Gaston,  going  back  to  the  time 


Grandmother  Battaille 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  177 

when  he  was  the  age  of  Pierrot.  After  a  little 
while,  though  I  nodded  my  head,  I  heard  only 
her  voice,  but  nothing  at  all  of  what  she  said 
because  I  was  thinking  of  my  Pierrot  and  not  of 
her  Gaston. 

When  Pierrot  awoke,  I  put  fresh  clothes  upon 
him,  and  brought  him  into  the  kitchen.  Gaston 
held  out  his  arms  for  him  at  once.  Then  I  watched 
and  I  saw  Pierrot  look  at  Gaston,  and  I  saw  Gaston 
look  at  Pierrot,  meeting  him  eye  to  eye.  Then 
Gaston  laughed  and  said: 

"Here,  this  boy  should  be  out  of  doors.  Give 
him  a  cap  and  I  will  take  him  down  the  street. " 

Grandmother  gave  me  a  little  bonnet  and  coat, 
and  I  dressed  my  Pierrot  in  those  things.  Then 
Gaston  took  Pierrot  out. 

"It  was  so  my  man  carried  Gaston  through  the 
village, "  said  Grandmother  Battaille. 

This  was  enough  to  make  her  tell  me  all  over 
again  about  that. 


CHAPTER  XXVII 

NOW  that  first  dayl  lived  in  the  mountains 
with  my  Pierrot,  I  did  not  think  twice  of  the 
Count  de  Beauchamp.  He  was  like  an  evil  dream 
forgotten  as  soon  as  one  wakes.  Up  there  so  high 
above  the  village,  it  was  as  if  we  were  living  in 
another  world.  It  was  no  more  possible  to  think 
of  the  Count  de  Beauchamp  coming  here  than  it 
was  to  think  of  an  automobile  coming  here.  Such 
things  were  for  the  valleys.  Here  everyone  lived 
as  they  lived  many  years  ago.  There  were  no 
noble  men  or  women,  but  each  man  had  his  little 
garden  and  grew  what  he  wished  to  eat.  The 
women  knit  and  everyone  sat  much  in  the 
sun. 

I  thought  of  Lucille  and  of  Jean  and  of  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  because  I  knew  they  would  like 
very  much  to  be  here.  I  thought  it  was  possible 
that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  could  live  here  even 
in  the  home  of  Gaston  and  find  pleasure.  He 
would  like  to  be  so  near  the  stars  and  he  would 
like  Grandmother  Battaille. 

On  the  second  evening,  Gaston  went  to  the 
Villa  to  see  if  there  were  any  lights.  When  he 
came  back,  he  said  the  house  was  dark. 

178 


Here  everyone  lived  as  they  lived  many  years  ago 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  "          179 

"But,"  he  said,  "everyone  in  the  village  talks 
of  nothing  else  but  where  you  have  gone. " 

"They  talk  of  me?"  I  said. 

"The  whole  village  is  searching  and  there  are  a 
thousand  stories  about  you." 

"Why  do  they  search  for  me?"  I  said. 

"  If  that  American  does  not  return  soon,  I  have 
fear  they  will  be  after  him  in  Paris  and  also  up 
here  in  the  mountains." 

"But  why  should  they  trouble  him?" 

"  They  say  he  has  stolen  you  both. " 

"Even  if  they  think  that,  why  should  they 
trouble?" 

That  is  what  I  could  not  understand.  Until 
now  no  one  had  troubled  about  me.  I  might  have 
gone  hungry  and  starved  by  the  road  side  and  no 
one  would  have  cared. 

"  Perhaps  it  is  that  Pierrot, "  said  Gaston. 

Then  I  saw.  It  was  true  that  whether  I  lived 
or  died  was  of  no  great  matter  to  anyone,  but  as 
for  Pierrot,  everyone  cared.  A  little  baby  six 
months  old  was  of  more  importance  in  the  world 
than  a  woman  fully  grown.  It  made  me  much 
prouder  to  have  them  search  for  my  Pierrot  than 
to  have  them  search  for  me.  It  proved  what  a 
fine  baby  he  was. 

"If  I  could  send  word  to  Lucille " 

"I  saw  Lucille  and  told  her,"  said  Gaston. 

"That  was  very  kind  of  you,  Gaston,"  I 
said. 

"She  knows  how  to  keep  silent,"  said  Gaston, 


i8o  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"but  she  told  me  that  the  Countess  de  Beauchamp 
had  a  dozen  men  out  searching  for  you. " 

"This  is  not  her  affair, "  I  said. 

"I  do  not  know,"  said  Gaston,  looking  anxious, 
"but  it  is  well  if  you  remain  in  the  house  to- 
morrow. " 

"What  do  you  say?'*  said  Grandmother 
Battaille. 

"That  it  is  well  if  Madame  and  this  infant 
remain  in  the  house,"  said  Gaston.  "The  air  is 
colder  here  than  the  air  below. " 

"That  is  right,"  said  Grandmother  Battaille. 
"It  is  so  I  have  said." 

She  always  said,  "  It  is  so  I  have  said, "  to  every- 
thing Gaston  said. 

I  did  not  like  to  think  that  so  many  people  were 
disturbed  about  my  Pierrot,  but  nevertheless  I 
slept  soundly  that  night.  The  next  morning  I 
learned  that  Gaston  was  out  before  daylight. 
When  he  returned,  he  said  he  had  been  again 
to  the  village  and  did  not  like  affairs  there.  It 
was  worse  than  the  day  before.  The  Countess, 
he  said,  had  told  the  police  through  half  of  France. 
There  was  talk  of  men  searching  all  the  villages 
in  the  mountains. 

"  It  is  well  if  we  leave, "  he  said. 

"Where  can  we  go?"  I  said. 

"The  police  can  search  the  villages,"  said  Gas- 
ton.  "But  they  cannot  search  the  mountains. 
Where  do  the  wolves  go  when  men  are  hunting 
them?" 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  181 

"But  we  are  not  wolves, "  I  said. 

"No?"  said  Gaston  in  a  voice  I  shall  never 
forget.  "  I  myself  have  felt  like  a  wolf  when  men 
were  after  me.  But  the  devil  take  their  souls,  I 
have  given  them  many  fine  runs  through  these 
mountains  and  am  ready  for  another. " 

"  It  might  be  better  if  I  returned, "  I  said. 

"To  the  Count?"  said  Gaston. 

"No,"  I  said.  "Not  until  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  comes  back. " 

Two  days  ago  my  Pierrot  and  I  were  with  the 
world  against  Gaston  Battaille,  and  within  this 
brief  time  it  came  about  that  Pierrot  and  I  were 
with  Gaston  against  the  world.  It  is  very  strange 
how  such  things  happen,  and  if  one  has  been 
through  them,  it  gives  one  great  pity  for  everyone 
and  makes  one  slow  to  judge. 

After  breakfast  Gaston  bade  me  dress  my 
Pierrot  in  his  warmest  clothes  and  to  take  what  I 
needed  for  him  and  myself  for  two  days. 

"You  will  not  find  many  things  in  this  hotel 
where  we  are  going, "  he  said. 

Gaston  was  as  happy  as  a  boy.  I  think  he 
liked  to  do  things  like  this.  For  him  it  was  like 
a  game.  He  put  food  into  a  knapsack,  which  he 
threw  over  his  shoulder.  He  carried  also  a  basket. 
To  his  Grandmother  Battaille  he  said  he  was  to 
take  us  home  and  might  be  away  two  or  three 
nights. 

"Have  a  care  of  yourself,  my  Gaston,"  she 
said. 


1 82  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

I  kissed  Grandmother  Battaille  upon  her  cheeks 
and  thanked  her  for  what  she  had  done  for  my 
Pierrot  and  then,  with  my  baby  in  my  arms,  I 
followed  Gaston  out  of  the  house. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 

NO  one  saw  us  leave  the  village  but  it  would 
not  have  mattered  if  they  had,  for  no  one 
here  answered  questions  of  strangers  about  Gas- 
ton  Battaille.  We  continued  along  the  moun- 
tain road  for  an  hour  and  then  left  the  road  and 
took  a  path  which  brought  us  to  a  gorge  between 
two  great  mountains.  Here  there  was  also  a 
river,  which  ran  so  swiftly  among  the  rocks  that 
it  was  like  boiling  water.  I  had  never  seen  any- 
thing like  this  and  it  was  very  beautiful.  There 
were  many  pine-trees  here  and  many  birds.  We 
went  slowly,  for  there  was  no  need  of  haste,  and  we 
stopped  many  times.  Then  we  came  to  a  little 
carpet  of  green  near  the  river  and  Gaston  spread 
the  blanket  upon  the  ground,  and  I  placed  Pierrot 
upon  it  and  permitted  him  to  play.  He  loved  it 
here  and  tried  to  catch  in  his  hands  the  shadows 
made  by  the  trees  on  the  ground.  We  watched 
him  do  this  and  laughed  when  he  laughed. 

Out  here  among  the  trees  and  rocks,  with  the 
blue  sky  overhead  and  the  river  singing  to  him  as 
it  hurried  past,  he  was  more  beautiful  than  I  had 
ever  seen  him.  I  shall  never  forget  how  he  looked 
there.  Gaston  and  I  did  not  belong  here,  but  as 

183 


184  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

for  Pierrot,  he  was  part  of  this  wonderful  picture 
like  the  birds.  When  Gaston  and  I  spoke  even  in  a 
whisper,  it  was  as  if  we  broke  the  calm  of  this 
place,  but  when  Pierrot  laughed  aloud,  his  voice 
was  so  much  in  tune  with  the  river  and  the  wind 
in  the  pines  and  the  other  pleasant  sounds  that 
it  was  as  if  it  were  meant  for  him  to  grow  here. 
He  was  like  a  fairy  whose  home  was  here. 
Even  Gaston  saw  this  and  watched  him,  saying 
nothing. 

Once  a  cuckoo  lighted  upon  a  branch  over  the 
head  of  my  Pierrot  and  began  to  sing.  Pierrot 
watched  him  for  a  moment  and  listened  as  hard 
as  he  could  listen.  Then  he  waved  his  arms  and 
the  cuckoo  flew,  but  he  flew  only  a  little  way  to 
another- branch  and  began  again  to  sing.  He  did 
not  see  us,  but  only  my  Pierrot.  Then  Pierrot 
made  a  noise  that  was  very  like  the  song  of  that 
cuckoo,  and  you  should  have  seen  that  bird  look 
at  him.  He  put  his  head  first  on  one  side  and 
then  on  the  other  as  if  to  learn  what  kind  of  a  new 
cuckoo  this  was  upon  the  ground.  He  sang  again 
and  listened  while  again  my  Pierrot  mocked  him. 
Then  he  flew  nearer  and  Pierrot  held  out  his 
hands  as  if  to  take  him.  When  Pierrot  did  this, 
that  bird  was  so  surprised  that  Gaston  could  not 
keep  from  laughing  out  loud,  which  so  frightened 
the  bird  that  he  flew  away,  scolding  as  hard  as  he 
could.  If  it  had  not  been  for  Gaston,  I  am  sure 
that  bird  would  have  come  down  to  the  ground  and 
played  with  my  Pierrot. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  185 

"It  was  you  who  frightened  him  away,"  I  said, 
vexed  that  he  had  done  so. 

"Who  could  help  laughing?"  said  Gaston. 
"That  cuckoo  was  looking  to  find  the  wings  of 
Pierrot.  He  will  go  home  now  and  tell  of  this 
giant  cuckoo  without  wings  which  he  saw  by  the 
river.  And  no  one  will  believe  but  will  call  him  a 
liar.  Pierrot  has  caused  that  bird  to  have  a  bad 
name  forever. " 

"I  am  sorry  if  Pierrot  has  done  that,"  I  said. 

"It  is  not  our  fault,"  said  Gaston.  "That 
bird  did  not  mistake  us  for  cuckoos. " 

"I  have  no  doubt  he  mistook  you  with  your 
laughing  for  a  bear, "  I  said. 

This  only  made  Gaston  laugh  the  louder. 

When  we  had  thirst,  we  knelt  by  the  bank  of  the 
river  and  drank  of  the  cold  water  without  cups.  I 
held  some  in  the  hollow  of  my  hand  for  Pierrot, 
but  he  did  not  like  that  and  wished  to  do  as  we 
did. 

"Here,  let  me  take  him, "  said  Gaston. 

So  Gaston  held  him  above  the  water,  and  Pierrot 
put  in  his  hands  and  splashed  as  if  he  desired  to 
swim. 

"You  see  him!"  said  Gaston  very  much  excited 
"He  would  be  a  fish  now.  I  believe  if  I  dropped 
him  in  the  water,  he  would  swim. " 

"Have  a  care,"  I  said,  moving  nearer  that 
Gaston. 

"He  would  be  all  things  at  once;  a  bird,  a  man, 
a  fish, "  said  Gaston. 


1 86  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

While  he  was  saying  that,  Pierrot  reached  lower 
and  made  such  a  splashing  that  he  covered  them 
both  with  water. 

"Here,"  shouted  Gaston,  "I  myself  have  no 
desire  to  swim." 

Then  Pierrot  began  to  laugh  as  if  that  were  the 
finest  jest  he  had  heard  in  all  his  life.  I  took  him 
away  from  Gaston,  fearing  both  of  them  would 
fall  into  the  river.  I  wiped  the  face  of  my  Pierrot 
and  he  did  not  like  this.  He  threw  back  his  head 
and  turned  it  one  side  and  tried  to  free  himself 
from  my  arms.  I  placed  him  in  the  sun  on  his 
back  so  that  his  dress  would  dry.  Then  he  made 
us  laugh  by  trying  to  turn  over  upon  his  stomach. 
He  was  very  strong  for  a  baby  so  young.  He  rose 
to  his  elbow  and  twisted  one  leg  over  as  far  as  it 
would  go  and  struggled  to  raise  himself  higher  so 
that  he  could  roll  over. 

"He  is  like  a  man  wrestling  with  himself,"  said 
Gaston.  "I  will  wager  you  one  franc  that  he 
wins." 

Gaston  with  his  arms  over  his  knees  watched 
that  boy  as  if  he  were  a  champion.  Twice  Pierrot 
almost  turned  and  then  I  saw  Gaston  raise  his 
body  with  Pierrot  as  if  to  help  him,  but  each  time 
my  Pierrot  fell  again  upon  his  back. 

"The  next  time  he  will  do  it,"  said  Gaston  as 
Pierrot  paused  to  rest.  It  made  my  bones  ache 
to  see  Pierrot  try  so  hard  and  so  I  leaned  for- 
ward to  help  him.  Gaston  placed  his  hand  upon 
my  arm. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  187 

"Tut,  tut,"  he  said.  "That  is  not  fair.  You 
will  lose  your  franc  if  you  do  that. " 

"I  am  willing  to  lose  my  franc,"  I  said.  "Pier- 
rot is  able  to  turn,  but  I  do  not  like  to  see  him 
struggle  so  hard." 

"That  is  good  for  him,"  said  Gaston.  "He  is 
waiting  for  his  breath.  You  watch  him  this  time." 

Once  more  my  Pierrot  rose  to  his  elbow  and 
threw  over  his  right  leg.  He  paused  in  that  posi- 
tion a  moment  and  then  with  a  mighty  heave  of  his 
shoulders  twisted  and  squirmed  until,  with  a  last 
great  effort,  he  turned  and  fell  full  upon  his  face. 
Gaston  clapped  his  hands  and  shouted:  "Bravo, 
bravo";  while  I  knelt  by  the  side  of  my  Pierrot 
and  patted  his  back. 

"You  are  safe?"  I  said  to  Pierrot. 

Pierrot  raised  his  head  and  laughed  and  kicked 
the  earth  with  his  toes. 

"You  are  a  man  from  Yale,"  I  said  to  my 
Pierrot.  "  I  will  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about 
this." 

A  marvellous  thing  about  my  Pierrot  was  that 
he  was  never  idle.  He  was  never  content  to  sit 
and  do  nothing  as  many  older  people  are.  No 
sooner  did  he  accomplish  one  thing  than  he  began 
another.  It  would  have  tired  a  man  full  grown  to 
have  done  everything  my  Pierrot  did.  When  he 
was  awake,  his  brown  eyes  were  looking  at  every- 
thing about  him;  his  little  pink  ears  caught  every 
sound ;  his  arms  and  legs  and  body  were  always  in 
motion.  At  the  same  time  he  studied  everything 


1 88  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

he  did.  If  he  only  sat  and  made  his  fingers  move, 
he  studied  to  see  which  way  they  went  and  why 
they  went  and  in  how  many  different  ways  it  was 
possible  to  make  them  go.  He  turned  his  hands 
this  way  and  that.  He  moved  first  one  finger  and 
then  another  and  then  two  fingers  together  and 
then  three  together  and  then  all  of  them.  After 
this  he  threw  up  his  legs  and  examined  those.  He 
moved  them  to  the  right  and  to  the  left,  up  and 
down,  and  tried  to  put  his  toes  in  his  mouth.  If 
he  had  on  no  stockings,  he  would  curl  and  uncurl 
those  toes,  watching  always  to  see  how  they  went 
as  a  man  studies  a  machine.  So  it  was  with  every- 
thing. It  was  as  if  he  desired  to  learn  all  about 
himself — what  he  could  do  and  what  he  could  not 
do.  I  myself  did  many  things  without  thinking, 
but  my  Pierrot  did  nothing  without  thinking. 
So  he  was  very  busy. 

Gaston  and  I  sat  by  the  side  of  the  river  all  the 
morning,  watching  my  Pierrot  as  if  he  were  a  play 
upon  the  stage.  Even  after  I  fed  my  Pierrot  and  he 
slept  in  my  arms,  we  watched  him  as  he  breathed. 
Gaston  threw  himself  down  upon  his  back  in  the 
sun  in  perfect  content.  It  was  possible  to  see  by  his 
face  that  he  was  content.  As  for  me,  I  listened  to 
the  river  and  the  birds  and  the  wind  in  the  pines 
and  was  so  glad  to  have  Pierrot  at  peace  in  my  lap 
that  I  thought  of  nothing  else.  It  did  not  matter 
why  I  had  come  here,  what  I  was  to  do  here,  or 
what  was  to  come  of  this.  I  would  have  been  glad 
if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  Lucille  were  here  also 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


189 


because  they  would  have  liked  this,  but  if  they 
were  not  here,  that  did  not  matter  either.  As  for 
the  Count  de  Beauchamp  or  the  men  who  searched 
for  us,  I  did  not  give  them  two  thoughts.  It  was 
as  if  we  were  in  an  enchanted  kingdom  where  they 
could  not  come  because  they  did  not  know  the 
word  that  opened  the  gates.  And  that  word  was 
just  "Pierrot." 


CHAPTER  XXIX 

WHEN  we  had  hunger,  Gaston  gathered 
some  fagots  and  made  a  fire  by  the  side 
of  the  river.  He.  had  brought  with  him  a  pail 
and  he  hung  this  upon  a  stick  over  the  flames 
and  heated  water.  In  this  we  boiled  coffee, 
which  with  bread  and  cheese  made  our  dinner. 
It  was  very  good,  and  it  made  me  see  how 
simple  it  is  to  live  if  one  has  only  a  few  things. 
A  little  bread,  cheese,  and  coffee  with  a  fire  and  a 
blanket,  and  I  thought  it  was  possible  to  live 
forever  out  here.  There  was  no  need  here  of  the 
thousand  things  we  thought  necessary  in  the 
village. 

It  was  in  the  middle  of  the  afternoon  that  Gaston 
said  to  me : 

"I  must  go  now  and  see  what  those  dogs  who 
chase  the  wolves  are  doing. " 

"I  do  not  understand  why  that  is  necessary," 
I  said. 

"That  is  because  you  do  not  understand  those 
dogs, "  he  said.  "You  are  safe  here  and  I  will  see 
if  that  American  has  returned. " 

"You  know  best,"  I  said. 

"  You  do  not  fear  to  be  here  alone?  " 
190 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  191 

'  "I  am  never  alone  when  I  am  with  Pierrot,"  I 
said. 

"  I  will  leave  Sport  with  you,  and  he  will  tell  you 
when  anyone  comes.  Then  you  can  hide  beneath 
the  trees." 

"Very  well,"  I  said.  "But  have  a  care  your- 
self." 

After  he  had  gone,  it  seemed  to  me  strange  that 
I  should  be  telling  a  thief  and  a  robber  to  have  a 
care  of  himself.  Then  I  thought  of  poor  Grand- 
mother Battaille  and  how  she  was  at  home  waiting 
for  her  brave  grandson  to  return,  and  I  prayed  that 
no  one  would  catch  him.  It  was  a  great  pity  that 
Gaston  was  as  he  was.  He  was  like  Sport — a  wild 
ogre  of  the  village  when  every  hand  was  against 
him,  but  a  brave  and  good  dog  when  people  were 
kind  to  him. 

All  those  hours  I  was  alone  here  I  was  at  peace. 
My  Pierrot  played  and  slept,  and  slept  and 
played.  Once  that  cuckoo  returned  as  if  to  see 
again  what  manner  of  bird  my  Pierrot  was.  I 
wished  to  ask  him  what  he  had  told  those  at  home 
and  what  they  had  said  to  him  and  if  it  was  true 
they  had  not  believed.  But  that  bird  was  like 
Pierrot  and  was  not  able  to  answer  anything  I 
asked  of  him.  Sometimes  I  have  thought  that 
those  things  which  cannot  speak  must  be  wiser 
than  people  who  can  speak  because  of  necessity 
they  must  think  more.  They  hear  everything  and 
say  nothing,  like  a  judge. 

When  the  sun  went  behind  the  hills,  I  gathered 


192  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

more  fagots  and  put  them  upon  the  embers  of  the 
fire  and  made  a  warm  blaze.  Sitting  beside  this 
with  the  blanket  over  my  shoulders,  I  was  warm 
enough.  My  Pierrot  liked  to  watch  the  flames. 
As  they  danced,  he  reached  out  for  them.  There 
was  nothing  with  which  my  Pierrot  did  not  wish  to 
make  friends  because  there  was  nothing  which  he 
feared.  Now  of  course,  while  this  might  lead  to 
danger,  as,  for  example,  it  might  lead  him  to  place 
his  hands  in  the  fire,  yet  it  was  also  beautiful. 
To  live  in  a  world  which  did  not  contain  a  single 
enemy  either  among  the  things  of  nature  or  among 
the  things  of  man  was  to  live  in  heaven.  My 
Pierrot  feared  neither  water  nor  fire,  not  great 
heights  nor  the  forest  nor  the  village,  neither  bird 
nor  beast.  If  a  great  wolf  had  come  upon  us  here, 
my  Pierrot  would  have  held  out  his  arms  to  him 
ready  to  play.  As  long  as  I  was  with  my  Pierrot 
to  guard  him,  it  was  wonderful  to  have  him  like 
this,  and  many  times  he  made  me  laugh  at  my  own 
fears.  It  seemed  a  pity  that  it  was  necessary  to 
teach  him  that  everything,  even  man,  had  within 
itself  power  for  harm  as  well  as  good.  Pierrot  saw 
in  this  fire  nothing  but  colour  and  movement  and  a 
pleasant  crackling  as  of  dancers  in  wooden  shoes. 
It  drove  away  the  cold  from  him  and  when  he  was 
older  it  would  warm  his  food  for  him.  But  my 
Pierrot  must  learn  also  that  this  pretty  fire  had  the 
power  to  burn  his  fingers  and  destroy  his  house, 
and  that  this  singing  river  could  both  quench  his 
thirst  and  quench  his  life.  It  is  pleasant  for  me  to 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  193 

remember  that  during  all  these  months  my  Pierrot 
never  knew  such  things.  He  knew  nothing  but  the 
good  and  beautiful  in  this  world.  He  lived  on 
earth  like  an  angel  in  heaven. 

It  was  almost  dark  when  Sport  rose  from  before 
the  fire  with  his  ears  raised  and  his  nose  turned 
down  the  mountainside.  I  watched  him  to  see  if 
it  was  a  friend  or  an  enemy  which  he  heard. 
When  he  gave  a  little  bark  and  wagged  his  tail  and 
ran  off  into  the  trees,  I  knew  it  was  Gaston 
who  was  returning.  I  was  very  glad  to  have  Gas- 
ton  come  back.  I  placed  more  fagots  upon  the 
fire  so  that  it  would  be  warm  for  him  here.  But  he 
was  a  long  time  in  coming  even  after  Sport  heard 
him.  When  I  saw  him  through  the  trees,  I  knew 
something  had  happened  to  him.  I  rose  with 
Pierrot  in  my  arms  and  went  to  meet  him.  In  the 
twilight  I  could  not  see  his  face,  but  I  saw  that  he 
walked  with  difficulty.  As  I  came  towards  him, 
he  straightened  up,  but  he  did  not  take  three  steps 
before  he  clutched  a  tree  to  keep  from  falling. 

"What  is  it,  Gaston?"  I  said. 

"Nothing, "  he  said.  "Go  back  and  sit  by  the 
fire." 

"You  are  hurt?" 

"It  is  nothing.  They  lamed  the  old  grey  wolf 
but  they  could  not  catch  him. " 

As  he  came  nearer  the  fire,  I  saw  that  his  clothes 
were  covered  with  dirt  and  that  he  dragged  one  leg 
behind  him.  Then  I  saw  that  this  leg  was  tied 
with  a  handkerchief  and  that  the  handkerchief 


194  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

was  stained  red.  Gaston  threw  himself  full  length 
upon  the  ground  and  his  face  was  white  with  pain. 
Yet  all  this  time  he  spoke  half  in  jest. 

"It  was  an  accident,"  he  said.  "That  Tupin 
had  his  pistol  in  his  hand.  It  went  off  when  he 
was  not  looking  and  the  ball  struck  me  in  the  leg. " 

"You  have  been  shot!"  I  said. 

"It  was  not  the  fault  of  that  Tupin,"  said 
Gaston.  "If  he  had  taken  aim,  I  would  have 
been  safe. " 

I  did  not  know  what  to  do.  With  my  Pierrot 
close  to  my  breast  I  sat  there  not  knowing  what  to 
do.  After  a  minute  Gaston  sat  up  though  it  made 
him  groan. 

"Why  should  they  shoot  you?"  I  said. 

"It  was  an  accident,  I  tell  you,"  he  said.  He 
spoke  harshly  now  and  did  not  look  like  the  Gaston 
who  a  few  hours  before  had  left  me.  His  face  was 
harder,  and  he  looked  again  like  the  man  I  had 
seen  in  the  night  in  the  Villa  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

"I  went  into  the  bakeshop  to  borrow  for  a  few 
days  a  loaf  or  two  of  bread  and  a  bit  of  cheese, " 
he  said. 

He  drew  from  the  pocket  a  loaf  of  bread  and 
from  another  a  piece  of  cheese. 

"The  devil  take  their  souls, "  he  said.  "I  have 
what  I  went  after.  A  regiment  of  Tupins  could 
not  stop  me. " 

"It  was  not  right  for  them  to  shoot  you  for 
that,"  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  195 

In  spite  of  his  pain  Gaston  smiled  when  I  said 
that. 

"They  do  not  like  to  lend  to  Gaston  Battaille — 
those  rogues,"  he  said.  "Someone  shouted  thief 
and  as  I  ran,  Tupin  fired!  That  is  all.  Fetch  a 
pail  of  water  and  we  will  have  dinner. " 

Then  I  understood  that  Gaston  had  stolen 
again.  But  he  had  not  stolen  for  himself.  He  had 
stolen  for  my  Pierrot  and  me.  He  had  risked  his 
life  to  get  me  bread.  After  he  was  wounded,  he 
had  come  back  all  the  way  up  the  mountain  to 
bring  that  bread  to  me.  Whether  what  he  did  was 
right  or  wrong  did  not  matter,  he  had  done  a  very 
gallant  thing.  Not  many  men  who  are  not  thieves 
would  have  done  such  a  thing  as  that.  This 
brought  me  to  my  senses.  I  placed  Pierrot  by  the 
side  of  Gaston. 

"Here,"  I  said.  "Guard  my  son  and  I  will 
bathe  your  leg. " 

"The  leg  does  not  matter, "  he  said. 

I  took  the  pail  and  dipped  it  in  the  river.  Then 
I  returned  to  Gaston.  The  sight  of  that  wound 
made  me  faint,  but  I  put  my  lips  together  and 
removed  the  bandage.  Then  Gaston  with  his 
knife  cut  his  trousers  to  the  knee  and  I  washed  the 
wound.  Ifc  was  bleeding  badly,  but  I  knew  that 
was  as  it  should  be.  While  I  did  this,  Gaston 
played  with  my  Pierrot  as  if  he  did  not  feel  at  all, 
and  yet  he  must  have  been  in  great  pain. 

"Has  that  Cuckoo  been  here  again?"  he  asked 
of  Pierrot. 


196  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Yes,"  I  said  for  Pierrot. 

Gaston  laughed. 

"He  will  have  as  brave  a  story  to  tell  as  Tupin, " 
said  Gaston. 

"I  do  not  like  that  Tupin,"  I  said. 

"Tut,  tut,"  said  Gaston.  "You  must  not  say 
that  or  he  will  have  you  in  prison. " 

Like  this  Gaston  talked  and  laughed,  with  his 
leg  bleeding.  I  tore  a  long  strip  from  my  skirt  and 
made  a  fresh  bandage,  which  I  bound  about  the 
wound.  Then  I  tore  another  strip  and  tied  it 
tight  above  the  wound  as  I  had  seen  Pierre  do  when 
he  cut  his  arm.  When  I  had  done  this,  I  covered 
his  leg  with  the  blanket  and  made  hot  coffee,  using 
all  the  coffee  which  was  left.  This  gave  him 
warmth  and  eased  his  pain,  but  he  was  not  content 
until  I  myself  had  eaten  a  morsel  of  bread  and 
cheese  though  I  did  not  have  hunger.  Then  I 
thought  what  should  be  done  next.  It  was  not 
possible  for  Gaston  to  lie  all  night  like  this.  So  I 
said: 

"Did  you  hear  anything  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin?" 

Gaston  laughed. 

"I  heard  of  nothing  else,"  said  Gaston.  "He 
has  sent  a  telegram  to  everyone  in  the  town  from 
Tupin  to  Lucille,  saying  that  he  comes  to-night. 
He  must  have  heard. " 

"How  could  he  hear  in  Paris?"  I  said. 

"  He  has  only  to  read  the  newspapers. " 

"  They  have  told  about  me  in  the  papers?  "  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  197 

"A  hundred  times  and  a  hundred  stories,"  he 
said. 

"But  why  should  anyone  care  to  hear  about 
me?"  I  said. 

"You  have  been  stolen  and  you  have  been  killed 
and  you  have  been  lost  in  a  hundred  different 
ways,"  said  Gaston.  "You  are  famous — you  and 
Pierrot,  and  Tupin  who  tells  a  different  story  every 
day  how  it  was  done. " 

"I  do  not  like  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  hear 
such  things, "  I  said. 

I  "Do  not  worry, "  said  Gaston.  " I  told  Lucille 
you  were  safe  and  told  her  to  tell  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  when  he  came,  that  you  would  be  back  in 
the  morning. " 

"Gaston,"  I  said.  "I  shall  be  back  to-night. 
I  must  ask  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  bring  Doctor 
Jambeau  to  you. " 


CHAPTER  XXX 

GASTON  talked  and  talked  and  talked  and 
said  it  was  not  possible  for  me  to  go  down 
the  mountain  in  the  dark  and  that  it  was  not  safe 
to  carry  Pierrot  in  the  dark  and  that  his  wound  was 
nothing  and  that  he  had  no  pain.  When  he  saw 
I  was  not  to  be  changed,  he  said  that  I  did  not 
know  the  path  and  he  would  not  tell  me  the  path. 

"Very  well, "  I  said.  "At  least  I  can  search  for 
the  path. " 

"You  are  mad,"  he  said.  "You  would  be  lost 
in  five  minutes. " 

"If  you  do  not  tell  me  how  to  go,  then  I  shall  be 
lost, "  I  said. 

Then  he  tried  something  else.  He  said  that  if  I 
brought  Doctor  Jambeau  up  here,  all  the  village 
would  follow  and  then  he  would  be  put  into 
prison. 

"I  do  not  know  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  if  he 
permits  that, "  I  said. 

"That  American  cares  nothing  for  me,"  said 
Gaston. 

"He  cares  for  every  gallant  gentleman,"  I  said. 
"You  have  shown  yourself  a  hundred  times  to  be 
that,  Gaston." 

wf 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  199 

"I  have  done  nothing, "  he  said. 

"When  you  say  that,  you  show  yourself  to  be 
still  more  a  gallant  gentleman,"  I  said.  "My 
mind  is  fixed. " 

I  rose  and  took  Pierrot  in  my  arms. 

"Very  well/'  he  said.     " Then  I  go  also." 

"No,  no,  no,"  I  said.  "You  must  not  walk 
upon  that  leg." 

"You  must  not  go  alone." 

"  I  beg  of  you, "  I  said  as  he  rose  to  his  feet. 

I  started  towards  the  trees  as  if  to  leave  him, 
but  he  said  nothing  and  followed  behind  as  best  he 
could. 

"  Oh ! "  I  said.  "  It  is  cruel  to  yourself  and  cruel 
to  me  for  you  to  do  like  this. " 

"Turn  to  the  right, "  was  all  that  Gaston  said. 

Now  though  it  made  my  heart  bleed  to  see  him 
try  to  walk,  I  knew  that  between  the  two  things — 
remaining  here  all  night  or  reaching  Doctor 
Jambeau — it  was  better  for  him  to  come.  Of 
course  it  would  have  been  yet  better  for  him  to 
rest  where  he  was  and  permit  me  to  send  Doctor 
Jambeau  to  him,  but  that  he  would  not  do.  So 
I  wasted  no  more  strength  in  talk.  Gaston  would 
not  permit  me  even  to  give  my  arm.  But  I  found 
a  stout  stick  for  him  and  we  went  slowly,  stopping 
to  rest  many  times. 

Now  all  that  distance  Gaston  Battaille  went 
without  a  single  cry  of  pain.  Except  to  open  his 
lips  and  tell  me  to  go  this  way  or  that  way,  he  said 
nothing.  It  was  very  dark,  but  he  knew  the  path 


200  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

as  if  it  were  the  day.  He  told  me  in  advance  to 
guard  against  that  rock  or  to  have  a  care  where  it 
was  steep  or  to  walk  without  fear  when  the  path 
was  safe.  If  I  asked  how  it  went  with  him,  he 
said  only: 

"Well  enough.  Hold  that  Pierrot  tight." 
That  Pierrot  slept  as  if  in  his  bed.  It  did  not 
matter  to  him  how  rough  the  path  or  what  the 
danger.  There  were  many  times  when  we  walked 
along  the  edge  of  great  heights  where  one  faulty 
step  would  have  carried  us  to  our  death,  but  he 
with  both  arms  about  my  neck  breathed  as  easily 
as  if  he  were  at  home.  I  felt  his  breath  upon  my 
neck  and  it  was  like  the  breath  of  an  angel.  It 
gave  me  the  strength  to  bear  his  weight  in  my 
arms;  it  gave  my  feet  sureness.  It  is  true  that  at 
times  my  arms  became  without  feeling,  but  after 
resting  a  minute  I  was  ready  to  go  on  again. 
Without  him  I  could  not  have  walked  that  dis- 
tance in  the  dark.  Without  him  I  would  have 
fallen  twenty  times.  But  with  him  I  could  have 
walked  forever.  It  was  as  if  he  were  a  big  man 
and  walked  by  my  side,  permitting  me  to  lean 
upon  his  arm.  Just  his  arms  about  my  neck  and 
his  breath  against  my  skin  did  that.  If  I  faltered, 
I  had  only  to  kiss  his  hair  and  I  was  strong  once 
more. 

Another  thing  I  knew  and  it  was  this:  that 
because  of  this  walk  in  the  dark  he  was  more  than 
ever  my  own  Pierrot.  The  more  I  dared  for  him, 
the  more  I  risked  for  him,  the  more  I  did  for  him, 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  201 

the  more  he  became  one  with  me.  That  is  some- 
thing no  one  understands  unless  they  have  borne. 
This  is  the  pay  which  mothers  receive.  That  is 
the  reason  why  those  mothers  who  suffer  most  are 
most  content  because  they  are  given  most  of  love 
in  return.  It  made  me  see  why  it  was  the  Countess 
had  such  great  love  for  her  baby  who  had  gone. 
From  the  first  moment  he  came,  that  baby  had 
caused  his  mother  pain  because  of  his  weakness. 
He  had  given  her  no  rest  either  day  or  night  but 
had  kept  her  poor  heart  bleeding  and  had  torn  her 
mind  with  anguish  of  fear.  But  at  the  same  time 
that  baby  had  brought  to  her  so  great  a  love  that  it 
had  made  her  into  a  different  woman  and  had  given 
her  the  strength  to  endure.  After  he  had  gone, 
that  love  remained.  I  saw  this  now  and  it  made 
me  forgive  her  many  things. 

If  my  Pierrot  had  remained  always  in  his 
cradle  and  given  me  no  trouble,  I  would  have  loved 
him  with  all  the  love  I  had.  I  would  have  thought 
I  loved  him  with  all  the  love  it  was  possible  for  me 
to  give.  But  walking  along  this  path  in  the  dark 
with  him  in  my  arms  and  his  life  depending  upon 
my  steadiness  and  my  body  bearing  the  weight  of 
his,  my  heart  was  made  bigger,  so  that  I  was  able 
to  love  a  hundred  times  more.  And  I  do  not  think 
that  a  heart  which  is  once  stretched  big  with  love, 
ever  shrinks  again.  It  is  still  there  to  give  added 
joy  in  the  times  of  peace  which  follow.  My  heart 
to-day  has  more  love  to  comfort  me  because  of 
that  walk.  Sometimes  I  think  I  am  more  thank- 


202  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

ful  for  the  hours  of  hardship  which  my  Pierrot 
gave  me  and  which  permitted  me  to  give  him  so 
much  of  myself  than  I  am  for  the  hours  of  peace 
when  I  was  able  to  give  out  little. 

With  thoughts  like  these  I  did  not  know  whether 
we  walked  one  hour  or  two  hours.  Poor  Gaston 
followed  behind  without  a  word,  without  a  groan, 
and  what  he  thought  I  do  not  know.  It  was  a 
great  pity  he  did  not  have  a  son  to  carry  in  his 
arms.  If  I  had  permitted  it,  I  do  not  doubt  but 
what  he  would  have  tried  to  carry  my  Pierrot,  but 
that  would  have  been  different  because  Pierrot  was 
not  his  son.  If  it  had  been  another's  son  I  was 
carrying,  I  would  have  done  my  best  and  would 
have  loved  that  boy  for  his  weakness,  but  I  do 
not  think  I  would  have  had  the  strength  to  go  so 
far. 

At  a  turn  in  the  path  we  saw  at  no  great  distance 
below  us  the  lights  of  the  village  and  beyond  those 
the  blue  sea.  It  was  only  a  short  time  that  I 
had  been  away  from  the  sea  but  as  I  saw  it  nbw,  it 
looked  to  me  like  more  of  an  old  friend  than  the 
village  itself.  I  listened  and  heard  the  little  waves 
roll  up  on  the  shore  and  the  sound  was  like  a 
greeting. 

"We  are  almost  home  now,"  I  said  to  Gaston. 
"  I  hear  the  waves. " 

"Good,"  said  Gaston. 

He  threw  himself  upon  his  back  like  a  dead  man. 
His  arms  were  stretched  out  and  there  seemed  no 
more  life  left  in  him.  I  had  fear  when  I  saw  this. 


The  great  Cornice  road 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  [  203 

"Gaston,"  I  said.  "Go  no  farther.  In  an 
hour  I  will  have  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  here  with 
the  doctor. " 

"Then  it  would  be  necessary  for  you  to  return 
to  show  them  the  path, "  he  said. 

"I  can  do  that,"  I  said. 

"When  you  are  ready  to  start,  tell  me, "  he  said. 

In  a  few  minutes  I  rose  to  go  on  again.  Then 
he  rose  also  and  nothing  I  said  would  stop  him 
though  he  swayed  upon  his  feet  like  a  tree  in  the 
wind.  We  went  down  the  hill  and  near  the  end 
Gaston  was  more  upon  his  hands  and  knees  than 
upon  his  feet.  It  was  terrible.  That  is  a  picture 
I  do  not  like  to  think  about.  When  we  were 
within  a  short  distance  of  the  great  Cornice  road, 
which  runs  through  the  village,  I  stopped  again. 

" Listen, "  I  said.  "You  can  walk  no  farther  or 
you  will  be  dead. " 

"What  matters  that? "  he  said. 

"It  matters  to  me,"  I  said.  "And  if  you  will 
not  remain  here  and  permit  me  to  go  on  alone, 
then  I  remain  here  with  you. " 

I  saw  that  even  now  it  did  little  good  to  talk  to 
him.  I  do  not  know  how  this  would  have  ended 
if  it  had  not  been  for  Sport.  He  came  to  me  and 
kissed  my  hand  and  then  he  went  to  Gaston  and 
kissed  his  hand.  It  was  as  if  he  wished  to  give  us 
courage.  Then  with  a  bark  he  ran  off  down  the 
road.  I  knew  what  he  was  about  and  knew  that 
if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  at  the  villa,  Sport 
would  bring  him  bacl$, 


CHAPTER  XXXI 

IN  less  than  one  hour  I  heard  the  bark  of  Sport 
and  then  the  sound  of  a  man  running.  I 
pushed  through  the  bushes  and  stood  in  the  road. 
Then,  as  Sport  leaped  upon  me  to  kiss  my  hand,  I 
saw  the  form  of  a  man.  It  was  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  who  had  run  at  the  heels  of  Sport,  with 
Jimmee  and  his  automobile  following  behind  him. 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  rushed  to  my  side  and  said: 

"Is  anything  wrong  with  that  Pierrot?" 

" No, "  I  said.     "He  is  asleep  in  my  arms. " 

"  Give  him  to  me,"  he  commanded. 

I  gave  him  Pierrot  and  he  looked  down  into  his 
face  as  if  he  did  not  believe.  Then  he  looked  up  at 
me. 

"What  the  devil  is  the  meaning  of  all  this?"  he 
said. 

"Gaston  Battaille  lies  under  the  trees  very 
weak, "  I  said. 

"That  thief  Battaille!"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  "Then  it  was  that  man  who  stole 
Pierrot  for  a  ransom?" 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  handed  Pierrot  to  me 
and  with  his  fists  doubled  started  towards  Gaston. 

' ' No !  No ! "  I  said .  "It  was  Gaston  who  saved 
204 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  205 

me!  He  is  almost  dead.  You  must  bring  Doctor 
Jambeau  to  him  at  once. " 

"What  do  you  mean?"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

"  I  will  tell  you  all  later, "  I  said.  "  But  now  be 
good  to  him,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  Do  not  let 
Monsieur  Tupin  know.  If  you  could  take  him 
home " 

"Where  is  he?  "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

So  I  led  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  the  bushes 
where  Gaston  lay.  And  Gaston  was  upon  his 
back  white  and  silent  with  his  eyes  closed. 

"Mon  Dieu,  he  is  dead!"  I  said. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  gave  one  look  at  him  and 
then  called  to  Jimmee.  The  two  men  took  Gaston 
in  their  arms  and  carried  him  to  the  automobile 
and  placed  him  on  the  seat,  and  he  did  not  move. 
Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  took  a  seat  beside 
Jimmee  and  we  went  back  to  the  villa  so  fast  I 
could  not  see.  When  we  were  there,  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  and  Jimmee  carried  Gaston  into  the  house 
and  put  him  on  the  floor.  Then  Jimmee  ran  to 
the  automobile  and  went  to  find  Doctor  Jambeau. 

"Is  he  dead?"  I  said  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"I  do  not  know,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"How  did  he  come  like  this? " 

Then,  as  well  as  I  was  able  with  my  throat  ach- 
ing, I  held  my  Pierrot  and  told  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  all  that  Gaston  had  done. 

"  By  God ! "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "  Thief 
or  no  thief,  that  fellow  is  a  man. " 


206  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

\ 

"You  will  be  good  to  him  and  not  send  him  to 
prison?"  I  said. 

"He  is  safe  here,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"I  knew  that,"  I  said.  "Now  if  only  he  will 
live!" 

We  heard  the  sound  of  the  automobile,  which  in 
the  night  sounded  like  the  noise  of  a  hundred 
pistols,  and  in  another  minute  Doctor  Jambeau 
came  running  into  the  room. 

"What  is  this?"  he  said. 

Then  he  saw  me  with  Pierrot  in  my  arms. 

"You  both  are  all  right?" 

"Gaston!"  I  said,  pointing  to  him  on  the  floor. 

He  gave  one  look  at  him  and  said : 

"So  for  once  Tupin  told  the  truth." 

"Tupin  never  tells  the  truth, "  I  said.  "Please 
save  Gaston,  Doctor  Jambeau." 

He  knelt  by  the  side  of  Gaston  and  felt  at  his 
wrist.  Then  he  pricked  his  arm  with  a  needle  and 
in  a  few  moments  Gaston  opened  his  eyes.  But 
when  he  saw  all  those  men  around  him,  he  struggled 
to  rise  as  if  to  run.  Then  I  bent  over  him  and 
said: 

"Quiet,  Gaston.  You  are  safe  here  with 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. " 

They  carried  Gaston  up  the  stairs  and  placed 
him  in  bed.  Then  I  do  not  know  what  happened 
but  while  they  were  gone,  I  undressed  my  Pierrot 
and  placed  him  in  his  bed.  He  woke  a  little  and 
looked  about  him  but  as  soon  as  I  covered  him,  he 
was  asleep  again.  Then  I  wont  downstairs  and 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  207 

waited.  It  was  an  hour  before  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  returned  with  Doctor  Jambeau.  I  said: 

"He  will  live?" 

"He  has  a  chance,"  said  Doctor  Jambeau. 
"But  where  have  you  been  these  three  days?" 

Then  it  was  necessary  for  me  to  tell  from  the 
beginning  how  I  left  the  house  and  what  I  had 
done. 

"You  thought  the  Count  meant  to  steal  your 
Pierrot?"  said  Doctor  Jambeau. 

"I  did  not  know,"  I  said. 

"That  Count  should  be  kicked  from  here  to 
Jericho, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Tut,  tut,"  said  Doctor  Jambeau.  "You  do 
not  understand.  He  meant  no  harm.  Neither 
he  nor  the  Countess  have  slept  since  this  little 
disturber  of  the  peace  turned  the  village  upside- 
down.  As  for  the  Countess,  she  is  ill  in  bed.  I 
must  go  to  her  at  once. " 

"Just  a  minute,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"It  is  better  if  you  say  nothing  of  that  man 
upstairs." 

"He  should  be  in  prison — that  man,"  said 
Doctor  Jambeau. 

"Will  you  promise?"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

"  It  is  not  necessary, "  he  said.  "  The  secrets  of 
my  patients  are  not  my  own. " 

"When  you  hear  his  story,  I  think  you  will 
change  your  mind  about  Battaille, "  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 


208  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Now  after  Doctor  Jambeau  had  gone,  I  told 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about  one  thing  which  I 
did  not  like  to  tell.  I  told  him  how  Gaston  had 
robbed  his  house. 

"  But  everything  is  at  his  home, "  I  said  as  I  saw 
the  face  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  grow  dark. 
"  He  gave  everything  to  me  to  return  to  you,  but  I 
did  not  bring  the  bundle." 

"When  was  this  he  gave  back  those  things?" 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"On  the  next  morning,"  I  said.  "It  was 
Pierrot  made  him  do  that. " 

"Pierrot?" 

"He  was  not  able  to  play  with  Pierrot  when  he 
was  a  thief, "  I  said. 

Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said  this: 

"  If  he  did  that,  I  guess  he  is  not  all  bad. " 

Then  he  thought  a  moment  and  said: 

"And  he  came  down  the  mountain  with  you  and 
Pierrot  with  a  leg  like  his!  Now  that  yellow  dog 
of  a  Tupin  shall  not  have  this  fellow  if  he  comes 
here  with  the  army  of  France  at  his  heels  I" 


CHAPTER  XXXII 

IN  the  morning,  as  soon  as  I  dressed,  I  went  in  to 
see  how  it  went  with  Gaston.  He  had  slept 
little  and  was  very  weak,  but  he  was  alive,  which 
was  enough  to  make  me  very  glad.  The  first 
thing  he  said  was  this: 

"That  Pierrot  is  well?" 

* ' Pierrot ? "  I  said.  "It  was  not  Pierrot  who  was 
shot  in  the  leg. " 

"He  is  so  little  and  the  walk  was  so  long  for 
him, "  said  Gaston. 

"He  cared  no  more  about  that  walk  than  if  he 
had  been  in  his  bed  all  the  time, "  I  said. 

Then  the  next  thing  Gaston  said  was  this: 

"I  must  get  back  home  to-day." 

"You  will  be  lucky  if  you  are  able  to  leave  that 
bed  in  a  month, "  I  said. 

His  face  grew  dark  at  this  and  he  said  again : 

"  To-day.    My  grandmother  is  waiting. " 

Now  I  must  confess  that  I  myself  had  thought 
not  at  all  of  Grandmother  Battaille,  even 
though  she  had  been  so  good  to  me.  But  here 
was  Gaston  upon  his  back  and  in  pain,  thinking 
of  no  one  else.  If  there  had  been  no  one  to 
hold  him,  I  believe  he  would  have  tried  to  crawl 
14  209 


2io  '  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

from  his  bed  and  go  up  the  mountain  alone  and 
without  help. 

"Gaston,"  I  said,  "it  is  sure  you  cannot  move, 
but  it  is  sure  Grandmother  Battaille  must  not  be 
left  alone  to  wait.  I  will  ask  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  about  that. " 

"There  is  no  need  of  asking  anyone, "  he  said. 

"Rest  quiet,"  I  said.  "I  must  go  below  now 
and  prepare  breakfast  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
and  make  some  broth  for  you. " 

When  I  came  into  the  kitchen  and  began  my 
work  again,  it  was  as  if  I  had  not  been  gone  at  all. 
This  was  because  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  in 
the  house.  Without  him  this  Villa  was  only  so 
many  walls  like  a  prison,  but  with  him  upstairs  in 
his  room  it  was  like  home.  For  one  thing  it  was 
not  possible  not  to  feel  safe  with  him  within  reach. 
I  had  fear  of  no  one.  The  Count  de  Beauchamp 
might  come  with  twenty  notaries  and  it  would 
make  no  difference,  and  Tupin  might  come  with 
the  whole  army  of  France  at  his  back,  as  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  had  said,  and  I  would  not  fear  for 
Gaston.  Part  of  this  was  because  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  was  an  American,  and  everyone  knows  that 
an  American  is  able  to  do  anything  and  is  in  fear 
of  no  one.  But  part  of  it  also  was  because  of 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  himself.  He  was  so  big 
and  strong  and  gentle  that  it  was  possible  to  leave 
every  matter  for  him  to  care  for. 

As  I  have  said,  I  was  no  more  back  in  my 
kitchen  than  I  forgot  everything  about  these  last 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  211 

three  days.  But  it  was  not  so  with  other  people. 
Lucille  came  to  the  house  before  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  was  awake  and  when  she  saw  me,  began  to 
cry  and  cry  and  cry. 

"What  is  the  matter?"  I  said  to  her. 

She  was  very  pale. 

"I  feared  I  should  never  see  you  again,"  she 
said.  "And  Pierrot?" 

"Is  sleeping  in  his  bed,"  I  said.  "Mafoi,  he 
has  not  missed  an  hour  of  sleep  since  he  went 
away. " 

"But  why  did  you  go  like  that?  Why  did  you 
not  take  me?" 

I  had  no  more  than  begun  to  tell  her  before 
there  was  a  light  rap  upon  the  door  and  there 
stood  Jean.  He  too  was  white  and  he  too  began 
to  cry. 

"Where  is  Pierrot?"  he  said. 

After  that  who  should  come  but  Madame 
Lacroix.  It  was  necessary  to  hide  Jean,  and  as 
soon  as  she  came  in,  she  said : 

"Where  is  that  Pierrot?" 

"  In  his  bed  asleep, "  I  said. 

"I  hope  this  has  taught  you  a  lesson,"  she  said. 

"Why  should  it  teach  me  a  lesson?" 

"Bah!  did  I  not  tell  you  that  Amercian  would 
steal  that  infant — eh?" 

"But  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  did  not  steal  that 
infant,"  I  said. 

"Then  where  were  you?"  she  said. 

Now  I  was  about  to  tell  her  everything,  as  I  had 


212  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

told  Lucille,  when  I  thought  about  Gaston.  So  I 
stopped  myself  and  said  only: 

"  I  went  away  to  visit  until  Monsieur  Jack  Mar- 
tin returned." 

"Where  did  you  visit?"  she  said. 

"In  the  mountains." 

"Who  do  you  know  in  the  mountains?" 

There  was  no  reason  why  she  should  ask  such 
questions.'  I  became  very  red  in  the  face. 

"  I  can  tell  you  no  more, "  I  said. 

"Your  face  shows  how  much  truth  there  is 
in  what  you  have  told  already,"  said  Madame 
Lacroix. 

"  I  have  much  to  do,  Madame, "  I  said. 

"When  can  I  see  that  Pierrot?" 

"  I  will  let  you  know, "  I  said. 

So  she  went  away  and  I  knew  how  much 
gossip  she  would  make  of  this,  but  I  could  do 
nothing. 

After  she  had  gone,  there  came  three  strange 
men  who  said  they  were  from  the  newspapers,  and 
began  to  ask  many  questions.  I  did  not  know 
what  to  say  to  them  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
himself  came  down. 

"What  do  you  wish  here?"  he  said  as  soon  as  he 
saw  them.  Then  they  began  to  ask  questions  of 
him  and  said  they  desired  to  have  photographs  of 
Pierrot  and  myself. 

"Look  here,"  he  said  to  them.  "This  is  none 
of  your  business.  Cannot  a  woman  and  her  child 
go  away  for  a  visit  of  three  days  without  having 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  213 

you  men  write  such  nonsense  as  you  have  been 
writing?" 

"Is  it  true  she  was  held  by  bandits  for  a  ran- 
som?" one  of  them  said. 

"You  are  the  true  bandits,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "You  so  frightened  her  with 
your  stories  that  she  did  not  dare  tell  where  she 
was." 

"But  Monsieur  Tupin  says " 

"Tell  me  no  more  what  that  dog  says,"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "He  will  tell  a  different 
story  after  I  have  seen  him.  And  if  you  yourselves 
do  not  tell  a  different  story,  I  will  duck  you  all 
three  in  the  ocean  and  wash  out  of  you  some  of 
that  dirty  ink." 

They  had  fear  of  him  and  started  away  with 
their  faces  dark  when  he  followed  them  a  little 
distance  as  if  to  strike  them.  Then  I  saw  him 
put  his  hand  in  his  pocket  and  give  them  money,  so 
that  when  they  departed,  they  were  smiling  and 
bowing  to  him.  But  when  he  came  back  to  the 
house,  he  said  to  me: 

"Bah!  If  only  Tupin  would  turn  his  pistol 
upon  those  robbers,  he  would  deserve  a  medal  of 
leather.  If  another  one  comes,  do  not  speak  a 
word  to  him  but  send  him  to  me  at  once. " 

"Very  well,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"How  is  that  young  mountain  climber  this 
morning?" 

"He  sleeps,"  I  said.  "But  there  is  something 
about  Gaston  I  wish  to  tell  you." 


214  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"I  forgot  all  about  him,"  he  said.  "Is  he 
alive?" 

14  Yes,  Monsieur,  but  he  desires  to  go  home." 

Then  I  told  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about  Grand- 
mother Battaille  and  how  she  thought  Gaston  was 
a  brave  gendarme  here  in  the  village.  I  thought 
he  would  never  finish  laughing.  Then  he  said: 

"  But  that  is  a  good  idea.  Why  is  he  not  made  a 
gendarme  ?  They  say  in  my  country, '  Set  a  thief 
to  catch  a  thief. ' ' 

"  I  do  not  think  Gaston  means  to  be  a  thief  any 
more,"  I  said.  "And  you  must  not  forget  that 
Grandmother  Battaille  knows  nothing  of  that. " 

Then  I  told  him  how  old  she  was  and  how  she 
had  preserved  all  the  clothes  of  Gaston  since  he 
was  a  baby  like  Pierrot  and  how  she  gave  them  to 
me  for  Pierrot.  Then  he  did  not  laugh  but  turned 
away  his  eyes,  and  if  it  had  been  any  other  man,  I 
would  have  said  there  were  tears  in  those  eyes. 

"Poor  old  lady,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"I  suppose  it  is  true  she  loves  this  rascal." 

"  She  is  very  proud  of  him, "  I  said.  "And  he  is 
very  good  to  her. " 

"Then,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  "we  must 
have  her  down  here.  She  may  have  my  bed  and 
I  will  sleep  upon  the  floor." 

"You — upon  the  floor?"  I  said. 

"Why  not?  I  have  slept  upon  the  ground 
many  nights  and  a  floor  is  no  harder  and  much  drier. 
I  will  have  Jimmee  go  up  and  get  her  to-day." 

Of  course  it  was  not  necessary  for  Monsieur 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  215 

Jack  Martin  to  sleep  upon  the  floor  because  we 
bought  a  little  bed  at  the  village,  but  he  did  not 
think  of  this  until  I  told  him.  That  night  Grand- 
mother Battaille  slept  in  the  house  of  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin,  but  Jimmee  said  to  get  her  was  the 
hardest  work  of  a  day  that  he  had  ever  done.  He 
said  that  half  the  distance  he  carried  her  in  his 
arms.  And  he  said  he  never  hoped  to  reach 
heaven  now  because  of  the  lies  he  told  her  on  the 
road. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII 

IT  was  this  same  day,  but  before  Grandmother 
Battaille  arrived,  that  the  Count  de  Beau- 
champ  came  to  the  house.  He  came  with  Doctor 
Jambeau.  I  was  in  the  kitchen,  with  my  Pierrot 
in  his  basket  beside  me,  when  I  heard  his  voice. 
I  seized  my  Pierrot  and  held  him  in  my  arms  be- 
cause, although  I  had  had  no  fear  until  now,  it  was 
different  when  he  was  in  the  house.  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  went  to  the  door  and  I  heard  Doctor 
Jambeau  present  to  him  the  Count  de  Beauchamp. 

"My  wife  would  not  rest  until  I  had  come  here 
and  seen  for  myself  that  Pierrot  was  safe,"  said 
the  Count. 

"Would  she  not  take  the  word  of  Jambeau  for 
that?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"The  Countess  is  not  herself,"  said  Doctor 
Jambeau.  "She  has  not  yet  recovered  from  the 
loss  of  her  own  little  boy. " 

"I  forgot  that, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  in  a 
more  gentle  voice.  "Pardon  me." 

"I  fear  I  was  responsible  for  the  disappearance 
of  this  woman  and  her  child, "  said  the  Count  de 
Beauchamp.  "But  I  beg  you  to  believe  that  I 

was  innocent  of  any  intent  to  frighten  her. " 

216 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  217 

"I  do  not  know  what  your  intentions  were," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  "but  it  is  certain  that 
you  frightened  her. " 

Then  Doctor  Jambeau  spoke  again. 

"The  Count,  at  the  time  he  spoke  to  the  mother 
of  Pierrot  was  thinking  only  of  his  wife — which  is 
natural,"  he  said.  "She  has  a  great  passion  for 
this  Pierrot.  Her  heart  is  empty  and  she  thought 
Pierrot  would  fill  it." 

"I  have  no  doubt  he  would,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

"And  the  Count,  with  nothing  in  his  mind  but 
to  bring  his  wife  comfort,  suggested  to  the  mother 
of  Pierrot  that — that " 

"  She  sell  her  child, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"You  do  not  put  it  very  delicately, "  said  Doctor 
Jambeau. 

And  the  Count  de  Beauchamp  said:  "I  assure 
you  our  plan  was  to  adopt  the  child. " 

With  my  Pierrot  in  my  arms  I  stood  ready  to 
run  once  more.  Yes,  even  with  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  there,  I  was  ready  to  run  back  into  the 
mountains  when  I  heard  this  talk.  My  skin  was 
first  hot  and  then  cold,  and  I  breathed  as  if  I  were 
running.  It  did  not  seem  to  me  right  that  these 
three  men  should  talk  like  this  of  my  Pierrot  as  if 
he  were  a  lamb  to  be  sold  to  the  market.  And  all 
this  while  my  Pierrot  was  reaching  for  my  hair 
with  his  little  hands  and  laughing  and  burying  his 
warm  face  in  my  neck  and  then  again  reaching  for 
my  hair.  He  knew  nothing  of  what  these  men 


2i 8  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

said  and  for  that  matter  neither  does  the  lamb  who 
nibbles  at  the  grass  while  his  master  bargains  with 
the  butcher. 

"I  told  her  I  would  treat  this  Pierrot  as  if  he 
were  my  own  child,"  said  the  Count.  "I  would 
make  a  gentleman  of  him  and  give  him  education 
—travel. " 

"I  understand,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"It  is  not  uncommon  for  children  to  be  adopted 
like  that  in  France,"  said  Doctor  Jambeau.  "I 
am  not  saying  that  in  this  case  such  a  thing  was 
possible,  only  I  wish  you  to  understand  the  atti- 
tude of  the  Count. " 

"Good  God!"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"It  is  not  difficult  to  understand  that.  He  needs 
a  child  and  so  he  goes  out  to  buy  one.  I  do  not 
blame  him  for  that.  If  there  are  children  on  the 
market,  he  has  a  right  to  buy  them  if  he  can.  The 
mistake  he  made  was  in  trying  to  buy  Pierrot. 
And  now,  so  there  may  be  no  future  misunder- 
standing, let  me  tell  him  this :  first,  that  Pierrot  is 
not  on  the  market ;  second,  that  if  ever  he  comes  on 
the  market,  I  wish  to  bid  myself.  And  I  promise 
the  Count  it  will  be  necessary  for  him  to  bid 
high." 

' '  Pardon  me,  Monsieur, ' '  said  the  Count.  ' '  I  did 
not  know  you  had  such  an  interest  in  this  child. " 

Then  I  heard  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  speak  in  a 
voice  that  made  me  tremble  because  I  knew  how 
he  looked  when  he  spoke,  though  I  could  not  see 
his  face.  He  said  this: 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  [219 

"Do  you  mean  anything  more  than  you  say?" 

It  was  Doctor  Jambeau  who  answered. 

"Tut,  tut,"  he  said  with  a  laugh.  "You 
Americans  are  always  looking  for  a  signal  of  war. 
The  Count " 

"Do  you  mean  anything  more  than  you  say?" 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  again. 

"  I  meant  no  more  than  I  said, "  said  the  Count 
de  Beauchamp.  "But  I  beg  to  assure  you, 
Monsieur  Martin,  that  you  are  at  liberty  to  inter- 
pret what  I  said  in  any  way  you  wish  and  I  shall 
be  at  your  service." 

"You  are  like  two  children,"  said  Doctor  Jam- 
beau.  "I  will  have  no  more  of  this  nonsense. 
Here,  where  is  that  rascal  Pierrot?  I  have  not 
the  time  to  listen  more  but  I  told  the  Countess  that 
the  Count  should  see  this  Pierrot  and  make  sure 
he  was  alive  and  so  he  shall.  The  woman  is  sick 
— do  you  understand,  my  children?" 

I  heard  Doctor  Jambeau  as  he  came  towards  the 
kitchen,  and  I  began  to  kiss  the  hair  of  my 
Pierrot. 

4 '  Here, ' '  he  said.  ' '  Give  me  that  boy  a  moment. ' ' 

"You  will  not  give  him  to  the  Count?"  I  said, 
holding  Pierrot  tight. 

"Bah!"  he  said.  "Here  is  still  another  child! 
Pierrot  has  more  sense  than  any  of  you.  See — 
he  holds  out  his  arms." 

Doctor  Jambeau  took  my  Pierrot  and  went 
into  the  other  room  with  him.  "Here  is  this 
rascal,"  I  heard  him  say.  "Mafoi,  I  bring  into 


220  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

the  world  every  year  some  hundred  infants. 
They  are  as  much  alike  as  a  hundred  pebbles 
upon  the  sea-shore,  and  yet  every  mother  expects 
me  to  tell  her  that  never  before  have  I  seen  an 
infant  like  her  infant. " 

"Give  him  to  me,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

Then  I  do  not  know  what  my  Pierrot  did  but  in 
a  minute  everyone  of  those  men  was  laughing. 

"It  is  your  stick  he  wishes,  Count,"  I  heard 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  say.  "Give  him  your 
stick." 

Then  they  laughed  again  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  called  to  me  to  bring  a  bottle  of  wine. 
When  I  went  in  with  the  wine  and  glasses,  there 
was  Pierrot  on  the  floor  and  all  three  men  gathered 
about  him.  Pierrot  had  the  stick  in  his  hand  and 
was  trying  to  thrust  the  gold  handle  in  his  mouth, 
having  much  trouble  to  find  his  mouth. 

11  If  ever  he  finds  that  mouth,  you  will  lose  your 
stick,  Count, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"He  is  learning  to  fence,"  said  the  Count  de 
Beauchamp. 

" Not  at  all, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "He 
thinks  that  is  a  baseball  bat.  He  will  be  captain 
of  the  nine  at  Yale." 

"I  do  not  understand  that  baseball,"  said  the 
Count. 

"That  is  the  trouble  with  France,"  said  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin.  "If  you  fellows  could  only 
learn  to  play  baseball,  then  you  would  become  a 
great  nation. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  221 

There  was  much  more  talk  and  then  the  three 
men  filled  their  glasses  and  drank  to  Pierrot. 
Then  they  filled  their  glasses  again  and  while  I 
turned  very  red,  they  drank,  "To  the  mother  of 
Pierrot."  And  I  made  a  bow  to  the  gentlemen 
and  thanked  them. 


CHAPTER  XXXIV 

NOW  although  Gaston  was  very  glad  to  see  his 
grandmother,  it  was  Pierrot  that  he  wished 
most  to  see  while  he  lay  in  bed.  Of  all  the  people 
in  the  house  it  was  my  Pierrot  who  brought  Gaston 
most  comfort.  Gaston  had  fear  of  I  do  not  know 
what  with  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  As  for  his 
grandmother,  she  talked  to  him  only  of  the  fear  of 
death.  For  me  he  did  not  care  either  one  way  or 
the  other.  Lucille  he  liked  well  enough,  only  he 
said  she  made  him  think  too  much  of  his  sins. 
Pierrot  made  him  think  of  his  sins  also,  but  in  a 
different  way.  Lucille  made  him  think  of  the 
past  and  Pierrot  made  him  think  only  of  the 
present.  Lucille  made  him  feel  that  he  should 
pray  to  be  forgiven  for  what  he  had  done  already, 
while  Pierrot  asked  only  that  he  be  honest  now  and 
in  the  days  to  come.  That  is  what  Gaston  told 
me. 

Pierrot  demanded  of  a  man  only  that  he  have  an 
honest  heart.  He  forgave  everything  if  under- 
neath everything  the  heart  was  clean.  It  was  well 
possible  for  anyone  to  make  a  mistake,  but  so 
long  as  a  man  could  look  him  straight  in  the  eye 
and  resolve  to  do  better,  that  was  enough. 

222 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  223 

So  for  an  hour  in  the  morning  and  for  an  hour 
at  night  I  carried  my  Pierrot  to  Gaston  and  placed 
him  on  the  bed.  Then  you  should  have  heard 
those  two.  They  were  like  children  together. 
First  you  would  hear  Gaston  laugh  and  then  you 
would  hear  Pierrot  laugh  and  then  you  would 
hear  them  both  laugh  at  once.  No  matter  in 
how  much  pain  Gaston  was,  this  always  happened. 
And  Gaston  talked  to  Pierrot  as  if  Pierrot  were  a 
boy  grown  up  who  could  understand.  He  told 
Pierrot  stories.  One  day  I  heard  him  speak  like 
this: 

"You  remember  that  cuckoo  you  saw  by  the 
river?  Eh — of  course  you  do.  Yes,  that  cuckoo 
with  the  black  and  white  feathers  who  looked  at 
you.  Yes — that  is  the  one.  Well,  that  cuckoo 
after  looking  at  you  flew  away.  You  remember — 
like  this. " 

Then  I  heard  Pierrot  laugh  as  Gaston  showed 
him  how  that  cuckoo  flew  away.  And  I  think  my 
Pierrot  must  have  tried  to  do  the  same  thing  with 
his  hands,  for  Gaston  said : 

"Yes — like  that.  Over  the  trees  he  went  and  to 
the  top  of  the  mountain  where  his  brothers  live. 
You  say  you  have  never  been  to  the  top  of  the 
mountain?  Well,  when  you  are  big  enough,  I  will 
take  you  there.  I  will  show  you  a  hole  under  the 
rocks  where  the  wolves  live.  I  will  show  you  the 
nest  of  a  nightingale,  and  there  are  not  many  who 
have  seen  that.  Eh — take  you  now,  you  say?  As 
soon  as  I  am  able  to  walk,  I  will  ask  your  mother. 


224  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Well,  that  cuckoo,  he  said  to  his  brothers  like 
this,  '  Here,  come  with  me  and  I  will  show  you  a 
giant  cuckoo  without  wings  down  by  the  river. 
He  has  four  feet  and  he  rolls  upon  the  ground.' 
How  did  he  talk,  you  ask?  Like  this." 

Then  Gaston  made  a  funny  noise  with  his 
mouth  like  a  cuckoo  talking,  and  Pierrot  laughed 
and  laughed  at  this. 

"  But  what  do  you  think?  "  said  Gaston.  "  The 
brothers  of  that  cuckoo  would  not  believe.  They 
said : '  That  is  another  Tupin  story — that. '  But  the 
cuckoo  told  it  over  again  and  still  they  would  not 
believe,  and  in  the  end  he  did  not  believe  himself. 
So  he  flew  away  to  go  back  and  look  again.  It 
was  like  this  he  flew." 

He  showed  Pierrot  how  that  cuckoo  flew  and 
Pierrot  tried  to  do  as  Gaston  did,  for  I  heard 
Gaston  say: 

"Yes — like  that.  But  have  a  care  how  you  do 
that  or  you  too  will  fly.  So  that  cuckoo  came  back 
and  looked  once  more  and  there  upon  the  ground 
was  that  same  giant  cuckoo  without  wings  and 
with  four  feet.  Then  Monsieur  cuckoo  flew  once 
again  to  the  top  of  the  mountain  like  this.  When 
he  was  at  home,  he  said  to  his  brothers:  'It  is 
there.  Come  with  me  and  see  it.'  But  his 
brothers  would  not  come.  They  thought  their 
brother  was  making  a  jest  and  so  out  they  flew  and 
began  to  scratch  from  this  cuckoo  all  his  feathers. 
Like  this." 

Pierrot  now  laughed  so  hard  that  he  began  to 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  225 

hiccough.  As  for  me,  I  wondered  if  it  were  true 
my  Pierrot  had  begun  to  talk,  and  so  I  went  in. 
And  there  sat  Pierrot,  making  his  hands  go  like 
the  wings  of  a  bird.  But  he  could  not  talk  at  all 
and  had  said  nothing  all  this  while  to  Gaston. 

"You  must  not  make  him  laugh  so  much,"  I 
said. 

"Make  him  laugh?"  said  Gaston.  "It  is 
Pierrot  who  has  made  me  laugh  until  I  cannot  see." 

Then  Pierrot  reached  for  his  beard  and  began  to 
pull  it  and  then  looked  up  at  me  as  if  to  make  sure 
I  saw. 

"Tut,  tut,"  I  said.  "You  must  not  be  rough, 
my  son. " 

"In  another  day  I  will  have  no  hair  left  on  my 
face, "  said  Gaston. 

"  Do  you  wish  me  to  take  him  now?  "  I  said. 

"  No,  no, "  said  Gaston,  quickly.  "  Do  not  take 
him  now. " 

So  I  went  out  and  left  them  together  again. 

My  Pierrot  was  able  to  play  with  anyone — an 
old  man  or  a  young  man,  an  old  woman  or  a  young 
woman,  a  count  or  a  postman,  a  countess  or  the 
wife  of  a  postman.  Now  this  seemed  to  me  a  very 
fine  thing.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  like  this. 
There  are  some  people  who  think  that  to  be  like 
a  king  it  is  necessary  to  choose  with  care  among 
people,  but  to  me  it  seems  to  be  more  like  a  king  to 
be  able  to  play  with  everyone,  demanding  only 
that  they  have  good  hearts.  The  great  men  are 
not  those  loved  only  by  a  few  but  those  who  are 

15 


226  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

loved  by  many.  This  was  the  way  with  Pierrot. 
Old  people  forgot  their  years  and  became  young 
again  with  him,  while  young  people,  when  with 
Pierrot,  forgot  they  had  any  years  at  all  and  were 
like  little  children  again.  It  made  no  difference 
with  Pierrot  if  they  were  men  or  women,  though 
sometimes  I  thought  he  liked  men  best  because 
they  were  strong.  And  yet  there  was  Lucille, 
who  was  very  weak,  and  Pierrot  loved  her.  But 
least  of  all  did  Pierrot  care  whether  or  not  they 
were  noble.  I  should  think  that  to  have  an  infant 
in  a  palace,  it  would  be  very  hard  to  keep  from 
laughing.  They  know  so  very  little  about  such 
matters. 

Sometimes,  when  I  thought  of  what  the  Count 
had  desired  me  to  do,  I  wondered  about-  this. 
Even  if  my  Pierrot  were  a  little  count,  I  do  not 
understand  how  he  would  have  been  any  different. 
And  if  Gaston  had  been  a  big  count,  I  do  not  think 
that  would  have  any  difference,  either  with  Gaston 
or  my  Pierrot  when  they  played  together.  Before 
my  Pierrot  came,  I  thought  all. noble  people  and 
great  people  were  different  from  everyone  else. 
I  was  in  fear  of  them  as  if  they  were  angels.  But 
since  Pierrot  came,  I  did  not  think  the  same.  I 
asked  only  if  they  had  good  hearts.  That  was  the 
way  my  Pierrot  did  and  that  was  the  way  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  did.  It  was  because  of  her  heart 
that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  liked  Grandmother 
Battaille  so  much. 

From  the  beginning,   Monsieur  Jack  Martin 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  227 

was  very  good  to  this  old  lady.  When  she  first 
came  into  the  house,  she  had  fear  to  open  her 
mouth  or  to  look  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  in  the 
face.  She  folded  her  hands  before  her  and  looked 
upon  the  ground  when  he  spoke  to  her.  But 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  very  gentle  and  for  the 
first  day  or  two  permitted  her  to  become  ac- 
customed to  the  house.  He  said  to  her  only 
"Good-morning,  grandmother,"  or  "Good-day, 
grandmother,"  or  "I  hope  you  are  well  to-day, 
grandmother."  After  this  he  talked  to  her  a 
few  words  about  her  grandson  when  he  passed  her. 

"He  is  much  better  to-day — that  boy — eh, 
grandmother?" 

Then  she  gained  courage  to  say  in  a  whisper: 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

After  this  he  began  to  talk  more  about  Gaston 
until,  before  she  knew  what  she  was  doing,  Grand- 
mother Battaille  was  telling  him  as  much  about  her 
grandson  as  she  had  told  me.  This  was  because  he 
listened  with  such  interest.  To  see  him  with  his 
head  bent  towards  her  and  nodding  and  only 
speaking  a  word  when  she  stopped,  you  would  have 
thought  it  was  to  some  great  lady  he  was  listening. 


CHAPTER  XXXV 


ONE  morning  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  to 
me  and  said:  "How  old  is  this  Pierrot  any- 
way?" 

"  He  is  six  months  old  to-morrow, "  I  said. 

"I  thought  so, "  he  said.  "Then  he  must  have 
a  birthday  party.  My  faith,  what  have  we  been 
thinking  of?" 

"But  a  birthday  party  is  not  given  until  an 
infant  is  one  year  old, "  I  said. 

"Why  not?"  he  said. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  a  way  of  asking 
questions  like  that,  which  no  one  could  answer. 

"I  do  not  know,"  I  said.     "It  is  the  custom." 

"Who  made  the  custom?"  he  said. 

"  I  do  not  know, "  I  said. 

"You  do  not  know.  I  do  not  know.  No  one 
knows.  You  have  no  authority.  To  the  devil 
with  such  customs.  We  will  begin  a  new  custom. 
Every  month  Pierrot  must  have  a  birthday  party." 

"Very  well,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"The  life  of  Pierrot  should  be  measured  by 
months,  not  by  years.  In  truth  it  should  be 
measured  by  days.  He  should  have  a  party  every 

day." 

228 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  229 

"That  would  be  impossible,  Monsieur,"  I  said, 

"Nothing  is  impossible,"  he  said.  "However, 
we  will  begin  with  to-morrow.  It  is  something  to 
celebrate  to  have  lived  six  months  in  a  new  world. 
Think  of  all  Pierrot  has  accomplished  since  he 
came  here  as  an  immigrant.  He  arrived  without 
clothes  to  his  back,  without  a  sou  in  his  pocket, 
without  knowing  a  word  of  our  language.  His 
wings  were  taken  from  him  and  he  was  put  down 
here,  not  knowing  even  how  to  walk,  how  to  move 
his  hands,  how  to  smile,  how  to  do  anything. 
He  was  even  without  hair  and  teeth  and  ordered 
to  grow  them  if  he  wished  them.  He  was  without 
friends " 

"Pardon  me,  Monsieur,  there  was  you." 

"But  he  did  not  know  me  until  after  he  came, 
did  he?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "It  was 
necessary  for  him  to  introduce  himself.  The  lad 
did  not  have  even  a  relative " 

"Pardon  me  again,"  I  said.  "My  Pierrot  had 
his  mother. " 

"Not  until  after  he  came,"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  "What  did  he  know  about  you  or  you 
about  him  at  the  beginning?  You  might  have 
been  a  queen  or  a  beggar  of  the  streets  for  all 
Pierrot  knew.  As  for  all  you  knew,  Pierrot  might 
have  been  a  girl  or  a  weakling  boy  or  anyone 
except  Pierrot.  You  were  strangers  to  one 
another. " 

"I  do  not  think  that,  Monsieur, "  I  said. 

"Think  it  or  not,  it  is  the  truth, "  said  Monsieur 


230  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Jack  Martin.  "You  did  not  know  even  the  colour 
of  his  eyes.  You  did  not  know  his  name.  You 
knew  nothing  about  him.  As  for  him,  he  knew 
even  less.  He  was  stripped  to  his  naked  hide  and 
sent  off  into  a  far  country  and  told  to  make  his 
way  with  the  aid  of  nothing  but  his  little,  beating 
heart.  What  wonder  that  many  of  them  fail  as 
the  young  count  failed." 

"Oh,  my  poor  Pierrot!"  I  said. 

"People  do  not  think  of  those  things  at  all," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "They  suppose  it  is 
an  easy  matter  to  be  an  infant. " 

"It  takes  courage,"  I  said. 

"You  bet  your  last  dollar  it  does, "  he  says.  "  It 
takes  more  courage  than  most  men  have.  Most 
men  lose  that  courage  after  they  are  men.  So  I 
say  this  Pierrot  has  much  to  celebrate." 

"You  are  right,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"In  six  months  he  has  made  a  wonderful  little 
mother  and  many  friends.  We  will  have  them  all 
here  to-morrow.  Do  you  know  how  to  make  a 
birthday  cake?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"Then  make  the  best  cake  you  know  how  to 
make.  I  will  order  other  things  to-day  at  the 
village. " 

But  before  I  went  into  the  kitchen,  I  went  up- 
stairs to  my  Pierrot  where  he  slept,  and  I  knelt  by 
his  bed  and  thanked  the  good  Lord  that  he  had 
helped  Pierrot  to  a  safe  journey.  Then  I  kissed 
my  Pierrot  many  times  lightly  upon  the  hair  and 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  231 

looked  at  him  in  more  wonder  than  ever  before. 
If  I  had  thought  of  him  until  now  as  a  great  general 
there  was  nothing  this  minute  brave  enough  with 
which  to  compare  him.  A  general  is  a  man  with 
training  and  with  much  knowledge  of  life  and  he 
has  many  other  men  to  help  him  and  knows  where 
he  is  going  and  what  he  is  to  find.  But  my  Pierrot 
had  none  of  those  things — not  even  clothes  for  his 
back  as  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  said.  Yet  he 
marched  bravely  through  the  dark  to  this  new 
world  and  took  up  his  work  all  alone.  I  had 
been  able  to  do  no  more  than  give  him  food  and 
clothes  as  I  might  to  a  beggar.  To  think  what  my 
Pierrot  had  done,  brought  the  tears  to  my  eyes. 
I  could  not  keep  myself  from  crying.  I  thought 
of  the  many  things  that  might  have  happened 
before  he  came.  He  might  have  lost  himself 
before  he  found  me.  And  after  he  came,  if  he  had 
not  had  great  courage,  he  might  have  gone  back. 

"Dear  God,"  I  prayed,  "continue  to  give  my 
Pierrot  great  courage  as  you  have  done  already. 
Keep  him  strong  and  happy.  And  give  me 
knowledge  how  to  help  him.  Permit  me  to  endure 
for  him  all  that  is  possible.  He  is  weak  and  I  am 
strong,  and  so  please  take  from  his  shoulders  and 
put  upon  mine.  I  am  ready  to  suffer  anything, 
dear  God,  that  will  help  my  Pierrot. " 

So  I  prayed  and  so  I  have  prayed  many  times 
since  then.  It  is  so  easy  for  a  mother  to  be  selfish 
when  she  does  not  think  of  such  things  as  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  told  me  of.  I  know  that  I  myself 


232  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

thought  often  of  the  joy  my  Pierrot  gave  to  me 
instead  of  considering  the  joy  I  might  bring  to 
Pierrot,  who  was  the  one  who  needed  help.  It  is 
not  the  children  who  are  for  us;  it  is  we  who  are 
for  the  children.  That  is  the  great  thing  to  re- 
member. I  ask  pity  of  the  good  God  if  sometimes 
I  forgot  this  and,  what  is  worse,  if  sometimes  I 
tried  to  forget  this.  But  when  my  Pierrot  so 
filled  my  heart  with  gladness,  it  was  difficult  not 
to  think  this  was  the  important  thing.  I  was 
for  Pierrot  and  Pierrot  was  not  for  me.  He 
had  come  into  a  new  world,  and  I  and  all  the 
others  were  here  to  help  him.  That  is  what 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  made  me  see. 

I  went  downstairs  to  make  the  cake  for  my 
Pierrot.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  told  me  to  be 
sure  to  have  it  large  enough,  and  so  I  chose  the 
largest  dish  I  had  in  which  to  bake  it.  I  made 
it  rich  with  eggs  and  sugar  and  butter  because 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  liked  his  cake  like  that. 
When  it  was  baked,  I  put  upon  it  a  white 
frosting.  Then  I  made  a  frosting  of  chocolate 
and  with  that  made  a  border  and  also  with  that 
wrote  across  the  top  "Pierrot."  It  was  very 
beautiful  and  when  I  had  done,  I  took  it  up  to 
show  to  Gaston. 

"Good, "  said  Gaston. 

"  It  is  a  great  pity  that  you  yourself  cannot  come 
to  the  party, "  I  said. 

"If  I  see  the  cake  and  see  Pierrot,  that  is 
enough,"  he  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  233 

"And  you  shall  have  some  of  the  cake  to  eat, "  I 
said. 

When  I  came  downstairs,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
had  returned  and  he  had  brought  with  him  six 
little  candles  and  many  confections,  and  some  rare 
wine  and  tobacco  for  the  gentlemen. 

"I  have  seen  Lucille  and  Madame  Lacroix  and 
Jean  and  Antonin  and  Jambeau  and  Beauchamp 
and  his  wife, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Surely,"  I  said,  "the  noble  Count  and  Count- 
ess would  not  come  with  Antonin  and  Jean." 

"Why  not?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"This  is  a  party  for  Pierrot  and  the  friends  of 
Pierrot. " 

"Well, "  I  said,  not  believing,  "we  shall  see. " 

"Also  there  are  two  or  three  friends  of  mine  I 
found  at  the  hotel  who  wish  to  meet  Pierrot.  Put' 
the  candles  on  the  cake,  for  they  will  come  at  three 
o'clock." 

"  There  should  be  but  half  a  candle  on  the  cake," 
I  said. 

"There  should  be  six  candles  on  the  cake,"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

So  I  arranged  the  six  candles  in  a  circle  upon  the 
cake,  but  it  did  not  seem  to  me  right.  But  it  was 
not  possible  to  change  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
I  have  thought  sometimes  that  if  he  had  told  me 
my  Pierrot  was  six  years  old  instead  of  six  months, 
I  would  have  seen  no  other  way  but  to  believe. 

Grandmother  Battaille  helped  me  to  clean  the 
big  dining-room  and  prepare  the  table  for  the 


234  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

guests.  She  was  very  much  excited  and  continued 
to  say: 

"It  is  not  fitting  that  I  should  come  to  this 
party." 

When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  heard  that,  he 
put  his  arm  over  her  shoulder  and  said: 

"Say  no  more,  grandmother.  Before  the 
afternoon  is  over,  I  expect  you  to  be  the  youngest 
of  us  all." 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  in  his  way  tried  also  to 
help  but  everything  he  did,  it  was  necessary  to  do 
again.  For  example,  when  he  swept  the  floor, 
he  did  very  well  until  the  end  when  he  swept  every- 
thing into  the  closet  and  shut  the  door.  When  I 
saw  that,  I  was  longer  in  cleaning  that  closet  than 
I  would  have  been  in  sweeping  the  floor.  It  was 
not  until  Pierrot  awoke  and  was  washed  and 
dressed  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  of  any 
service.  Then  I  gave  him  my  son  to  care  for  and 
so  he  became  useful,  though  even  then  it  was 
necessary  to  watch  him  lest  he  permit  Pierrot  to 
play  upon  the  floor  and  soil  his  clean  dress. 


CHAPTER  XXXVI 

T  UCILLE  was  the  first  to  come  and  after  her 
I—/  came  Jean  and  Antonin  and  then  two  friends 
of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  These  were  Monsieur 
Moulton,  a  notary  from  America,  and  Monsieur 
Dick  Cardington,  a  man  from  Yale.  To  him 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said  when  he  showed  him 
my  Pierrpt : 

"  Here  is  the  man  who  some  day  is  going  to  eat 
up  Harvard,  Dick. " 

"Good  arm  there,  Jack." 

Then  my  Pierrot  reached  for  the  mustache  of 
Monsieur  Cardington,  and  Monsieur  Moulton 
laughed  and  said: 

"Here,  Monsieur  Pierrot  of  Yale,  you  lose  five 
yards  for  slugging. " 

I  did  not  know  what  this  meant  but  I  remember 
the  words  and  this  made  a  great  laugh  among  the 
three  men. 

Madame  Lacroix  did  not  come  until  after  the 
party  was  finished.  But  both  the  Count  de 
Beauchamp  and  the  Countess  came.  I  could  not 
believe  my  eyes  when  I  saw  the  Countess.  She 
was  very  pale  and  thin  and  weak,  but  she  came. 
When  she  saw  me,  she  took  my  hand. 

235 


236  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Oh,  I  am  so  sorry,"  she  said.  "Do  you  for- 
give?" 

It  would  have  been  necessary  to  have  a  heart  of 
stone  not  to  forgive  and  not  to  forget  everything 
except  her  grief  when  she  said  that. 

"Please  say  no  more,  Madame, "  I  said. 

Then  she  went  in  to  meet  the  gentlemen.  Now 
all  this  time  Jean  and  Antonin  and  Lucille  and 
Grandmother  Battaille  remained  in  the  kitchen, 
but  when  everything  was  ready  in  the  dining-room, 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  called  for  them  to  enter. 
They  did  not  wish  to  come  even  then,  but  he  came 
to  the  door  and  commanded  them  to  enter.  Then, 
as  they  came  in,  he  waved  his  hand  to  the  others 
and  said: 

"Madame  and  gentlemen,  these  are  friends  of 
Pierrot." 

The  Count  de  Beauchamp  and  the  Countess 
bowed,  but  Monsieur  Moulton  and  Monsieur 
Dick  Cardington  shook  hands  with  everyone. 
Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  commanded  me 
to  light  the  candles  upon  the  cake  and  you 
should  have  seen  my  Pierrot  hold  out  his 
hands  towards  them.  He  was  in  the  arms  of 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  struggled  to  reach 
those  candles. 

"He  desires  to  cut  the  cake  himself,"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

So  he  gave  my  Pierrot  a  knife  and  Pierrot  seized 
it  by  the  handle,  but  of  course  he  was  not  able  to 
cut  the  cake. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  237 

"Let  me  hold  Pierrot,  while  you  do  that,"  said 
the  Countess. 

She  came  forward  and  took  my  Pierrot  in  her 
arms,  and  I  looked  to  see  if  Pierrot  went  willingly. 
And  he  did,  laughing  as  he  went.  I  would  have 
been  glad  if  he  had  cried,  I  think,  but  he  did  not 
cry.  But  to  have  done  that  at  his  own  party 
would  not  have  been  polite,  and  I  was  glad  to  have 
my  Pierrot  show  good  manners  before  the  Count- 
ess. She  sat  down  with  my  Pierrot  in  her  lap 
and  with  her  arm  about  him,  and  he  played  with 
the  jewels  on  her  fingers,  thinking  they  were  more 
candles.  And  the  Countess  gave  attention  to  no 
one  else  in  the  room  but  my  Pierrot.  I  saw  that 
the  Count  looked  at  her  and  I  saw  him  twirl  his 
mustache  as  he  did.  I  suppose  such  a  sight  made 
him  think  of  the  young  count,  for  his  eyes  looked 
troubled. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  cut  the  cake  and  Lucille 
placed  it  upon  plates  and  handed  a  piece  to  every- 
one while  I  poured  the  wine.  Then  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  raised  his  glass  and  made  a  toast  to 
Pierrot. 

"He  has  lived  six  long  months,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "May  he  live  twenty  times  as 
many  years!" 

"  You  are  giving  him  a  long  task, "  said  Monsieur 
Moulton.  "  But  I  drink. " 

"That  is  a  long  life.  May  it  be  a  merry  one," 
said  Monsieur  Dick  Cardington. 

And  the  Count  said: 


238  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"It  will  be  a  pretty  sight  to  see  this  Pierrot  with 
his  great  grandchildren  about  his  knee. " 

And  the  Countess  said : 

"  May  he  be  as  beautiful  a  man  as  he  is  a  baby.'1 

So  everyone  drank  the  toast  and  as  I  myself 
drank,  I  said  in  my  heart  only  this : 

"To  my  son." 

After  this  many  more  toasts  were  drunk,  and  it 
was  wonderful  to  see  how  soon  all  those  people  in 
the  room  who  were  friends  of  Pierrot,  soon  became 
friends  with  each  other.  I  saw  Monsieur  Dick 
Cardington  talk  with  Lucille  and  saw  Monsieur 
Moulton  talk  with  Grandmother  Battaille  and  the 
Countess  talk  with  Antonin  as  she  watched 
Pierrot  play.  And  the  Count  talked  with  me  and 
Monsieur  Jack  Moulton  with  Jean.  Then  in  the 
middle  of  all  this,  Doctor  Jambeau  came  and  we 
must  all  drink  another  toast  to  Pierrot  with  him. 
He  could  not  remain  long,  but  while  he  was  there 
he  caused  everyone  to  laugh  with  his  sayings. 
After  he  had  gone,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and 
Monsieur  Dick  Cardington  sang  a  song  such  as 
they  sing  at  Yale.  I  remember  only  two  lines 
and  they  are  these: 

"  Here  is  to  good  old  Yale, 
Drink  him  down." 

Then  those  two  men  gave  the  cry  which  they 
make  at  Yale  and  which  they  said  Pierrot  must 
learn  at  once.  Then  Monsieur  Moulton  gave  the 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  239 

cry  which  they  give  at  Princeton,  which  is  another 
place  in  America,  and  they  asked  the  Count  if  he 
could  not  give  the  cry  which  they  give  at  his 
college,  but  he  said  they  had  no  cries  like  those. 
After  this  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  asked  Grand- 
mother Battaille  if  she  could  not  sing,  and  she 
tried  to  sing  a  little  song  but  could  not  remember 
all  the  words.  Then  she  said : 

"It  is  a  great  pity  my  grandson  is  not  here 
below." 

"Your  grandson?"  said  the  Count. 

Before  anyone  could  stop  her  she  had  told  how 
Gaston  was  in  bed  with  a  bullet  in  his  leg  from  a 
robber.  I  saw  that  Antonin  was  listening  but 
when  Grandmother  Battaille  began  to  talk,  there 
was  no  stopping  her.  I  saw  the  Count  look  at 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  then  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  said  to  Antonin: 

"A  song  from  you,  Antonin." 

Antonin  grew  very  red  and  said  that  he  knew 
no  songs.  It  was  fortunate  that  at  just  this  time 
the  last  candle  burned  down  to  the  cake,  which 
was  a  signal  that  the  party  was  finished. 

Now  as  everyone  rose  to  leave,  there  was  much 
confusion,  so  that  I  did  not  find  time  to  speak  to 
Antonin  to  keep  silent  about  what  Grandmother 
Battaille  told  him,  as  I  wished  to  do.  I  took  my 
Pierrot  from  the  Countess  and  held  him  in  my 
arms  until  all  had  gone.  He  was  very  tired  by 
now  and  began  to  yawn,  so  that  I  thought  of 
nothing  but  giving  him  a  nap.  But  before  I  put 


240  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

him  in  his  bed,  I  took  to  Gaston  a  piece  of  cake  and 
permitted  him  to  play  a  minute  with  Pierrot. 

"That  was  a  fine  party — eh? "  he  said  to  Pierrot. 

Once  again  Pierrot  yawned. 

"But  it  tired  you  and  you  prefer  to  play  with 
Gaston,  eh?" 

Then  my  Pierrot  fell  over  with  his  head  on  the 
arm  of  Gaston  and  closed  his  eyes. 

"Permit  him  to  rest  here,"  said  Gaston. 

"  No, "  I  said.     "  He  must  go  to  his  bed. " 

I  took  him  into  our  room  and  I  was  very  glad 
to  have  him  alone  again.  I  placed  him  to  my 
breast  and  as  he  lay  there,  I  thought  of  the  Count- 
ess and  how  Pierrot  had  played  with  the  rings 
upon  her  fingers.  There  were  no  rings  upon  my 
fingers,  but  my  Pierrot  did  not  care  for  that. 


CHAPTER  XXXVII 

WHEN  I  awoke  the  next  morning  and  re- 
membered that  birthday  party  and  knew 
my  Pierrot  was  now  one  day  over  six  months  old,  I 
thought  I  would  see  some  change  in  him  because  of 
that.  But  when  I  looked  at  his  light  hah*  and  at 
his  brown  eyes,  which  were  wide  open,  and  saw 
him  hold  out  his  little  hands  to  me  for  his  break- 
fast, I  could  not  see  where  he  had  grown  older  in 
any  way.  I  knew  he  was  heavier  and  that  he  had 
now  two  teeth  and  that  he  was  able  to  sit  up  and  to 
laugh  aloud,  but  all  those  things  did  not  make 
him  seem  older.  For  one  thing  his  nose  did  not 
grow  at  all  but  was  just  the  same  as  it  had  always 
been.  It  was  very  small  and  turned  up  and  was 
very  beautiful.  But  I  think  that  even  if  his  nose 
had  grown,  he  would  have  been  still  just  my  baby. 
This  was  because  as  fast  as  he  grew,  I  grew  also, 
so  that  there  was  between  us  always  the  same 
difference.  I  was  glad  of  this  because,  even  if  I 
wished  him  to  be  some  day  a  big  man,  I  wished 
also  to  have  him  just  my  baby.  Perhaps  it  is 
always  this  way  because  there  was  Grandmother 
Battaille,  and  to  her  Gaston  was  even  now  nothing 

16  241 


242  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

but  her  baby.  She  called  him  ' '  Little  One  " — that 
great  big  man. 

It  was  two  days  after  this  party  and  when  Gas- 
ton  was  able  to  sit  up  in  his  bed  that  what  I 
feared  came  to  pass.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was 
eating  his  breakfast  when  there  was  a  big  rap 
upon  the  door.  I  went  below  to  see  who  was  there, 
and  I  saw  Monsieur  Tupin  in  his  best  uniform  with 
his  pistol  in  his  hand  and  behind  him  ten  young 
men  from  the  village  each  with  a  heavy  stick  in  his 
hand. 

"Open  that  door  in  the  name  of  the  law,"  said 
Tupin. 

Now  the  door  was  already  open,  so  I  said  to 
him: 

"Well,  it  is  open." 

Tupin  turned  to  see  if  the  ten  young  men  were 
at  his  back  and  then  said  to  me : 

"  I  warn  you  to  make  no  resistance. " 

Then  Arsene,  the  husband  of  Marie,  spoke : 

"You  had  better  have  a  care.  The  house  is 
surrounded." 

"What  is  it  that  you  desire?"  I  said  to  Tupin. 

"You  are  sheltering  here  a  thief  and  in  the  name 
of  the  law  I  demand  his  body, "  said  Tupin. 

It  was  then  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  to 
the  door.  When  those  ten  young  men  saw  him 
come,  they  began  to  crowd  back.  As  for  Tupin,  he 
raised  his  pistol.  At  that  moment  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  with  one  movement  of  his  arm  knocked 
that  pistol  into  the  palm  trees  of  the  garden. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  243 

"What  the  devil  do  you  mean  by  pointing  that 
pistol  at  a  citizen  of  America?"  he  said. 

"In  the  name  of  the  law,"  said  Tupin,  turning 
white. 

"In  the  name  of  what  law?"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "Is  there  any  law  in  France  that 
permits  a  man  to  point  a  pistol  at  an  innocent 
woman  and  at  a  citizen  of  America?  Do  you 
know  that  if  I  told  that  to  the  consul  of  America, 
he  would  have  a  gunboat  here  in  one  hour  to 
bombard  you  and  your  whole  damned  country?" 

"The  pistol  was  for  Gaston,"  said  Tupin. 

I  saw  one  of  the  young  men  at  the  back  hurry 
down  the  road  and  the  others  were  only  waiting 
to  listen,  I  think. 

"What  Gaston?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin, 
folding  his  arms. 

"Gaston,  the  thief.  I  have  heard  he  is  here  in 
your  villa." 

"You  have  heard,  have  you?"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "Well  if  the  law  proceeded  on  all 
that  I  have  heard  about  you,  you  would  be  in  jail 
for  twenty  years. " 

"Have  a  care, "  said  Tupin.  " I  am  a  gendarme 
and  I  have  papers  for  the  arrest  of  this  man. " 

"Where  are  they?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

Tupin  in  a  great  hurry  drew  them  from  his 
pocket  and  handed  them  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
He  read  them  slowly  and  I  saw  another  young  man 
hurry  down  the  road.  If  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
had  not  been  at  my  side,  I  would  have  been  very 


244  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

much  frightened  by  all  this,  but  now  I  had  no  fear 
at  all.  When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  finished, 
he  said : 

"Well,  this  calls  for  the  arrest  of  Gaston  Bat- 
taille  for  robbing  the  bakery  of  Jules  Dupont. 
Are  you  sure  this  Gaston  Battaille  is  in  my  house?  " 

"  I  have  heard, "  said  Tupin. 

"What  do  I  care  what  you  have  heard?  I  have 
heard  that  you  yourself  are  a  liar  and  a  coward, 
but  that  is  not  proof. " 

"  I  am  an  officer  of  the  law, "  said  Tupin. 

"And  what  is  this  army  at  your  back?"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"  I  brought  them  to  help, "  said  Tupin. 

Then  Ars£ne  spoke  and  said: 

"As  for  me,  I  came  only  to  see. " 

Then  the  other  young  men  nodded  their  heads. 

"Why  did  you  not  also  bring  a  troop  of  cavalry 
and  some  cannon?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
to  Tupin. 

Then  all  the  young  men  began  to  laugh  and 
Tupin  looked  very  uncomfortable.  Tupin  turned 
as  if  to  go. 

"I  shall  return  and  tell  my  captain  that  you 
resisted  the  law, "  he  said. 

"And  I  shall  call  this  army  to  prove  you  lie," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "I  have  resisted 
nothing.  There  is  nothing  to  resist  that  I  can 
see.  I  ask  you  only  to  make  sure  this  Gaston  is 
here,  before  you  attack  the  house  of  a  citizen  of 
America. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  245 

"But  how  can  I  make  sure  unless  I  enter?" 
said  Tupin. 

"That  I  cannot  tell  you  because  I  have  not  the 
honour  of  being  a  noble  gendarme  of  Beaulieu," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Then  what  am  I  to  do?"  said  Tupin. 

"If  you  ask  my  advice,  I  tell  you  to  take  this 
gold  piece,  go  to  the  inn,  and  drink  to  the  hope 
that  you  may  some  day  grow  into  as  fine  a  man  as 
this  Gaston  Battaille. " 

As  he  said  that,  he  tossed  a  louis  d'or  upon  the 
ground. 

"Permit  the  army  also  to  drink.  They  must 
have  thirst  after  this  hard  campaign. " 

"  The  law  is  the  law, "  said  Tupin. 

"And  thirst  is  thirst,  and  good  wine,  good  wine," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

But  when  Tupin  turned  as  if  to  go,  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  stopped  him. 

"Listen,"  he  said.  "I  do  not  say  if  Gaston  is 
in  my  house  or  not.  I  do  say  this,  however;  to- 
morrow I  will  find  him  and  have  him  before  the 
judge.  Is  that  enough?" 

"I  will  see  my  captain, "  said  Tupin. 

"Tell  your  captain  you  could  not  find  him  here 
and  tell  him  what  I  said. " 

"Very  well,  Monsieur  Martin,"  said  Tupin. 
"  But  I  must  have  my  pistol. " 

"It  is  there  on  the  ground.  But  have  a  care  it 
does  not  shoot  you  in  the  leg. " 

Then  a  very  droll  thing  happened.    As  Tupin 


246  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

went  to  find  his  pistol,  Sport  came  down  the  stairs 
from  the  room  of  Gaston  and  saw  this  Tupin. 
Before  it  was  possible  to  prevent  him,  he  ran  for 
Tupin  barking  and  showing  his  teeth.  Tupin 
looked  over  his  shoulder  and  saw  the  beast.  Then 
he  ran  a  little  way  and  Sport  followed  more  angry 
than  before.  When  Tupin  saw  this,  he  ran  still 
faster  and  did  not  stop  running  as  long  as  we  could 
see.  The  army  laughed  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  laughed  and  laughed.  Then  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  picked  the  gold  piece  from  the  ground 
and  gave  it  to  Arsene. 

"Go,"  he  said.  "Drink  a  health  to  Tupin. 
He  needs  it. " 

So  they  all  bowed  and  thanked  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  and  went  away.  But  when  they  were  gone 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  said  to  me : 

"After  all,  this  is  a  serious  business.  I  must  go 
to  the  village  at  once. " 

"You  mean  it  is  possible  for  them  to  send  Gaston 
to  prison?"  I  said. 

"It  is.     He  stole  from  the  bakery,  did  he  not?" 

"But  he  stole  for  my  Pierrot  and  me,"  I  said. 

"I  am  afraid  the  law  will  not  recognise  your 
Pierrot  and  you,  Little  Mother, "  he  said. 

"What  will  Grandmother  Battaille  say  to  this?" 
I  said. 

"Good  Lord!"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"  Grandmother  must  learn  nothing  of  this.  Where 
is  she  now?" 

"With  Gaston,"  I  said. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  247 

"Then  she  has  heard  nothing.  We  must  find 
some  excuse  for  to-morrow.  Now  I  am  going 
to  see  that  baker  and  that  judge,  and  then  to  Nice 
to  find  Moulton." 

So  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  went  away  and  as  for 
me,  I  permitted  Gaston  to  play  all  that  afternoon 
with  my  Pierrot. 


CHAPTER  XXXVIII 

HPHE   next  morning  Monsieur  Moulton  came 
1      to  the   house  early  and  with  him  brought 
a  French  advocate  from  Nice.     Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  came  to  me  and  said : 

"Amuse  grandmother  while  we  are  with  Gaston. " 

"  Is  everything  going  well? "  I  said. 

"It  is  the  judge  who  must  decide  that.  The 
more  I  hear  about  this  Gaston,  the  worse  reputa- 
tion I  discover  he  has. " 

"But  that  was  before  he  met  my  Pierrot,"  I 
said. 

"Eh?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"  He  is  a  different  man  since  then, "  I  said. 

"Now  look  here,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"I  have  an  idea  this  Pierrot  may  be  our  best 
advocate  after  all.  I  will  speak  to  Moulton  about 
that.  Prepare  Pierrot  to  go  to  court  this  morning 
and  plead. " 

"Are  you  serious,  Monsieur?" 

"Certainly  I  am.  It  is  unfortunate  that  the 
facts  in  this  case  are  against  us.  Therefore  we  must 
appeal  to  sentiment.  I  heard  something  yester- 
day about  the  wife  of  that  judge. " 

"I  do  not  understand,"  I  said. 
248 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  249 

"Already  there  are  three  little  future  judges  in 
that  family  but  if  all  goes  well,  France  may  have  a 
fourth  within  a  month. " 

"Oh!"  I  said. 

And  this  caused  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  laugh 
very  much. 

I  found  Grandmother  Battaille  and  asked  her  if 
she  would  help  me  with  my  work  this  morning  as  I 
desired  to  dress  my  Pierrot. 

"Monsieur  Jack  Martin  thought  it  would  be 
well  if  Gaston  took  a  ride  to  Nice  this  morning, " 
I  said.  "Perhaps  my  Pierrot  will  go  also  and 
leave  you  to  guard  the  house. " 

"Very   well,"    said   Grandmother   Battaille. 
"Who  are  those  men  with  him?" 

"They  are  friends  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,"  I 
said. 

"Perhaps  they  have  come  to  thank  my  Gaston 
for  some  brave  act, "  she  said. 

"Perhaps,"  I  said. 

It  was'  always  like  that  with  Grandmother 
Battaille.  She  thought  all  the  world  admired  her 
Gaston.  It  was  as  if  the  life  and  safety  of  every- 
one depended  upon  her  Gaston.  But  when  she 
said  that,  it  made  me  wish  to  go  at  once  to  my 
Pierrot  and  tell  him  what  he  must  do.  It  made 
me  understand  how  terrible  it  would  be  for  her  if 
they  should  really  send  Gaston  to  prison. 

Pierrot  was  awake  and  waiting  for  me  to  give 
him  his  bath.  But  before  I  did  that,  I  took  him 
on  my  knee  and  said  to  him: 


250  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Pierrot,  my  son,  you  have  something  to  do 
to-day." 

He  looked  up  at  me  with  his  face  very  sober  and 
I  thought  then  he  looked  more  like  an  advocate 
than  the  man  from  Nice  who  had  come  with 
Monsieur  Moulton. 

"Pierrot,"  I  said.  "That  Tupin  is  about  to 
try  to  send  our  Gaston  to  prison  because  he  took 
bread  for  us  when  we  were  hungry.  It  was  wrong 
for  him  to  do  as  he  did,  but  you  know  better  than 
anyone  what  a  good  heart  Gaston  has. " 

When  I  spoke  the  name  of  Gaston,  Pierrot 
looked  about  the  room  and  held  out  his  hands. 

"He  is  not  here,"  I  said.  "But  to-day  we  are 
all  going  before  a  noble  judge  to  help  Gaston. 
And  you  must  make  that  noble  judge  under- 
stand about  Gaston.  Do  you  think  you  can  do 
that?" 

Then  Pierrot  smiled  as  if  to  say  that  was  the 
easiest  thing  in  the  world  to  do.  So  without  more 
talk  I  bathed  my  Pierrot  and  dressed  him  and 
combed  his  hair.  Pierrot  did  not  like  to  have  his 
hair  combed.  When  I  reached  for  the  brush, 
always  he  put  his  hands  upon  his  head  and  as  fast 
as  I  smoothed  his  hair,  he  rumpled  it  up  again. 
I  do  not  know  why  it  was  he  did  not  like  this. 

I  had  no  more  than  time  to  do  all  those  things 
when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  called  that  all  was 
ready.  I  saw  Grandmother  Battaille  and  told 
her  to  have  a  good  care  of  the  house  and  then  took 
Pierrot  out  to  the  automobile.  Jimmee  had 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  251 

helped  Gaston  into  the  back  seat  and  I  sat  beside 
him. 

"  Have  no  fear,  Gaston, "  I  said. 

"I  have  no  fear,"  he  said.  "I  care  not  what 
they  do  if  only  you  bring  Pierrot  to  see  me  some- 
times." 

"They  will  do  nothing,"  I  said.  "You  will 
see.  Pierrot  has  come  to  tell  what  he  knows. " 

"But  Pierrot  cannot  speak,"  said  Gaston. 

"Has  he  not  already  spoken  to  you  and  made 
you  see  things  in  a  better  light?"  I  said. 

"  He  has  done  that, "  said  Gaston. 

"Well,  it  may  be  he  can  speak  better  to  that 
judge  than  some  who  use  their  tongues,"  I 
said. 

"If  only  he  could  do  that  for  grandmother," 
said  Gaston. 

" For  all  of  us, "  I  said.  "The  friends  of  Pierrot 
wish  well  for  you  as  much  as  Pierrot, "  I  said. 

But  when  we  all  came  into  the  room  where  the 
judge  was  sitting  and  I  saw  his  hard  face,  it  did 
not  look  such  an  easy  matter  as  before. 

"  Be  brave,  my  Pierrot, "  I  said  to  my  son. 

But  as  for  Pierrot,  he  did  not  care  if  he  was  before 
a  noble  judge  or  not.  He  looked  all  about  the 
room  and  then  began  to  laugh  and  to  play.  The 
judge  had  a  white  beard  and  this  pleased  my 
Pierrot,  and  from  where  he  sat,  he  held  out  his 
hands  as  if  to  seize  it. 

"You  must  be  very  quiet,"  I  said  to  him. 

Then  he  laughed  out  loud,  so  that  the  judge 


252  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

looked  up  to  see  him.    Then  he  laughed  again  and 
that  judge  could  not  help  but  smile. 

Tupin  was  there  and  he  was  the  first  to  tell  about 
Gaston.  He  made  a  big  story  of  that  affair  and 
told  how  he  had  almost  lost  his  life  in  trying  to 
catch  Gaston. 

"  It  is  well  I  had  my  pistol, "  he  said. 

Then  our  advocate  asked  Tupin  many  questions, 
but  I  remember  best  this  one : 

"  Is  it  not  true  your  pistol  exploded  by  accident?" 

That  caused  Tupin  to  turn  very  red  and  to  be- 
come so  confused  that  after  this  he  did  not  know 
what  he  said.  When  that  advocate  was  finished, 
he  had  made  Tupin  tell  a  dozen  stories. 

Then  the  baker  told  what  had  happened  and  of 
him  our  advocate  asked  this  question: 
[    "  Have  you  not  received  pay  for  that  bread  and 
cheese?" 

"Yes,"  said  the  baker. 

"How  much?" 

"Two  louis  d'or  from  Monsieur  Martin,"  said 
the  baker. 

"Which  is  very  good  pay,  is  it  not,  for  bread 
and  cheese  of  the  value  of  ten  sous?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

After  this  I  was  called  and  with  Pierrot  in  my 
arms  I  told  how  it  happened  I  was  with  Gaston  and 
what  he  did  that  night.  I  spoke  the  words  but  it 
was  my  Pierrot  who  really  told.  With  him  in  my 
arms,  as  he  was  that  night,  I  saw  everything  again 
as  if  it  were  yesterday.  While  I  spoke,  my  Pierrot 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  253 

played  with  my  hair  and  laughed  and  held  out  his 
hands  first  to  the  judge  and  then  to  Gaston  until 
it  was  all  everyone  could  do  not  to  smile,  he  was  so 
droll.  When  I  had  finished,  the  judge  said: 

"How  old  is  that  boy?" 

"  He  is  one  week  over  six  months, "  I  said. 

11 A  fine  boy, "  said  the  judge. 

Then  Gaston  was  asked  to  tell  his  story  and  he 
said  just  this: 

"The  mother  of  Pierrot  here  had  hunger.  I 
knew  she  must  have  food  to  give  strength  to 
Pierrot.  I  had  no  money,  so  I  took  the  bread  and 
cheese.  That  is  all." 

"  Did  you  intend  to  steal  it?"  asked  that  judge. 

"  If  I  could  get  it  in  no  other  way, "  said  Gaston. 

"And  you  are  sorry  now  that  you  did  that?" 

"No,"  said  Gaston. 

Now  when  Gaston  said  that,  I  had  great  fear. 
I  rose  to  my  feet  and  before  anyone  could  stop  me, 
I  said: 

"If  it  had  not  been  for  me,  he  would  not  have 
taken  that  bread.  Pierrot  knows  what  a  good 
heart  he  has  and  that  he  does  not  mean  to  take 
anything  ever  again. " 

"Quiet,  Madame,"  said  the  judge. 

Then  the  judge  began  to  talk  to  the  advocates. 
He  said  that  Gaston  had  a  very  bad  reputation 
around  the  village.  While  there  was  no  proof  of 
other  crimes,  it  was  thought  he  had  robbed  many 
people.  He  talked  like  this  for  five  minutes  and 
then  he  stopped  a  minute  and  at  just  this  place  my 


254  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Pierrot  laughed  aloud  once  more,  seeing  Gaston 
smile  at  him.  Our  advocate  turned  and  shook 
his  head  at  him.  It  was  as  if  Pierrot  were  laugh- 
ing at  the  judge  and  of  course  that  is  a  very  terrible 
thing  to  do.  But  that  judge  thought  a  moment 
and  then  said  this: 

"How  is  it  possible  to  maintain  the  dignity  of 
the  court  with  a  laughing  infant  in  the  room?  I 
give  this  Gaston  Battaille  his  freedom  but  shall 
hold  that  infant  Pierrot  personally  responsible  for 
the  good  behaviour  of  this  man  in  the  future. 
That  is  all." 

And  when  we  were  all  back  at  home  again, 
drinking  to  the  good  health  of  Gaston,  that  lawyer 
from  Nice  came  to  me  and  put  in  my  hand  a  gold 
piece. 

"That  Pierrot  will  be  a  great  advocate  some 
day,"  he  said.  "At  six  months  he  won  his  first 
case.  Permit  me  to  pay  him  for  his  assistance." 


CHAPTER  XXXIX 

AS  I  sit  here  writing  all  these  pages  about  my 
Pierrot,  I  understand  what  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  meant  when  he  said  the  life  of  Pierrot 
should  be  measured  by  days.  When  I  think  back, 
I  find  that  I  remember  almost  hour  by  hour  every- 
thing my  Pierrot  did  and  everything  everyone  else 
did  for  him.  And  one  thing  is  as  important  as 
another.  There  is  nothing  I  wish  to  forget — not  a 
word  that  was  spoken  to  him  nor  a  look  he  gave  in 
return.  •  I  see  now  that  many  little  things  were  big 
things  and  that  many  things  I  thought  were  big 
are  no  bigger  than  those  little  things.  Every  day 
was  like  a  separate  romance,  beginning  with  the 
morning  and  ending  at  night  but  covering  a  whole 
life. 

When  I  began  to  write  these  things,  I  thought 
only  to  make  a  short  record  to  look  back  upon 
when  I  was  very  old.  But  even  at  the  beginning  I 
saw  that  I  was  not  able  to  choose  one  thing  from 
another  and  so  must  write  everything  as  I  have 
done.  I  thank  the  good  God  that  he  has  given  me 
such  a  good  memory,  for  this  has  permitted  me  to 
live  over  again  each  day  as  I  write.  After  this  I 
live  it  yet  again  as  I  read  what  I  have  written. 

355 


256  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

I  see  also  that  what  I  myself  lived  during  those 
months  with  my  Pierrot  is  only  a  little  piece  of  the 
whole.  There  is  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  his 
life  with  Pierrot,  of  which  I  know  only  what  I  saw 
and  nothing  of  what  he  thought.  There  is  Gaston 
and  Grandmother  Battaille  and  all  my  Pierrot 
meant  to  them  in  those  days,  of  which  I  can  only 
guess.  There  is  Lucille  and  what  I  saw  was 
wonderful  enough,  but  I  know  well  there  was  much 
more.  Then  there  was  even  Madame  Lacroix, 
who  was  a  different  woman  because  of  Pierrot,  and 
Jean  and  Antonin  and  the  Count  and  Countess  de 
Beauchamp  and  even  Doctor  Jambeau.  I  wish 
I  knew  all  they  thought  so  that  I  might  put  it 
down,  but  I  would  be  an  old  woman  before  I  had 
finished. 

Yesterday  I  read  for  the  first  time  what  I  have 
written  here  day  after  day  and  I  find  that  although 
I  have  put  down  so  many  things,  I  have  not  told 
one  half.  When  I  have  finished,  I  will  go  back 
and  write  in  those  other  things. 

When  the  judge  permitted  Gaston  to  return  to 
the  villa,  I  saw  that  my  Pierrot  had  been  given  a 
great  task  for  a  boy  not  yet  a  year  old.  While  I 
believed  Gaston  to  be  a  good  man,  I  knew  as  a 
woman  that  it  was  no  small  thing  to  be  made 
responsible  even  for  a  good  man.  There  was  the 
father  of  Pierrot — an  honest  man  and  kind — but 
even  in  the  few  months  I  had  him,  I  found  him 
like  a  big  child  to  be  watched  and  guarded.  I 
could  trust  my  Pierre  more  than  most  women  trust 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  257 

their  men,  but  there  were  bold  women  who  smiled 
at  him  and  there  were  bad  men  who  tempted  him. 
Men  are  well  enough  when  they  are  not  tempted, 
but  sometimes  I  think  that  all  the  world  is  doing 
nothing  else.  So  as  soon  as  Grandmother  Bat- 
taille  left  her  grandson  for  a  moment  and  Pierrot 
was  in  his  bed  for  his  nap,  I  went  in  to  see 
Gaston. 

"  Gaston, "  I  said.  "  Here  is  my  Pierrot  because 
of  you  made  a  father  before  he  is  seven  months 
old." 

"What  is  that?"  said  Gaston. 

"The  noble  judge  has  permitted  you  to  begin 
your  life  again.  But  you  remember  what  he  said. 
He  said  that  my  Pierrot  must  be  responsible  for 
you." 

"You  need  have  no  fear  of  me,"  said  Gaston. 
"But  as  for  what  he  said  about  Pierrot — that  was 
only  a  jest. " 

"I  do  not  like  to  hear  you  say  that,  Gaston,"  I 
said. 

"Are  you  serious?" 

"Certainly  I  am  serious,"  I  said.  "When  my 
Pierrot  is  given  work  to  do,  he  does  not  make  light 
of  it." 

For  a  moment  Gaston  looked  at  me  and  then  I 
saw  his  cheeks  grow  red. 

"Pardon  me,  Little  Mother,"  he  said. 

"I  ask  only  that  you  give  my  Pierrot  no  cause 
to  worry, "  I  said. 

"  I  will  have  a  care, "  he  said. 

17 


258  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Then  he  was  silent  a  moment  until  he  said  as  if 
to  himself: 

"Little  Father  Pierrot!  Well  that  name  be- 
comes him.  From  the  first  he  has  been  like  a 
father." 

So  it  was  that,  after  this,  Gaston  sometimes 
spoke  of  Pierrot  as  "Little  Father  Pierrot"  until 
many  came  to  call  him  that.  At  first  I  did  not  like 
it  very  well  because  it  made  my  Pierrot  seem  so 
old,  but  after  a  few  weeks  I  saw  it  made  no 
great  difference  what  my  Pierrot  was  called.  He 
might  be  "Judge  Pierrot,"  as  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  sometimes  called  him;  he  might  be  " Prince 
Pierrot,"  as  Lucille  often  called  him;  he  might  be 
"Gendarme  Pierrot,"  as  sometimes  Grandmother 
Battaille  called  him;  or  "General  Pierrot,"  as 
Antonin  called  him;  but  always  too  he  was  just 
"Pierrot"  and  my  son. 

Now  when  Gaston  was  well  enough  to  walk  with 
the  assistance  of  a  stick,  he  began  to  talk  about 
going  home.  And  one  day  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
heard  him  talking  like  this.  Then  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  said: 

"Well,  what  are  you  going  to  do  when  you  get 
home?" 

"I  do  not  know,"  said  Gaston 

"That  is  bad,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"  It  is  when  men  do  not  know  what  they  are  going 
to  do,  that  the  devil  gets  them." 

"I  will  find  work, "  said  Gaston. 

"But  you  must  remember  that  Little  Father 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  259 

Pierrot  is  responsible  for  the  kind  of  work  you  do, M 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"  I  know, "  said  Gaston,  looking  upon  the  ground* 

"What  is  it  possible  for  you  to  do?"  said  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin. 

"  I  have  two  strong  arms  and  legs, "  said  Gaston. 

"That  is  not  enough  unless  you  go  into  the 
army, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"  I  could  do  that, "  said  Gaston. 

"That  would  be  well  enough  if  you  were  to 
serve  under  General  Pierrot, "  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

"  If  that  were  possible! "  said  Gaston  with  bright 
eyes. 

"Perhaps  it  is,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"It  is  sure  for  one  thing  that  if  Pierrot  is  to  be 
responsible  for  you,  you  must  serve  under  his 
orders.  Now  I  need  a  man  about  the  place  here. 
If  you  wish,  I  will  let  you  live  here  and  pay  you 
twenty  francs  a  week." 

When  I  heard  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  say  that,  I 
could  have  kissed  him  upon  the  cheek.  As  for 
Gaston,  he  could  not  speak  for  a  moment. 

"You  are  very  good,  Monsieur, "  he  said. 

"I  am  not,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"This  is  nothing  but  an  affair  of  business.  Do 
you  accept?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur.  And  I  will  do  everything — 
anything  you  command. " 

"You  are  under  the  orders  of  Pierrot,  not  of 
me, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 


260  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

So  that  was  how  Gaston  came  to  work  for 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  And  he  did  everything 
without  being  told.  He  washed  the  windows  and 
the  floors  and  would  have  done  that  twice  every 
day  if  I  had  permitted.  Then  he  cared  for  the 
garden  and  went  to  the  market  and  sometimes  even 
took  Pierrot  for  a  ride  in  his  carriage.  It  was  droll 
enough  to  see  this  big  man  doing  that  but  if 
anyone  laughed  to  see  it,  they  laughed  when  Gas- 
ton  could  not  see  them.  He  did  not  care  if  he 
went  through  the  village  or  not  and  sometimes  he 
met  there  Tupin.  Then,  as  he  told  me,  it  was 
always,  "Good-day,  Monsieur  Battaille, "  and 
''Good-day,  Monsieur  Tupin."  After  this  some- 
times Tupin  stopped  to  see  my  Pierrot.  Gaston 
always  told  me  what  everyone  said  to  Pierrot  and 
this  Tupin  said  once : 

"There  is  a  boy  who  some  day  will  be  a  great 
man." 

And  in  reply  Gaston  said  this: 

"He  is  a  great  man  already,  Monsieur  Tupin." 

As  for  Grandmother  Battaille,  she  went  home. 
But  once  a  week  Gaston  went  to  see  her  and 
many  times  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  sent  Jimmee 
to  bring  her  to  the  villa  to  see  Pierrot.  And 
Jimmee  was  very  droll  about  that  because  much 
of  the  distance  he  must  carry  her  in  his  arms. 

"Sacre!"  he  said  to  her  once.  "If  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  had  only  given  me  this  opportunity 
fifty  years  ago!" 


CHAPTER  XL 

MY  Pierrot  desired  to  walk  as  soon  as  possible 
and  when  he  was  seven  months  old,  he 
began  to  throw  himself  upon  the  floor  and  try  to 
creep. 

He  was  not  able  to  speak  and  tell  what  things  he 
desired  to  reach  and  so  he  determined  that  the 
best  thing  to  do  was  to  prepare  to  secure  for  him- 
self such  things.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  given 
him  a  ball  of  rubber  and  that  ball  was  always 
rolling  just  beyond  his  fingers.  At  first  when  it  did 
this,  he  turned  down  the  corners  of  his  mouth  and 
cried  until  someone  came  to  give  it  to  him.  But 
sometimes  no  one  was  near  him  and  sometimes  we 
did  not  understand  what  it  was  he  desired,  and 
this  made  much  trouble.  So  he  began  to  practise. 

At  the  beginning,  my  Pierrot  was  able  to  do 
nothing  except  to  tumble  over  upon  his  face  and 
stretch  out  his  arms.  Sometimes  he  was  able  ta 
reach  the  ball  that  way  and  sometimes  he  came 
only  near  enough  to  touch  it  with  the  ends  of  his 
fingers.  When  it  was  like  that,  he  became  very 
angry.  I  do  not  wonder  that  he  did.  It  was  as  if 
I  desired  something  very  much  and  found  my 
mouth  bound  with  a  handkerchief  so  that  I  could 
.  361 


262  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

tell  no  one,  and  my  feet  tied  together  so  that  I 
could  not  move,  and  yet  that  thing  touching  my 
fingers.  We  say  that  older  people  should  have 
patience  when  they  are  able  to  do  almost  everything 
they  please,  and  yet  we  expect  children,  who  are 
helpless,  to  have  more  patience  than  we  ourselves. 
I  know  many  women  and  men  too,  who  would 
fly  into  a  passion  if  placed  in  a  position  like 
Pierrot. 

When  my  Pierrot  was  not  able  to  reach  his  ball 
in  this  fashion,  the  next  thing  he  did  was  to  sit  up 
and  think  out  a  new  plan.  It  was  not  long  before 
he  learned  to  twist  his  body  until  he  came  a  few 
inches  nearer  and  then  fall  again  upon  his  face 
and  seize  that  ball.  Then  you  should  have  seen 
him  struggle  to  sit  up  with  the  ball  still  in  his 
hands.  When  he  accomplished  that,  he  laughed 
and  kicked  the  floor  with  his  feet,  feeling  very 
proud.  My  Pierrot  always  knew  when  he  did 
a  brave  thing,  and  if  there  was  no  one  around 
to  see  it,  why  then  he  cried,  "Bravo!"  to  himself 
in  that  way.  He  was  not  vain,  only  he  gave 
credit  to  himself  as  he  had  a  right  to  do. 

It  was  not  many  days  before  he  found  that  by 
drawing  up  his  knees  and  pushing  with  them,  he 
was  able  to  move  forward  more  easily  than  by 
tumbling  forward.  That  was  a  great  advance. 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  I  were  watching  him 
one  day  when  he  did  this. 

"He  has  made  a  discovery — a  great  discovery!" 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  263 

"What  is  that?"  I  said,  not  understanding. 

"He  has  discovered  he  is  not  a  vegetable  to 
remain  in  one  place, "  he  said.  "Think  of  all  that 
means.  He  has  discovered  he  is  able  to  move 
by  himself.  This  is  the  beginning  of  the  end, 
Little  Mother." 

"How?"  I  said  in  some  fear. 

"  It  is  the  beginning  of  his  independence.  Until 
now  he  has  thought  that  if  he  wished  to  go  from 
one  place  to  another,  he  must  call  upon  one  of  us 
giants  about  him.  He  has  been  a  prisoner  to  us. 
Now  he  has  discovered  he  can  go  by  himself.  In 
another  month  he  will  be  able  to  cross  the  room 
alone.  In  a  few  months  after  that  he  will  be 
able  to  stagger  upon  his  feet  alone.  Then  he  will  be 
able  to  walk  alone  and  then  to  run  alone  and 
then — the  whole  world  is  before  him  and  what  do 
we  count?" 

"That  will  be  many  years  from  now, "  I  said. 

"This  is  the  beginning  of  his  life  as  separate 
from  our  lives,  Little  Mother,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

It  was  enough  to  leave  one  without  any  breath 
to  hear  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  talk  sometimes. 
He  made  such  great  things  out  of  such  little  things. 
You  would  have  thought  that  the  instant  my 
Pierrot  began  to  creep,  he  was  upon  the  point  of 
leaving  me.  For  a  few  days  I  watched  him  closely 
in  fear  lest  he  might  creep  out  the  door  and  go 
forever. 

But  there  was  something  in  what  Monsieur 


264  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Jack  Martin  said,  for  I  saw  that  even  now  my 
Pierrot  was  content  to  remain  longer  alone.  When 
he  was  able  to  move  even  a  little,  there  were  many 
things  for  him  to  do.  He  would  pursue  that  ball 
for  an  hour  across  the  floor  and  in  his  progress 
would  discover  many  new  things.  The  legs  of  the 
chairs  and  the  legs  of  the  table  were  like  new 
worlds  to  him.  He  grasped  them  in  his  hands  and 
pounded  them  with  his  fists  and  pulled  them  and 
examined  them  as  if  to  find  out  all  about  them. 
He  stopped  also  to  pick  up  in  his  fingers  and 
examine  everything  in  his  path  even  if  it  was  only 
a  small  piece  of  wood  or  a  pin  or  a  morsel  of  dust 
or  a  straw.  He  was  curious  about  everything. 
He  would  look  at  it  and  weigh  it  and  if  no  one  was 
around,  taste  of  it.  It  was  necessary  after  this  for 
someone  to  watch  him  all  the  time. 

But  my  Pierrot  was  not  content  even  with  this 
progress.  The  next  thing  he  did  was  to  grasp 
whatever  he  could  reach  above  his  head  and  try 
to  raise  himself.  He  wished. to  get  upon  his  feet. 

"  Now  that  he  has  started,  there  is  no  stopping 
him,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "He  is  ans- 
wering the  gypsy  call." 

"  But  you  forget  he  is  only  a  baby  yet, "  I  said. 

"And  you  forget  what  a  baby  is, "  he  said.  "A 
baby  is  a  young  giant.  He  is  given  legs  with 
which  to  walk  the  earth.  Think  of  all  the  miles 
he  has  before  him  to  walk." 

"  I  do  not  like  to  think  of  such  things, "  I  said. 

"You  did  not  bring  into  the  world  a  doll, — a 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  265 

plaything.  You  gave  to  the  world  a  man.  He 
cannot  begin  too  early  if  he  is  to  play  football  at 
Yale." 

"I  do  not  know  about  that  football  of  which 
you  talk  so  much, "  I  said. 

"But  you  will  when  you  hear  fifty  thousand 
people  shouting : '  Pierrot !  Yale !  Yale !  Yale ! " ' 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

It  was  this  month  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
received  from  America  many  papers  with  pictures 
of  those  men  playing  at  this  game.  When  J  saw 
them  all  covered  with  leather  and  with  their  false 
noses  looking  like  demons,  I  did  not  care  if  my 
Pierrot  never  played  that  game.  But  it  was  this 
month  also  that  Yale  triumphed  over  Harvard. 
And  the  day  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  heard  that,  he 
brought  home  to  Pierrot  a  white  jersey  upon 
which  he  had  sewed  a  big  blue  Y.  That  night 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  a  great  party  at  the 
house  with  Monsieur  Cardington  and  other  gen- 
tlemen. Gaston  served  them  this  evening,  but 
I  heard  them  until  very  late,  making  those  strange 
cries  of  Yale. 

My  Pierrot  made  such  progress  that  by  the 
beginning  of  December,  when  he  was  approaching 
his  eighth  month,  he  was  able  to  stand  alone  with 
the  help  of  a  chair.  When  he  could  do  that,  it 
was  as  if  he  grew  a  foot  in  height.  Until  then 
his  legs  gave  him  no  height  at  all.  It  was  as  if 
he  had  legs  only  for  ornament.  His  little  feet 
were  as  rosy  and  soft  as  his  cheeks.  I  liked  them 


266  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

like  that.  They  were  beautiful  and  were  made 
only  to  look  at.  It  gave  me  pleasure  to  think 
I  must  walk  for  him.  But  when  he  stood  upright, 
then  he  became  a  big  boy  in  a  minute. 

Gaston  stood  near  and  watched  him  one  day 
as  my  Pierrot  drew  himself  up. 

"That  boy  will  climb  mountains,"  he  said. 

"I  do  not  understand  why  he  should  climb 
mountains, "  I  said. 

1 '  See  how  he  pulls  himself  up  as  if  upon  a  peak, " 
said  Gaston. 

It  was  just  then  that  my  Pierrot  fell  and  struck 
his  head. 

"Yes,"  I  said,  "and  if  he  had  been  upon  a 
peak,  where  would  he  be  now? " 

"He  would  get  up  at  the  bottom  as  he  does 
now  and  laugh, "  said  Gaston. 

"I  hope  he  will  never  climb  a  mountain  higher 
than  that  chair, "  I  said. 

To  hear  those  men  talk,  you  would  think  the 
only  reason  an  infant  grew  to  a  boy  or  a  boy  to  a 
man  was  to  risk  his  life.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
would  have  him  play  at  football  with  a  false  nose 
and  a  regiment  of  men  falling  upon  him,  or  at  base- 
ball where  large  and  heavy  sticks  are  used; 
Gaston  would  have  him  climb  mountains  and  fall 
from  peaks;  Antonin  would  have  him  a  general 
and  shot,  and  if  it  must  be  that  he  was  to  be 
wounded,  I  preferred  to  have  him  wounded  for 
the  glory  of  France.  Even  Jimmee  said  that  when 
my  Pierrot  was  older,  he  would  teach  him  how  to 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  267 

steer  that  automobile  and  that  then  not  an  auto- 
mobile in  all  France  should  pass  them  on  the 
Cornice  road.  I  understood  that  from  this  minute 
I  must  watch  my  Pierrot  closer  than  ever  before 
and  I  said  that  if  ever  he  did  any  of  those  things,  I 
must  be  at  his  side. 


CHAPTER  XLI 

AS  Christmas  came  near,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
was  like  a  small  boy. 

"I  have  been  in  France  three  years  now,"  he 
said  to  me.  "And  in  all  that  time  I  have  not  had 
a  real  Christmas.  And  here  is  Pierrot,  who  has 
been  in  France  almost  eight  months,  and  he  has 
never  had  a  real  Christmas.  We  will  have  that 
different  this  year. " 

From  that  moment,  which  was  two  weeks  before 
Christmas,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  talked  of  no- 
thing else. 

"This  Pierrot  is  yet  too  small  to  receive  many 
things,"  he  said  to  me  one  day.  "But  he  is  not 
too  small  to  give.  We  shall  have  a  tree,  as  we 
have  in  America,  and  upon  that  tree  there  must 
be  something  to  all  his  friends  'From  Pierrot.'" 

This  was  the  beginning  of  many  rides  in  the 
automobile  to  Nice,  and  Pierrot  and  I  must  always 
go.  We  went  from  one  shop  to  another,  looking 
at  everything.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  carried 
Pierrot  in  his  arms  and  showed  him  all  the  beauti- 
ful things  and  if  Pierrot  held  out  his  hands  for 
anything,  then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  wished  to 
buy  that  thing.  He  would  turn  to  me  and  say: 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  269 

"What  do  you  think,  Little  Mother?  Had  we 
not  better  buy  that?" 

Mafoi,  he  would  have  bought  enough  for  every- 
one in  Beaulieu  if  I  had  not  told  him  that  Pierrot 
did  not  know  what  he  was  doing  and  held  out  his 
hands  for  everything  he  saw.  But  every  day  we 
bought  something.  First  we  bought  a  beautiful 
silk  shawl  for  Pierrot  to  give  Lucille.  I  knew  she 
liked  such  pretty  things  as  this  but  this  cost  a 
great  many  francs. 

"  I  am  afraid  it  is  too  much  to  pay, "  I  said. 

"When  Pierrot  gives  to  a  lady,  he  gives  like  a 
gentleman, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

Another  day  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  bought 
some  very  fine  black  silk  for  a  dress  for  Grand- 
mother Battaille  because  he  had  heard  her  say  to 
me  once  that  some  day  she  hoped  to  have  a  dress 
of  black  silk.  But  I  knew  that  Grandmother 
Battaille  had  not  hoped  for  anything  like  this. 

"I  am  afraid  that  is  so  fine  she  will  never  dare 
to  wear  it, "  I  said. 

"We  must  give  it  to  her  at  once  so  that  she  may 
have  it  ready  to  wear  Christmas  day, "  said  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin. 

So  that  was  done.  He  sent  Jimmee  to  bring  her 
to  the  villa  on  Monday  and  had  a  girl  from  the 
village  come  to  the  house  and  make  that  dress. 
There  were  tears  in  the  eyes  of  Grandmother 
Battaille  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  did  that. 
But  on  Christmas  day  she  was  like  a  countess. 

For  Madame  Lacroix,  who  did  not  like  him  at  all, 


270  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  bought,  for  my  Pierrot 
to  give  her,  some  very  fine  linen  for  her  beds, 
because  I  knew  that  was  what  she  desired.  Two 
sheets  would  have  been  enough,  but  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  must  have  a  dozen  sheets  and  a  half 
dozen  pillow  cases  of  the  best.  And  then  as  if 
that  were  not  enough,  he  had  a  big  "L"  made 
in  the  corners. 

It  made  me  feel  as  if  my  Pierrot  were  a  young 
prince  to  walk  behind  him  through  these  shops, 
knowing  I  had  only  to  say  what  each  one  desired. 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  never  asked  the  price.  He 
paid  enough  and  too  much  for  everything,  but 
if  I  had  not  been  with  him,  he  would  have  paid 
four  times  too  much.  He  asked  only: 

"  Is  that  good  for  Pierrot  to  give?" 

If  I  said,  "Yes,"  then  he  bought,  willing  to  pay 
whatever  the  man  demanded.  And  those  men 
knew  him  for  an  American  and  asked  as  much  as 
they  would  have  asked  a  king. 

Whenever  I  said  to  the  man,  "That  is  too  much," 
that  man  scowled  at  me  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  laughed. 

"Christmas  comes  but  once  a  year,"  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  would  say. 

"That  is  no  reason  why  you  should  pay  too 
much, "  I  said. 

For  Antonin  he  bought  a  fine  purse  of  leather 
and  into  that  placed  a  gold  piece,  "From  Pierrot." 
For  Jimmee,  from  Pierrot,  he  bought  a  new  razor 
with  a  brush  and  a  mirror. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  271 

11  If  Jimmee  is  to  continue  to  carry  Grandmother 
Battaille  in  his  arms,  he  must  not  have  whiskers 
on  his  face, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

For  Gaston  he  bought,  for  Pierrot  to  give  him,  a 
watch.  I  do  not  know  how  much  he  paid  for  that 
watch  because  he  would  not  tell  me,  but  it  was  a 
magnificent  watch.  In  the  back  of  that  watch 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  this  engraved: 

"To  Gaston  from  Pierrot;  to  a  big  brave  man 
from  a  little  brave  man. " 

When  I  saw  this,  I  could  not  keep  from  saying 
to  him: 

"  Oh,  you  are  very  good,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. " 

"Good?  Who  is  good?"  he  said  with  a 
scowl. 

"It  is  you  who  are  good,"  I  said.  "I  care  not 
what  you  say,  you  are  very  good. " 

"  Listen  to  me,  Little  Mother, "  he  said.  "  Pier- 
rot is  the  only  good  one  of  us  all — except  perhaps 
yourself. " 

"No!    No!    No!"  I  said. 

1 '  That  is  right, ' '  he  said.  ' '  Whatever  good  is  in 
us  comes  from  Pierrot. " 

Now  this  is  not  the  half  of  what  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  bought  in  the  name  of  Pierrot.  To  me, 
from  Pierrot,  he  gave  a  little  watch  of  gold  in  the 
back  of  which  he  had  this  engraved: 

"To  Little  Mother,  from  her  son. " 

Think  of  that !  A  gold  watch  such  as  a  countess 
might  have,  he  gave  to  me.  And  whenever  I 
tried  to  thank  him,  he  said  like  this: 


272  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Silence.  It  is  not  from  me,  it  is  from  Pierrot. 
Thank  him." 

After  buying  all  those  things  for  Pierrot  to  give, 
he  must  think  of  yet  other  things  for  me  to  give  all 
those  people.  Last  of  all  he  must  have  presents 
for  himself  to  give.  There  was  no  end.  Almost 
every  day  we  were  in  Nice,  going  through  those 
shops.  Always  he  carried  Pierrot  upon  his  arm 
until  those  shopkeepers  came  to  know  him  and 
ran  to  meet  him  at  the  door.  Never  would  he 
permit  me  to  think  it  was  he  who  was  buying  all 
those  things.  Always  it  was  Pierrot  until  I  felt  as 
if  Pierrot  were  the  richest  young  man  in  the  world. 
And  you  should  have  heard  those  shop-keepers 
talk  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about  my  son. 
"What  a  wonderful  boy  that  is,  Monsieur!"  and 
"What  wonderful  eyes  he  has,  Monsieur!"  and 
"Never  have  I  seen  so  fine  a  boy  of  that  age!" 
and  "Ah,  there  is  a  fine  boy!"  And  every  time 
any  of  them  spoke  like  that,  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  threw  back  his  shoulders  and  bought 
whatever  they  showed  to  him.  Then  I  saw  how 
it  was  with  them  and  no  longer  cared  for  their 
praise  of  my  Pierrot. 

Now  for  the  first  four  days  I  could  not  see  what 
my  Pierrot  could  ever  do  in  return  to  pay  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  for  his  generous  heart.  Wherever  we 
went,  I  tried  to  think  of  something  which  my 
Pierrot  could  buy  for  him  and  something  that  I 
myself  could  buy.  I  saw  many  things  I  thought 
might  please  him,  and  each  time  I  said: 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  273 

"Is  it  that  you  would  like  this  for  yourself?" 

Always  he  answered  like  this: 

"I  wish  nothing  for  myself." 

It  did  not  seem  right  that  my  Pierrot  and  I 
should  receive  everything  and  give  nothing,  but 
it  was  true  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had  already 
everything  he  wished.  It  is  difficult  to  buy  a 
present  for  such  a  man.  But  when  a  man  is  as 
good  as  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  I  think  the  good 
Lord  shows  a  way  to  return  such  goodness.  It 
is  possible  one  may  not  know  until  long  after- 
wards that  one  has  done  anything,  but  the  op- 
portunity will  come.  Pierrot  has  taught  me  that 
many  times  when  we  think  we  are  doing  nothing, 
we  are  doing  much  and  that  if  one  has  the  desire 
to  do  good,  then  good  will  be  done  even  if  we  do 
not  see. 

One  day  we  were  in  a  shop  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  with  Pierrot  on  his  arm  was  looking  at 
some  handkerchiefs  which  he  thought  would  be 
good  for  me  to  give  Lucille.  Near  him  there  was 
an  American  girl.  My  Pierrot  saw  her  and  reached 
with  his  hands  to  grasp  the  gold  chain  about  her 
neck.  She  looked  up  at  him  and  smiled,  and  I 
have  never  seen  a  more  beautiful  smile. 

"How  do  you  do?"  she  said,  taking  him  by  the 
hand,  and  speaking  in  French. 

When  she  said  that,  I  saw  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
raise  his  head  as  if  someone  had  called  him.  Then 
I  saw  him  look  into  the  eyes  of  that  girl  and  saw 
her  draw  back  a  little.  For  a  moment  they  looked 

18 


274  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

at  each  other,  saying  nothing.  Then  he  called,  in 
a  whisper,  this  name: 

"Alice." 

Even  then  she  did  not  answer  but  looked  from 
him  to  Pierrot  and  then  back  to  him.  I  stepped 
forward  when  she  did  that  and  said  to  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin: 

"  Permit  me  to  take  my  son,  Monsieur. " 

But  Pierrot  clung  to  him  and  reached  out  his 
hands  again  to  the  pretty  mademoiselle,  laughing 
as  he  did  that. 

Then  she  held  out  her  hand  to  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  and  said: 

"  How  do  you  do,  Jack?  " 

"You  are  here  in  Nice,  Alice?"  he  said. 

"Yes,  Jack,"  she  said  with  her  face  very  red. 
"And  you?" 

"I  am  living  at  Beaulieu,"  he  said.  "This  is 
Pierrot,  and  this  is  Little  Mother, "  he  said  as  he 
turned  to  me. 


CHAPTER  XLII 

FOR  a  minute  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and 
Mademoiselle  Alice  talked  in  English  and  I 
did  not  understand,  but  I  thought  she  was  anxious 
to  depart.  Then  he  asked  her  a  question  of  which 
I  understood  only  the  word  "To-night,"  and  I 
saw  her  cheeks  grow  very  red.  Then  she  said  in 
French: 

"Of  what  use  is  it?" 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  answered  in  French  and 
said: 

"Pierrot  here  is  preparing  for  Christmas.  He 
would  like  very  much  if  you  would  help. " 

Pierrot  reached  out  his  arms  to  Mademoiselle 
Alice  as  if  he  understood  and  desired  to  make  her 
welcome. 

"See.  He  wishes  to  go  to  you, "  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

Mademoiselle  Alice  looked  at  me  and  then  at 
Pierrot  and  then  held  out  her  arms  and  took  my 
son.  My  Pierrot  liked  her  at  once.  I  could  see 
that.  I  myself  liked  her  at  once,  for  she  had  a 
very  gentle  face  and  her  eyes  were  blue  and 
innocent.  But  she  did  not  know  how  to  hold  my 
Pierrot.  You  would  have  thought  he  was  a 

275 


276  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

bundle,  the  way  she  held  him.  So  after  a  moment 
I  took  him  from  her. 

Then  once  more  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  asked 
that  question,  and  I  thought  he  was  asking  if  he 
might  come  to  see  her  that  night.  I  do  not  under- 
stand why  Mademoiselle  Alice  was  so  long  in  say- 
ing "Yes."  There  are  few  women  who  would 
hesitate  if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  asked  such  a 
question.  At  last  she  nodded  her  head.  I  heard 
her  say  "H6tel  Angleterre"  and  I  was  very  glad 
she  had  given  her  permission  because  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  looked  very  happy. 

After  Mademoiselle  Alice  had  gone,  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  again  took  Pierrot  in  his  arms. 

"My  boy,"  he  said,  "if  it  had  not  been  for 
you,  I  might  not  have  seen  her. " 

"She  is  an  old  friend,  Monsieur?"  I  said. 

"An  old  friend  and  a  young  friend,  Little 
Mother, "  he  said. 

We  did  not  remain  very  long  in  the  shops  after 
this,  for  the  thoughts  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
were  somewhere  else  as  I  saw.  And  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  did  not  eat  much  dinner  that  night 
though  I  cooked  for  him  beefsteak. 

"You  are  not  well,  Monsieur?"  I  said. 

"Why  do  you  ask  that?"  he  said. 

"Your  dinner, "  I  said. 

"I  am  saving  my  hunger  for  Christmas,"  he 
said  with  a  laugh. 

Now  when  I  made  my  Pierrot  ready  for  bed  that 
night,  I  thought  of  nothing  but  this  Mademoiselle 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  277 

Alice.  I  knew  nothing  of  her  except  what  I  had 
seen  during  those  few  minutes  and  yet  I  thought 
that  if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  should  ever  choose 
a  woman  for  a  wife,  it  would  be  a  woman  like 
Mademoiselle  Alice.  Her  eyes  were  gentle  as 
those  of  a  dove  and  yet  she  had  an  air  I  have  seen 
only  among  the  women  of  America.  It  made  one 
believe  that  it  was  her  love  and  not  the  love  of 
her  father  and  mother  a  man  must  win.  And  it 
made  one  feel  that  to  win  that  love,  it  was  neces- 
sary for  the  lover  to  be  a  big  man.  Because  she 
hesitated  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  asked 
permission  to  see  her,  I  thought  it  was  not  possible 
she  knew  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  very  well.  While 
I  was  thinking  these  things,  I  saw  my  Pierrot 
looking  at  me.  I  kissed  the  top  of  his  head. 

"My  son, "  I  said,  "I  think  that  in  showing  this 
Mademoiselle  Alice  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  you 
have  done  a  great  thing.  I  do  not  know,  but  I 
know  I  have  never  seen  him  look  at  a  woman  as  he 
looked  at  her.  Now  if  it  is  possible  she  does  not 
know  what  a  noble  man  he  is  and  what  a  good 
man  he  is  and  what  a  wonderful  man  he  is,  then 
you  must  help  her  to  know.  You  understand,  my 
son?" 

Then  Pierrot  smiled  at  me  and  placed  his  cheek 
against  my  cheek.  There  was  something  in  the 
way  my  Pierrot  did  that  which  made  me  very 
glad.  What  I  write  down  here,  I  write  for  myself 
and  so  I  must  be  very  careful  to  tell  everything 
just  as  it  was,  I  was  very  glad  my  Pierrot  placed 


278  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

his  cheek  against  my  cheek  at  this  time  because 
it  was  as  if  he  said  like  this : 

"Yes — there  are  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and 
Mademoiselle  Alice  but  also  here  are  you  and  I. 
We  will  do  what  we  can,  but  whatever  comes  of 
this,  always  there  will  be  left  you  and  I. " 

That  is  what  I  thought  my  Pierrot  said  to 
me  this  night,  and  it  made  me  very  happy.  I 
asked  myself  and  I  ask  myself  now  if  I  was  jeal- 
ous even  a  little  because  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
turned  from  my  Pierrot  almost  at  once  to  Made- 
moiselle Alice.  I  do  not  like  that  word  jealous, 
but  if  there  was  anything  like  that  in  my  heart,  I 
wish  to  say  so.  I  do  not  think  there  was,  because 
whatever  I  felt,  it  brought  me  closer  to  my  Pierrot 
and  nothing  bad  could  do  that.  When  we  three 
were  in  the  shops,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and 
Pierrot  were  always  together,  and  I  walked 
behind  and  could  not  carry  my  Pierrot.  I  do  not 
like  to  think  I  was  selfish  or  ungrateful,  but  some- 
times I  thought  that  if  I  were  alone  there  with  my 
Pierrot  and  even  if  we  had  only  a  few  sous  to  spend, 
I  would  feel  more  that  I  was  sharing  this  Christmas 
with  my  Pierrot.  So  when  Mademoiselle  Alice 
came,  I  was  both  glad  and  not  glad.  It  is  not 
very  easy  to  put  into  words  just  how  I  felt  two 
different  ways,  but  I  know  clearly  just  how  I  did 
feel.  I  know  that  this  evening  I  felt  both  glad 
and  not  glad  because  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  had 
gone  to  call  upon  Mademoiselle  Alice.  But  by 
the  time  my  Pierrot  was  in  bed,  I  felt  only  glad 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  279 

because  never  before  had  Pierrot  seemed  so  much 
not  like  my  baby  but  like  my  son. 

One  may  have  friends — the  best  friends  in  the 
world  like  Monsieur  Jack  Martin — and  yet  in  an 
hour  those  friends  may  find  other  friends  and  one 
has  lost  something.  But  when  one  has  a  son,  then 
that  son  remains  a  son  forever.  He  cannot  in  an 
hour  find  another  mother.  It  is  possible,  of  course, 
that  a  son  may  marry.  I  know  nothing  about 
that.  It  did  not  concern  me  when  my  Pierrot  was 
not  one  year  old.  All  I  know  is  what  I  felt 
that  night ;  all  the  friends  I  had  might  go  and  this 
would  only  leave  me  more  alone  with  my  son. 
Now  that  is  very  wonderful.  To  be  left  alone  by 
oneself — that  is  unhappiness;  to  be  left  alone  with 
one's  son — that  is  happiness.  And  that  is  true 
even  if  one  has  a  son  only  eight  months  old. 

I  placed  Pierrot  in  his  bed  and  kissed  his  temple 
as  he  lay  with  his  head  upon  one  arm,  and  then  for 
the  first  time  in  many  weeks  I  sat  near  him  in  the 
dark  and  sang  to  myself.  I  sat  near  my  son  while 
he  slept,  and  was  very  happy.  I  felt  again  as  I 
felt  that  first  week  Pierrot  came  when  Madame 
Lacroix  went  out  of  the  room  and  left  me  alone 
with  my  son  for  the  night.  I  felt  again  as  I  felt 
when  Pierrot  and  I  were  alone  upon  the  side  of  the 
mountain  with  only  the  stars  for  company.  And 
if  I  am  selfish  or  not  selfish,  I  must  say  that  of  all 
the  hours  I  have  had  with  my  Pierrot,  none  are 
as  pleasant  as  such  hours  as  these.  It  was  then 
and  only  then  that  I  felt  with  every  breath  I  drew, 


280  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

the  joy  and  honour  of  being  the  mother  of  my 
son. 

And  I  felt  like  that  also  with  every  breath  my 
Pierrot  drew.  As  I  heard  him,  I  said  to  myself: 

"You  are  breathing  because  I  gave  you  life. 
Your  heart  is  part  of  my  heart  and  the  blood  in 
your  veins  is  from  my  veins.  You  are  there  be- 
cause I  am  here.  Nothing  can  happen  ever  to 
change  that.  Men  may  give  you  honour;  women 
may  give  you  love,  but  it  is  I  who  gave  you  life." 

So  I  sat  there  in  the  dark,  thinking  of  nothing 
but  my  son  until  Gaston,  fearing  there  was  some- 
thing wrong,  came  to  the  door  and  rapped  gently. 

"What  do  you  wish?"  I  said. 

"Why  is  it  that  you  are  remaining  so  long  with 
Pierrot?"  said  Gaston. 

"  Because  he  is  my  son, "  I  said. 

"He  is  well?" 

"  He  is  well  and  sleeping, "  I  said.  "  I  will  come 
down  in  a  little  while. " 


CHAPTER  XLIII 

IT  was  difficult  to  make  a  holiday  for  my  Pierrot 
because  every  day  was  to  him  like  a  holiday. 
He  was  not  like  older  people  who,  if  they  wish  to 
make  themselves  very  happy  must  do  something 
especial.  To  wake  up  in  the  morning  was  holiday 
enough  for  Pierrot.  He  would  raise  his  head  from 
the  pillow  and  look  about  at  the  light  and  the  bed 
and  the  walls  and  at  me  and  begin  to  laugh  as  if  he 
had  seen  none  of  these  things  before.  Even  his 
own  hands  and  his  own  toes  were  always  wonder- 
ful enough  to  amuse  him  for  an  hour.  And  when 
I  held  out  my  arms  to  him,  that  was  a  great  ad- 
venture. He  could  not  have  been  more  pleased 
if  he  were  going  to  sea,  for  even  if  he  had  gone  to 
sea  on  a  long  journey,  that  would  have  meant 
nothing  but  going  to  sea  in  my  arms.  It  would 
have  been  only  I  who  was  travelling.  He  left 
all  those  things  to  me.  That  shows  how  really  my 
Pierrot  was  still  nothing  but  part  of  me  even  if  now 
he  was  able  to  move  about  a  little.  I  might  go  here 
or  go  there,  but  as  for  him,  he  lived  his  life  in  my 
arms,  caring  not  if  that  was  in  France  or  in  America. 
Until  Christmas  day  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was 

more  in  Nice  than  he  was  at  home. 

281 


282  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"I  leave  everything  to  you  and  Pierrot,"  he 
said.  "I  think  Mademoiselle  Alice  will  be  here 
with  her  aunt  on  Christmas  day. " 

But  it  was  not  until  the  night  before  Christmas 
that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  sure  of  that,  and 
then  he  came  home  very  happy.  The  next  morn- 
ing he  did  nothing  but  walk  around  the  house  and 
look  at  his  watch  every  few  minutes  while  Gaston 
and  I  tied  scarlet  ribbons  everywhere.  He  had 
bought  a  tree  which  we  placed  in  the  big  room. 
But  he  would  not  permit  anyone  to  touch  that 
tree. 

"Mademoiselle  Alice  will  arrange  the  tree," 
he  said. 

I  was  glad  of  this  because  I  had  much  to  do  in 
the  kitchen.  I  was  also  as  glad  as  he  himself 
when  the  time  arrived  for  him  to  go  in  the  auto- 
mobile and  bring  home  Mademoiselle  Alice  and  her 
aunt.  When  he  went,  Gaston  came  to  me  and 
said: 

"Is  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  about  to  marry?" 

Gaston  made  me  hold  my  breath  when  he  said 
that.  I  do  not  know  why,  because  I  myself 
thought  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  liked  this  Made- 
moiselle Alice  very  much.  But  Gaston  spoke  as 
if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  were  about  to  marry  this 
same  day. 

"Why  do  you  say  that,  Gaston?"  I  said. 

"  I  have  my  two  eyes, "  said  Gaston. 

"I  know,"  I  said.  "But  do  not  talk  as  if  it 
were  to  be  at  once. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  283 

"Monsieur  Jack  Martin  does  everything  at 
once,"  said  Gaston. 

Now  that  was  true  but  I  could  not  believe  he 
would  do  such  a  thing  as  this  in  a  minute.  And 
when  it  was  near  like  that,  it  took  my  thoughts 
from  Christmas  to  other  things.  It  made  me 
wonder  where  my  Pierrot  and  I  would  go  if  such  a 
thing  as  this  happened. 

"We  must  wait, "  I  said  to  Gaston. 

Mademoiselle  Alice  and  her  aunt  came  in 
advance  of  the  other  guests,  and  Mademoiselle 
Alice  began  at  once  to  make  ready  the  tree.  She 
had  not  been  in  the  villa  five  minutes  before  it 
was  as  if  she  had  been  here  always.  She  spoke  to 
Gaston  with  a  smile  as  if  she  had  known  him  many 
years,  and  she  came  into  the  kitchen  to  see  what 
I  did  and  called  me  "Little  Mother."  She  held 
my  Pierrot  in  her  arms  and  played  with  him  as  if 
she  had  known  him  since  he  was  born.  And  she 
was  so  sweet  and  so  gentle  that  everyone  felt  just 
as  she  felt.  As  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  he 
walked  behind  her  just  as  Sport  walked  behind 
him.  And  the  aunt,  whom  they  called  "Aunt 
Louise, "  remained  in  the  big  room,  reading  all  the 
papers  from  America  which  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
gave  to  her. 

I  liked  this  Mademoiselle  Alice  very  much,  but 
I  must  tell  the  truth  and  say  that  from  the  minute 
she  came  into  the  villa,  this  was  no  longer  a 
Christmas  for  Pierrot  but  a  Christmas  for  Made- 
moiselle Alice.  And  this  was  more  because  of  the 


284  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

aunt  than  because  of  Mademoiselle  Alice.  This 
aunt  looked  at  me  and  my  Pierrot  sharply  when- 
ever we  came  into  the  room.  I  did  not  know  what 
she  thought  and  I  did  not  care  what  she  thought, 
but  I  preferred  to  remain  in  the  kitchen  as  much  as 
possible  and  so,  too,  did  Pierrot.  And  so,  too,  did 
Gaston. 

"She  speaks  to  me  in  English,"  said  Gaston. 
"And  then  is  very  angry  if  I  do  not  understand. " 

When  Sport  came  near  her,  she  drew  back  her 
skirts  as  if  fearing  he  were  about  to  eat  her  feet. 
In  the  end  Sport  came  into  the  kitchen  also  and 
remained  behind  the  stove.  But  you  should 
have  seen  that  Aunt  Louise  when  after  dinner 
Lucille  and  Antonin  and  Jean  and  Grandmother 
Battaille  in  her  beautiful  silk  dress  arrived  and 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  took  them  into  the  big 
room  and  presented  them.  She  spoke  to  each  one 
in  English  and  when  they  answered  her  as  politely 
as  they  could  in  French,  then  it  was  as  if  they  had 
insulted  her. 

The  tree  was  very  beautiful  and  everyone  was 
very  happy  with  their  presents.  Pierrot  sat  upon 
the  lap  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  was  like  a 
king.  It  was  all  very  well,  but  I  know  that  the 
Christmas  for  Pierrot  did  not  begin  until  we  left 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  with  the  two  ladies  in  the 
big  room  and  came  back  into  the  kitchen.  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin  had  ordered  wine  and  cake  and 
candies,  and  cigars  for  the  three  men.  With 
Pierrot  on  a  rug  in  the  middle  of  the  floor  the  six 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  285 

of  us  sat  there  and  talked  of  my  son  and  drank  to 
his  good  health.  So  we  had  a  very  merry  Christ- 
mas after  all. 

It  was  on  this  day  that  Jean  told  me  a  great 
secret.  It  was  as  he  was  leaving  and  I  said  to  him:  - 

"  I  am  sorry  Madame  could  not  come  to  be  with 
Pierrot  on  his  first  Christmas." 

Then  Jean  turned  very  red. 

"Madame  is  very  proud,"  he  said.  "She  has 
something  to  tell  you." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  Jean?  "  I  said,  half  guessing. 

"She  commanded  me  not  to  tell  you  but  if  you 
will  say  nothing " 

"Do  not  tell  me,  Jean,"  I  said.  "But  is  it 
what  I  think?" 

"  In  June  if  all  goes  well, "  said  Jean. 

"  Oh,  I  am  so  glad  for  both  of  you ! "  I  said. 

Then  Jean  said: 

"I  think  it  was  when  the  good  Lord  saw  her 
love  for  Pierrot  that  He  became  pleased. " 

"  That  is  possible, "  I  said. 

This  was  the  best  present  brought  to  anyone 
in  all  Beaulieu  that  Christmas,  and  it  made  me 
very  proud  to  think  that  even  this  came  through 
my  Pierrot.  I  said  nothing  to  anyone  about  this 
but  I  felt  very  glad  that  night  when  I  was  alone 
again  with  my  Pierrot.  After  he  had  his  supper 
I  held  him  in  my  arms  a  little  while,  which  is 
something  I  seldom  did  at  night.  He  placed  his 
cheek  against  my  neck  and  sang  a  little  to  himself 
while  I  thought  of  what  Jean  told  me. 


286  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"The  Lord  was  pleased  when  He  saw  her  love 
for  Pierrot, "  Jean  said. 

Now  it  was  love  first  of  one  kind  and  then 
another  that  my  Pierrot  caused  to  be  born  in 
everyone.  And  because  my  Pierrot  made  every- 
one love,  he  made  them  better.  For  no  one  can 
love  a  little  baby  without  loving  at  the  same  time 
a  great  many  other  good  things.  There  was 
Lucille,  who,  because  of  love  of  my  Pierrot,  loved 
God  much  better  than  before;  there  was  Gaston, 
who,  because  of  love  of  my  Pierrot,  had  ceased 
to  be  a  thief;  there  was  Madame  Lacroix,  who 
because  of  love  of  my  Pierrot,  was  now  as  she  was; 
there  was  even  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  who, 
because  of  love  of  my  Pierrot,  had  found  Made- 
moiselle Alice.  There  was  I  myself,  who,  because 
of  my  Pierrot,  was  a  better  woman  in  a  hundred 
ways.  I  kissed  my  little  Pierrot  upon  his  head  and 
thanked  the  good  God,  who  many  years  ago  upon 
this  day  had  become  a  little  baby  Himself,  causing 
all  the  world  to  love  Him. 


CHAPTER  XLIV 

HPHIS  was  the  beginning  of  many  days  which 
1  Lucille  and  Gaston  and  I  lived  alone  with 
my  Pierrot.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  away 
from  the  villa  almost  the  whole  time.  Either  he 
was  in  Nice  with  Mademoiselle  Alice  or  he  took 
Mademoiselle  Alice  with  Aunt  Louise  on  long 
tours  through  the  country  in  his  automobile. 
Sometimes  they  were  gone  one  day  and  sometimes 
a  whole  week. 

"Manage  the  villa  to  suit  yourself,"  he  said  to 
me.  "Do  as  you  please  here  and  I  will  come  and 
go  as  it  pleases  me. " 

So  Grandmother  Battaille  came  here  to  live 
with  us  while  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  gone  and 
as  for  Pierrot  and  me,  we  were  more  out  of  the 
house  than  in.  My  Pierrot  liked  the  broad  sky 
overhead  and  liked  the  flowers  and  the  birds  and 
the  long  Cornice  road.  So  almost  every  morning 
when  the  weather  was  fair  I  sent  Gaston  for 
Lucille  while  I  put  lunch  for  three  of  us  in  a  box 
and  then,  leaving  Grandmother  Battaille  to  guard 
the  house,  we  walked  either  towards  St.  Jean  or 
towards  Monaco  or  back  up  into  the  mountains. 
There  were  a  hundred  places  that  Lucille  wished 

287 


288  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

my  Pierrot  to  see  and  there  were  a  hundred  more 
that  Gaston  wished  my  Pierrot  to  see.  As  for 
me,  I  did  not  care  where  we  went.  When  my 
Pierrot  was  with  me,  all  the  world  was  beautiful 
and  I  could  not  say  that  one  place  was  more  beau- 
tiful than  another.  However,  to  keep  peace  be- 
tween Lucille  and  Gaston,  I  always  said  the  last 
place  was  more  beautiful  than  any  we  had  yet 
visited. 

These  two  were  very  amusing  about  my  Pierrot. 
When  we  walked,  Gaston,  who  was  big  enough  to 
carry  Lucille  in  his  pocket,  always  carried  my  son 
but  when  we  stopped  to  rest,  then  he  must  give 
my  son  at  once  to  Lucille.  They  were  not  jealous 
but  each  liked  to  give  orders  to  the  other.  Lucille 
said  to  Gaston  the  day  we  went  towards  St.  Jean: 

"You  are  too  big,  you  giant,  to  care  for  so  small 
an  infant. "  And  Gaston  said  to  Lucille: 

"You  are  too  small,  my  child,  to  care  for  so  big 
a  boy." 

"  He  has  fear  of  you,  you  are  so  big,"  said  Lucille. 

"And  he  has  fear  of  himself  because  you  are  so 
small, "  said  Gaston. 

To  keep  peace  it  was  necessary  for  me  to  take 
Pierrot  myself  but  when  we  stopped  to  rest,  then, 
to  keep  peace,  it  was  necessary  to  spread  a  blanket 
upon  the  earth  and  permit  Pierrot  to  play  in  the 
middle  where  we  could  all  watch  him. 

But  such  quarrels  could  not  endure  long  when 
my  Pierrot  was  near.  With  Pierrot  we  were  all 
little  children.  Sport,  who  came  with  us,  was  the 


The  broad  sky  overhead  and  the  flowers  and  the  birds  and 
the  long  Cornice  road 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  289 

only  one  who  preserved  his  dignity.  He  was  like 
an  old  soldier  and  marched  before  us  with  an  air 
to  other  dogs  which  said : 

"  I  can  play  with  no  one  because  I  am  the  guard 
of  this  expedition.  There  are  four  children  behind 
me  and  I  must  have  a  care  that  they  return  safely." 

When  we  rested,  Sport  always  sat  a  little  dis- 
tance from  us  near  the  road  and  lay  with  his  head 
between  his  front  feet  with  his  ears  straight  in  the 
air  to  catch  the  first  sound  of  anyone  who  ap- 
proached. He  looked  at  us  from  the  corner  of 
one  eye  like  an  old  grandmother  at  her  knitting 
who  watches  her  grandchildren  upon  the  floor. 
It  was  droll  to  see  that  dog  when  Gaston,  to  make 
my  Pierrot  laugh,  walked  upon  his  hands  and 
knees  like  a  lion  and  roared.  Then  it  was  as  if  he 
said: 

"Well,  children  must  be  children  but  I  do  not 
see  the  reason  why  they  should  be  fools  also. " 

Often  he  was  disgusted  with  Gaston.  And  yet 
if  my  Pierrot  ordered,  Sport  also  could  play  the 
fool.  I  have  seen  Pierrot  hold  his  arms  to  him 
and  that  dog  would  leave  his  position  instantly 
and  come.  Then  my  Pierrot  would  pound  him  and 
pull  his  ears  and  seize  his  tail  and  cause  him  to  look 
as  undignified  as  Gaston.  And  Sport  would  look 
ashamed  but  say  nothing.  So  if  Pierrot  caused 
Gaston  to  act  like  a  small  boy,  he  also  made  Sport 
act  like  a  puppy.  And  when  that  dog  was  per- 
mitted to  depart,  he  still  kept  one  eye  upon  Pierrot 
as  if  willing  to  be  called  again. 

.   19 


290  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Now  that  is  one  thing  my  Pierrot  was  always 
able  to  do — to  take  everyone,  whether  dog  or  bird, 
or  man  or  woman,  or  Frenchman  or  American,  or 
rich  man  or  beggar,  or  countess  or  peasant,  and 
make  them  to  him  all  the  same.  To  my  Pierrot 
it  was  as  if  there  were  no  differences  between 
people.  He  was  able  to  make  everyone  forget 
everything  except  that  once  they  had  been  little 
children  like  himself. 

Now  this  day  that  we  went  towards  St.  Jean, 
we  were  sitting  beneath  an  olive  tree  back  from  the 
road;  Pierrot  was  between  us  and  we  were  eating 
our  lunch  when  we  heard  the  sound  of  an  automo- 
bile. Then  there  was  a  noise  like  a  pistol  and  the 
automobile  stopped.  Sport  ran  barking  to  the 
road  and  Gaston  followed  to  see  what  had  hap- 
pened. From  where  I  sat  I  saw  two  beautiful 
women  and  a  man  who  looked  as  if  he  might  be  a 
count.  The  chauffeur  stepped  from  the  machine 
and  then  he  saw  that  something  had  broken.  He 
spoke  to  the  man  and  the  man  spoke  to  the  women, 
and  they  all  stepped  from  the  automobile.  They 
were  angry  because  it  was  necessary  to  wait. 
The  chauffeur  called  to  Gaston  and  he  went  to 
help.  Then  my  Pierrot  began  to  laugh  so  loud 
that  one  of  the  women  looked  towards  me.  Then 
with  the  man  they  all  approached.  Lucille  rose  to 
her  feet  and  so  did  I,  but  my  Pierrot  only  con- 
tinued to  laugh  at  them.  I  heard  one  of  the 
women  say  this: 

"What  a  beautiful  child!" 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  291 

They  came  nearer  and  the  man  said  this: 

"Is  this  your  child?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

I  will  say  truly  that  I  was  very  proud  to  be 
able  to  say  that.  I  would  not  have  been  any  more 
proud  if  I  had  been  able  to  say :  "This  is  my  beau- 
tiful estate,"  or  "This  is  my  beautiful  sea,"  or 
even  "This  is  all  my  beautiful  world. " 

Then  one  of  the  women  said: 

"May  we  sit  down  with  you?" 

I  made  no  answer  and  in  another  minute  those 
two  women  and  that  man  were  sitting  around  my 
Pierrot.  They  were  strangers  and  it  was  clear 
they  were  noble,  and  yet  my  Pierrot  had  called  to 
them  and  they  had  come.  If  Lucille  and  I  had  sat 
there  a  whole  year,  this  would  not  have  happened. 
They  were  noble  and  we  were  no  one  and  they 
cared  nothing  about  us.  But  even  if  they  were 
noble,  they  had  once  been  children  and  my  Pierrot 
was  as  noble  now  as  they  had  been  then,  so  that 
was  enough.  My  Pierrot  cared  nothing  if  they 
were  kings  and  queens,  if  they  were  rich  or 
poor.  He  cared  only  if  they  were  able  to 
laugh. 

It  was  good  to  see  those  strangers  laugh.  It 
was  not  long  before  I  forgot  everything  and  Lucille 
forgot  everything  except  Pierrot.  We  laughed 
with  those  noble  strangers  to  see  Pierrot  try  to 
crawl  first  towards  one  and  then  the  other.  He 
caught  his  feet  in  his  skirts  and  rolled  over  like  a 
ball.  When  he  did  that,  he  only  laughed  louder 


292  '  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

and  rose  to  his  hands  and  knees  to  begin  again. 
Now  it  was  not  possible  that  these  three  strangers 
had  never  before  seen  a  baby  do  such  things,  and 
yet  they  watched  and  laughed.  So  you  see  it  was 
not  just  a  baby  but  my  Pierrot  who  gave  them 
such  good  entertainment.  As  for  Lucille  and 
myself,  we  had  seen  this  a  hundred  times  and  yet 
we  laughed  also.  For  those  few  minutes  we  were 
all  one  company. 

When  the  chauffeur  approached  and  touched 
his  hat  and  said  all  was  ready  to  go  on  again, 
the  gentleman  drew  a  gold  piece  from  his  pocket 
and  tossed  it  to  Pierrot. 

"  Here  is  a  pretty  toy  for  you, "  he  said. 

Pierrot  did  not  at  all  care  for  that  piece  of  gold 
and  I  myself  did  not.  I  was  glad  when  Pierrot 
took  it  in  his  hand  and  threw  it  from  him  as  he 
did  a  ball.  I  do  not  like  people  to  think  that 
everything  can  be  paid  for  in  pieces  of  gold.  But 
the  gentleman  only  laughed. 

"  There  is  extravagance !  He  tosses  it  away  like 
a  stone." 

It  was  one  of  the  women  who  spoke  with  under- 
standing. 

"What  is  gold  to  him? "  she  said.  " He  has  the 
world  at  his  feet. " 

So  they  nodded  good-bye  and  returned  to  their 
automobile.  When  Gaston  came  back  to  us,  his 
eyes  were  big. 

"  Do  you  know  who  that  was?  "  he  said. 

"No,  "I  said. 


•  -ym^^^y- 


^i^Wm^^ , 

lf/-MSFjt^ 


--• 


Monaco 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  293 

"Well,"  said  Gaston,  "that  was  the  Prince  of 
Monaco  to  whom  you  were  talking." 

"  It  matters  nothing  to  me  what  men  call  him, " 
I  said.  "To  me  he  is  only  a  friend  of  Pierrot. 
Take  his  gold  piece,  Gaston.  My  Pierrot  does 
not  care  for  such  things." 


CHAPTER  XLV 

I  DO  not  think  in  advance  what  I  shall  write  here 
and  what  I  shall  not  write.  Each  day  I  write 
of  what  I  think  first  as  I  remember  those  days 
when  Gaston  and  Lucille  and  I  lived  as  if  we  had 
nothing  else  to  do  in  the  world  except  to  live  and  be 
happy  with  Pierrot.  One  time,  when  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  had  been  away  a  whole  week,  I  said 
to  him: 

"It  does  not  seem  right  that  I  should  do 
nothing,  Monsieur." 

"Is  it  that  you  are  doing  nothing?"  he  said 
tome. 

"For  Pierrot  and  myself  every  day  is  like  a/2te 
day, "  I  said. 

"Is  that  nothing?"  he  said. 

"For  us  it  is  much, "  I  said.     "  It  is  too  much. " 

"I  do  not  understand.     Does  it  tire  you?" 

" It  is  wonderful, "  I  said.  "Oh,  Monsieur,  it  is 
as  if  Pierrot  were  a  prino-;." 

Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  stood  in  front  of 
me  and  looked  at  me  sadly. 

"Little  Mother,"  he  said,  "when  it  is  possible 
for  a  man  or  a  man-child  to  feel  like  a  prince,  for 
the  love  of  God  do  nothing  to  prevent  it.  This  is 

294 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  295 

the  age  of  love  for  Pierrot.  Never  again  will 
love  come  to  him  in  such  sweet  form  as  now.  He 
loves  now  like  the  angels — apart  from  men.  When 
he  loves  like  a  man,  then  he  must  suffer  like  a 
man." 

That  was  all  he  said,  but  he  spoke  so  gently  and 
with  such  sadness  in  his  eyes  that  he  made  me  sad 
also.  It  was  clear  that  if  he  loved  this  Mademoi- 
selle Alice,  it  was  with  a  love  that  brought  pain. 
That  did  not  seem  possible  but  it  was  what  he  said. 
I  did  not  understand  how  a  young  girl  with  such 
gentle  eyes  could  bring  pain  to  such  a  strong  man. 
I  did  not  like  her  because  of  this.  I  tried  to  think 
of  something  of  comfort  I  could  say  to  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  but  there  was  nothing  which  a  woman 
like  me  could  say  to  such  a  man. 

"I  think  Pierrot  is  sad  when  he  does  not  see 
you, "  I  said. 

He  looked  up  when  I  said  that. 

11  Honest? "  he  said  as  if  pleased.  "  Where  is  he 
now?" 

So  I  brought  Pierrot  to  him  and  he  took  him 
in  his  arms  and  walked  with  him  as  he  walked  with 
him  the  first  time  he  saw  him.  It  was  not  long 
before  my  Pierrot  made  him  laugh.  When 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  returned  my  Pierrot  to  me 
he  said: 

"Permit  him  to  remain  in  his  fairy  kingdom  as 
long  as  possible." 

"Pierrot  would  be  glad  if  he  could  take  you 
with  him, "  I  made  bold  to  say. 


296  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

11  Perhaps  some  day  he  will, "  he  said. 

When  I  write  of  these  days,  I  try  to  see  them  as 
I  saw  then  and  not  as  I  see  now.  What  I  see  now 
does  not  matter.  What  I  see  now  has  nothing  to 
do  with  my  Pierrot  at  that  time.  I  did  not  then 
see  in  advance  of  each  day,  and  as  I  write  this  I 
do  not  wish  to  see  in  advance  of  each  day.  That  is 
why  I  am  putting  down  all  these  things  so  that  I 
may  remember  as  I  saw  then  and  not  as  I  see  now. 

It  was  a  wonderful  world  through  which  my 
Pierrot  led  me  with  his  little  hand  in  mine  during 
these  months.  And  though  his  hand  was  so 
small  and  his  little  legs  so  weak,  that  hand  was 
big  enough  to  help  everyone  and  those  legs  steady 
enough  to  lead  us  all  into  his  fairy  kingdom.  It 
was  a  world  all  of  sunshine  and  blue  sky.  I 
suppose  it  rained  sometimes  but  I  do  not  remember 
any  rain.  I  suppose  that  sometimes  the  sky  was 
black,  but  I  cannot  remember  any  black  sky.  I 
see  only  one  day  after  another  clear  and  bright. 
To  remember  those  days  is  like  remembering 
Heaven.  And  as  they  were  then,  so  I  wish  always 
to  remember  them.  To  me  it  does  not  seem  kind 
to  those  we  love  to  remember  only  the  sad  things 
about  them  as  many  do. 

There  is  the  day  we  started  early  and  went  up 
into  the  mountains  to  find  that  cuckoo.  Gaston 
often  made  a  noise  like  a  cuckoo  to  make  my 
Pierrot  laugh,  and  to  see  him  move  his  arms 
like  wings.  So  one  evening  Gaston  said: 

"I  have  told  Pierrot  many  times  that  I  would 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  297 

take  him  to  see  that  cuckoo.  Well,  why  can  we 
not  go  to-morrow?" 

"I  am  willing,"  I  said. 

"It  is  our  duty,"  said  Gaston.  "That  cuckoo 
needs  again  to  see  Pierrot  in  order  to  strengthen 
his  faith  in  that  story  he  is  telling." 

"To  listen  to  you,  one  would  think  that  cuckoo 
really  told  that  story, "  I  said. 

"You  do  not  know  about  birds  as  Pierrot  and  I 
do,"  said  Gaston. 

"I  know  everything  my  Pierrot  knows,"  I  said. 

"How  is  that  possible?"  said  Gaston.  "You 
are  only  a  woman." 

Gaston  liked  to  talk  like  this.  It  pleased  him 
to  think  that  because  my  Pierrot  was  a  boy, 
then  there  were  many  things  which  I  could  not 
understand. 

"Bah!"  I  said.  "It  is  the  women  who  know 
everything — both  about  themselves  and  about 
men." 

"You  tell  that  to  Pierrot  and  you  will  see  him 
smile,"  said  Gaston. 

So  that  night,  when  I  was  making  my  Pierrot 
ready  for  bed,  I  said  to  him  like  this : 

"My  son,  you  must  have  no  secrets  from  your 
mother.  You  need  not  fear  to  tell  me  everything 
— even  what  Gaston  tells  to  you.  Men  know  only 
what  men  know  and  sometimes  that  is  not  very 
much,  but  a  woman  knows  what  women  know 
who  are  the  mothers  of  men.  You  understand, 
my  son?  You  have  no  secrets  from  me,  eh?" 


298  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

And  then,  while  I  held  my  breath,  it  was  even 
as  Gaston  said — my  Pierrot  smiled.  I  could  not 
believe  and  I  placed  him  upon  my  knee  and 
commanded  him  to  look  into  my  eyes. 

"Pierrot,"  I  said.  "You  do  not  understand! 
It  is  not  that  I  am  curious.  It  is  not  that  I  do  not 
trust  you.  It  is  only  that  I  wish  you  to  know  that 
you  and  I  are  one.  I  wish  you  to  feel  that  you 
may  think  out  loud  to  me  just  as  you  think  in 
silence  to  yourself.  I  will  not  scold  you,  my 
Pierrot.  But  I  have  lived  a  long  time,  my  son, 
and  I  understand  many  things  which  you  will  not 
understand  until  you  also  have  lived  a  long  time. 
Of  course  you  have  no  secrets  now.  I  do  not  care 
about  that  cuckoo  except  that  I  wish  you  to  begin 
even  now  to  tell  me  everything.  I  do  not  wish 
you  to  have  a  secret  even  about  that  cuckoo, 
because  it  is  a  secret.  You  understand  now? 
You  have  no  secrets  to  keep  from  your  mother — 
eh?" 

Then  once  again  my  Pierrot  smiled.  And  it 
was  exactly  as  if  he  did  have  a  secret.  It  was  a 
very  wise  smile  such  as  I  have  seen  men  smile  at 
women.  I  did  not  like  this.  I  put  my  arms 
around  my  son  and  drew  him  tight  to  me.  I  did 
not  blame  Gaston.  It  was  not  his  fault.  It  was 
the  fault  of  all  men  who  keep  secrets  from  women. 
I  think  that  is  why  men  and  women  do  not  under- 
stand each  other  better.  That  is  why  men  do  not 
better  understand  their  wives  and  why  mothers 
do  not  better  understand  their  sons.  It  is  not 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  299 

right.  So  I  held  my  Pierrot  in  my  arms  for  a 
long  time  until  he  almost  fell  asleep  before  he 
was  ready  for  bed. 

But  although  I  had  great  fear  at  first,  I  began 
to  see  that  after  all  my  Pierrot  perhaps  meant 
nothing  by  that  smile.  It  was  possible  he  tried 
to  tease  me.  It  was  possible  he  smiled  only  as  he 
always  smiled  when  I  spoke  to  him.  I  said  to 
myself  that  when  he  was  able  to  talk,  then  it 
would  be  different.  He  could  not  tell  me  anything 
now  even  if  he  desired.  So  I  felt  calmer  in  my 
mind  and  gave  him  his  supper  and  placed  him  in 
his  bed. 

But  after  that  I  sat  by  his  bed  for  a  long  time. 
I  thought  over  what  I  would  do  when  he  was  able 
to  talk.  I  said  to  myself  that  every  night  I  would 
ask  him  to  tell  all  that  had  happened  during  the 
day.  I  would  lead  him  to  tell  me  everything  and 
so  together  we  would  grow  day  by  day.  I  saw  that 
I  must  go  back  to  the  time  when  I  also  was  a  little 
baby  and  grow  from  there  with  him.  He  would 
tell  me  all  he  learned  as  a  man  and  I  would  tell 
him  all  I  learned  as  a  woman,  and  so  he  would 
know  both  sides.  Then  he  would  be  able  to  know 
both  men  and  women  and  would  be  able  to  judge 
more  fairly  both  men  and  women.  If  he  was  to  be 
a  noble  judge,  that  was  necessary. 

But  I  did  not  tell  Gaston  that  my  Pierrot  had 
smiled  when  I  asked  him  that  question.  I  knew 
he  would  not  understand,  for  after  all  Gaston  was 
nothing  but  a  man. 


CHAPTER  XLVI 

PIERROT  and  I  and  Gaston  and  Lucille  started 
1  early  the  next  morning  to  go  up  into  the 
mountains  and  find  that  cuckoo.  Gaston  with 
Pierrot  in  his  arms  walked  rapidly  through  the 
village  and  Lucille  and  I  followed.  It  was  this 
morning  we  met  Monsieur  Tupin.  He  put  himself 
in  our  path,  so  that  it  was  necessary  to  speak  to 
him. 

"Good-morning,  Monsieur  Battaille,"  he  said. 

"  Good-morning,  Monsieur  Tupin, "  said  Gaston. 

"It  goes  well  with  you?"  said  Monsieur  Tupin. 

"Well  enough,"  said  Gaston.  "And  with  you, 
Monsieur  Tupin?  " 

"Very  well,"  said  Monsieur  Tupin.  "It  goes 
well  with  Pierrot  and  the  ladies?" 

"It  always  goes  well  with  Pierrot,"  said  Gaston. 
"As  for  the  ladies,  they  must  answer  for  themselves, 
Monsieur  Tupin. " 

Then  Gaston  walked  ahead  and  we  stopped  a 
moment  to  talk  with  Monsieur  Tupin.  He  said 
Pierrot  was  growing  into  a  big  boy. 

"  He  will  soon  be  as  big  as  Monsieur  Battaille, — 
eh?"  he  said. 

After  we  left  the  village  and  were  on  the  moun- 
.300  _ 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  301 

tain  road,  we  went  more  slowly,  for  Gaston  must 
stop  and  tell  Pierrot  everything  about  the  trees 
and  the  birds  and  the  flowers.  It  was  as  if  all 
things  on  the  mountain  road  were  the  property  of 
Gaston.  It  was  as  if  the  whole  mountain  were 
his  grand  estate.  It  was  so  he  felt  and  it  was  so  he 
made  us  feel.  It  was  because  of  this  that  Lucille 
called  him  King  Gaston. 

"Have  I  your  permission  to  pick  this  flower, 
King  Gaston?"  she  said. 

He  thought  she  was  laughing  at  him  at  first 
and  did  not  like  this,  but  she  continued.  A  little 
later  she  said  this: 

"Have  I  your  permission  to  rest  upon  one  of 
your  rocks,  King  Gaston?" 

Then  Gaston  said: 

"Yes,  my  Queen  Lucille." 

This  caused  Lucille  to  become  very  red  in  her 
cheeks  and  she  would  not  sit  down  at  all.  Gaston 
laughed  and  I  laughed  and  my  Pierrot  laughed, 
but  after  this  Lucille  did  not  call  Gaston  by  that 
name  any  more. 

There  was  so  much  for  my  Pierrot  to  see  in  the 
woods.  For  Lucille  and  me  it  was  enough  just  to 
be  in  the  woods  and  smell  the  trees  and  have  the 
blue  sky  above  us.  It  was  everything  together 
that  we  liked  and  saw,  but  as  for  Pierrot,  it  was 
everything  by  itself.  To  us  one  tree  was  much  like 
another  tree  and  one  flower  like  another  flower  and 
one  bird  like  another.  They  were  all  beautiful. 
But  to  my  Pierrot  every  tree  and  flower  and  bird 


302  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

and  even  every  stone  was  as  different  as  men  and 
women  are  different  from  one  another.  He  wished 
to  see  each  one  and  feel  each  one  with  his  hand. 
I  have  seen  him  hold  out  his  arms  to  a  tree  as  if 
it  were  a  man  and  talk  to  it  and  laugh  at  it.  And 
sometimes  I  thought  this  was  not  because  he  knew 
less  than  we  did  but  because  he  knew  more.  It 
was  not  because  he  had  not  learned  the  things  of 
this  world  but  had  not  yet  forgotten  the  things  of 
that  world  from  which  he  came. 

My  Pierrot  liked  even  the  little  green  lizards, 
which  I  did  not  like  at  all.  Gaston  knew  where  to 
find  those  horrible  things  beneath  the  rocks.  He 
took  great  pleasure  in  making  them  run  towards 
Lucille  and  me.  Then,  when  we  ran,  he  laughed 
and  Pierrot  laughed  with  him.  Once  he  was 
about  to  put  one  in  the  hands  of  Pierrot,  who 
desired  it,  when  I  commanded  him  not  to  do  that. 

"I  shall  take  Pierrot  away  from  you,"  I  said. 

"That  is  right, "  said  Lucille.  " He  is  not  to  be 
trusted  with  that  boy. " 

Then  Gaston  said: 

"Bah!  You  are  two  women.  Pierrot  is  a 
little  brother  to  every  beast  of  the  forest. " 

"He  is  a  brother  to  the  birds  but  not  to  the 
lizards, "  said  Lucille. 

"You  do  not  understand — you  women,"  said 
Gaston. 

"I  understand  that  a  lizard  is  not  a  plaything 
for  an  infant, "  I  said. 

"You  shall  see,"  said  Gaston.     "When  he  is  a 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  303 

little  older,  he  will  come  home  to  you  with  his 
pockets  full  of  those  lizards. " 

"Then  I  shall  not  make  for  him  any  pockets, "  I 
said. 

"Then  he  shall  use  my  pockets,"  said  Gaston. 
"  It  will  be  well  if  Pierrot  is  the  friend  of  everything 
which  lives  and  not  the  enemy." 

I  think  I  liked  better  to  walk  along  the  Cornice 
road  with  my  Pierrot  than  in  these  woods.  Here 
it  was  always  Pierrot  and  Sport  and  Gaston  on 
one  side,  and  Lucille  and  I  on  the  other.  I  did 
not  like  this  because,  as  Lucille  told  Gaston : 

"A  baby  is  a  baby.  He  is  neither  a  man  nor  a 
woman  but  only  a  baby,  and  it  is  for  women  to 
care  for  babies,  not  men. " 

To  this  Gaston  said: 

"  It  would  go  hard  with  babies  if  they  saw  only 
women.  Ma  foi,  they  would  never  be  anything 
more  than  babies  then  if  they  lived  to  be  a  hundred 
years  old." 

"Well,"  said  Lucille.  "That  is  all  men  are  as 
it  is." 

With  so  many  things  to  stop  us  we  were  a  long 
time  before  we  came  to  the  river,  but  when  we 
reached  that  running  water,  it  made  the  strange 
walk  I  had  taken  with  my  Pierrot  and  Gaston 
seem  like  yesterday.  And  the  memory  of  it 
made  me  wish  to  carry  my  Pierrot  again.  I 
took  him  from  Gaston  and  bore  him  in  my 
arms. 

"  It  was  here  we  came  when  I  ran  away  from  the 


304  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Count,"  I  said  to  Lucille.  "My  Pierrot  and 
Gaston  were  two  brave  men  that  night. " 

"  It  was  a  terrible  night, "  said  Lucille. 

"But  I  like  better  to  remember  it  than  many 
nights  when  we  were  safe  at  home, "  I  said.  "You 
walk  with  Gaston  and  permit  him  to  help  you  over 
the  rocks. " 

"Why?"  said  Lucille. 

"Because  I  wish  to  walk  alone  again  with  my 
Pierrot,"  I  said. 

So  Gaston  and  Lucille  went  in  advance  and  I  saw 
that  Gaston  was  very  tender  with  Lucille.  With 
his  big  hand  upon  her  little  arm  he  guided  her  and 
once  he  lifted  her  from  the  ground  and  carried  her 
over  a  bad  place.  Lucille  scolded  Gaston  for 
that  but  it  was  only  with  her  mouth.  Her  eyes 
showed  that  she  liked  to  feel  such  strength  as 
Gaston  had. 

As  for  me,  I  held  my  Pierrot  close  and  talked  to 
him  in  my  heart. 

"You  remember  nothing  of  that  night,  my  son," 
I  said.  "You  slept  in  my  arms  while  I  guarded 
you.  There  were  many  dangers  and  yet  you 
remember  none  of  them  and  do  not  even  remember 
that  you  were  in  my  arms.  That  is  because  the 
good  Lord  knows  that  with  a  mother  you  need 
nothing  more.  I  suppose  my  mother  guarded  me 
and  cared  for  me,  and  yet  I  remember  nothing  of 
that.  When  you  are  older,  will  you  also  forget?" 

I  asked  myself  that  and  tried  to  remember  what 
my  mother  did  for  me.  I  remembered  nothing.  I 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  305 

could  have  cried  then  because  I  could  not  remem- 
ber. Never  before  had  I  thought  of  this — that 
what  I  was  doing  for  Pierrot,  my  own  mother  had 
done  for  me,  and  yet  it  was  as  if  she  had  done 
nothing.  Whether  she  had  been  kind  to  me  or 
cruel  to  me,  it  was  all  one.  It  might  be  that  my 
Pierrot  would  be  made  to  forget  me  in  just 
this  way  to  punish  me  for  my  own  forgetfulness. 
I  drew  Pierrot  closer  to  my  breast  and  as  I 
walked,  I  made  a  little  prayer  to  my  mother.  I 
said: 

"Forgive  me,  dear  mother,  because  I  forgot,  and 
help  my  Pierrot  not  to  forget.  It  is  not  that  I  am 
proud  or  desire  reward  from  Pierrot  that  I  wish 
him  to  remember.  But  as  these  things  I  have 
done  have  made  him  even  dearer  to  me,  I  would 
have  them  make  me  even  dearer  to  him.  Forgive 
me,  mother,  and  help  me  to  remember  from  now 
on  what  you  did  for  me. " 

When  we  came  to  the  place  where  we  had  seen 
the  cuckoo,  it  was  just  as  we  left  it.  Gaston 
commanded  Lucille  to  sit  down  and  rest  and  came 
to  me  to  take  my  Pierrot. 

"You  women  are  tired,"  said  Gaston.  "But 
as  for  Pierrot  and  me,  this  is  nothing.  We  must 
find  that  cuckoo  if  we  climb  to  the  top  of  the 
mountain. " 

20 


CHAPTER  XLVII 

G ASTON  and  Pierrot  searched  everywhere  for 
that  cuckoo  but  they  did  not  find  him. 
Gaston  was  very  sorry  about  this  because  all  the 
time  he  had  told  Pierrot  he  would  find  for  him 
that  bird.  When  he  came  back  to  where  we  sat, 
he  said: 

"Well,  if  I  cannot  find  that  cuckoo,  then  I  must 
take  Pierrot  to  the  top  of  the  mountain  and  show 
him  the  hole  where  the  wolf  lives  as  I  promised 
him." 

When  Lucille  heard  that,  she  jumped  to  her  feet. 

"  Give  me  that  infant, "  she  said. 

"But  why?"  said  Gaston.  "When  I  make  a 
promise,  it  is  a  promise. " 

"You  should  not  promise  such  a  thing  as  that, " 
I  said  to  Gaston.  "  I  do  not  wish  my  son  to  play 
with  a  wolf. " 

"  It  is  wolf  enough  when  he  plays  with  Gaston, " 
said  Lucille. 

Then  Lucille  took  Pierrot  from  his  arms. 

"  If  with  you  women  Pierrot  ever  grows  to  be  a 
man,  it  will  be  a  miracle, "  said  Gaston. 

"It  is  sure  that  if  he  is  eaten  by  a  wolf  he  will 
not  grow  to  be  a  man  with  anyone, "  said  Lucille. 
.  306 


The  hole  where  the  wolves  live  in  the  mountains 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  307 

"Go  yourself  and  play  with  that  wolf  if  you  like 
his  company  better  than  our  company." 

To  keep  peace  we  placed  Pierrot  upon  a  blanket 
in  our  midst  again.  Then  Gaston  made  a  fire 
and  boiled  some  water  for  the  coffee  and  we  ate 
our  dinner.  Pierrot  played  with  some  stones 
and  was  very  happy.  He  cared  no  more  about  one 
thing  than  another.  If  he  could  not  find  a  cuckoo, 
then  he  would  play  with  a  wolf ;  if  he  could  not  have 
a  wolf,  then  he  would  amuse  himself  with  stones. 
And  all  the  time  we  talked  and  decided  things  for 
him  he  cared  nothing.  We  might  quarrel  and 
think  different  ways  but  as  for  him,  it  did  not 
matter  if  we  decided  on  the  one  thing  or  the  other. 
If  Gaston  had  been  permitted  to  take  him  to  see 
the  wolf,  he  would  have  been  happy ;  but  if  it  was 
decided  that  he  should  not  go  and  see  that  wolf, 
then  also  he  was  happy.  It  was  upon  himself  he 
depended  for  happiness  and  not  upon  other  people. 
I  liked  to  think  this  was  because  he  trusted  me  so 
perfectly,  but  sometimes  I  had  fear  it  was  only 
because  he  trusted  everyone.  Of  course,  I  desired 
my  Pierrot  to  love  everyone,  but  also  I  desired  that 
he  should  love  me  a  little  more  than  anyone  else. 
It  was  right  that  he  should  because  he  was  my  son. 

I  gave  Pierrot  his  dinner  and  then  he  went  to 
sleep  in  my  arms  while  we  sat  about  the  fire  and 
talked  in  low  voices.    It  was  Gaston  and  Lucille 
who  talked  while  I  listened.    Gaston  sat  close  to 
Lucille  and  he  said: 

II  This  is  like  home  to  me  here. " 


308  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"  I  suppose  you  would  like  to  live  in  a  hole  in  the 
side  of  the  mountain,"  said  Lucille. 

"Yes,"  said  Gaston.  "That  would  be  fine. 
And  you?  " 

"I  do  not  like  the  dark,"  said  Lucille. 

"There  is  less  to  fear  in  the  dark  than  in  the 
day  when  people  are  about,"  said  Gaston. 

Then  I  saw  Lucille  look  at  Gaston  but  he  did  not 
see.  I  saw  her  eyes  grow  bright. 

"You  feel  like  that  because  you  are  so  strong," 
she  said.  "  It  is  different  when  you  have  only  arms 
like  these." 

She  held  up  her  arm  and  it  was  very  small. 
Gaston  placed  his  hand  upon  it  gently. 

"You  are  like  Pierrot,"  Gaston  said.  "His 
arms  also  are  small,  and  yet  he  is  strong  because 
he  makes  everyone  wish  to  use  all  their  strength  for 
him." 

Now  Gaston  was  not  a  man  to  make  pretty 
speeches  unless  he  meant  them.  I  saw  the  cheeks 
of  Lucille  grow  red  and  it  was  this  which  made  me 
think  she  liked  Gaston  more  than  she  said.  And 
what  Gaston  said  was  true;  the  weak  like  the 
strong  and  the  strong  like  the  weak.  But  the 
weak  do  not  like  the  weak,  which  was  how  it 
happened  that  so  many  people  in  the  village 
were  not  good  to  Lucille  and  laughed  at  her.  It 
was  more  because  they  were  weak  than  because 
Lucille  was  weak. 

While  Gaston  and  Lucille  talked  to  one  another, 
I  drew  my  Pierrot  closer  to  me  and  thought  how 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  309 

wonderful  it  was  that  because  he  was  a  baby  with- 
out much  strength,  all  men  were  willing  to  share 
with  him  their  greater  strength.  It  was  not  only 
Gaston  and  Monsieur  Jack'  Martin  and  Doctor 
Jambeau  and  Jean  and  Antonin  who  would  gladly 
fight  for  him,  I  thought,  but  even  strangers. 
If  I  went  to  any  part  of  France,  I  myself  might 
have  hunger  and  thirst  and  die  and  men  would 
not  care  much,  but  I  do  not  think  any  man  would 
permit  my  Pierrot  to  die.  If  I  went  to  a  foreign 
land — to  America, — I  think  it  would  be  the  same. 
I  could  call  the  first  man  I  saw  and  say  to  him: 
"  My  baby  is  weak  because  he  has  no  food, "  and  I 
think  that  man  would  share  with  him  what  he  had. 
Or  if  my  Pierrot  were  in  great  danger,  that  man 
would  risk  his  life  to  save  him.  That  is  just 
because  all  men  are  like  fathers  to  all  infants,  and 
all  women  are  like  mothers  to  all  infants.  The 
good  God  made  them  like  that. 

When  I  thought  of  this,  it  made  me  very  proud. 
Here  was  I  who  by  myself  was  nobody.  I  knew 
that.  I  had  seen  this  when,  before  my  Pierrot 
came,  I  looked  into  the  eyes  of  women  and  saw 
they  cared  nothing  if  I  lived  or  died.  As  for  the 
eyes  of  men,  I  had  fear  to  look  into  them  at  all 
because  what  I  saw  there  brought  only  more  fear. 
I  was  alone  and  no  one  cared.  That  was  terrible. 
I  felt  I  had  no  place  in  the  world  and  I  prayed  to  go 
with  Pierre.  I  remember  those  day  sand  those  nights 
when  I  saw  men  and  women  all  around  me  and  at  the 
same  moment  felt  like  a  stranger  who  is  not  welcome. 


310  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Then  my  Pierrot  came.  In  a  minute  everything 
was  different.  From  that  moment  it  was  as  if  the 
whole  world  were  my  family.  Those  who  cared 
nothing  about  me  came  to  my  room  to  see  Pierrot. 
When  I  went  out  upon  the  street,  men  and  women 
smiled  at  me.  And  now  I  saw  that  it  would  be  like 
this  not  only  in  Beaulieu  but  in  all  France  and  in 
all  the  world.  I  was  the  mother  of  a  little  baby — 
of  a  little  son — and  men  and  women  everywhere 
were  commanded  by  God  to  help  him  live.  To 
know  this  was  to  feel  like  a  queen. 

Of  course  my  Pierrot  was  not  only  a  baby  but 
also  Pierrot.  I  do  not  know  if  every  baby  would 
have  as  much  done  for  him  as  was  done  for  Pierrot. 
I  do  not  know  about  that,  but  I  am  certain  that 
any  baby  would  have  many  things  done  for  him. 
Even  if  a  baby  were  not  beautiful  like  my  Pierrot ; 
even  if  a  baby  were  not  good  like  my  Pierrot ;  even 
if  a  baby  were  not  noble  in  heart  like  my  Pierrot — 
even  then  I  do  not  know  of  any  man  or  any  woman 
who  would  not  help  that  baby  to  live.  No  man  or 
woman  would  permit  even  such  a  baby  to  have 
hunger  or  thirst  or  cold.  Because  mothers  know 
that  their  babies  are  not  only  for  themselves  but 
for  all  the  world,  they  are  very  proud  and  happy. 

When  I  looked  at  Lucille,  I  saw  her  looking  at 
me  as  if  she  wished  to  know  of  what  I  thought. 
She  left  Gaston  and  came  to  my  side  and  placed 
her  arm  around  me. 

"Little  Mother, "  she  said.  "You  look  like 
the  happiest  woman  in  the  world. " 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  311 

I  leaned  over  and  whispered  in  her  ear. 

"  I  pray  that  sometime  you  may  be  as  happy  as 
I  am,"  I  said. 

"That  is  impossible,  Little  Mother,"  said 
Lucille. 

"  It  is  possible  but  only  in  one  way, "  I  said. 

"There  is  not  another  Pierrot  in  all  Heaven," 
said  Lucille. 

"  Not  another  Pierrot  to  be  sure, "  I  said.  "  But 
there  are  other  babies. " 

"Of  what  are  you  talking?"  said  Gaston. 

Then  before  I  was  able  to  answer,  Lucille  placed 
her  hand  over  my  mouth  and  then,  before  anyone 
knew  what  she  was  about,  she  placed  her  head 
upon  my  shoulder  and  began  to  cry. 

"What  is  this?"  said  Gaston,  rising  to  his  feet. 

I  waved  my  hand  for  him  to  sit  down  again. 

"This  is  something  you  cannot  understand,"  I 
said. 


CHAPTER  XLVIII 

IT  was  one  night  when  I  was  making  my  Pierrot 
ready  for  bed,  that  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
came  into  the  room.  He  looked  very  tired.  I  had 
never  seen  him  look  so  tired.  He  had  been  gone 
from  the  Villa  three  days. 

"Little  Mother,"  he  said,  "permit  me  to  take 
Pierrot  a  minute. " 

So  I  gave  him  Pierrot,  and  my  son  was  very  glad 
to  see  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  laughed  even 
when  he  was  so  sleepy  that  it  was  with  difficulty  he 
kept  open  his  eyes.  But  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
did  not  laugh.  He  placed  Pierrot  upon  his  shoulder 
with  the  cheek  of  Pierrot  against  his  own.  Then 
he  walked  back  and  forth,  saying  nothing,  but 
with  his  big  hand  upon  the  back  of  Pierrot.  So  he 
walked  as  he  had  done  when  first  he  saw  my  son. 
Every  time  my  Pierrot  saw  me  when  he  passed,  he 
smiled.  It  was  as  if  he  said  this  to  me: 

"Do  not  look  so  sad,  Little  Mother.  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  is  troubled  and  very  tired,  but  I  know 
what  to  do  for  him.  He  will  feel  better  in  a 
minute. " 

So  my  Pierrot  tried  to  keep  open  his  eyes  and 
breathed  against  the  neck  of  Monsieur  Jack  Mar- 

312 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  313 

tin  until  I  thought  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  stood 
straighten  It  was  as  if  my  Pierrot  were  calling 
out  his  strength. 

I  do  not  know  what  there  is  in  a  little  baby  to  do 
that,  but  I  know  it  is  true.  Just  to  feel  Pierrot 
against  my  breast  was  to  drive  away  all  worries 
and  to  make  rue  strong  again.  I  have  felt  like  a 
very  old  and  weak  woman,  and  then  Pierrot  has 
placed  his  warm  arms  about  my  neck  and  his 
cheek  against  mine  and  I  have  felt  like  a  strong 
young  girl.  I  think  it  is  possible  for  babies  to  do 
this  because  they  have  nothing  to  do  with  the 
affairs  of  this  world  and  make  one  live  in  some 
other  world  where  there  are  no  troubles.  To 
hold  a  baby  like  Pierrot  is  like  going  into  a  church. 
In  the  life  of  a  baby  there  is  nothing  which  is  not 
sweet  and  beautiful,  as  in  the  life  of  a  flower,  so 
that  he  gives  off  this  feeling  as  a  flower  gives  off 
perfume.  Also  these  babies  trust  so  much  they 
make  everyone  trust.  You  feel  the  trust  of  a  baby 
as  he  puts  his  arms  about  your  neck. 

My  Pierrot  had  very  warm  skin.  It  was  warm 
and  soft — always  warm  and  soft.  I  do  not  know 
anything  with  which  to  compare  it.  I  have  seen 
beautiful  women  with  beautiful  skin,  but  not  like 
that  of  Pierrot.  Against  his  cheeks,  all  cheeks 
looked  coarse  and  rough.  Pierre  told  me  that  my 
own  cheeks  were  beautiful,  but  they  were  like  the 
cheeks  of  a  man  as  compared  with  those  of  Pierrot. 
His  skin  was  very  warm — very  tender,  so  that  to 
touch  it  made  one  warm  all  over.  To  feel  his 


314  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

face  or  even  his  hands  was  like  a  glass  of  wine.  I 
think  it  was  this  also  which  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
liked.  Not  even  Mademoiselle  Alice  had  such 
skin  as  my  Pierrot. 

I  permitted  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to  walk  with 
Pierrot  as  long  as  he  desired,  but  I  saw  that  Pierrot 
was  having  a  bad  time  of  it  to  keep  open  his  eyes. 
But  Pierrot  did  his  best.  His  eyes  closed  and 
then  with  a  start  he  opened  them  again  and  smiled 
half  asleep  still.  It  was  as  if  he  felt  it  to  be  his 
duty  to  remain  awake  and  give  comfort  to  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin.  Then  after  a  long  time  he 
could  not  do  this  any  longer.  His  eyes  closed  and 
he  slept. 

"He  sleeps,"  I  said  to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Eh?"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  as  if  he 
slept  himself. 

"Pierrot  sleeps,"  I  said. 

"He  never  sleeps, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"  Night  and  day  he  is  always  awake. " 

That  was  true.  Sometimes  my  Pierrot  closed 
his  eyes  and  rested,  but  he  was  never  asleep.  He 
did  not  sleep  as  when  men  sleep  and  for  a  little 
while  are  out  of  the  world.  If  I  awoke  at  night 
and  heard  my  Pierrot  breathe,  then  it  was  as  if 
he  were  awake.  His  skin  was  still  warm  and 
soft.  And  he  was  beautiful  with  his  eyes  closed. 
He  was  more  than  ever  like  an  angel.  I  have 
watched  him  hour  after  hour  when  he  was  asleep 
as  one  watches  a  beautiful  painting.  And  he 
smiled  in  his  sleep  at  his  wonderful  dreams.  Often 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  315 

I  wondered  of  what  he  dreamed.  It  must  have 
been  of  angels  and  of  Heaven  because  he  knew  of 
nothing  else. 

It  was  an  hour  before  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
gave  back  Pierrot  to  me.  Then  I  put  Pierrot  into 
his  night  robe  and  placed  him  in  his  bed.  He  did 
not  wake. 

When  I  went  downstairs,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
was  sitting  in  the  big  room,  smoking  his  pipe  in 
the  dark. 

"Come  in,"  he  said. 

I  obeyed  and  then  he  said : 

"Sit  down.  Tell  me  what  you  and  Pierrot 
have  been  doing. " 

So  I  told  him  everything,  and  how  we  went  up 
into  the  mountains  to  find  the  cuckoo  and  what 
Gaston  said  and  Lucille  said. 

"Is  Gaston  beginning  to  love  Lucille?"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"I  think  so,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"Then  God  help  him, "  he  said. 

"  I  think  he  will  make  a  fine  man  for  Lucille,"  I 
said. 

"Is  it  that  Lucille  loves  Gaston?"  he  said. 

"  I  do  not  know  that, "  I  said. 

"Then  of  what  use  is  it  for  Gaston  to  love 
Lucille?"  he  said. 

"Perhaps  his  love  will  awaken  love  in  Lucille," 
I  said. 

"  It  will  not, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

He  said  that  fiercely  and  began  to  walk  back 


316  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

and  forth,  making  clouds  of  smoke  from  his 
pipe. 

"God  help  Gaston  if  he  depends  upon  that," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  I  remember  his 
words  well. 

"There  is  a  saying  that  love  makes  love,"  I 
said. 

"There  are  many  sayings,"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  "Those  sayings  tell  only  what  would 
happen  if  the  world  were  right.  But  the  world  is 
not  right.  It  is  a  damned  wrong  world.  A  man 
may  burn  himself  up  with  love  and  only  have  a 
woman  pity  him. " 

Never  before  had  I  heard  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
talk  like  that.  Always  before  he  had  commanded 
the  world  and  now  it  was  as  if  he  himself  were  being 
commanded.  It  was  clear  this  Mademoiselle 
Alice  was  not  good  to  him.  It  made  me  angry  to 
think  that  she  should  be  so  cruel  and  should  do  evil 
to  such  a  good  man.  If  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
had  been  Gaston,  there  were  many  things  I  would 
have  said  to  him.  But  I  said  nothing.  To  see  him 
like  this  made  me  wish  to  return  to  Pierrot. 

"Little  Mother,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"I  can  talk  to  you  because  you  are  the  mother  of 
Pierrot.  Do  you  see  any  reason  for  having  fear 
of  me?" 

"Having  fear  of  you?"  I  said. 

I  did  not  know.  There  were  many  people  who 
did  have  fear  of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  It  was 
not  an  evil  fear  but  such  fear  as  one  might  have  of 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  3*7 

a  king.  But  if  I  had  been  Mademoiselle  Alice, 
I  do  not  think  I  would  have  had  fear  of  him. 

11  Fear ! "  he  said.  "  She  says  she  has  fear  of  me. 
I  will  tell  you,  as  I  would  tell  anyone,  that  I  love 
that  girl.  I  have  no  shame  of  it.  I  love  her  and 
have  loved  her  for  ten  years.  But  she  would  not 
marry  me  then  and  she  will  not  marry  me  now." 

He  walked  back  and  forth  again  without  saying 
anything,  while  I  tried  to  understand  why  Made- 
moiselle Alice  would  not  marry  him.  I  could  not 
understand  unless  it  was  that  in  all  those  ten  years 
she  had  not  seen  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  as  I  had 
seen  him  in  these  few  months. 

Once  he  stopped  and  stood  in  front  of  me. 

"  Little  Mother, "  he  said.  "  It  hurts.  It  hurts 
like  the  devil." 

"  I  am  very  sorry  for  you, "  I  said. 

Then  he  placed  his  hand  on  my  shoulder. 

"If  only  I  understood  of  what  she  is  afraid," 
he  said. 

He  said  that  very  gently  and  it  made  my  throat 
ache.  I  was  glad  it  was  dark  because  my  eyes 
were  full  of  tears.  I  could  not  help  it.  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  was  such  a  good  man.  Then  he 
said: 

"You  may  go  now,  Little  Mother.  Thank  you 
for  listening  to  me." 

I  went  back  upstairs  and  sat  down  by  the  side 
of  the  bed  of  Pierrot.  He  slept  like  an  angel. 
Then  I  said  to  my  son  in  my  heart : 

"We  must  help  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  my 


3i8  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

Pierrot.    I  do  not  know  how,  but  you  will  know. 
Keep  him  brave  and  keep  him  strong. " 

And  I  thought  it  was  a  great  pity  that  Made- 
moiselle Alice  could  not  see  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
as  he  walked  with  Pierrot.  I  knew  she  would  not 
have  fear  of  him  if  she  saw  him  then. 


CHAPTER  XLIX 

CACH  day  with  my  Pierrot  was  complete  in 
I-/  itself.  Each  morning  when  I  awoke  and 
saw  him  awake  at  my  side,  the  joy  of  having  him 
was  as  fresh  as  if  he  had  just  come.  When  I 
looked  at  his  hair,  which  now  was  so  long  I  could 
brush  it ;  when  I  looked  at  his  smooth  forehead  and 
at  his  little  nose  and  at  his  gentle  mouth,  which 
was  like  a  flower,  and  saw  his  four  white  teeth  in 
front,  then  before  these  things  became  real,  it  was 
necessary  to  kiss  them  one  by  one.  When  I  did 
that,  Pierrot  kicked  his  legs  and  laughed  and 
reached  up  his  hands  to  play.  But  each  morning 
Pierrot  was  new.  I  remembered,  of  course,  the 
Pierrot  of  the  day  before  and  the  Pierrot  of  the 
day  before  that  and  so  to  the  beginning,  but  it 
was  as  if  each  were  a  separate  Pierrot.  Every 
morning  I  bore  another  Pierrot  until  now  I 
had  a  hundred  sons  where  at  first  I  had  only 
one. 

There  was  no  pain  in  this  new  bearing  in  the 
early  morning  of  each  day.  It  was  all  joy — so 
great  a  joy  that  I  have  pity  for  any  woman  who  has 
not  known  it.  When  one  is  asleep,  one  is  alone. 

When  one  is  asleep,  one  does  not  care.    But  when 

319 


320  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

one  awakes  and  is  still  alone,  then  that  is  terrible. 
I  do  not  know  about  others  but  as  for  me,  every 
morning  I  felt  alone  when  first  I  opened  my  eyes. 
For  one  second  I  felt  like  a  stranger  who  is  to 
continue  a  journey  in  a  foreign  land.  Then  per- 
haps I  felt  a  little  kick  against  my  side,  or  perhaps 
I  heard  a  little  voice  say  "  Da,  Da,  Da, "  or  perhaps 
it  was  just  a  little  laugh.  Then  my  heart  came  up 
into  my  throat.  Then  sometimes  the  tears  came 
into  my  eyes.  I  felt  such  happiness  all  through  me 
that  for  a  little  space  I  could  not  breathe — could  not 
speak — could  do  nothing  but  lie  quiet  and  try  to 
absorb  it  slowly.  I  was  like  a  man  who  has  thirst 
and  when  reaching  a  spring,  tries  to  swallow  too 
much  at  once.  When  I  was  able  to  control  myself 
a  little,  then  my  heart  was  left  pounding  as  though 
I  had  been  running.  Before  .that  stopped  I  heard 
another  "Da,  Da,  Da,"  or  felt  another  little  kick, 
and  my  heart  began  again  until  sometimes  I 
was  not  able  for  a  minute  to  reach  out  and 
seize  my  son.  One  second  I  was  alone  in  a  big 
strange  world,  and  the  next  second  the  whole  big 
world  was  alone  with  me.  I  do  not  know  if  I 
make  myself  understood.  I  mean  that  if  Pierrot 
had  not  been  by  my  side,  I  would  have  been  alone 
no  matter  where  I  was,  but  when  I  found  him  by 
my  side,  it  was  not  possible  to  be  alone  because 
everything  of  the  big  world  I  desired  was  then  in 
my  room.  The  Countess  with  all  her  money  for 
boats  and  trains  to  travel  where  she  wished,  with 
all  her  friends,  with  all  her  houses  and  silks,  could 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  321 

not  find  anywhere  as  much  as  I  found  every 
morning  upon  opening  my  eyes. 

This  was  not  just  because  Pierrot  was  a  baby. 
It  was  not  just  because  he  was  my  baby.  It  was 
because  he  was  my  Pierrot,  and  I  knew  there  was 
nothing  my  Pierrot  could  not  win  if  he  desired. 
Anything  was  possible  to  him  as  everyone  said. 
He  could  be  a  noble  judge  if  he  desired;  he  could 
be  a  great  general  if  he  desired;  he  could  be  a  fine 
scholar  if  he  desired;  he  could  be  a  great  banker  if 
he  desired.  All  those  things  were  in  my  Pierrot 
even  when,  as  a  little  baby,  he  lay  at  my  side  and 
kicked  his  pink  feet  and  laughed. 

I  liked  to  think  about  such  things,  but  it  was  not 
for  what  he  might  be  that  I  loved  him  till  I  could 
not  breathe.  Other  people  might  love  him  so  but 
I  alone  loved  him  for  just  what  he  was  each  day. 
No  one  else  in  all  the  world  could  love  him  as  a 
son.  This  was  something  different,  for  I  knew 
deep  in  my  heart  that  I  loved  him  as  much  for 
what  he  was  each  minute  as  for  what  he  might  be 
the  next  minute  or  the  next  week  or  the  next 
month  or  the  next  year.  And  I  knew  also  that 
even  if  he  did  not  become  a  noble  judge  or  general 
or  scholar  or  banker,  then  I  would  love  him  just 
the  same.  If  he  became  nothing  at  all,  I  would 
love  him.  If  even  he  were  tempted  and  did 
things  that  were  not  good,  even  then  I  would  love 
him  just  the  same.  Nothing  he  might  do,  or 
nothing  he  might  not  do,  could  change  the  fact 
that  Pierrot  was  my  son.  Nothing  that  could 


322  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

happen  to  him,  or  nothing  that  could  happen  to 
me,  could  change  that  for  ever  and  for  ever.  No 
man  and  no  woman  nor  even  God  Himself  could 
change  that. 

I  am  very  glad  I  can  remember  that  even  when 
my  son  was  not  a  year  old,  I  loved  him  like  this. 
I  am  very  glad  that  every  morning,  when  I  looked 
at  him,  I  felt  as  I  have  said.  I  am  very  glad  that 
each  morning  was  the  beginning  not  only  of  a  day 
but  of  a  whole  life  because  I  loved  him  like  this. 
So  each  morning  I  had  a  new  Pierrot  and  the 
Pierrot  of  the  day  before  also,  and  before  each 
night  we  had  lived  a  whole  life  together.  Dear 
God  in  Heaven,  I  thank  you  for  this. 


CHAPTER  L 

ONE  day  Pierrot  and  I  and  Lucille  and  Gaston 
sat  on  the  shore  of  the  sea  from  early  in  the 
forenoon  until  it  became  cool  in  the  afternoon. 
The  sea  was  only  a  little  distance  from  the  Villa 
but  we  took  with  us  our  lunch.  We  always  felt 
as  if  we  had  gone  a  great  journey  when  it  was  not 
necessary  to  return  to  the  Villa  for  lunch.  It  was 
easy  to  do  this  because  Pierrot  was  still  at  my 
breast  and  he  slept  well  wherever  he  was.  We 
rolled  him  up  in  a  blanket  and  he  slept  anywhere, 
but  if  he  became  restless,  then  I  held  him  in  my 
lap  or  Lucille  did  that  or  Gaston. 

"He  is  a  son  of  the  mountains,"  said  Gaston. 
"He  cares  not  for  a  better  bed  than  the  ground," 

"He  is  a  poet,"  said  Lucille,  "because  he  likes 
to  lie  on  the  sand  and  dream. " 

"Bah!"  said  Gaston.  "It  would  be  better  for 
you  to  make  a  woman  of  him  than  a  poet.  I  have 
seen  a  poet  in  the  village  and  he  is  a  great  fool. " 

"It  is  possible  that  poet  also  saw  you  and 
thought  you  were  a  great  fool, "  said  Lucille. 

"  It  does  not  matter  if  one  is  called  a  fool  by  a 
fool,"  said  Gaston. 

323 


324  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Which  is  what  that  poet  would  say,"  said 
Lucille. 

"There  my  children,"  I  said,  "you  are  neither 
of  you  as  wise  as  Pierrot,  who  is  laughing  at 
you." 

14 No  one  in  all  the  world  is  as  wise  as  Pierrot," 
said  Lucille. 

"You  are  right, "  said  Gaston. 

That  is  the  way  in  which  my  Pierrot  always 
ended  their  quarrels.  It  is  not  possible  to  dispute 
long  with  two  eyes  like  those  of  a  judge  laughing  at 
you.  And  then  again  Gaston  and  Lucille  were  of 
one  mind  about  what  Pierrot  was  to-day,  no  matter 
how  much  they  might  disagree  about  how  he 
should  be  trained  for  the  future,  and  in  the  end 
they  always  came  back  to  Pierrot  as  he  sat  before 
them. 

No  matter  what  Gaston  said,  to  sit  in  the  sun  by 
the  sea  with  Pierrot  made  us  all  dream.  As  for 
me,  it  made  me  dream  of  Pierre  and  how  proud 
he  must  be  of  his  son.  The  sound  of  the  waves 
creeping  up  and  creeping  back  always  made  me 
think  of  Pierre,  but  there  was  no  sadness  in  my 
thinking.  When  I  sat  there  with  the  sun  warming 
me  and  the  sound  of  those  waves  singing  to  me  and 
the  laughter  of  Pierrot  in  my  ears,  it  was  as  though 
Pierre  were  with  me  again.  I  loved  Pierre.  I  did 
not  love  him  as  I  loved  Pierrot,  but  I  loved  him. 
And  yet  it  was  only  here  by  the  sea  that  he  became 
again  like  my  husband.  In  the  mountains  or  on 
the  Cornice  road  or  even  at  the  Villa,  I  will  tell  the 


sound  of  the  waves  creeping  up  and  creeping  back 
always  made  me  think  of  Pierre 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  325 

truth  and  say  I  did  not  often  think  of  Pierre. 
That  was  because  my  life  was  so  full  of  Pierrot,  I 
think,  and  because  Pierrot  was  so  alive  that  it 
was  not  possible  to  think  of  anything  else.  Well, 
Pierrot  was  also  alive  here  by  the  sea-shore.  I  do 
not  know.  Perhaps  it  was  the  sound  of  the  waves 
which  we  used  to  hear  together  at  night,  which 
made  me  think  of  Pierre.  Pierre  was  very  good  to 
me.  He  did  everything  to  make  me  happy  but  I 
was  a  very  young  girl  while  he  was  my  husband. 
I  felt  now  as  though  it  were  not  I  he  had  married  at 
all  but  a  very  young  sister.  And  I  felt  towards 
him,  as  I  thought  of  him  here  by  the  sea-shore,  as 
though  he  were  only  a  young  lover  of  mine  and 
not  my  husband.  He  was  good  and  handsome 
and  he  was  the  father  of  Pierrot,  and  yet  he  was 
not  my  husband  as  he  would  have  been  if  he  had 
lived  through  these  last  months  with  me.  I  did 
not  feel  as  if  I  had  lived  at  all  until  after  Pierrot 
came.  Before  that  I  had  only  played  at  living 
and  played  at  having  a  husband.  I  do  not  think 
it  was  right  of  me  to  feel  this  way,  but  I  cannot 
help  that. 

My  son  loved  the  sea.  He  wished  to  play  with 
the  water.  When  the  waves  ran  towards  him,  he 
rocked  back  and  forth  and  held  out  his  hands  to 
them.  When  they  ran  away,  you  should  have  seen 
him  watch  them  as  if  he  felt  that  was  unkind  of 
them.  The  corners  of  his  mouth  turned  down  and 
he  looked  at  me  for  an  explanation.  But  before 
I  was  able  to  say  anything,  then  those  waves 


326  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

came  running  back  again.    It  was  as  if  they  were 
playing  with  my  Pierrot. 

My  Pierrot  did  not  like  it  very  well  because  I 
would  not  permit  him  to  crawl  into  the  sea  after 
those  waves.  He  did  not  understand  why  always 
he  could  not  go  where  he  desired.  He  thought  it 
was  possible  for  him  to  do  anything ;  to  jump  from  a 
cliff  like  a  bird,  to  climb  up  the  wall  like  a  fly,  to 
swim  in  a  brook  like  a  little  fish,  and  now  to 
play  in  the  sea  like  the  waves.  This  made  me 
think  it  must  be  true  that  where  he  came  from 
all  those  things  were  possible  to  him. 

Once  Gaston  removed  his  shoes  and  stockings 
and  took  Pierrot  in  his  arms  and  carried  him  a 
little  way  into  the  sea.  Then  my  Pierrot  laughed 
and  tried  to  get  into  the  water.  Lucille  stood  on 
the  rocks  ready  to  run  to  Pierrot  if  Gaston  dropped 
him.  When  they  had  been  there  only  a  minute, 
she  said: 

"That  is  enough.    Bring  him  back,  Gaston. " 
But  Gaston  went  a  little  farther,   saying  to 
Pierrot : 

"Now  we  are  where  the  ladies  cannot  get  us." 
Then  Lucille  turned  to  me  and  said: 
"Command  him  to  bring  back  Pierrot,  Little 
Mother." 

"Bring  him  back,"  I  said  to  Gaston.  "It  is 
time  for  our  lunch. " 

But  Gaston  only  went  a  little  farther  and  then  a 
big  wave  came  and  wet  him  and  wet  Pierrot. 
When  Lucille  saw  that,  she  ran  towards  them  both 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  327 

and  seized  my  Pierrot.  She  was  wet  to  her  knees, 
when  she  came  back  with  Pierrot  in  her  arms,  and 
crying.  Gaston  looked  ashamed  when  he  saw 
that. 

11 1  am  sorry, "  he  said. 

"Like  all  men  you  are  sorry  when  the  harm  is 
done, "  said  Lucille. 

"  I  am  sorry, "  said  Gaston  again. 

Pierrot,  as  always,  was  laughing.  He  was  only 
sprinkled  a  little  with  water.  But  both  Lucille 
and  Gaston  were  very  wet. 

" Now, "  I  said,  "to  pay  for  that  you  must  both 
go  home  and  change  your  clothes.  Pierrot  and  I 
will  sit  here  alone." 

"  I  am  not  wet, "  said  Gaston. 

"And  I  do  not  care  if  I  am  wet,"  said  Lucille, 
wiping  her  eyes.  "It  is  all  the  fault  of  Gaston." 

"But  that  will  not  make  you  dry,"  I  said. 
"You  must  go  at  once." 

"  Can  I  not  go  to  the  home  of  Lucille  and  bring 
her  dry  clothes?"  said  Gaston. 

"  Run  home,  both  of  you, "  I  said. 

So  both  Lucille  and  Gaston  went  home  as  fast 
as  they  could  and  I  nursed  my  Pierrot  while  they 
were  gone.  As  I  sat  there  alone,  I  thought  how 
wonderful  it  was  that  two  people  loved  my 
Pierrot  so  much  they  quarrelled.  And  I  know 
that  Gaston  would  have  plunged  into  that  sea 
and  drowned  if  it  had  been  necessary  to  save 
my  Pierrot  from  harm.  Even  Lucille  would  have 
done  that — even  Lucille,  who  was  a  little  girl  with 


32 S  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

fear  of  most  things.  If  that  water  had  been  twenty 
feet  deep  where  Gaston  stood,  it  would  have  made 
no  difference.  She  would  have  rushed  in  even 
to  save  my  Pierrot  from  getting  wet. 

I  heard  my  Pierrot  laugh  and  when  I  looked  to 
see  at  what  he  laughed,  I  saw  Lucille  coming 
from  one  side  and  Gaston  coming  from  another. 
Both  were  running  to  see  who  should  be  the  first 
back  to  my  Pierrot.  Then  I  saw  Gaston  do  a 
pretty  thing.  It  was  clear  he  could  run  faster 
than  Lucille  and  would  reach  Pierrot  first,  but 
when  he  saw  how  serious  the  face  of  Lucille  was, 
he  pretended  to  fall.  I  saw  him  fall  upon  his 
face  and  knew  that  he  did  this  to  give  time  to 
Lucille.  But  Lucille,  when  she  saw  Gaston  fall, 
turned  at  once  to  go  to  him.  She  ran  to  his 
side. 

"Oh  Gaston ! "  she  said.     " Are  you  hurt? " 

"  Not  much, "  he  said. 

She  placed  her  hand  upon  his  big  arm  to  help 
him  to  rise.  Sport  also  ran  barking  to  his  side  to 
help  and  as  for  Pierrot,  he  began  to  cry.  When 
Gaston  rose  to  his  feet  and  saw  all  the  excitement 
this  had  caused,  there  was  nothing  for  him  to  do 
but  to  pretend  some  more.  So  with  his  arm  over 
the  shoulder  of  Lucille  he  came  towards  us,  hop- 
ping on  one  foot  as  if  lame.  When  he  looked  into 
my  eyes,  he  saw  I  understood.  I  said  nothing,  but 
when  he  sat  down  as  if  with  great  difficulty  I  gave 
him  Pierrot  to  hold. 

"La,  la,"  he  said  to  Pierrot.    "Do  not  cry.    I 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  329 

am  not  hurt  much.  My  leg  will  be  all  right  in  a 
minute. " 

Sport  began  to  lick  his  hand  and  as  for  Lucille, 
she  said: 

"Permit  me  to  wet  my  handkerchief  and  bind 
the  ankle." 

"  It  is  nothing, "  said  Gaston. 

"It  is  my  fault, "  said  Lucille. 

Then  she  went  to  the  water  and  moistened  her 
little  handkerchief.  "Say  nothing,"  said  Gaston 
to  me.  "It  would  hurt  her  if  she  knew  I  only 
pretended." 

"  It  is  a  shame, "  I  said. 

Lucille  came  back  and  tied  that  little  handker- 
chief about  the  ankle  of  that  big  Gaston,  who  was 
stretched  out  there  like  a  wounded  soldier. 

"Does  not  that  feel  better?"  she  said. 

"  It  is  better  already, "  said  Gaston. 

But  Gaston  paid  for  that  because,  when  we 
departed,  Lucille  carried  Pierrot  all  the  way  while 
it  was  necessary  for  Gaston  to  jump  home  on  one 
foot.  Pierrot  thought  this  was  the  drollest  thing 
that  happened  all  day  and  I  did  also. 


CHAPTER  LI 

IT  was  in  the  months  of  January  and  February 
that  we  did  all  those  things  and  many  more. 
How  beautiful  were  those  days !  They  were  such 
days  as  lovers  live,  just  before  their  marriage. 
If  ever  I  wish  to  think  of  blue  sky,  I  go  back  to 
those  days.  If  ever  I  wish  to  think  of  sunshine  or 
flowers  or  anything  beautiful,  I  go  back  to  those 
days.  That  is  because  for  once  everything  was 
perfect.  I  do  not  think  this  happens  in  the  life 
of  anyone  more  than  once.  Perhaps  I  should  not 
say  that,  because  I  do  not  know,  but  I  think  never- 
theless there  is  always  one  time  which  everyone 
remembers  better  than  another. 

And  yet  during  all  these  weeks  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  was  not  happy. 

He  was  still  at  Nice  more  than  he  was  at  home. 
He  returned  late  and  went  early.  He  took  many 
rides  with  Mademoiselle  Alice  in  the  automobile 
but  I  think  also  the  aunt  went  always.  But  even 
if  he  was  with  Mademoiselle  Alice  so  much,  he 
was  not  happy. 

Sometimes  he  came  home  early  enough  to  walk 
with  Pierrot.  I  think  he  came  home  early  for 
nothing  else.  And  one  night  he  said  to  me: 

330 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  331 

"You  are  very  happy,  Little  Mother?" 

"Very  happy,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"  That  is  well, "  he  said. 

"And  you,  Monsieur?"  I  said. 

"I  am  like  a  man  at  Monte  Carlo,"  he  said. 
"  I  am  playing  with  my  whole  fortune  and  losing — 
losing.  Yet  I  cannot  stop. " 

"That  is  a  great  pity, "  I  said. 

"I  do  not  know,"  he  said,  lighting  his  big  pipe. 
"I  do  not  know.  If  I  win  a  smile,  I  am  repaid 
like  a  man  who  wins  a  louis  d'or  after  losing  a 
thousand  louis  d'or.  I  was  never  so  happy  and 
never  so  unhappy  in  my  life. " 

"  If  Monsieur  could  come  with  us  and  live  a  day 
with  Pierrot — "  I  said. 

He  looked  at  me  when  I  said  that. 

"Where  are  you  going  to-morrow?"  he  said. 

"If  it  is  warm,  we  thought  we  would  go  along 
the  Cornice  road  in  the  direction  of  Monaco," 
I  said. 

"You  and  Pierrot  and  Gaston  and  Lucille?" 

"Yes,  Monsieur." 

"How  goes  it  with  Gaston  and  Lucille?" 

"Like  this,  like  that,"  I  said.  "They  quarrel 
and  forgive,  but  each  night  they  come  home 
happy." 

"Pierrot  would  permit  nothing  else,"  he  said. 
"So  they  come  home  happy.  That  is  what 
counts — to  come  home  happy.  Then  during  the 
night  they  think  only  of  the  happiness. " 

"I  hope  so,  Monsieur, "  I  said. 


332  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"I,  also,"  he  said.  "If  it  were  only  possible 
to  make  Mademoiselle  Alice  come  with  us 
to-morrow!" 

He  thought  a  moment  and  then  he  said: 

"Well,  I  will  ask  her.  Will  you  wait  for  us  until 
ten  o'clock?" 

"As  long  as  you  wish,  Monsieur. " 

"Until  ten  o'clock,"  he  said.  "If  we  are  not 
here  by  that  time,  you  will  know  she  would  not 
leave  Aunt  Louise." 

Before  I  slept  that  night  I  prayed  that  Mademoi- 
selle Alice  might  come  and  that  Aunt  Louise 
might  not  come.  When  I  awoke  the  next  morning 
I  jumped  from  my  bed  to  see  how  the  sky  was.  It 
was  blue  and  I  was  very  glad.  I  do  not  know  why 
but  I  felt  sure  that  this  day  Mademoiselle  Alice 
would  come,  so  I  put  upon  Pierrot  his  best  dress. 
While  I  did  that,  I  told  my  Pierrot  about  this  and 
said: 

"You  must  be  very  nice  to  Mademoiselle  Alice 
and  make  her  happy.  I  think  if  she  understands 
that  love  gave  you  to  me,  my  son,  then  she  will 
understand  something. " 

When  I  told  Gaston  and  Lucille,  they  did  not 
like  it  very  much  and  said  they  would  not  come. 

"It  is  necessary  for  you  to  come,"  I  said. 
"  Pierrot  will  not  be  happy  if  you  do  not  come,  and 
I  wish  him  to  be  very  happy  to-day. " 

"Mademoiselle  Alice  has  the  whole  world  to 
travel  over.  Why  does  she  wish  to  come  with  us?  " 
said  Gaston. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  333. 

"It  is  for  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,"  I  said. 

"That  is  enough,"  said  Gaston. 

And  I  thought  then  that  even  if  Mademoiselle 
Alice  had  the  whole  world  to  travel  over,  it  was 
true  that  never  could  she  find  such  beautiful  places 
as  we  found  each  day  with  Pierrot.  It  was  so 
with  the  Countess  and  it  was  so  with  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  I  thought  it  was  possible  they  all 
travelled  too  far.  I  do  not  believe  that  even  if 
one  went  to  Africa,  one  would  find  such  a  place  as 
that  one  beside  the  river  in  the  mountains  where 
the  cuckoo  lives  or  that  one  beside  the  road  to 
St.  Jean  or  that  one  beside  the  sea  or  a  dozen 
other  places  I  remember  with  Pierrot.  And 
though  these  places  were  near,  we  felt  as  far  away 
when  we  were  there  as  if  we  had  gone  many 
hundred  miles  to  reach  them.  Perhaps  it  is 
possible  to  travel  too  far — so  far  that  one  comes 
back  to  where  one  starts. 

Lucille  thought  it  necessary  to  return  to  her 
house  and  put  on  her  Sunday  dress  and  her  best 
lace  collar,  while  Gaston  combed  his  hair  for  a 
half  hour  and  put  on  his  best  suit  until  I  did  not 
know  him.  When  I  saw  that  hair,  I  said: 

"Come  here." 

Then  I  took  my  hands  and  disarranged  it  until 
he  looked  like  himself. 

"Now  try  to  smile,"  I  said.  "We  are  not 
going  to  a  church. " 

I  sent  Gaston  to  the  store  for  lettuce  and  made 
many  little  sandwiches  of  bread  and  butter  and 


334  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

lettuce.  I  boiled  some  eggs  hard  and  these  with 
cake  made  our  lunch.  Just  bread  and  cheese  was 
all  Gaston,  Lucille,  and  I  ever  took  with  us,  but 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  liked  cake  very  much. 

Before  ten  o'clock  Jimmee  came  with  the  auto- 
mobile, bringing  Mademoiselle  Alice  and  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

"  Shall  we  all  go  in  the  machine?  "  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin. 

Now  it  was  not  for  me  to  say,  but  that  is  not  the 
way  to  travel  to  such  places  as  Gaston,  Lucille,  and 
I  visited.  It  was  Mademoiselle  Alice  who  jumped 
to  the  ground  and  said: 

"No.     Certainly  not.    We  must  walk." 

I  was  glad  to  hear  her  say  that.  Then  she  shook 
hands  with  me  and  kissed  Pierrot  and  turned  to 
Gaston  and  Lucille  and  said: 

"  I  am  very  glad  you  are  going  also. " 

"Lead  on,  Gaston,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Mar- 
tin. "Here,  give  me  Pierrot.  Now — advance! 
March!" 

So  we  went  through  the  village  with  Gaston  and 
Sport  in  advance,  with  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
behind  him  with  Pierrot  in  his  arms  and  Made- 
moiselle Alice  at  his  side,  and  Lucille  and  I  coming 
after.  It  was  like  a  procession. 

That  day  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  from  the 
moment  we  started  was  like  a  boy.  Half  the  time 
he  danced  and  half  the  time  he  sang  and  when 
Mademoiselle  Alice  placed  her  hand  upon  his  arm 
and  pleaded  with  him  to  be  quiet,  it  made  no 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  335 

difference.  People  came  out  of  the  houses  to 
look  at  us.  When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  saw 
them,  he  called  back  to  them  like  this: 

"Rah!     Rah!     Rah!    Yale!      Yale!      Yale!" 

And  sometimes  his  cry  was  like  this: 

"  Riggedy  ax,  go  ax,  go  go  ax,  Yale. " 

Always  he  ended  with  that  word  "Yale," 
which  is,  as  I  have  said,  a  place  in  America. 

Mademoiselle  Alice  turned  very  red  when  he  did 
this,  but  she  also  laughed. 

When  we  met  Monsieur  Tupin,  who  came 
running  to  see  what  the  noise  was  about,  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  gave  his  cry  again. 

Then  he  said,  waving  his  arm  to  Monsieur 
Tupin: 

"Do  not  get  into  the  path  of  the  elephants, 
Tupin." 

And  Tupin  stood  by  the  side  of  the  road  and 
saluted,  and  we  all  saluted  Monsieur  Tupin. 

We  laughed  until  we  almost  cried,  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  was  so  droll.  But  when  we  were 
outside  the  village,  we  walked  with  more  propriety 
though  even  then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  did  not 
cease  to  make  us  laugh.  And  Pierrot  laughed  as 
much  as  any  of  us. 


CHAPTER  LII 

WE  walked  along  the  Cornice  road,  but  we  did 
not  go  very  far  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
called  to  Gaston: 

"Are  you  trying  to  reach  Rome  before  night?" 

"That  would  not  be  possible,  Monsieur,"  said 
Gaston. 

"  Very  well, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "Then 
let  us  rest  content  where  we  are  This  Pierrot 
grows  in  weight  with  every  step." 

"I  will  carry  him,  Monsieur,"  said  Gaston. 

"  Why  should  anyone  carry  him?  "  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "If  we  walked  a  thousand  miles, 
we  would  find  no  more  beautiful  place  than  this 
where  we  are. " 

I  knew  well  that  just  as  for  me  that  place  was 
beautiful  where  my  Pierrot  was,  for  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  that  place  was  beautiful  where  Made- 
moiselle Alice  was.  For  that  matter  neither  did 
Gaston  care  where  he  was  if  Lucille  was  near.  The 
only  one  who  did  desire  to  go  on  was  Sport,  who 
with  his  tail  high  in  the  air  was  preparing  to  walk 
the  whole  day.  He  did  not  understand  why  any- 
one should  wish  to  sit  down  when  there  were  so 
many  things  of  interest  along  the  road, 

336     f. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  337 

So  we  spread  a  shawl  upon  the  ground  and 
placed  Pierrot  in  the  centre,  and  then  we  all  sat 
down.  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  Mademoiselle 
Alice  were  on  one  side,  Gaston  and  Lucille  on  the 
other,  while  I  sat  at  the  bottom  with  Sport.  It 
was  with  Mademoiselle  Alice  that  my  Pierrot 
desired  to  play  this  morning.  He  crawled  to  her 
at  once  and  endeavoured  to  loosen  the  big,  black 
bows  on  her  low  shoes.  She  had  very  pretty  feet 
but  her  cheeks  turned  red  because  all  of  us  watched 
Pierrot  at  this  task.  When  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
saw  her  cheeks,  he  laughed. 

"To  think  Pierrot  has  such  an  eye  for  beauty 
at  his  age, "  he  said. 

So  Mademoiselle  Alice  withdrew  her  feet  be- 
neath her  skirts  and,  seizing  Pierrot  in  her  arms, 
hid  her  face  on  his  shoulder  to  conceal  her  colour. 
She  was  like  a  girl  of  sixteen. 

"You  will  have  something  to  do  to  watch  that 
boy  when  he  is  older,  Little  Mother,"  said  Mon- 
sieur Jack  Martin. 

"  I  have  no  fear  of  him, "  I  said.  "  I  am  glad  he 
loves  everything  beautiful,  Monsieur." 

1 '  Well  said, "  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "  If  he 
loves  only  as  an  artist  and  not  as  a  man,  then  he  is 
safe." 

I  saw  Mademoiselle  look  up  quickly  when  he 
said  that.  But  she  said  nothing  and  continued  to 
play  with  Pierrot.  Now  I  watched  Mademoiselle 
Alice  all  that  day  and  watched  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin,  and  if  I  were  to  say  which  one  was  afraid, 

n 


338  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

I  should  say  it  was  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  He 
said  nothing  without  looking  to  see  how  she  listened 
to  it,  while  with  most  people  he  cared  not  at  all 
what  they  thought  of  what  he  said.  His  eyes 
were  always  upon  her  and  while  she  played  with 
Pierrot,  his  eyes  became  big  and  tender.  And 
Mademoiselle  Alice,  when  she  played  with  Pierrot, 
forgot  herself  and  was  very  happy.  It  was  not 
long  before  my  Pierrot  had  disarranged  her  hair, 
and  then  she  was  younger  and  more  beautiful  than 
before.  She  spoke  to  my  Pierrot  in  English  and  he 
listened  as  if  he  understood  English  as  well  as 
French.  I  think  little  babies  understand  every 
language.  My  Pierrot  did  not  care  from  what 
country  one  came.  It  was  all  the  same  to  him.  Men 
were  men  and  women  were  women  if  they  came 
from  Spain,  from  Italy,  from  Russia,  from  America, 
or  France.  I  myself  have  seen  that  it  is  only  in  the 
little  things  that  men  and  women  of  other  nations 
differ.  In  the  big  things  of  life  they  are  all  one. 
And  it  is  true  that  infants  are  concerned  only  with 
such  things  as  are  common  to  all  the  world. 

When  my  Pierrot  crawled  to  Gaston,  and 
Lucille,  leaving  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  Made- 
moiselle Alice  alone,  then  I  saw  that  Mademoiselle 
Alice  rearranged  her  hair  and  was  not  so  free  with 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  I  pretended  to  watch  my 
Pierrot  but  I  kept  one  eye  upon  those  two.  They 
spoke  in  English,  so  that  I  could  not  understand 
everything  they  said,  but  also  they  spoke  with  their 
eyes,  which  were  easy  to  understand.  It  was  clear 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  339 

to  me  that  if  Mademoiselle  Alice  did  not  love 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  it  was  because  she,  for 
some  reason,  would  not  permit  herself.  If  she 
obeyed  her  heart,  I  was  sure  she  would  love  him. 
It  seemed  to  me  that  all  the  time  she  held  herself 
with  a  great  effort.  There  were  moments  when 
he  looked  at  her,  that  I  thought,  if  only  he  had 
reached  out  and  taken  her,  she  would  have  come. 
In  most  things  that  was  what  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  did,  but  now  he  did  not.  It  was  as  if  he 
tried  to  argue  her  into  loving  him,  like  an  advocate. 
Even  if  he  had  done  nothing,  like  Gaston  and 
Lucille,  but  permit  love  to  come  of  itself,  I  think 
it  would  have  been  better.  This  was  how  I 
thought  at  that  time. 

It  was  after  our  lunch  that  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  and  Mademoiselle  Alice  went  for  a  little 
walk  together  while  Gaston  and  Lucille  went  to 
find  some  flowers  for  Pierrot,  and  I  was  left  here 
alone  with  my  son.  I  did  not  care.  Lucille  had 
her  Gaston  and  Mademoiselle  Alice  had  her 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  but  I  had  my  son.  They 
knew  only  the  beginning  of  love  but  I  knew  the  end 
of  love. 

There  was  no  kind  of  love  that  my  Pierrot  did 
not  make  me  feel.  There  was,  of  course,  always 
and  first  the  love  of  a  mother  for  her  baby — the 
greatest  love  in  the  world.  Then  there  was  the 
love  of  a  mother  for  her  son — part  of  that  other 
love  but  different  also.  I  have  wondered  how  I 
should  feel  if  Pierrot  had  been  a  daughter.  I 


340  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

think  then  I  would  have  loved  him  more  just  as  a 
baby  and  thought  less  about  the  future.  I  do  not 
know,  but  that  is  how  I  thought.  But  because 
Pierrot  was  a  boy  and  because  always  I  saw  him  as 
a  man,  he  made  me  love  him  sometimes  as  if  he 
were  a  father.  He  made  me  feel  sometimes  that 
even  when  he  was  so  small,  he  was  older  and  wiser 
about  some  things  than  I.  And  now,  when  these 
others  were  concerned  only  with  the  love  of  youth, 
I  turned  to  my  Pierrot  and  found  in  him  even  such 
love  as  that.  I  knew  how  Lucille  felt  and  I  knew 
how  Mademoiselle  Alice  felt  deep  in  her  heart  and 
how  wonderful  and  beautiful  this  love  made  the 
world.  Such  love  is  concerned  only  with  the  blue 
sky  and  the  green  grass  and  the  flowers  and  the 
golden  sunshine  and  the  song  of  birds.  It  makes 
the  world  like  a  fairy  world  where  there  are  only 
good  fairies  dancing  to  music.  I  know  how  it 
was  when  first  I  loved  Pierre.  I  was  in  Paris  and 
until  then  I  had  thought  Paris  a  very  wicked  city 
where  a  young  girl  must  always  be  on  guard  and 
where  below  the  prettiness,  life  was  very  terrible. 
Then,  when  Pierre  put  his  arm  about  me  and  said 
he  loved  me,  that  city  was  different.  I  had 
nothing  to  fear  after  that  and  thought  of  nothing 
but  the  beautiful  things.  The  noise  of  the  street 
was  like  music  and  the  lights  were  like  jewels  and 
all  the  people  were  like  princes.  I  remember  how 
that  was  for  a  few  months. 

Well,  I  suppose  it  was  like  that  now  with  Lucille 
and  Mademoiselle  Alice.    When  Lucille  said  sh« 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  341 

was  going  with  Gaston  to  pick  flowers  for  Pierrot, 
I  knew.  Perhaps  they  thought  they  left  behind 
them  an  old  woman  who  had  forgotten  about  love. 
Perhaps  they  thought  that  a  mother  has  no  con- 
cern with  youth.  If  they  thought  that,  it  was 
because  they  did  not  know  my  Pierrot. 

I  took  Pierrot  in  my  arms  and  pressed  my  lips 
against  the  top  of  his  head  and  breathed  the  per- 
fume of  his  hair.  He  looked  up  at  me  and  smiled 
as  if  to  say: 

"Can  any  two  lovers  be  happier  than  we  are, 
Little  Mother?" 

That  look  made  me  dizzy  and  if  either  Made- 
moiselle Alice  or  Lucille  lived  in  any  brighter 
world  than  Pierrot  and  I,  then  I  have  no  envy  for 
them  because  to  have  loved  more  than  I  loved 
would  have  been  pain. 


CHAPTER  L1II 

IT  was  on  the  first  day  of  April  that  late  at  night 
I  heard  a  rap  upon  my  door.  When  I  an- 
swered, I  heard  the  voice  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  I  was  frightened. 

"What  is  it?  "I  said. 

"I  must  talk  with  some  one,  Little  Mother,"  he 
said.  "Can  you  not  dress  yourself  and  come 
down?" 

"I  will  come  down  in  a  few  minutes,  Monsieur, " 
I  said. 

I  thought  it  must  be  that  something  terrible  had 
happened  to  Mademoiselle  Alice.  I  hurried  as 
fast  as  I  could.  While  I  was  dressing,  my  Pierrot 
opened  his  eyes.  When  he  saw  me,  he  held  out  his 
little  hands  to  me  and  said,  "  Da,  da. "  I  was  glad 
he  was  awake  because  it  made  me  feel  stronger. 
I  kissed  him  and  still  he  held  out  his  hands  to  me. 
Then  I  thought  that  if  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was 
in  trouble,  it  was  only  right  that  Pierrot  should 
come  with  me.  By  myself  I  was  nothing,  but 
with  my  son  perhaps  I  could  bring  comfort.  So  I 
wrapped  Pierrot  tight  in  a  blanket  and  came  down 
the  stairs  with  him. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  was  in  the  big  room  and 
342 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  343 

he  had  lighted  every  candle  he  could  find.  When 
he  saw  Pierrot,  he  said: 

"You  make  me  feel  ashamed.  You  bring  from 
bed  a  little  boy  not  yet  a  year  old  to  comfort  a 
big  man  nearing  forty. " 

1 '  He  desired  to  come, ' '  I  said.  ' '  He  held  out  his 
hands." 

"God  bless  him,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"He  is  more  of  a  man  to-day  than  twenty  men 
full  grown." 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  took  Pierrot  in  his  arms 
and  kissed  his  forehead  and  my  Pierrot  smiled  at 
him.  Even  in  the  middle  of  the  night  my  Pierrot 
smiled. 

"  Mademoiselle  Alice  is  not  ill?"  I  said. 

"No,  no,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "She 
is  not  ill.  But  she  told  me  to-night  that  in  three 
days  she  departs  for  America." 

"That  is  all?  "I  said. 

I  did  not  yet  know  what  this  meant  to  him.  He 
sat  down  in  a  chair,  holding  my  Pierrot  in  his  big 
arms. 

"That  is  all  it  means  to  you.  That  is  all  it 
means  to  everybody  else.  That  is  all  it  means 
even  to  her.  To  me  it  means  she  goes  forever. "__/ 

Then  he  said  in  a  low  voice: 

"  It  is  for  me  as  if  she  died. " 

"Oh,  Monsieur,"  I  said. 

"  It  is  the  end, "  he  said. 

"But  why  does  she  go?"  I  said. 

"Because  she  has  fear,"  he  said. 


344  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Fear  of  what,  Monsieur?" 

"Of  me." 

"I  do  not  understand,"  I  said. 

"No  more  do  I,"  he  said. 

Pierrot  reached  up  his  hand. 

"See,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "Pierrot 
has  no  fear  of  me  and  yet  she " 

He  did  not  finish.  He  rose  with  Pierrot  in  his 
arms  and  walked  back  and  forth. 

Now  Pierrot  did  not  go  to  sleep  again  as  usually 
he  did.  He  remained  awake,  and  whenever 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  looked  at  him  he  saw 
Pierrot  looking  back  into  his  eyes.  So  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  said  to  Pierrot : 
\  "Close  your  eyes,  my  child.  Sleep,  my  boy, 
and  leave  me  to  fight  my  own  fight  as  in  years  to 
come  you  must  fight  your  own  fights. " 

Then  my  Pierrot  looked  at  him  in  wonder  and 
then  he  smiled.  So  for  a  half -hour  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  walked  with  him  and  still  Pierrot  remained 
awake.  It  was  very  strange. 

Here  is  another  strange  thing.  While  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  walked  back  and  forth  and  Pierrot 
was  awake  in  his  arms  and  I  watched  those  two, 
Sport  came  into  the  room.  He  came  in  whining 
and  kissed  my  hand.  Then  he  followed  behind 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  still  whining. 

"What  is  it,  Sport?"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

Sport  wagged  his  tail  a  little  and  looked  up  at 
Pierrot. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  345 

"You  wish  to  see  Pierrot?"  said  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin. 

So  he  sat  down  and  Sport  came  to  his  side  and, 
still  whining,  kissed  the  hand  of  my  Pierrot.  And 
my  son  looked  at  that  dog  and  held  out  his  hand. 
But  he  did  not  smile.  My  Pierrot  did  not  smile. 
And  Sport  tried  to  leap  up  and  kiss  the  face  of 
my  Pierrot. 

"What  is  the  matter  with  you?"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  to  Sport. 

I  tell  this  just  as  it  happened. 


CHAPTER  LIV 

THE  next  morning  when  I  awoke,  my  Pierrot 
was  lying  beside  me  with  his  eyes  open,  but 
he  was  not  playing  with  his  feet  and  he  was  not 
laughing  and  he  did  not  say,  "Da,  da."  He  was 
only  looking.  The  sun  was  coming  in  through  the 
window  and  outside  the  birds  were  singing.  I 
leaned  over  quickly  and  kissed  my  Pierrot,  and  I 
thought  his  lips  were  hot  and  dry.  I  placed  him 
to  my  breast  and  for  a  moment  he  drank  and  then 
put  back  his  head  on  the  pillow.  He  did  not  cry. 
He  did  nothing  except  look  at  me. 

I  tried  to  make  him  laugh  because  never  before 
had  he  awakened  in  the  morning  without  laughing. 
I  kissed  him  on  his  ribs,  which  always  made  him 
laugh.  This  time  he  tried  so  hard  to  laugh.  When 
I  lifted  my  face  he  was  smiling,  but  it  was  a  smile 
that  frightened  me.  And  at  this  moment  I  heard 
Sport  scratching  at  the  door  to  come  in,  which  is 
something  he  never  did. 

"Pierrot,"  I  said,  "is  anything  wrong  with 
you?" 

I  felt  of  his  legs  and  of  his  body  and  they  did  not 
feel  very  warm,  but  they  felt  dry. 

All  this  time  the  sun  was  shining  into  the  room 
346 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  347 

and  the  birds  were  singing.  That  is  what  I  do  not 
understand.  The  world  outside  was  made  ready 
as  if  for  a  holiday.  So  I  thought  that  perhaps  my 
Pierrot  was  not  yet  awake  completely.  I  rose  in 
the  bed  to  my  knees  and  said  to  him: 

"Listen.     Is  it  that  I  hear  that  cuckoo?" 

I  looked  up  at  the  window  and  he  looked  also  at 
the  window.  Then  again  he  smiled  with  his  lips 
trembling. 

I  made  my  arms  wave  as  Gaston  did  when  he 
wished  to  imitate  that  cuckoo.  My  Pierrot  tried 
to  do  that  also,  but  he  waved  his  arms  feebly  and 
soberly. 

Then  I  thought  that  perhaps  my  Pierrot  was 
still  sleepy,  so  I  did  not  try  to  play  any  more  but 
took  him  in  my  arms  and  sang  to  him.  He  placed 
his  arms  about  my  neck  and  lay  very  quiet. 
Three  times  I  thought  he  slept,  but  he  did  not 
sleep.  I  saw  that  his  eyes  were  always  open. 

I  placed  him  to  my  breast  once  more  but  he  did 
not  have  hunger.  It  was  that  which  gave  me  more 
fear  than  anything.  And  yet,  as  I  say,  the  sun 
was  shining  brightly  and  the  birds  were  singing. 

I  leaped  from  bed  and  admitted  Sport.  That 
dog  went  at  once  to  the  bed  and  jumped  up.  Then 
he  lay  down  beside  Pierrot  and  kissed  his  little 
hand. 

I  dressed  at  once.  I  went  to  the  stairs  and  called 
Gaston.  He  came. 

"Gaston,"  I  said,  "I  do  not  understand  about 
Pierrot.  He  will  not  laugh. " 


348  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"Is  he  sick?"  said  Gaston. 

"  I  do  not  know.  He  does  not  cry.  But  he  will 
not  laugh. " 

"Well,  I  will  make  him  laugh,"  said  Gaston. 

So  Gaston  went  down  upon  his  hands  and 
knees.  Then  he  approached  the  bed  like  a 
lion. 

"Where  is  that  Pierrot?"  he  said.  "Where  is 
that  little  Pierrot  who  came  to  see  me  in  the 
woods?" 

Gaston  went  to  the  bed  like  this.  He  raised  his 
head  above  the  bed  until  he  saw  my  son.  Then 
Pierrot  looked  at  him  and  tried  again  to  smile  as 
he  had  tried  to  smile  at  me.  When  Gaston  saw 
this  and  saw  that  Pierrot  did  not  laugh  aloud,  he 
jumped  to  his  feet.  He  placed  his  hand  upon  the 
head  of  Pierrot.  He  turned  to  me. 

"  I  think  that  boy  has  a  fever, "  he  said. 

He  bent  over  Pierrot  and  kissed  his  hair.  Then 
he  came  to  me  with  his  face  very  serious. 

"If  I  were  you,  I  would  call  Doctor  Jambeau," 
he  said. 

"But  Pierrot  cannot  be  sick, "  I  said.  "Yester- 
day he  played  all  the  day,  and  see — the  sun  is 
shining." 

"I  thought  he  was  very  tired  last  night,"  said 
Gaston.  "I  would  call  Doctor  Jambeau." 

' '  Perhaps  it  is  his  teeth.  It  was  his  teeth  before, 
and  Doctor  Jambeau  did  not  like  it  because  I 
called  him  before  for  that." 

"Then  I  would  tell  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.'* 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  349 

"  He  has  so  much  trouble  already,  I  do  not  like 
to  do  that, "  I  said. 

"Perhaps  if  you  dressed  him  and  I  carried  him 
out  in  the  sun,  he  would  like  that,"  said  Gaston. 

I  went  to  the  bed  and  said  to  Pierrot: 

"Would  you  like  to  go  for  a  walk  with  Gaston?" 

Pierrot  held  out  his  hands. 

So  I  dressed  Pierrot.  He  did  not  play  while  I 
dressed  him  but  he  did  not  cry.  He  was  very 
brave  and  tried  to  help  me.  Twice  he  leaned  back 
against  me  as  if  tired.  Gaston  saw  that. 

"  I  will  carry  him  in  my  arms  and  perhaps  he  will 
sleep,"  said  Gaston. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  went  early  to  Nice  that 
day  and  I  said  nothing  to  him.  He  asked  me 
where  my  Pierrot  was  and  I  told  him  that  Pierrot 
had  gone  to  walk  with  Gaston.  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  said: 

"Tell  Pierrot  that  because  of  him  I  begin  the 
day  with  courage. " 

At  eleven  o'clock  my  Pierrot  slept  in  the  arms  of 
Gaston.  He  slept  until  ten  minutes  after  one. 
After  that  he  drank  some  water  but  he  did  not 
desire  his  dinner. 

We  had  talked  of  going  to  the  sea-shore  that 
afternoon,  but  when  Lucille  came  I  thought  it  was 
better  if  we  remained  in  the  house.  So  we  re- 
mained in  the  house  and  I  held  Pierrot  in  my  arms 
until  six  o'clock.  Gaston  and  Lucille  sat  beside 
me. 

All  this  time  my  Pierrot  was  very  quiet.    He 


350  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

ate  nothing,  but  he  drank  much  water.  It  was  not 
until  after  six  that  I  saw  that  Pierrot  had  some 
difficulty  when  he  breathed.  It  was  then  Gaston 
said  to  me: 

"  I  am  going  at  once  to  call  Doctor  Jambeau. " 

"Yes,"  I  said,  "I  think  that  would  be  well." 

So  Gaston  went,  leaving  Pierrot  with  Lucille 
and  me.  From  that  moment  my  Pierrot  grew 
worse.  He  began  to  cry  a  little.  Also  he  began 
to  cough  a  dry,  hard  cough.  Lucille  knelt  by  my 
side  and  prayed.  I  said  to  Lucille: 

"You  had  better  run  after  Gaston  and  bid  him 
tell  Doctor  Jambeau  to  hasten." 

So  Lucille  ran  out  of  the  room.  After  this  my 
Pierrot  found  it  more  difficult  to  breathe  every 
second.  It  was  as  if  someone  were  choking  him. 
I  became  faint. 

I  remember  that  Doctor  Jambeau  and  Gaston 
and  Lucille  ran  into  the  room  together. 

At  eleven  o'clock  that  night  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  returned.  I  was  kneeling  at  the  foot  of  the 
bed.  Doctor  Jambeau  was  there  as  he  had  been 
ever  since  he  came.  I  heard  him  whisper  some- 
thing to  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  Then  I  saw 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin  raise  his  hand  as  if  to  strike 
Doctor  Jambeau.  Then  I  heard  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  say  this: 

"Damn  you,  Jambeau — save  him!  You  must 
save  him,  Jambeau." 

That  cry  is  in  my  ears  forever. 


CHAPTER  LV 

WHEN  the  sun  came  up  the  next  morning 
and  the  birds  began  to  sing,  my  Pierrot 
was  gone.  It  was  like  that.  He  was  taken  as  a 
rosebud  is  plucked.  In  one  week  more  he  would 
have  been  one  year  old.  He  went  while  the  sun 
was  shining  and  the  birds  were  singing.  After  he 
had  gone,  his  face  was  calm.  It  was  as  if  he  slept. 
I  thought  Doctor  Jambeau  had  made  a  mistake 
and  that  my  son  only  slept.  There  was  colour 
in  his  cheeks  and  he  lay  upon  his  back  as  if  asleep. 

Well,  it  was  not  true.     He  had  gone. 

He  was  in  his  clothes  as  I  had  dressed  him  that 
morning.  It  was  as  if  he  were  taking  a  nap  before 
going  with  Gaston  and  Lucille  and  me. 

This  came  all  in  one  day. 


351 


CHAPTER  LVI 

IT  is  easy  enough — it  is  too  easy — to  remember 
the  terrible  things.  I  do  not  wish  to  write  of 
such  things.  My  Pierrot  was  a  Pierrot  of  glad- 
ness, and  it  is  that  alone  I  wish  to  remember.  It  is 
the  little  acts  of  my  Pierrot  which  brought  happi- 
ness to  everyone,  of  which  I  have  told.  And  now 
in  telling  about  my  Pierrot  after  he  has  gone,  it  is 
still  those  things  I  wish  to  remember. 

Even  when  my  Pierrot  lay  in  my  room  upstairs 
as  if  asleep,  but  cold  and  without  power  to  smile, 
many  beautiful  things  happened.  I  sat  by  the 
side  of  my  Pierrot  and  held  his  hand.  His  little 
fingers  were  closed.  I  held  his  hand  and  prayed 
the  good  God  to  permit  me  to  go  with  my  Pierrot. 
It  was  not  because  my  son  was  gone  that  I  felt 
grief.  It  was  because  my  son  had  gone  without 
me.  He  had  gone  on  a  long  journey  without  his 
mother.  Even  if  he  was  with  God,  I  knew  that 
my  Pierrot  had  need  of  his  mother  to  care  for 
him. 

While  I  sat  like  this,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
came  in.  He  knelt  at  my  feet  and  placed  his 
head  in  my  lap  and  wept  like  a  little  boy.  I 
placed  my  hand  upon  his  head. 

353 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  353 

"It  is  my  fault,  Little  Mother,"  he  said.  "  It  is 
all  my  fault.  If  I  had  not  taken  him  from  his 
bed!  Oh,  my  God,  if  I  had  not  taken  him  from 
his  bed  that  night ! " 

"  Do  not  say  that,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin, "  I  said. 

But  he  said  that  over  and  over  again  and  could 
think  of  nothing  else.  Then  I  said  to  him: 

"Do  you  think  his  father  will  be  waiting  for 
Pierrot?" 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  raised  his  head  and 
looked  into  my  eyes. 

"  I  am  sure  of  that, "  he  said. 

I  felt  better  when  I  thought  of  this. 

"Pierre  will  take  the  hand  of  Pierrot  and  show 
him  where  to  go?" 

"Yes,  yes,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 
"Pierre  will  do  that." 

"And  perhaps  for  him  the  hand  of  my  Pierrot 
will  be  warm, "  I  said. 

As  for  me,  though  I  held  the  little  fingers  of  my 
Pierrot  tight  within  mine,  they  remained  cold. 

"Pierrot  has  only  gone  from  his  mother  to  his 
father,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "But  for 
the  rest  of  us " 

"Perhaps  you  have  friends  in  Heaven,"  I  said. 
"I  think  Pierrot  will  find  them." 

"Perhaps  Pierrot  will  find  my  mother,"  said 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

"Perhaps  also  he  will  find  my  mother,"  I  said. 

"So  you  see  he  has  friends — that  Pierrot.  He 
has  friends  wherever  he  goes. " , 

.    S3 


354  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

"See,"  I  said.  "The  sun  is  shining  and  the 
birds  are  singing  as  if  Pierrot  still  lived. " 

"That  is  because  he  lives  in  the  hearts  of  us  all," 
said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  "But  if  only  he 
could  place  his  arms  about  my  neck  once!  Just 
once  more,  Little  Mother!" 

It  was  then  I  looked  up  and  saw  Mademoiselle 
Alice  in  the  room.  She  came  swiftly  to  the  side 
of  Monsieur  Jack  Martin.  She  knelt  and  placed 
her  arms  about  his  neck  as  my  Pierrot  would  have 
done  had  it  been  possible. 

"Jack,"  she  said. 

Then  he  turned  and  placed  his  arm  about  her 
and  when  he  did  that,  Mademoiselle  Alice  looked 
into  my  eyes.  Then  I  saw  a  look  there  which 
would  have  pleased  my  Pierrot.  And  it  was  as  if 
she  praised  my  Pierrot.  She  reached  for  my  hand 
and  as  she  held  it,  it  was  as  if  she  said: 

"Little  Mother,  it  is  through  Pierrot  I  have 
found  my  love. " 

After  a  little  she  raised  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  to 
his  feet. 

"  Let  us  leave  Little  Mother  with  her  son, "  she 
said. 

So,  you  see,  my  Pierrot  was  not  altogether  dead 
even  then. 

But  though  the  sun  came  through  the  window 
upon  his  face  where  he  lay,  it  could  not  warm  the 
lips  of  my  Pierrot. 

M on  Dieu — not  even  the  sun  could  do  that ! 


CHAPTER  LVII 

CATHER  JOSEPH  said  to  me  this: 

"You  must  not  forget  that  in  Heaven  there 
is  the  good  Mary — the  Mother  of  us  all.  You 
must  not  forget  that  She  also  had  a  son — her  only- 
begotten  son — and  that  He  also  died.  But  also 
He  rose  again  and  so  also  your  son  shall  rise  again, 
and  Mary  will  be  there  to  receive  him. " 

I  was  glad  to  know  this  and  I  was  glad  to  know 
also  that  Pierre  would  be  there  and  also  that  my 
own  mother  and  the  mother  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  would  be  there  to  receive  my  son.  They 
would  see  how  wonderful  and  beautiful  Pierrot  was 
and  would  care  for  him.  But  even  then  there 
were  so  many  things  about  my  Pierrot  that  I 
knew  and  which  I  was  afraid  they  would  not  know. 
There  were  little  things  about  his  bath  and  about 
his  clothes  which  they  did  not  know.  My  Pierrot 
liked  the  water  at  a  certain  temperature.  And  he 
liked  the  little  dress  which  I  put  upon  him  at  the 
end.  If  only  he  could  take  with  him  also  his 
playthings!  There  was  the  doll,  made  of  a  stick, 
which  Jean  gave  him  and  which  Pierrot  liked. 
There  was  the  rubber  ball  which  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  gave  him.  This  always  slipped  from  his 

355 


356  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

fingers  and  then  he  would  search  and  search  until 
he  found  it.  All  those  things  I  placed  beside  my 
Pierrot. 

I  do  not  wish  to  tell  of  the  grief  of  anyone.  I 
wish  to  tell  only  of  the  beautiful  things.  So  I 
write  down  here  what,  at  the  end,  was  given  to  my 
Pierrot. 

From  Mademoiselle  Alice  and  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin  there  were  roses — many,  many  roses. 

From  Lucille — shells  from  the  sea-shore,  gath- 
ered where  we  used  to  sit. 

From  Gaston — pine  boughs  from  the  cuckoo 
place. 

From  Doctor  Jambeau — a  garland  of  roses. 

From  the  Count  and  Countess  de  Beauchamp — 
violets. 

From  Jean  and  Madame  Lacroix — wild  flowers, 
gathered  in  the  field  by  Jean. 

From  Antonin — a  garland  of  olive  leaves  made 
by  himself. 

These  I  remember  among  the  others,  but  there 
were  many  more.  I  think  everyone  in  the  village 
of  Beaulieu  sent  flowers  of  some  kind  to  my  Pierrot. 

Monsieur  Jack  Martin  ordered  the  church  bells 
to  be  rung  and  he  desired  the  prayers  to  be  said 
at  the  Villa.  After  this  those  who  wished  went 
with  me  and  my  Pierrot  to  the  grave. 

The  sun  was  still  shining  as  we  walked  through 
the  village.  I  did  not  walk  behind  my  Pierrot 
but  by  his  side  as  I  would  if  he  lived.  By  my  side 
walked  Sport. 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  357 

Behind  me  walked  Mademoiselle  Alice  and 
Monsieur  Jack  Martin. 

Behind  them  walked  Lucille  and  Gaston  and 
Madame  Battaille. 

Behind  them  walked  Antonin. 

Behind  him  walked  Jean  and  Madame  La- 
croix. 

Behind  them  walked  Doctor  Jambeau. 

Behind  him  walked  the  Count  and  Countess  of 
Beauchamp. 

Behind  them  walked  Monsieur  Tupin. 

Behind  him  came  many  from  the  village. 

I  turned  and  saw  them  all  and  it  made  me  very 
proud.  I  forgot  everything  except  that  here  was 
my  Pierrot  beside  me  and  all  the  world  walking 
behind  him  to  pay  their  respects.  If  he  had  been 
a  Prince,  none  would  have  loved  him  more.  If 
he  had  been  a  Prince,  none  could  have  done  him 
greater  honour.  It  made  me  very  proud  of  him. 
I  thought  then  that  even  if  he  had  lived  and  become 
a  great  judge,  or  a  noble  soldier,  or  a  great  banker, 
or  even  a  beautiful  man  from  Yale,  these  people 
could  not  have  loved  him  more.  He  would  have 
been  just  Pierrot  even  then.  It  was  this  which 
made  me  so  proud  for  him  that  it  gave  me  strength* 
I  did  not  weep.  My  legs  were  strong  beneath  me. 
I  was  able  to  look  everyone  in  the  eye.  Pierrot 
was  gone,  but  still  he  was  my  wonderful  baby — 
my  wonderful  son — and  all  these  people  came  to 
honour  him. 

I  remember,  as  I  say,  two  things:  that  the  sun 


358  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

continued  to  shine  and  that  all  these  people  came 
with  my  Pierrot  and  me  to  the  grave. 

Father  Joseph  said  a  prayer.  I  do  not  remem- 
ber what  it  was.  When  they  lowered  my  Pierrot 
into  the  ground,  I  felt  they  were  burying  a  soldier. 
I  felt  like  the  mother  of  a  soldier. 

But  it  was  different  when  all  those  people 
turned  to  go. 

Then  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  to  me  and 
said: 

"Come,  Little  Mother." 

It  was  then  my  heart  came  near  to  breaking.  I 
remember  that  I  fell  to  the  ground. 

"  Go, "  I  said.     "  Leave  me  alone  with  my  son. ' ' 

For  them  this  was  the  end,  but  for  me  it  was 
only  the  beginning.  All  the  others  were  going 
away  to  leave  my  Pierrot.  I  remember  how  my 
heart  ached.  I  remember  how  I  clutched  the 
ground,  burning  with  the  desire  to  feel  again 
about  my  neck  the  warm  arms  of  Pierrot. 


CHAPTER  LVIII 

I  HAVE  written  many  things  about  my  Pierrot, 
but  I  have  not  written  one-half  of  all  the  things 
I  remember.  At  first  I  was  afraid  I  might  forget, 
and  that  is  why  I  wrote.  But  I  find  I  do  not 
forget.  And  I  see  that  what  I  thought  was  the 
end  was  not  the  end. 

It  was  not  even  the  end  for  the  others.  One 
morning  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  came  to  me  and 
said: 

"  Little  Mother,  I  do  not  know  if  in  your  grief 
you  desire  to  hear  about  the  happiness  of  others. " 

"  I  am  glad  to  hear  because  I  know  Pierrot  would 
be  glad, "  I  said. 

"Yes,"  said  Monsieur  Jack  Martin,  "I  think 
Pierrot  would  be  glad  to  know  of  this.  I  think  he 
is  glad.  It  is  through  him  this  happiness  came  to 
me  and  I  believe  he  knows  even  now  about  it. " 

"You  are  going  to  tell  me  that  Mademoiselle 
Alice  has  come  to  love  you,  Monsieur?" 

"Yes,  Little  Mother,"  he  said. 

"  I  am  very  glad,  Monsieur, "  I  said. 

"This  is  what  she  said  to  me,  Little  Mother: 
4 1  have  seen  you  humble.  I  never  wish  to  see 
you  humble  again,  but  it  was  necessary  to  see 

359 


360  One  Year  of  Pierrot 

you  so  once  to  know  it  is  possible  for  you  to  be 
humble.'  Oh,  Little  Mother,  I  shall  be  humble 
all  the  rest  of  my  life. " 

"I  do  not  think  that,  Monsieur,"  I  said.  "I 
do  not  think  Pierrot  would  know  you  if  you  were 
humble." 

1 '  I  miss  him,  Little  Mother.  I  miss  him  day  and 
night.  Her  love  came  just  in  time. " 

"  I  am  very  glad, "  I  said. 

"But  you  must  share  it,  Little  Mother,"  he 
said.  "  We  have  talked  of  that.  We  both  desire 
that.  We  desire  you  to  be  with  us  always  as 
Pierrot  will  be  with  us  always. " 

"  I  do  not  know, "  I  said. 

1 '  Yes, ' '  he  said.     ' '  There  is  no  other  way. ' ' 

I  was  glad  to  hear  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  speak 
like  this  because  he  was  like  himself  once  more. 

"We  are  to  be  married  here  in  Beaulieu.  Then 
we  return  to  America  for  the  summer  and  come 
back  here  for  the  winter.  You  must  come. " 

" I  cannot  leave  my  Pierrot, "  I  said.  "I  cannot 
leave  him  here. " 

When  I  said  that,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  turned 
away.  I  saw  the  tears  in  his  eyes.  Then  he  said: 

"I  understand.  It  shall  be  as  you  wish.  You 
shall  remain  here  and  care  for  the  Villa  until  we 
return.  You  will  do  that  ? ' ' 

"  It  is  very  good  of  you  to  permit  me  to  do  that," 
I  said. 

All  that  night  I  dreamed  of  Pierrot  and  he 
smiled  at  me.  He  smiled  as  he  had  not  smiled 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


since  he  went.  It  was  so  real  that  in  the  morning 
when  I  awoke,  I  lay  very  quiet  with  my  eyes 
closed,  waiting  to  feel  his  legs  against  me  and 
waiting  to  hear  him  say  "  Da,  Da. " 


CHAPTER  LIX 

IN  the  month  of  April,  which  was  the  month  in 
which  my  Pierrot  was  born  and  the  month  in 
which  he  died,  Monsieur  Jack  Martin  and  Made- 
moiselle Alice  were  married.  Also  Gaston  and 
Lucille  were  married  in  this  month.  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin  went  at  once  to  Havre  to  sail  for 
America  and  he  requested  Gaston  and  Lucille  to 
live  in  the  Villa  with  me.  Gaston  was  very  glad 
to  do  this  because  he  had  found  work  in  the  rose 
garden  of  Monsieur  Angoul,  which  was  near. 

It  was  then  that  I  began  to  write  every  day  of 
what  happened  the  year  before  on  that  day. 
Now  I  have  come  to  the  end  of  those  days.  If 
my  Pierrot  had  lived,  he  would  be  two  years 
old  this  month. 

In  this  last  year  nothing  has  happened  to  me, 
but  many  things  have  happened  to  others.  One 
day  Jean  came  to  me  and  said: 

"  I  have  something  to  ask  you. " 

"What  is  it?"  I  said. 

"  If  it  is  a  boy  I  desire  and  Madame  desires  to 
name  him  Pierrot.  Have  we  your  permission?  " 

"  It  is  not  for  me  to  say,  Jean, "  I  said. 
362 


One  Year  of  Pierrot  363 

"Yes,  yes,"  said  Jean.  "It  is  for  you  alone  to 
say." 

44  Jean, "  I  said,  "  I  do  not  know.  There  is  only 
one  Pierrot.  It  is  not  possible  to  have  another 
Pierrot." 

"  All  right,  Little  Mother, "  said  Jean. 

But  as  it  came  about,  it  was  a  girl  which  was 
born  to  Jean  and  Madame.  It  is  a  beautiful  little 
girl. 

Then  in  December,  when  Monsieur  Jack  Martin 
returned  he  came  with  me  one  day  to  the  side  of 
Pierrot.  When  we  were  leaving,  he  took  my  arm. 

"  I  have  something  to  tell  you,  Little  Mother, " 
he  said. 

I  looked  into  his  face  and  saw  how  wonderful  it 
was. 

"  I  understand, "  I  said. 

"You  understand  everything,"  said  Monsieur 
Jack  Martin.  "But  as  for  me,  I  understand 
nothing  of  this.  It  is  like  a  miracle. " 

"  It  will  be  soon?  "  I  said. 

"  In  April,  we  think, "  he  said. 

"  Everything  comes  in  April, "  I  said. 

"Oh,  Little  Mother, "  he  said,  "every  day  life  is 
beginning.  I  wish  you  to  love  this  little  one  as  if 
he  were  Pierrot.  And  I  have  something  to  ask  of 
you.  If  it  is  a  boy,  I  wish  to  call  him  Pierrot. " 

"But  he  will  not  be  Pierrot,  Monsieur,"  I 
said. 

"  Much  of  him  will  be  Pierrot.  He  will  live  be- 
cause of  Pierrot.  He  will  be  a  brother  of  Pierrot." 


One  Year  of  Pierrot 


"Yes,  he  will  be  like  a  brother  of  Pierrot,"  I 
said.  "But  he  will  not  be  Pierrot  himself." 

"I  desire  to  call  him  Jack  Pierrot  Martin,"  he 
said. 

So  that  is  the  name  of  the  son  of  Monsieur  Jack 
Martin.  He  was  born  last  April.  He  is  a  beauti- 
ful baby  but  he  is  not  like  Pierrot.  But  I  am  very- 
glad  there  is  so  much  for  me  to  do  every  day  for 
that  baby. 

Every  morning,  at  the  time  my  Pierrot  used  to 
wake  and  call  "  Da,  Da, "  I  go  to  where  my  Pierrot 
lies  sleeping  to  carry  to  him  a  rose  which  Gaston 
plucks  for  me.  It  makes  me  very  happy  to  do  this 
and  very  proud  also  because  when  I  pass  through 
the  village,  I  hear  people  say  this: 

"There  goes  the  mother  of  Pierrot." 


THE  END 


CAMBRIDGE  .  MASSACHUSETTS 
U   .   S   .  A 


000787  127     0 


